Title: Casting Call Author: J Description: Under a renewed threat of flute lessons, Daria is forced to join an extracurricular. What does the School Anti-Spirit club talk her into doing? find out. Authors note: This is my third fanfic. For the sake of continuity, I suggest you read "Damien's Day at Lawndale Hell" and "No More Deviants." And, as always, Send all comments to: Kain1330@aol.com DISCLAIMER: Daria and all its characters are © MTV, a division of Viacom entertainment. Daria and all her cohorts (except for the Kinsingtons) were created by Glenn Eichler and Susie Lewis. The Kinsingtons were created and are © 2000 by James "J" Clark. Use of the Kinsingtons without express permission of the author for the purpose of turning a profit is strictly prohibited. And if I find out that someone IS using these characters without permission, well, I'll let you use your imagination on that one. Also: Be sure to read for satanic messages. One final note before we begin, Hey Yui, You want More? Here ya go On that note: Begin Title Sequence Title Appears over red backround Daria in "Casting Call" Fade in EXT: Morgandorffer house, night CUT TO: Interior. The family is seated around the dinner table. Quinn is rambling on about her dating schedule, as usual. Quinn: So then Steve asked me out, but Thomas asked me first, and he has, like, this REALLY cute second cousin. So I was gonna go out with him, but then I found out that Stacy went out with him, and I CAN'T go out with someone that Stacy went out with. So now I only have five dates for friday. But I only have time for one that night and I can't decide. Daria: I know what Solomon would suggest, and I would be more than happy to carry it out. Helen sighs, then turns to Daria Helen: And how was your day Daria? Daria: (sighs) Mom, You already know what I'm gonna say, so why do you keep asking? Helen: It's just that...well...There's something that we would like to talk to you about. Daria: Using the "Royal We", I assume? Helen sighs, then looks to Jake, who is reading the paper, for back up Jake: (grins) Hee, Hee, that Andy Capp Helen sighs again Helen: Well, What I'm trying to say is that...We think it's high time you expanded your circle of friends. Daria: Why do I get the feeling that I won't like where this is headed? Helen:(continuing) I mean after all, You only hang out with Jane, and we think you should interact with more people. It would be good for your sanity. Daria: Mom, I'm one step ahead of you. In fact, I've already expanded that to four. Helen: (exited) Really, who? Daria: Damien, Darren, and Miranda (pause) Kinsington. Helen scowls, trying to hide a look of moderate jealousy. Helen: Well, have you ever thought of expanding it even further, like... Daria: Quinn? Helen: Well...yeah Daria: Mom, she doesn't have friends, she has sycophants. At least I treat my friends like friends. Helen: I just think that you should get out of the house more often. Now, have you ever given any thought to extracurriculars? Daria: Don't we have this discussion every other week. Helen: Well, I just think you should. It would get you out of the house. And you have too much potential to waste by just sitting around. It's not good for your mental health. Besides, you might make a friend or two. Daria: O.k., how 'bout this. I'll join an extracurricular, if you get a hobby. Helen: How 'bout you join an extracurricular, or we send you back to Mr. Davis Daria looks absolutely shocked. Jake: Hey, that's a great idea. (Gets a little angry, turns to Daria) How come you don't play your flute anymore? Daria: Dad, you already asked me that before. Jake: (pause) Oh (and he goes back to reading the paper.) Daria turns to Helen Daria: Didn't we agree last time that we wouldn't bring that up? Helen: (rather smugly) I don't remember that. Daria glares at Helen for a couple beats, then sighs CUT TO: Ext Lawndale High. a bell rings. Scene 2: a hallway at Lawndale High. Daria, Jane, Damien, and Miranda are walking down it Music: Privilege by Incubus Daria: So now I have to either join something, or play "The wheels on the bus go Round and Round" to the point of suicide. Miranda: Aren't you 18? Daria: Not for a couple more months. Miranda: Oh, pisser Daria: Yeah Jane: Well, let's ask the queen of extracurriculars herself. Maybe she'll tell you what's available Jodie walks up. Jodie: Did I just hear you say you want to join something? Daria: (Deadpan) Yes, I'm hereby renouncing all my principles I once held dear and becoming a joiner. Jodie: That's great. What led to the change of heart? Daria: