A SICK ‘DARIA’ COMMERCIAL

An ‘Iron Chef’ mini-fic by Brother Grimace

SCENE: The Fashion Club girls are sitting all about Sandi’s room.

Sandi: (pulling out a Ziploc bag of wheat crackers) I hate half-days at school – I HATE having to make my own lunch!

Stacy: I hate it, too!

Tiffany: Yeah, me, too…

Stacy: What did you have for lunch?

Sandi: A plain green salad and a teaspoon of lo-cal Italian dressing.

Stacy: I had a cucumber sandwich!

Tiffany: A rice cake and a thin coating of cream cheese… (The girls all look over at Quinn, who sits looking out the window with an almost indecently satisfied look on her face.)

Sandi: Quinn… what did YOU have for lunch…?

Quinn: (slightly smug) I had Country-style ribs smothered in mesquite BBQ sauce, waffle fries, and Mexican-style corn in a savory butter sauce. (The other girls look at her with horror, then disgust, then outright anger on their faces!) Screw ‘Lean Cuisine’ -it was –

(Quinn’s body dances and jerks in a frenzy as the rounds from the other girl’s H&K MP5-SD2 submachine guns lift her up and blow her through the window!)

Sandi: (dropping the spent magazine and inserting a fresh one in her weapon) Eat THAT, bitch.

Announcer: Hungry-Man dinners. It’s good to be full.

10 November 2003