Episode 2:

‘The Spiked 6-Pack’

A Fanfic by DJW, all Daria Characters are © of MTV, Viacom and…what the hell you all know how this goes, the show belongs to who it belongs to, same with the characters except mine…they belong to me.

6–Pack: A volleyball player who gets hit by a ball (often one that is travelling very hard and very fast)

The Spiked 6-Pack

A trip to the beach seems like a bad idea from the start, especially given that it involves Lawndale Highs newly formed ‘Esper Class’ and a ‘No Holds Barred Volleyball’ Tournament, things could…scratch that, WILL get ugly.

A ‘Steel Jaguar God Battler Oxidiser X’ story

…………………………………………………………….

{FEEB}

“What is it this time Vyv?” Daria thought back to the voice in her head, wondering at what point she had gotten used to having a digital voice in her head that was sometimes more like an advanced organiser than the secret government weapon it really was.

{It just appears to me that your paramour is late.}

Daria grimaced; it was bad enough when she had to put up with just Jane mocking her about this sort of thing, but now even the voice in her head had started joining in…although that was definitely not something she would want to say out loud.

She did have to agree with the irritating AI however that Tom was a little behind schedule, since he transferred to Lawndale High about a month ago he had gotten into the habit of picking up Link, Jane and herself to get to school.

Knowing Tom he had no doubt been delayed on his way from Links house because he had seen a crime in progress and had decided to assist in his own special way, and when you own a large armoured mecha your way can be VERY special indeed.

Daria reflected that in the past month her Tom and Jane had become very professional ‘amateur superheroes’ as they had once been referred to on a Sick Sad World special, they had even been interviewed…well their secret identities of Vexer D, Oxidiser X, and ‘Jane Flame’ had anyway…Jane never had gotten the hang of the whole secret identity thing Daria observed, good thing Lawndale was too stupid to notice anyhow.

Although given that the sudden rise in the number of ‘Esper Students’ in Lawndale High (herself and her friends included) it was hardly a surprise no one really noticed, even with a stolen government bio-weapon, a high-tech battle suit, and a book of arcane fire magic they still where able to be ignored. The fact they had been added to the Lawndale ‘Esper Class’…how Principal Li knew about so many students being Espers still puzzled Daria, although she was sure they had been put together to keep them all where they could be seen for some plan of Li’s.

Daria’s ponderings where cut short by the familiar site of Tom’s Jaguar approaching at rather unfamiliar speeds, as it screeched to a halt the passenger side door opened as Daria heard a familiar voice,

“I told you to buckle up kid.” Tom said as he looked into the back of the car

“Can we do that again?” An upside down Link asked.

“Maybe later” Daria spoke as she got in and buckled in

“Hey Daria” Tom replied as he started the engine and fired the Vernier Thrusters again, “Sorry we’re late, ran into a small diversion.”

“I figured as much, we better get Jane before she torches the house as a beacon for us.”

Tom nodded as he sent the car tearing down the road ready for another average day.

…

“…And who knew an Ice Cream van could explode with such force?”

“Well Tom you do now and so do those bank robbers…although Mack will be either annoyed or elated that you no doubt prevented him from working over summer again.” Daria replied as she walked down the corridors of the new look Lawndale High

After the school had been partially destroyed on the same day Tom first started when it came under attack from various sources (the fact he was only partially responsible unlike the last one was something he was immensely proud of) Li had managed to somehow do some creative insurance work and managed to secure several companies to rebuild Lawndale High as a lot more high-tech and futuristic looking, although they hadn’t been able to improve the cafeteria food.

The quartet found their way to the room of the ‘Esper Class’ with time to spare and took their seats; hardly anyone had arrived yet, although Daria had to wince as she heard a pair of familiar voices from across the room

“Uh huh huh huh uh huh huh hey Dia…uh Daria”

“M hehe hehehehe Diarrhoea CHA CHA CHA DIA” *SMACK* “OW CUT IT OUT FARTKNOCKER!”

“Dumbass, they said we have be you know friendly or we go back to…”

“Hehehe, you said back”

Daria found her confusion at the antics of her idiotic associates was cut short when an unrecognised voice spoke from behind them,

“Come on boys leave the nice weirdoes alone and get ready for class”

Apparently the voice was a lot more familiar to Jane whose grip had tightened around the book of spells she was browsing, the black haired woman who was surely to old for a senior looking to be around her early twenties and had the looks and a body that would give Quinn a run for her money…which she obviously knew.

“Well hello again Jane.” The girl said so friendly it was almost mocking, the grin on her face certainly made the others feel uncomfortable.

“Allison.” Jane replied sharply, while glaring at her with all three eyes, that usually had the desired effect of freaking out whoever was in need of a freaking, Allison appeared to be barely shaken by this unlike her two sidekicks;

“WOAH that chick has like three eyes!”

“Really? Cool hehehe…does she also have three…”

Thankfully the Bell ringing prevented Jane from being pushed any further and incinerating someone…at least until recess. As the other various students entered and found their seats the appointed teacher of the school ‘Esper Class’ also known as ‘the poor doomed bastard’ by the other faculty AKA Mr DeMartino entered along with his newly hired TA Mr Sorenson.

Daria always had to admit she was amazed at how well DeMartino handled his newly elected duty of being in charge of various teenagers who may for all he knew have the potential to detonate him internally, the fact Li had managed to get him permission to come to school armed may have been why, he had not been seen without his trusty Magnum ‘Aiutante Disciplinare’ since.