Did anyone make you play "Pop Goes the Weasel" on the flute everyday for a year? Jodie: Violin. anyway, that's great. (points to a bulletin board) Well, all the signup sheets are over there, go nuts Daria: Too late Our heroes walk over and examine the signup sheets. Jane: How 'bout the Lowdown? Daria: Well, I might get to print that essay on Ms. Li's brave new world. Damien: Well, if you wanted to get it anywhere near Li, you would have to have Jodie do it. Jane: And think of what would happen when Ms Li reads it. Miranda: Yeah, self editing my arse. Fencing team? Jane: I don't think they'll let you remove the rubber tip. Daria: Damn Miranda: Young Optimists soceity? They all stare at her. Miranda: Erm, Right. Damien taps Daria on the shoulder and points to one of the sheets. Daria: Drama Horizons? Miranda: Actually, that might not be so bad. Daria: Requires facial expressions. Jane: It'll probably be the biggest embarassment to Ms. Li in years Miranda: How do you figure? Jane: It's run by O'Neill, and he thinks Kevin is an actor. Damien: Good point Daria: No Miranda: You'll get firsthand account of the complete destruction of Shakespeare's greatest and darkest tragedy, and the smearing of his name and reputation for years to come. Daria: No Damien: Darren and I already signed up. Daria: N... What?! Damien: (Embarrassed) Sorry, it's just that (pause) we're a family of drama geeks and this is Shakespeare. I mean this is like candy to us Daria just frowns. Damien: Besides, what other school sponsored activity teaches you how to use power tools, how to pick locks, and how to make coffee that will wake the dead. Daria: (after a long pause, holds out her hand) Pen? CUT TO: EXT. Morgandorffer house, night (dog si ernobsO yzzO) Scene 3: Morgandorffer house. living room. Helen, Jake, and Daria are sitting on the couch. Quinn is complaining Music: "What's my age again" by Blink 182 Quinn: So then she had to go and sign up for "Othello." You can't let her. My popularity is at stake Daria: Quinn, when I breathe, you think your popularity is at stake Quinn: See! Even she knows. Daria glares at Quinn Helen: I think it's wonderful. A play can be the best way for you to break out of your shell. Quinn screams in disgust and storms out of the room. Daria: I'm surprised, normally this would be when you tell me how this will look good on college transcripts. Helen: We thought we would give you a break this time, sweetie Daria: Thanks. Helen: (after a pause) So, when's the audition Daria: Tomorrow Jake: Well, good luck kiddo Daria and Helen stare at Jake Daria: (Suprised) You were actually listening? Jake: (Apologetically) Well, I don't have the paper with me. COMMERCIAL BREAK Stinger: Daria holding her hand out, asking for a pen. FADE IN: EXT. Lawndale High Music: "Crushed" by Limp Bizkit Scene 4: The audition Stacy walks up to Sandi and Quinn Stacy: (Exited) I just, like, want to wish you both good luck Sandi: Like, thanks, I guess Quinn: Yeah, whatever. CUT TO: Later that day Everyone's practicing for their audition. Sandi: Like, if I were left behind, a moth of peace. And he go to war, Why, I'd be like really sad and stuff CUT TO: Quinn and the 3 J's Quinn: Could you guys, like, help me with my audition? Joey: I will Jeffy: I will Jamie: I will Jeffy: No you won't Joey: Neither will you, I'm the one who will do it They start fighting CUT TO: Upchuck Upchuck: Mmmm, Happiness to their Sheets CUT TO: Kevin Kevin: Like, Something from Cyprus, as I may divine. Hey Mack Daddy, this Cassio dude is, like, a god! Offscreen, Mack just groans CUT TO: Brittney, who is twirling one of her pigtails around her finger Brittney: Oh Pal-o-mine, Who, who, who... CUT TO: O'Neill O'Neill: Um, Let's begin. CUT TO: Quinn's Audition. Quinn is trying out for Desdemona. Stacy is playing Emilia. Joey is playing Cassio. Quinn: Be thou assured, good Cassio, I will do all my abilities on thy behalf. Stacy: Good madam, I warrant it grieves my husband as if the cause were his. Quinn: O, that's an honest fellow! Do not doubt, Cassio, but I will have my lord and you again as friendly as you were. Joey: Thanks Quinn. So, Chez Pierre tonight? CUT TO: Sandi's audition. Sandi is trying out for Desdemona, Upchuck is playing Brabantio Sandi: (Woefully underacting) And so much duty as my mother showed to you, prefering you before her father, So much I challenge that I may profess due the moor, my lord. Upchuck: Well, I'll let you go if you do me some "favors," Mmmm Sandi: Keep dreaming Upchuck. (She punches him in the face and leaves) CUT TO: Daria's audition. Mack