The Dammitall Run!
DISCLAIMER: Daria and the cast are copyright of Viacom and MTV, any real life people are copyright themselves, any other fictional characters are copyright their respective owners, and everything else isÉah you get the picture.
ÉÉÉ
Summary: Noah Barkman in association with Morgendorffer consulting has organised a race, but not just any race, itÕs an anything goes, illegal, madcap race from Lawndale all the way to Seattle, now over a dozen vehicles manned by several of your favourite Lawndale lunatics (and a few others) are going to show just how much fun you can have breaking the speed limit (and numerous other laws in the process) and causing collateral damage. There are thrills, spills, celebrity cameos and roadside chaos as they take part in É THE DAMMITALL RUN!
WARNING: DonÕt try this any of this at homeÉitÕs way more fun out on the freeway.
WARNING +1 there is a smidgen of strong language here and there in this fic, nothing major but this is just so I canÕt say I didnÕt warn you.
WARNING +2 Just so you also know, I may start playing fast and loose with continuity (which in laymanÕs terms means my research could have been better and I canÕt be arsed to make sure I got it all right) also lack of knowledge of my previous stuff may lead to some confusionÉactually full knowledge of my work will still lead to confusion so all it will mean is you may not recognise a character or two so what the hell. Lets get this show on the road (you can groan at that pun if you want) before I put another warning in and keep us here all night.
ÉÉÉ
Contents:
Chapter
0 – The Introduction/Prologue/bit where I stall for time by introducing
everyone.
One day in Lawndale, a man named Noah Barkman got bored. This would not have been a problem where it not for one small problem, Barkman was also a Rich man, and when rich people get boredÉwell things happen.
In this case the Ôrecently 24 with more money than he knows what to do withÕ head of Buzzdome enterprises; one of the Dot.Com industries to avoid going out of business because NO ONE has any clue what it does (and that included Noah); decided what he was going to do.
He would hold a race.
But not just any race.
As he sat in his luxury penthouse apartment at the ÔLe Grande HotelÕ (when your as rich as he was you could afford to live in hotels all your life) with the TV on in the background he contemplated his idea, where to race to? California had been done before and since it was likely the race wouldnÕt be strictly legal (in fact he was hoping to make sure of thisÉmade it more interesting) he would want somewhere that the highway patrol wouldnÕt be 100% prepared for.
But where?
As he leaned back in his chair and sighed in frustration at the thought of his great plan failing before it even made it to the first hurdle he heard a voice singingÉ
ÒBut I donÕt know what to do
with those tossed salads and scrambled eggsÉÓ
Looking at the TV he saw a location, in the form of a skyline with a prominent needle-like building he had his answer,
Seattle.
He reached for his phone and dialled the number of who would no doubt be the only consultant crazy enough to take on the job.
ÒHello is that Jake Morgendorffer? ItÕs Noah Barkman, have I got a proposal for youÉÓ
ÒÉTheyÕre calling again.Ó
ÉÉÉ
Within a matter of days the word had spread.
ÒDude have you head? ThereÕs going to be a raceÉ
ÒÉFrom
Lawndale to Seattle, with a cash prize Mack DaddyÉÓ
ÒÉDonÕt
call me that, a prize of 1 million dollars I heardÉÓ
And day-by-day the word continued to spread amongst Lawndale and the odd fragment got even further, Jake Morgendorffer had managed to take advantage of the impressive word of mouth publicity to avoid having to make any high-profile announcements of the event. This was because the raceÕs legality had lived up to Noah BarkmanÕs expectation, so he and Jake had begun working together organising and planning the race in a way that attracted as little attention as possible from the government and other such inconveniences.
JakeÕs wife Helen Morgendorffer; who would normally have filleted Jake with a spatula for taking part in such a stupid plan; had been won over by Noah hiring her as the legal representative by with agreeing to ÔsponsorÕ her to gain that ever so elusive ÔPartnershipÕ she had been after with the prestigious law firm of Vitale, Davis, Horowitz, Riordan, Schrecter & Schrecter (Noah had correctly assumed that one of the reasons they never gave her partnership was because they where afraid of the company sign reaching lethal proportions).
This of course meant he could keep her out of the way under a mountain of paperwork all the time while he and Jake continued to organise the race (the promise of an Ôobscene amount of cashÕ was what made Jake overlook the illegality of the race). While at the same time people all over Lawndale began to make their own preparations.
In the only press release for the race Noah Barkman and Jake Morgendorffer appeared on the local news where Jake Morgendorffer stood up and proudly announced to the viewing public:
ÒLadies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Children of all agesÉalways wanted to say that. My associate Noah Barkman and myself will soon be running a no-holds barred, anything goes, cross country race from the ÔLe Grande HotelÕ in Lawndale to the ÔParamount HotelÕ in Seattle the race is open to anyone, whoever is first to cross the finish line will net the grand prize ofÉÓ here Jake paused for both dramatic effect and also because he hadnÕt breathed for a bit ÒONE MILLION DOLLARS!Ó he let that announcement sink in while resisting the mysterious urge to break into a bout of maniacal laughter.