“NOW then CLASS!” He opened with his usual cheerful demeanour, which was always entertaining to watch the TA flinch whenever he yelled, “remember that TOMORROW will be the school BEACH TRIP and do try and KEEP in MIND…those of you WITH those ANYWAY that our ESTEEMED Principal has made PARTICIPATION in the VOLLEYBALL TOURNAMENT for our ‘MERRY’ band of students MANDATORY”

DeMartino had to let out an evil grin at the sound of various groans and heads thumping onto desks, sometimes it was good to be a teacher.

…

The next day the group found themselves on the bus headed for the beach, it seems Li’s security obsession meant she wanted full control of the transport, meaning everyone in the same vehicle and no private transport, much to Toms annoyance.

“I just feel naked without having Oxidiser X nearby”

“And they say we’re becoming too reliant on technology as a race.” Jane replied with her usual smirk,

{You don’t hear me complaining} was Vyv’s contribution, Daria had allowed him to speak freely between all 4 of them to save on the constant {FEEB}’s she would have to put up with otherwise. Thankfully Link being the ‘boy genius’ he was had made a pair of earpieces for himself and Tom to make this possible.

“Vyv are you waterproof by any chance?” Daria asked

{Yes}

“Damn.”

“Not that I really care” Link spoke up “But I thought there would be more than just the ‘Esper Class’ on this beach trip?”

“Now that you mention it,” Jane commented after thinking, “there is only our class here“

Indeed the only people on the bus where the ‘Esper Class’, consisting of themselves, Andrea the psychic Goth girl, Upchuck with his tentacle ability still, the ‘Fashion Dolls’ as Daria had come to know her sister and her friends since their bodies being integrated with military automaton, Beavis & Butthead who where sat along with Allison and to Daria’s surprise Lurhman (now that she thought about those 4 where always sat together which seemed an unlikely grouping to Daria), Mack, Jodie, Kevin, Brittney and Evan who where also sat together, also ‘Skip’ Stevens and Amelia; both acquaintances of Daria’s from camp grizzly where sat on opposite ends of the bus. The last 7 Daria was curious to know what Li knew about them that classified them as ‘Espers”

“Oh no.” Daria muttered to herself when Amelia noticed her looking at her and began to approach

“Hi Daria.” Amelia said in a manner that Daria found eerily reminiscent of their time at the camp grizzly reunion…something she really wished she could just forget about much like camp grizzly in general.

“Uh hi…” Daria replied, her eyes darting around trying to find some help from her friends, she was mildly irked to find Jane had somehow made it to another part of the bus and was chatting away to Andrea. Tom and Link had apparently become preoccupied with some form of digital delinquency with a laptop.

“So Daria how cool is it that the school I transferred to is the same one you go to?” Amelia continued, showing signs that she had sadly regressed to her clingy and leechlike self she was before her grand explosion in front of ‘Skip’

“I’d say it’s certainly a surprising coincidence…suspiciously so.” Daria muttered trying not to be openly hostile but at the same time give the overall feeling she did not feel like talking to Amelia.

“Oh I’ll say.” Amelia showed no signs of letting up, instead Daria seemed to have only encouraged her to continue (she had no idea how the hell she had managed that) “In fact I’ll let you in on a small secret” Amelia said in a hushed whisper as she leaned closer to Daria while looking around.

“If she says she did it for me I will throw myself out this buses window.” Daria thought to herself nervously.

{If you want I can overload the Vexer suit power cells and fry your brain to put you out of your misery, just say the word}

Daria’s nervousness as to how capable Vyv actually was of such a thing was stopped by Amelia continuing, “You see it’s my opinion that some sort of conspiracy is going on and all these unlikely events that have happened lately have been caused by something or someone, in fact…” again her eyes darted around again “my ‘employers’ have sent me here to see what I can learn, we think the government may even have sent…”

“Alright children” The voice of Principal Li was heard causing Daria to look up, when she looked back Amelia had gone, not back to her seat but actually physically gone from the bus as if she had disappeared.

“We shall be arriving at the beach soon” Li continued from the front of the bus while playing with what looked like a Rubik’s cube, “So make sure you have everything ready, Timothy make sure all those medical supplies are in order.”

Daria looked over her shoulder and wondered what the odds of them needing all those medical supplies O’Neill was staggering under would be until she looked back to find Amelia stood exactly where she was before she vanished.

“AAAAH!” Daria yelled

“AAAAH!” Amelia yelled back, although it was unknown whether this was from genuine shock or just a desire to fit in.

Once they had stopped Amelia nervously stammered “Sorry, when I get nervous I kinda…vanish”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh you know how it is, first day of a job, accidents can happen, stealth technology can explode, people can be doused in chemicals, next thing I know I can become invisible…what are the odds?”

“What in the hell kind of work did you get involved in?”

“Interning at Sick Sad World”

“What?”

“And I’ve said too much.” Amelia said quickly before fading out of view, literally

{How peculiar} was Vyvian’s comment to which Daria would have no doubt made some comment to agree if they had not arrived at the beach and had to disembark.

“OK Everyone” Li addressed the class through the megaphone “There have been a few last minute changes to this trip such as the other classes not being able to attend HOWEVER the volleyball tournament will still go on, there will just be a few changes to the rules, for one thing there will be no restrictions on power use…” she continued as she held up what looked like a cross between a volleyball and some sort of explosive “secondly we shall be using THESE little gizmos instead of the standard volleyball and the rounds will be first goal wins and best of 3 for each group…this is because the ball is set to give off a (mostly) harmless explosion to ‘enhance’ the game play as well as your motivation, now lets see you all get into teams of 5 and remember, you play not only for yourselves but for the honour of Laaawndale High!”