is trying out for Othello, Daria is trying out for Emilia. Miranda is playing Desdemona Mack: Zounds (he storms offstage) Daria: (sarcastically) Is not this man jealous? Miranda: (confused and scared) I ne'er saw this before. Sure, there's some wonder in this hankerchief! I am most unhappy in the loss of it. Daria: (sarcastically, slightly angry) Tis not a year or two shows us a man. They're all but stomachs and we are but food. They eat us hungerly and when they are full, they belch us CUT TO: O'Neill O'Neill: Very Good Daria! Next we have Darren and (Looks at his sheet) Um...Damien. (To himself) Well, we might make him an extra or something. Miranda and Darren glare daggers at O'Neill CUT TO: Damien and Darren's audition. They are trying out for Iago and Cassio, respectively. They're both sitting on the edge of the stage. Darren signs the last word of his lines to cue Damien. Damien pulls off his audition perfectly Damien: (With a "Stop Complaining" look to him) Come come, Good wine is a good familiar creature if it be well used. Exclaim no more against it. And, good Lieutenant, I think, you think, I love you. Kevin: (Offscreen) Whoa, Mack Daddy, Did you hear that?! (Darren stops, looking annoyed) Mack: (annoyed) That's not what you think it is, and don't call me that. Kevin: hey babe, did you hear that Brittney: Yeah. Darren: (continuing after they shut up) I have well approved it, sir. I drunk Damien: You or any man living may be drunk ar a time. (Pause) I'll tell you what you shall do. Our general's wife is now the general: I may say so in this respect, for that he hath devoted and given up himself to the contemplation, mark, and denotement of her parts and graces. Confess yourself freely to her. Importune her to help put you in your place again. She is of so free, so kind, so apt, so blessed a disposition she holds it a vice in her goodness not to do more than she is requested. This broken joint between you and her husband, entreat her to splinter. And, my fortunes against any law worth naming, this crack of your love shall grow stronger than it was before. Darren: You advise me well. Damien: I protest in the sincerity of love and honest kindness. Darren hugs Damien. Damien's face goes from happy to a scowl. Darren lets go and Damien's face turns back to happiness. Darren: I think it freely; and betimes in the morning I will beseech the virtuous Desdemona to undertake for me. I am desperate of my fortunes if they check me here. Damien: You are in the right. Good night, Lieutenant. I must to the watch. Darren: Good night, Honest Iago Darren leaves the stage. Damien watches him go, an annoyed look is on his face. He then turns to the audience Damien: And what's he, then, that says I play the villain, (shrugs) When this advice is free I give, and honest. Probal to thinking and indeed, the course to win the moor again. For 'tis most easy. Th' inclining Desdemona to subdue in any honest suit. She's framed as fruitful as the free elements. And then for her to win the moor-were't to renounce his baptism, all seals and symbols of redeemèd sin-His soul is so (pause a beat) enfettered to her love that she may make, unmake, do what she list, even as her appitite shall play the god with his weak function. How am I then a villain? To council Cassio to this parallel course directly to his good? (Pause a beat, his face turns slightly evil) Divinity of hell! When devils will their blackest sins put on, they do suggest at first with heveanly shows, as I do now. For while this honest fool plies Desdemona to repair his fortune, and she for him pleads strongly to the moor, I will pour this pestilance into his ear that she repeals him for her body's lust. And by how much she strives to do him good, she shall undo her credit with the moor. So shall I turn her virtue into pitch, and out of her own goodness make the net that shall enmesh them all. He stays on stage for a couple more beats, giving to audience a look of pure evil, then exits. CUT TO: O'Neill. He looks absolutely stunned and VERY impressed. The other students start clapping. O'Neill: Very Good Damien. Damien goes to sit down. Jane: That was amazing! Darren: You think that was good? You should have seen him in "Tartuffe" last year. Miranda: We have the video, want to see it? Damien: No you don't. CUT TO: EXT. Kinsington house, which is a HUGE, very modern building. Night Scene 5: Kinsington house living room. Daria, Jane, Darren, Damien, Miranda, and Tom are laying on the floor in the middle of a large living room. They are watching Damien's performance