{Well this could get interesting}

“I can see it now,” Jane commented with a forced chuckle “Dead or Alive; Extreme beach Volleyball; next on Sick Sad World”

Daria was a little more worried about how the others had reacted, most of them reacted with a mix of shock, whereas Allison, & Lurhman seemed to be eerily calm, the two village idiots seemed to be looking forward to this as did ‘Skip whereas; and this was what worried Daria the most, Amelia was calmly taking notes.

“Yes Vyvian, very interesting” Daria said with a sigh “oh well, let the games begin.”

…

BAWOOOOOOOOOOM!

“Tiffany like get your ass over here.” A sharp, deep voice was heard to say.

“Why Saaaaandi?” a slow drawling voice was what followed

“Because that’s where your legs are!” A third voice which was more higher pitched and a little nervous sounding chimed in.

Daria, Jane and Tom listened in on the events from their place at the bar of the small beachside café Mr DeMartino had ‘acquisitioned’ for the classes use as a locker room, most of the students where disappointed to learn that he had personally removed all the intoxicating beverages before any of the students had managed to reach the bar.

…Of course by ‘remove’ we mean ‘consume’ and DeMartino was appropriately passed out on the bar with a traffic cone on his head and his arms outstretched (never underestimate the drunks uncanny ability to acquire a traffic cone no matter the location and for it to subsequently be mounted upon their head with as much reverence as a crown) although the fact Tom was using his left arm as a cup-holder did slightly kill the moment.

“I guess we know who lost” Daria deadpanned returning to the matter at hand as they listened to the sound of footsteps approaching the café, they watched as a familiar figure entered,

“Ooooh…I cannot believe that idiot ‘Skip’ cost us the game.” Quinn yelled as she made an impressive entrance, albeit for all the wrong reasons, the fact she was lightly charred and waving her left arm around with her right while ranting may have been why.

“Erm, Quinn,” Daria asked nervously as she like everyone else watched the arm almost hypnotically “But I thought Li said the exploding ball would be pretty harmless…”

Quinn plugged her arm back into place where it began to fix itself then rather sternly saying “It Was.” Before she stormed off and took a seat.

The rest of the ‘fashion dolls’ in various states of repair/disrepair also entered and took seats with Quinn, Tom and Jane appeared to be suffering trying to be both nervous about the upcoming game while at the same looking like they could burst out laughing at any minute. Daria was about to ask them what they thought had happened before someone else entered…

“THAT WAS THE COOLEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN!” Link said excitedly as he hopped onto a seat with the others, before continuing quickly “That idiotic ‘Skip’ guy turns out to have wound up being a cyborg for most of his life but still doesn’t seem to have read the users manual if you know what I mean…anyway he seemed like he really wanted to test out some sort of rocket launcher built into his arm but he forgot about how close he was to the ball and…well…last I saw I think they where still trying to remove him from the tree he was driven through and…”

“Hey slow down little guy,” Tom Interjected “you do need to breath you know. Another cyborg huh? Wonder how many more there are?”

{Well at least one more if you count that implant in the back of your neck.}

“Oh…waitaminute…implant? …WHAT IMPLANT?!”

Ignoring Toms sudden flying into a panic Jane turned to Daria, “So all that time at the camp grizzly reunion you went to a few months back that jerk was a cyborg huh? What are the odds?”

“Well I guess it certainly sheds some light on whatever traumatic experience happened to make him so obsessed with the camp” Daria replied before her mind began to wander, thoughts of the odds of certain events coupled with what she had been hearing from different sources crossed her mind but where promptly forced out by a certain voice.

“Next teams, your up” Li said sticking her head through the door,”

Sighing Daria, Jane and Tom got up and headed out the door, Amelia and Andrea both got up from their respective seats and followed suite, it had been decided Link was to young and ill-suited for the game, super intelligence doesn’t do much for protection against an exploding volleyball.

As Daria passed Li she spoke “Morituri te contemno vos” to the confused principal and readied herself on the pitch, “time to say the magic word…VEXER!” And with that she was fully suited and ready to do battle.

As the first ball was readied Jane asked her friend “what was that Latin you said to Li anyway?”

“Hmm, Roughly translated it means ‘We who are about to die, hate you’ …well either that or ‘my hovercraft is full of eels’ it has been a while since I spoke Latin, anyways let the games begin.”

…

“So let me get this straight…” Daria asked Jodie as the two battled for control of the falling ball, albeit they both happened to be in freefall at great heights tracking the ball as it fell so had declared a ‘truce’ until it came into view, “Several of the companies ’Our Beloved Principal’ convinced to help rebuild the school where actually in the advanced munitions trade and agreed to get involved only if she somehow found a way of ‘field testing’ several of their new products?”

“In so many words, yes”

“So she decided to draft you five into some sort of School Defense Force to test the stuff out, a move that no one in their right mind would want to do anyway, and to make things even MORE complicated, your descended from a line of ninjas and Mack is the son of space pirates?”

“Yeah, what are the odds?”

“Would people stop saying that?” Daria was becoming really sick of that phrase, “Anyway how the hell did Li convince you & Mack to do this? I mean Brittney, Kevin and that Evan jerk I can understand but…”

“It’s complicated.” Jodie interrupted, “Needless to say Li had her ways of ‘recruiting’ us although I’m sure I could get into trouble just telling you this, why do you think I had Kevin send the ball this high?”

“That was planned?”

“Give me some credit Daria, your not the only one in the school with sense.”

“Well with that pink jumpsuit you could have fooled me…”

“That’s besides the point,” Jodie replied irritated, “The point is that I needed to warn SOMEONE”

“Warn me about what?”

“That’s just it, I don’t know, but think of the number of odd, improbable and just downright impossible stuff that has happened lately, just keep your eye out on your side, and I’ll see what I can find, anyway we’ve been falling long enough, I can see the ball” As she continued she re-drew the Katana “Remember we never had this conversation…”

“What conversation?” Daria responded as she managed to block the Katana with what Vyv had described as the ‘Crasher Blade’ and resumed combat with Jodie, obviously if they wanted no one to suspect they had been holding a discussion instead of trying to beat the hell out of each other for possession of a ball they better make the fight convincing, and of course the best way to do that was fight for real.

If Daria had doubted Jodie’s claims to be a Ninja before then she certainly would take it back now, Jodie handled her weapon like a true pro who had taken years of training, which given her parents obsession with trying to make her be the best she could be that was understandable, Daria felt almost guilty about using the enhanced reflexes the Vexer suit gave her to match every move for move. Almost being the key word here.

As the two approached the ground Daria took advantage of the fact that unlike her opponent she could wield the sword with as much ease one-handed as she would if she used two (She was unsure if the suit gave her enhanced strength or if the sword was just really lightweight), and energized the ‘Spark-Touch’ protocol that had served her well in the past, the resulting surge of electricity was mostly absorbed by Jodie’s insulated suit but still had enough force to knock her back while Daria made it to the ball and slammed it at the opposing field before landing balanced on the net.

Daria flipped back to the side with her team, Jane and herself had been doing most of the work, Tom had been trying as best he could but without Oxidiser X he was just a regular guy in a weird suit with pistols, Andrea likewise was doing what she could with her spirit powers whereas Amelia seemed pretty reluctant to get involved, her tendency to vanish when the ball approached her, Daria used to at least stick an arm out after it bounced past.

As the game continued Daria watched Kevin successfully deflect the ball into the air again, but this time when Mack looked like he was about to spike it when a pair of blue and yellow ‘light ribbons’ emanating from a pair of batons wielded by Brittney grabbed the ball and swung it to the other end of the pitch where Evan was waiting to spin kick the ball with enough force to send it hurtling into an area they had left totally unguarded…

Daria shielded her eyes awaiting the impending blast but instead heard a ‘THUNK’ sound, when she looked she saw the ball bouncing back into the air and a dazed & cross-eyed Amelia staggering around, by either great strategy or sheer dumb luck she had been invisible and directly in the balls path, albeit she seemed a little to concussed to be proud of her achievement,

“Vyv I need to send a message to Jane and Tom now” Daria thought hurriedly as she looked at the positions of the opposite team and prepared to send the ball to Jane,

{I shall give you a direct feed}

As Daria hurriedly got the message out she saw her friends nod in understanding, which prompted Daria to hit the ball to Jane who uttered an incantation under her breath as she jumped at the ball as it descended and slammed it with a downward strike.

Much to the surprise of the opposite team the ball was not only consumed with flames but appeared to split into 4 versions of itself, all heading at different parts of the field, as the others scrambled about trying to block all of them they where more than a little startled when all 4 balls vanished into nothingness when they touched them, meaning all of them where sprawled on the ground with nothing to show for it,

As they heard a whistle they looked up to see Tom stood right behind the net with the ball balancing precariously on the net, he grinned evilly as he raised a hand and tapped the ball lightly with his finger, they watched in dread as the ball began to fall to the ground…

BZZZZZZZZZZZZT

“We have a winner!” Li shouted, barely looking up from the Rubik’s cube again. “You go to the finals, there is another half an hour till them, get a rest, the rest of you, can clear off.”

“Nice plan Amiga.” Jane replied smirking “and nice deflection Amel…is she ok?”

Andrea was leading the still dazed Amelia towards the trio, “Somehow I don’t think she’ll be fit to play” the Goth girl stated matter-of-factly.

“But don’t we need 5 team members to continue?” Tom asked nervously

“Hey Amelia, you think you can still play?” Daria asked the girl whose eyes appeared to be trying to look up her own nose

“Yes Grandma, can I have more waffles with extra pickles first? ” she replied before falling face first into the sand

“I’ll take that as a no.”

…

“Well I spoke to ‘Our Beloved Principal’ and she said unless we find a 5^th player we have to forfeit.”

“What? But there’s no one else available, why did Amelia have to get 6-Packed like that?” Jane asked irritably before an evil smirk crossed her face ”Hey Link…”

“No.”

“But…”

“He said No,” Tom interrupted “besides he’s busy right now, isn’t that right little buddy?” Since Link was busy running a scanner of some sort over the back of his neck this was probably true.

“Yeah, yeah” Link said offhandedly as he put away the scanner “As far as I can tell that implant was put there by someone and since it has Bertha Condwiramus Sloane signed on the central processor I’d assume its that mad bat of a grandmother of yours.”

“WHAT? When I get my hands on Grandma I’m going to…can it explode?”

Link looked at the scanner again “Nope”

“As I was saying,” Tom resumed his ranting barely missing a beat “I’m going to kill my grandma…” he paused as he saw the looks he was getting from the others, partially as he was now stood on a table gesturing dramatically “uuuuunless there is a good enough reason for this thing been there…”

Daria and Jane turned away from Link explaining some sort of technical explanation to Tom to focus on the matter at hand,

“Well this is bad, we have only 10 minutes left before the next game, what do we do Jane?”

“You got me…Hey Andrea, think you can let ole ‘Dead Tom’ out to play?”

“No can do ‘Triclops’ I asked ‘Chairwomen Li’ about that already and apparently she wont allow a deceased ex-student of ‘Laaaaawndale High’ onto the pitch…Jane why are you looking at me like that?”