in Tartuffe on a big screen T.V. Miranda is petting one of their German Sheppards, who is laying on top of her. Another Dog is laying on the couch behind them. Tom: Hey, this is pretty good. Jane: Yeah, why did you decide to go into acting? Damien: (shrugs) Just something to do. I was tired of sitting on my ass after school. Darren: You should have seen his face when he found out that he got the title roll in this. Daria: I can imagine. At least I won't have to worry about getting the lead Miranda: Actually, I wouldn't be so sure, Your audition was pretty good. Daria looks at her, then tries to change the subject Daria: What are your dog's names anyway? Miranda: This is Romie, the one on the couch is Kiersten, and the third one is Wowbagger the Infinately prolonged. Daria stares at her Miranda: Read the "Increasingly Inaccurately Named 'Hitchhikers Trilogy.'" Daria: Ah Suddenly, the Lights start flickering on and off. They all look behind them CUT TO: Mara Kinsington, who takes her hand off the light switch. She has her briefcase in one hand and a backpack in the other. She looks very tired. Darren: Oh, hello mother. How was London? Mara: The expert I was supposed to talk to wasn't very forthcoming. But I must tell you, Harry Beck was a genius. Daria: What? Mara: Well... FLASHBACK: Mara is walking down Great Portland Street, London. A stereotypical american tourist (Hawaiian shirt, Khaki shorts, expensive camera around his neck, beer gut, etc.) walks up to her and starts speaking to her like she speaks little english. Tourist: EXCUSE ME, DO YOU KNOW HOW TO GET TO REGENT'S PARK? Mara: (deadpan) Excuse me? Tourist: DO YOU KNOW WHERE I CAN FIND REGENT'S PARK Mara looks at the camera, her face has a "What the F---" look to it. she turns around and looks at the man Mara: Let's see, we're at Great Portland Street now...Know what? You'll probably want to take the underground for that. Here's what I would do: Take the Circle Line in the direction of Baker Street. Get off at the next stop. Then get on the Bakerloo line going in the direction of Elephant and Castle. The next stop after Baker's Street is Regent's park. Tourist: THANK YOU (He and his wife walk into the entrance to the station) Mara continues to walk, laughing to herself. She runs into another, young, American, who meekly asks her. Other Tourist (OT): Um, excuse me, can you help me figure out this underground map. Mara: Where are you going? OT: Regent's Park? Mara: (Pointing across the street, smirking) Just cross the street. Don't bother with the underground, That'll take you at least a good twenty minutes. The OT looks across the street, then back to her. OT: (looking relieved) Oh. Um, thanks Cut back to present. Darren and Miranda are laughing Miranda: You're evil Mara: I know. So, what's new here? Damien: Daria, Darren, and I tried out for Othello Mara: Oh, lovely. Who's directing? Daria: O'Neill Mara: Ooh, I'm sorry, Well, I'm going to bed. Night everyone All: Night Daria: (to Miranda) So, you really think I might get a major role? Darren: I wouldn't bet against it Daria: (to herself) Damn COMMERCIAL BREAK: Stinger: Split screen of Damien giving the audiance an evil look/O'Neill looking impressed. Scene 6: Lawndale High Our Heroes are walking down a hall. Music: "Everything You Want" by Vertical Horizon Daria: So where did they say the cast list was gonna be? Jane: I think he said outside the Ticket Booth. They all arrive at the ticket booth, where there is already a crowd. Sandi: (faux happiness) Like, I'm so happy you got the part of Desdemona, Quinn Quinn: That's funny, I thought you would get it for sure. Sandi: (arrogantly, of course) Yes, well, I thought you wouldn't want to be in theatre. Especally after what Jeffy did to you during the "Canterbury Tales" Quinn glares at Sandi CUT TO: Our Heroes. Daria: Well, we know who's the ingenue Miranda: You mean the brainless, bubbleheaded flake who spends the play sucking up to some wimpy guy? (Mack walks by) Um, no offence Mack Mack: None taken. I'm not too happy about it either. Daria smirks They get up to the cast sheet. Brittney: A courtisan? Hey Kevvy, I'm a member of the court. Kevin: Cool babe. I'm Cassio. Hey! I'm, like, that god dude. They all glare at Tweedle dee and Tweedle dum as they leave. Daria: Well? Darren: Let's see: Upchuck gets the Duke; Joey and Jeffy are Lodovico and Gratiano, respectively; Jamie is Rodrigo; Mack is Othello, of course; Kevin is Cassio, with me understudying; (He looks slightly pissed off at that fact) Brittney is Bianca; Damien is Iago, and you are Emilia. Daria