“Andrea I think you’ve given me an idea, hey Link…”

“…and so it acts as a remote control…” Link continued to spout techno-babble to the increasingly glazed-over Tom,

“Oh for crying out…” Jane snapped her fingers in front of Link causing a small spark of fire to attract his attention (and narrowly miss singing his eyebrows) “Listen kid I need to borrow that cell phone of yours, the one you ‘upgraded’ to be able to reach anywhere on the planet,” as Link continued to stare blankly she sighed before resuming “The one you use to order pizza’s from New Zealand to test their ‘anywhere in 30 minutes or less policy’ with.”

“Oh that one…why didn’t you say so?”

“Give me strength” Jane muttered as she took the phone and began to dial “if he doesn’t pick up I swear I’ll…ah excellent.” Jane left the café to the confused looks of the others.

{It would no doubt be wise to see what she is planning, for all we know she could be arranging a tactical nuclear strike…}

“…And we don’t want to miss the photo opportunity.” Daria finished, getting some strange looks from everyone else, but given the level of oddness lately they weren’t that severe.

As she left the café she saw Jane continuing to talk while idly drawing some sort of symbol in the sand with her foot, on closer examination it resembled the same symbol on the cover of Jane’s spell book, as she moved in for a closer look she began to hear the phone conversation…

“…I don’t care if your in Hawaii, give some excuse to the hula girls and get your butt over here…look just do it or I show everyone the photos of when you first tried out your gifts…yes including the naked one…glad to hear you see it my way…yes there is a beacon for you, no I’m not going to let you get lost…again”

Daria was about to inquire as to what the hell her friend was talking about before the symbol in the sand began to glow faintly before the sand began to rise up and take the shape of a human being, then the sand began to fall away to reveal a figure clad in a Hawaiian shirt.

“Old ‘Kim-Jong Li’ said no dead ex-students on the team, she never said anything about living ex students, so I got us our 5^th man…”

“Hey Daria” was all Trent had to say.

…

Around 10 minutes and much strenuous negotiations that bordered on blackmail later Daria, Jane, Tom, Andrea and the newly acquired Trent where stood on the beach ready to play. Through dropping hints about Li’s ‘deals’ with the company they had managed to get Trent to act as a team-member, it was Jane’s argument that since he never officially graduated (no doubt slept through it) he was still technically a student.

Daria looked with concern first at her own team, she was unsure how she had become the captain let alone participated in such an insane idea, she had come to notice that ever since she had merged with the Vexer suit she had begun to show some changes to her personality, her confidence had begun to grow ever since she had begun to accept the fact she was merged with said suit, although she was a lot more defensive about her thoughts…although this is understandable when its possible the voice in your head could be sharing your innermost secrets with the nearest vending machine, and with Vyv’s sense of humor she wouldn’t put it past him. Albeit he had explained that he couldn’t actually access her thoughts but merely ‘scan’ them for any signals that may trigger emergency systems or something similar, much like he had done the first time he activated the suit to prevent a truck from flattening her.

It was probably due to her accursed sense of ethics that motivated her to use this suit to become a super-heroine…now there was a word she never thought would ever actually be used to describe her, on the plus side being heroic meant you got to get away with a lot of collateral damage, something Tom did seem to have a slightly unsettling tendency towards, still she had been trying to do her bit to encourage him to be more careful.

She did have to wonder how many girlfriends would have to include ‘preventing boyfriend from leveling city in large armored robot’ amongst their duties she didn’t know. She glanced at Tom who she noted looked both focused yet distant, almost like he was looking at something but his eyes where in a different place. He was probably still just in shock from Links explanation, the kid had a tendency of forgetting not everyone cold understand most of the technological terms and explanations he came out with…hell even Vyv had a hard time following some of them.

Daria shook her head to stop herself, what seemed to have been another side effect of the suit was that she had become a lot more perceptive and observant…even more than she used to be, which was maybe why she noticed that Trent’s ears had become a lot more pointed, she remembered Jane once saying that the book he had given her was one of two, one of words and one of music, evidently the one he kept had similar effects as it did on Jane, which explained the physiological changes as well as traveling trough the earth, but Daria would have to look into that later. (It should be noted that when she did decide to examine the books and where they where found it caused her some worry to learn they where apparently parts 4 & 5 of a set…the implications made her worry about the next time all 5 Lane children where together.)

Daria had to smack herself lightly in the head to stop herself again, she would have to ask Vyv if this was a side effect of the suit or just herself finally going crazy from all the stuff that had begun to happen recently, she always deep down suspected that the reason she had managed to take everything so lightly was that she had finally lost it when the suit finally activated…that or she always knew the whole world had gone crazy, this was just the wearing-underwear-on-the-head-with-two-pencils-up-the-nose proof.

She focused her attention to the opposite team hoping she could at least focus her analyses on something useful, she readjusted the green visor on her face before getting a clear look, to this day she was amazed a simple visor stopped people recognizing someone’s identity, specially with Tom’s, after all his was freaking transparent. Although Vyv had mentioned something called a ‘V-Sig effect’ effect (whatever that meant) being involved and she found it better to ‘just smile and nod’ if it meant Vyv didn’t start explaining, its not easy to ignore a long boring technical explanation when the voice is coming from somewhere inside your own cerebral cortex.

Looking at the opposition she saw that only 3 of them had appeared so far, they where Upchuck, Beavis & Butthead, the ones who made the three stooges look like the three wise men. Upchuck had already ‘tentacled up’ into his purple skinned form that somewhat looked like the results of what his own offspring would look like after a drunken encounter with an octopus. The gruesome twosome however where both wearing blank bodysuits with what looked like barcodes but other than that appeared the same as they used to in Highland except they looked like they had both aged and grown much like herself, although their hair still had the effect of making their skulls look like a pair of mutated watermelons.

Finally the other two team-members showed up and Daria had to suppress a gasp, the first of the two was a girl who Daria was sure was Allison, she was wearing an outfit that looked like a cross between something from a lingerie catalogue, a swimsuit, and a suit of battle armor, it was all in black and grey except for 3 or 4 pink hearts in various places, it was probably one of the most tackiest outfits Daria had seen, however it was the second person who really made Daria nervous.

A slouching figure in a tuxedo, red cape, small red mask and lastly a vague sense of familiarity that she couldn’t place no matter how hard she tried…

Agent Mask. The man who had once tried to forcibly remove the Vexer Suit from her even if her life was the cost…this felt like it had become more than just a game now.

…

{Well this is certainly an awkward situation.}

“Shut up Vyvian, just shut up.” Daria snapped at the voice, it had been less than a minute and the game had already turned into a war-zone, it was bad enough she had to stop Upchuck trying to cop a feel whenever they where both at the net (she had to take at least seven showers to feel clean after their last encounter considering where some of the wandering tentacles had found themselves).

But then she also had those two highland idiots to deal with and she was sure the two hadn’t been able to turn into rejects from an old Godzilla movie when she left…although ever since she had heard rumors of the two being involved in Highland High being blown-up anything was possible (although Tom had seemed a little nervous when she had tried to discuss it with him for some reason.)

She was just thankful that the two seemed to be kept under control by the old acquaintance of Jane’s even if it meant she had to touch them to do so, a fate she wouldn’t wish on anyone she must have done something pretty deplorable to Jane to get such bad karma. Jane had been really reluctant to say anything about her. Hopefully Vyv could gather some information using whatever scanners this suit had if he could stop making comments that would be considered smart-assed if he had an ass.

Of course all four of them where minor irritants compared to the full-blown-pain-in-the-ass that was Agent Mask, despite showing no signs of special powers or any other signs of being an Esper he was definitely sending the ball over the net the most furiously, and almost always aimed at herself,

Since they where tied at one point each after their opening serve had knocked Andrea out and they had equalized when Jane created a giant flaming pair of breasts in the sky that distracted Beavis, Butthead & Upchuck (and to a lesser extent Allison) no doubt Agent Mask intended for it to detonate as close to her as possible and then to try and ‘extract’ the Vexer suit in whatever way possible from her while she was unconscious…and she doubted her being able to regain conscious was high on his list of priorities.

She watched as Tom dived to the ground to prevent the ball from hitting the ground and as it bounced off his back to be returned by Trent via a granite guitar he had somehow summoned from the earth (thankfully the earth he summoned didn’t seem to count as part of the courts so did not set off the ball) and felt a pang of sympathy for her boyfriend (that she would have denied all knowledge off if asked) since with Andrea out for the count he like the others had to work just as hard, and since he had no powers like the rest of them he was practically crippled without Oxidiser X, he still had that faraway look in his eyes until he saw her looking at him and tried to give a reassuring smile.

{If I may interject your ogling of you’re boyfriend I’d like to draw your attention to more pressing matters.}

Daria looked up to see Agent Mask right in front of her, one of Upchucks tentacles preventing him from landing on their side of the field, he was about ready to drive the ball at her as hard as possible, she reacted as quick as possible, putting her hands In front of her face while activating the first of the suits armaments that came to mind.

“SPARK TOUCH!” She yelled as she felt the powerful surge of electricity flow out her palms and into the ball and incidentally right into Agent Mask which had the surprising result of sending the shocked (in more ways than one) masked figure hurtling off where he landed out at sea (to be later rescued by Upchuck who unfortunately became the object of affection of a smitten squid in the process) and the ball straight into the sky where it became lost from sight.

“Oops” was all Daria could say.

“Daria give me a boost!” Tom yelled as he ran at her, his expression had ceased to be so distant and was now much more focused, Daria complied as Tom jumped into the still sparking palms of her hands and threw him into the air with as much force as possible while he kicked off with surprisingly more force than she expected, this had the effect of sending him following the ball into the air.

In fact he was traveling at such speed Daria saw him (using the zoom lens of her visor) overtake the ball, she began to worry that she had just sent her boyfriend into orbit as a silver-white streak obscured her view, suddenly she found herself looking at something very different in the air…

Steel Jaguar God Battler Oxidiser X! …And it was ready to play some volleyball.

Still not sure how it had gotten there she along with Jane and Trent watched as it struck the ball with its full force into what would be remembered as the most impressive volleyball spike in the history of Lawndale high, everyone watched in shock as it traveled at such speed as to create a sonic boom down towards the ground, it would no doubt have struck the ground with enough force to make it to China had it not been blocked…by Upchucks head, which as he became victim of a greater 6–pack than Amelia put up little resistance (it was later described as being like watching a cannonball hit a pillow, only instead of feathers it rained upchunks).

Daria, Jane and Trent had to grin as the ball descended to the ground almost like in slow motion and made contact with the sand, which resulted in an ever so satisfying…

BZZZZZZZZZZZZT

…

{Game, set, and match I suppose.}

“For once I’m inclined to agree with you Vyv” Daria replied as she looked at the crater that had once been the opposite side of the court, the ball had begun to be driven into the ground when it went off which had meant the ‘harmless electrical pulse’ had exploded underground…and Daria was sure electrical pulses did not go off like regular bombs meaning either one of the opposing teams had switched the ball…or it had been set to go off like that from the beginning, she would have to see what she could learn later, at the moment she was enjoying the fact she could take a break, the blast and shockwave where strong enough to collapse the podium Li had been stood at so until she regained consciousness they had some time to kill.

“Well Amiga we actually won something, your parents will be so proud.”