looks shocked Miranda: I told you ya had a pretty good chance at it. Jane: Well, at least this time he was smart to put Kevin and Brittney together. Darren: Why's that? Jane: Darren, Let me tell you about what happened during the "Canterbury Tales" Roll Credits. Mack as hamlet Darren as a fighter pilot Mara and Daria as Qui-gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi, respectively Daria as Mike Nelson Miranda as Jonathon Davis Quinn as Lara Croft Kevin as King Henry VIII Helen as Laurie Cabot Daria Logo Fin -------------------------------------------------------- There, that wasn't so bad, was it? These and any other story dealing with Othello are pulled form real life. I was an officer in a local production of Othello last summer. BTW, Yes, We did have a deaf person playing Iago. And he was DAMN good I also did stage crew at my school for five years. so I should have plenty of comic fodder. Anyway, here are the... Endnotes: "Hey Yui": If you were on Paperpusher's MB lately, you should know about this. Basically, I found out recently that Ben Yee was thinking of doing a story where Daria participates in a school play. When I read this, I considered abandoning this and doing something else. Anyway, I put a post on PP'sMB explaining the situation and asking whether or not I should just do something else. The reason for posting is this: When I was in ninth grade, I had to do this paper for english class. I spent a LOT of time deciding what I was going to write. and, to make a long story short, When I handed it in, I found out that, by some pure coincedence, someone else had written something along the same lines. I found this out because when I got my paper back, I got a D and a note saying "[name witheld] already did the same thing. Come up with something more original next time." Unfortunately, this was at the end of the school year. and that teacher didn't return the next year. So I didn't get to exact my revenge. Someday though... Anyway, Yui's post said at the bottom: "You're stuff is quite good, by the way-and I love the family you've introduced into the Daria universe. More! More!" "Daria: I know what Solomon would suggest" Solomon was a biblical king. This reference refers to one of the stories about him. On time, Solomon had to settle a case between two women who claimed to be the mother of this child. Solomon assesed the situation, then called for a sword. saying that if they couldn't decide who was the mother, he would just cut the child down the middle and each woman would take half. One agreed, one didn't. The woman who didn't was given custody of the child. This is a good thing to say to people choosing between boyfriends (or girlfriends, for that matter) "Andy Capp": a comic strip from England, where, appearantly alcaholism and loveless marriages are a bit funnier that they are here. Andy is a worthless husband who cheats on his wife, Flo, drinks a lot and is constantly unemployed. Flo does all the work, both in and out of the house. The strip is occasionally funny, but so bitter and spiteful that I have always had a hard time enjoying it. Reg Smyth, the guy who drew it, died recently. "Helen: It would be good for your sanity": My parents used to say this all the time. They still do "Daria: ...Kinsington/ Helen scowls": From my first fic. See, Mara Kinsington was made a full partner at Helen's lawfirm before Helen. and She is none too pleased about it. "Daria: ...I join an extracurricular, if you get a hobby": A reference to Kara Wild's fic. "Breaking the Mold" Where Daria and Helen make this kind of deal. "Mr. Davis": In case it isn't obvious, This is the name I've given to Daria's old flute teacher. "Daria: Didn't we agree last time that we wouldn't bring that up?": A reference to the episode "Cafe Disaffecto" Where Daria has to join the funding drive for a coffee house under threat of Music Camp. "Ms. Li's Brave New World": A reference to Canadibrit's fic "Grating Expectations" where Jodie submits a subversive essay to the Lowdown and gets kicked out of her activities as a result. "Miranda: Self-Editing my arse" A reference to a notice on the Lawndale High website on MTV's Daria website. It says that all articles submitted to the Lowdown are subject to Ms. Li's approvial. "This isn't censorship, but self editing." Arse is the british word for a person's ass. the word "ass" means donkey "Fencing Team?