“Jane I think we should keep quiet about this to Mom and Dad.”

“Why? Because you don’t want them to know about that suit?”

“Actually that never occurred to me, I just figured I didn’t want them trying to make me sign up for the volleyball team.”

“Ah…good point.” Jane shrugged and turned to her brother “Thanks for the assist Trent, you can go back to the hula girls now, its probably not such a good idea to leave the others unsupervised, Nick and Jesse are probably trying to sacrifice Max to a volcano god or something.”

“Hmm…good point, later Daria” Trent strummed a riff on his guitar and vanished into the sand, leaving just the two friends, Andrea had been carried off to recover like Amelia had and Tom was still in the sky in Oxidiser X,

“Honestly you’d think he was going through withdrawals not being able to use that thing.” Daria commented as she watched him still flying around without a care in the world, “although I’m puzzled as to how he got that here in the first place.”

“To be honest Daria, compared to the number of things that turn up around here that’s the least of my concerns.”

“Speaking of which Jane, I’ve been meaning to ask, how do you know that girl in the stupid outfit?”

Jane sighed before speaking “Remember Ashfield? I met her there while we weren’t on the best of terms about…well you know” she said as she glanced up, “Its weird though, once you see all the crazy crap that keeps happening I guess an incident with an ex boyfriend really doesn’t seem such a big deal but anyhow” she said returning to the subject at hand “she seemed a decent girl and thought we could have been friends same as us two where…I mean are…sorry.”

“I know what you mean don’t worry, please continue.”

“Well anyhow one night we’d had a glass of wine or two and she…well she started to hit on me, actually it was less of a ‘hit’ and more of a full on assault…Daria I’m being metaphorical you can put that hand cannon away.”

“What?” Daria looked down and saw that indeed the gun from the compartment in the Vexer suits leg was now in her hand, “VYVIAN!”

{You would have drawn it and gone looking for her anyway; I just thought I would save you some effort.}

“While I appreciate the concern from both of you don’t worry, nothing happened, although it seemed like it came damn close which is what freaks me out, I had no intention of letting anything happen but when she put her hand on my shoulder, I don’t know, it almost felt like I wasn’t the one fully in control, I had to struggle to do anything, that sensation freaked me out and ever since she turned up again I’ve been freaked out that it will happen again…you have any idea what that’s like Daria?”

Daria was about to respond when she felt a bare hand grab the back of her neck through her hair and felt herself unable to talk or do anything else…

“She does now.” A voice that made Jane’s skin crawl answered in her place.

“Allison!” Jane spoke shocked as the black haired and tattooed figure stepped out from behind Daria but not breaking contact, “What the hell do you think you’re…” Jane was cut off when Daria’s hand suddenly flew up and slapped her to the ground of its own accord.

“Jane! I’m sorry I didn’t…” Daria stopped when she realized her lips weren’t moving, “Vyv what’s happening to me?” She thought while starting to panic.

{Oh dear…it seems Agent Mask wasn’t the only one they dispatched, it seems she is another Agent, known as Touch, the reason for this appears to be that she is a contact manipulator, once she makes physical contact with someone she can do whatever she wants with them.}

Oblivious to the internal conversation the agent known as Touch continued “You know its kinda funny, that idiot Mask always tries to act like the professional cold blooded order-follower, but I’ve seen him with numerous chances to just kill you outright and take that suit, but that hypocrite keeps letting his emotions get in the way and seems to keep giving you a chance, and to think he got all uppity about me when I used my powers to try and have a little fun on a mission once…”

“WHAT!” A voice yelled as Jane got back to her feet, all 3 of eyes where wide open and glowing like hellfire, “What did you just say?”

“You heard me right Jane, they wanted me to get close to you as they knew you where friends with the Morgendorffer girl, just like Mask and his idiot brother they wanted me to get close to anyone connected in any way with Dr Amy Barksdale,” despite being petrified by both paralysis and terror Daria made note of that

“But of course I was still a rookie,” Touch continued, going into what seemed to be a full on rant “I hadn’t had any field experience so they set me up with the ‘long shot’ who had signed up for the Ashfield Arts commune and get close to you so I could see if I could then get to the real target, do you have any idea how tedious it was for me to be stuck with all those pretentious and egotistical artists? I had to have a little fun with someone and I figured you where just a means to an end anyhow so I could do what I wanted, after all they did say ‘get close’ and you can’t get any closer than what I had planned can you?”

“You mean you….” Jane looked as if the world had come crumbling down around her as she put the pieces together

“That’s right, so what? I was frustrated and needed some release, you just happened to be the closest, but no, you had to try and resist, I suppose I should have tried to get you drunker so you didn’t have all your clothes in the way, that stupid shirt of yours ruined everything, because of that I went after the first man or woman I could find, who happened to be that idiot Dotson” Touch smirked briefly “didn’t even have to use the touch on him.”

“YOU EVIL MANIPULATIVE BITCH!’ Jane yelled furiously as each hand filled with fire, but stopped when Daria found her own arm pressing the forearm blade to her throat.

“Ah, ah ahh,” Touch again smirked “you don’t want me to make your friend do something you’ll regret do you” she then looked up at the sky “and you mister mecha-pilot, I know your watching this so you can just come down here and not try anything either, and leave that mecha out of the way so I can see you.”

Daria watched helplessly as Oxidiser X landed and Tom walked out keeping his hands above his head, behind the visor his usually calm eyes seemed to be glaring with pure hatred at Touch.

“I swear, if you do ANYTHING to her I’ll…”

“Oh please,” Touch replied mockingly “spare me the heroic threats of retribution, I suppose you where going to say that if I do anything to her you’ll never forgive me? Now throw those guns out of reach or else,”

“Fine,” Tom said as he upholstered the guns at his side “oh and for the record, what I was going to say was that if you do anything to her I will personally beat you to a bloody pulp within an inch of your life…although I suppose I’m being a tad merciful there”

“Sure you will” Touch still had that arrogant mocking tone to her voice as she watched the guns land on the ground in front of her, “Now however I suppose its fair to say that my mission was to retrieve this suit whatever the cost” she said as an evil grin crossed her face as she walked towards them, Daria ahead like a puppet, “And I suppose you two can be considered collateral…young lady be a dear and kill your friends.”

Still walking Daria felt her arm start to raise the gun in her hand, despite the fear of not having any control over herself she forced herself to try and resist, meaning the arm did not rise except in small jerks.

“Oh not another cliché resistance attempt, you cannot resist as long as I’m in touching you, hence the name, that’s the whole point.”

“You don’t say?” another voice said from nowhere

“What the…WAAH!” Suddenly Touch was interrupted when one of Toms guns rose off the ground and struck her in the face, she staggered back clutching the shattered visor on her face, “WHO THE HELL DID THA…oh no.” With that she tried to dive towards the still shocked Daria only to again be knocked back by an invisible blow.

“Keep your filthy hands off of my friend!” the voice said as Amelia faded into view, aiming one of Tom’s pistols at Allison.

{Since the connection is broken I suggest now is a good time to move it!}

Snapping out of the trance-like state she was in Daria ran to Jane and Tom, her two friend’s both wrapped their arms round her as she began to sob into their shoulders, obviously the shock and sensation of being under someone else’s complete control affected her more than she thought, suddenly she felt Tom’s arms remove themselves as he stepped away.

“Jane look after her,” he said as he walked towards Allison, “and you…” he said as his eyes began to glow faintly as he glared at her

“You shouldn’t have made my girlfriend cry…”

Allison became confused as she saw Amelia lower the gun with a surprised expression on her face, as looked over her shoulder she surprised and also scared witless to see Oxidiser X getting to its feet from its landing spot and began to walk towards her,

As Allison uttered a whimper at the machine bearing down on her Toms face softened a little, “Relax I’m not going to kill you” then a grin spread across his face “But I will do this…”

And with that the robots leg reared back and kicked Allison far out to sea (where she landed not far from Agent Mask and Upchuck meaning she had to make an awkward explanation and was only allowed to be taken back because she drew the squids attention away from Upchuck)

“Wow will you look at that, punt the c…”

“Jane if your going to say what I think you are, don’t.” Daria interrupted her friend, a small smile spreading on her lips.

“Hey you’re ok?”

“I am now, it was just the shock of not being in control for the first time…” {*AHEM*} “Second time…that and I nearly killed two of my friends…speaking of friends.” Daria deactivated the suit and walked over to Amelia who had been standing quietly (whether this was out of a desire to be polite or just shock we may never know.)

“Amelia, thanks…thanks a lot for helping, I don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t helped out…but should you be out with that head injury?”

“Hey no problemo, what are friends for?” Daria noted that she was suddenly talking a lot less like earlier and seemed more like herself after Camp Grizzly, “and don’t worry about my head, when invisible I seem to give off some sort of minor force field, its not much but it means the ball didn’t hurt that much.”

“Oh…then why did you collapse like that?”

“I figured it would be good for my cover, remember I am an undercover reporter, that and I am a useless volleyball player.” After a moments pause she added “And sorry about the whole ‘camp grizzly’ act, I figured it would be easier to gather information if people thought I was still a ‘spineless conformist’ thought to be honest its good to drop the act, if Skip tried to push me around one more time I would have ripped his head off cybernetics or not.”

“Well I didn’t see that one coming.” Daria replied a little taken aback, then she glanced at Tom who walked over when he saw her looking at him, as he turned back to his normal clothes, she slipped an arm around his waist before continuing as he gave her a light kiss on the cheek

“Tom I don’t know about everyone else but I don’t feel like sticking around for the award ceremony, and I could murder a pizza, there room in that car for 5?” when he nodded she turned to Jane “you may want to go get Link, he’s probably set off some sort of hypno-wave in an attempt to see what’s happened by now,”

Daria then turned back to Amelia who was counting on her fingers puzzled “yes you heard me right Amelia, I’m inviting you along.”

“Cool…SHOTGUN” she replied as she ran for the car with Daria and Tom chasing after her, after the seating arrangements had been sorted and Link had been found indeed using a hypno-wave on everyone else the car took off at high speeds across the water and into the sunset (or whatever way to the nearest pizza place).

Shortly afterwards a pair of figures sat up from the sand they had been buried in…

“Uh huh huh huh…that was cool”

The end.

Epilogue:

Back in the lab of Grandma Sloane she finished up the phone call she had received from her grandson

“Yes Tom I’ll remove it as soon as you get here…yes I’m sorry about it…a remote control implant seemed a good idea at the time…no it doesn’t explode, bye.”

With that she hung up and sighed as she looked at the colossal figure in the shadows of the giant underground workstation she ran under a small compound in Montana (good thing she had managed to fix the warp-gate, she was almost getting tired of winding up in the Bromwell men’s locker room…well almost, and she always carried a camera just in case anyhow) as she shut the door to the chamber she sighed again.

“So he found the limiter chip, poor boy…” with that she looked at the encircled X on the door and picked up a can of red spray paint from a desk, with it she sprayed the Greek Omega symbol over it. As she put down the can and admired her handiwork a grin spread across her wrinkled face and a single word escaped her mouth in a whisper.

“Victory.”

To be continued…