/ I don't think they'll let you remove the rubber tip": A reference to the Daria Database. where Daria said that the only way she would join the fencing team would be if she could remove the tip. "Daria: requires facial expressions": Another Daria Database reference. This is why she didn't want to join Drama Horizons "Damien: What other school sponsered activity teaches you...how to pick locks": At my old school, if you joined the stage crew, you learned how to pick locks. I should know. I was the one teaching them. "Upchuck: Mmmm, Happiness to their sheets": Yes, it means exactly what you think Brittney: Oh Pal-o-mine": a reference to the episode "Fair Enough" Palomon was a character in the Canterbury Tales "Mack: Zounds": (Pronounced Zoonds)A mild oath. lit. "Christ's wounds" Darren and Damien's Scene: In case you were wondering, The scene takes place right after Cassio loses his Lieutenantry after Iago gets him drunk gets Cassio into a fight. Iago plans to use Cassio's pleas as proof that Desdemona, who is married to Othello, is sleeping with Cassio. "Tartuffe": A comedy by Moliere. about a Con man (Tartuffe) who B.S.'s his way into the house of a nobleman. I like that play. The Dog's names: Romie is a girl who I had a huge crush on in high school. We remained good friends. Kiersten is another good friend of mine. Wowbagger comes from the third book of the six book "Hitchhikers Trilogy" (Hence, it's "increasingly inacurately named") by Douglas Adams. Wowbagger is an immortal who got bored so he decided (or rather he found his calling was) to go throughout the universe and insult each an every person, going alphabetically. Also, I had to disect a cat for my Human Anatomy class, and one of my classmates decided to give her dead cat that name. Harry Beck: An out of work draftsman who, in 1931, was commissioned by the city of london to map out the underground. Beck had a revelation. He realized that, since you're underground, it doesn't matter where you are. Ergo, as long as the stops are in the right order (with all interchanges clearly deliniated) You can distort direction and pretty much abandon scale. This caused the map to look more like electrical wiring system and created a new, orderly London which had nothing to do with the rather disorderly geography of the actual city. Mara's subway trick: In London, Regent's Park is on Great Portland Street. There are other places where you can do this. (Bank to Monument, for example) You can also do this with the subway system in pretty much any city, as long as you make sure that there isn't a direct line. One time I was in Paris with my french class, and My teacher had me find the route between two stations in Le Metro. I looked down the street and saw the station we were going about two hundred yards down the street. I told him the route that I would take and I told a couple of my friends what I was doing. then I told the rest of them I'd meet them over there. about a half hour later, they came up to find that my friends and I had a rather nice lunch and we did some shopping while we waited for them. I don't think they ever realized what we did. (Sigh) I miss Paris "A Courtisan": In case you were wondering, a courtisan was a prostitute for well to do men "Darren: Keven is Cassio, with me understudying" All the actors have understudies. It's just that most of them are walk on characters, so I didn't bother making up names for them. Desdemona's understudy will be revealed later on in the series. "Jane: At least this time he was smart enough to put Kevin and Brittney together": In the episode "Fair enough" Kevin got the lead role in Canterbury Tales, opposite Quinn. Brittney was so jealous that she drove Kevin all around the county (If not the state) in an effort to keep him from performing. O'Neill decided to use Jeffy as a last minute replacement, but, when they got on stage, Jeffy ended up reading a completely different scene. Quinn got laughed off the stage. Much to Sandi's (and her mother's) delight. "Helen as Laurie Cabot": Laurie Cabot is a world renouned practicioner of Wicca. Which, depending on who you ask, is a witch religion. (Some say that, some say that Wicca is just another new age religion) On a final note, This one was a LOT easier to write. And if you haven't guessed, this is going to be a subseries. Thanks to all those on PP'S MB (John T, Hello Kitty, Ben Yee, Canadibrit, Crazy Nutso, Yui, and DJ) and anyone else who posted after I logged off, for encouraging me not to abandon the poor thing. As I said, I was in a local production of Othello, so I should have more than enough comic fodder. BUT; if anyone has any theatre related stories that they would like to share. Ya know where to send them. Here Endeth the Lesson.