ÒThatÕs right folks,Ó Noah Barkman took over ÒOne million dollars of my own money, I will also be paying for any and all fuel, food, drink and accommodation expenses for all participants for the first 24 hours of the race. Also I will be providing accommodation at both hotels before and after the race for you all, that way all you need to worry about is the driveÉafter all thatÕs what counts here.Ó
ÒSo come one come allÓ Jake stepped up again Òto the ÔLe Grande HotelÕ to take part in one of the greatest races of the modern age, brought to you by Noah Barkman of Buzzdome Enterprises and Jake Morgendorffer of Morgendorffer ConsultingÓ he let the shameless plug sink in before continuing, he had chosen a name for the race that would knock Ôem all dead and he approached the camera as he continued Òwe proudly present the DAMMITALL RunÉÓ
In an odd twist of fate for Jake Morgendorffer, stubbing his toe on the news desk was possibly the best thing that could have happened to him that night.
ÉÉÉ
Eventually the day of reckoning approached, and the ÔLe Grande HotelÕ prepared to make its mark on destiny.
Noah Barkman looked down at the hotel parking lot from his penthouse room; soon the entrants would be arriving to register and enjoy the complimentary catering on this eve of the Dammitall Run, Jake was a genius for coming up with that new name like that, much better than the piece of crap he was originally going to call it.
ÒJake my friend I think weÕve done itÓ he said as he turned to his compatriot, there was something about seeing a man more than twice his age looking giddy and grinning like a school-kid with a new toy that gave him a sense of fulfilment, even if he lost all his fortune and wound up doing hard time he could at least take pleasure in knowing he had given another guy meaning in his life.
ÒOh yeah Noah my manÓ Jake replied, there was something about seeing a man more than half his age looking giddy and grinning like a school-kid with a new toy that gave him a sense of fulfilment, even if he lost his business and wound up working at a box factory for the rest of his life he could at least take pleasure in knowing he had given another guy meaning in his life.
The two turned from the window and each took MartiniÕs from a passing waiter, as they drank they looked at the assorted guests they had up in the penthouse. Noah in another attempt to make things interesting had invited a whole slew of friends and acquaintances (Jake was amazed at the amount of celebrities the guy knew) to observe the race and maybe even make a friendly wager amongst each other over who would win.
Noah looked up as a man with a very prominent Black moustache and a Chinese guy with a slightly above average nose approached.
ÒSo Burt, Jackie, either of you two planning on laying some money down on any of our entrants tomorrow?Ó
ÉÉÉ
While Jake Morgendorffer was up in the clouds mingling, his daughter Daria Morgendorffer was; naturally; more down to earth, this was because her and her friend/sidekick/confidant/alleged lesbian lover (but never more than once, Upchuck learned fast) Jane Lane where both sat at a table in the parking lot since her father had offered her 50 bucks to deal with the entrantsÉshe hadnÕt the heart to tell him Noah had already offered her 200 bucks to do the same.
ÒSo Amiga, think anyone we know is going to enter this thing?Ó
ÒIÕd like to say no but lets face it, the prospect of 1 million clams is going to be too much for most of the collective cretinous mass of LawndaleÉand donÕt get me started on the faculty, you think Mr DeMartino is going to pass this up?Ó
Jane didnÕt reply at first, instead she simply stared at the horizon at an approaching cloud of dust, eventually a shape began to emerge that resembled a cross between a truck and boat painted in camo-colours.
ÒÉSpeak of the devil.Ó Was all Jane could say as they saw the driver of the bizarre vehicle Daria recognised as being a restored WWII D.U.K.W (also known as a ÔDuckÕ) stopped the vehicle and stepped out.
ÒGREETINGS Ms Morgendorffer and Ms LANE.Ó The camouflage clad history teacher of Lawndale High spoke, Òas you have no doubt GUESSED I am here to PARTICIPATE in this VENTURE. IÕm racer number 4 apparently.Ó
ÒAhÉÓ Daria replied as she quickly flipped through the collection of papers her father had given her trying to find the errant number Òthat would beÉÕCrazy AnthonyÕ I assume?Ó Noah had insisted everyone gave a Ôcode nameÕ of sorts to Ômake things interestingÕ.
ÒVery GOOD Daria,Ó he replied as he took the form she held out, ÒNow, WHERE is this COMPLIMENTARY CATERING I have been INFORMED of?Ó
Racer Number 4 –
ÔCrazy AnthonyÕ – WWII D.U.K.W.
ÉÉÉ
An ice cream truck pulled into the car park of the ÔLe GrandeÕ and stopped, inside it Michael Jordan Mackenzie sighed as he put the handbrake on. He asked himself how in the hell he had been talked into this by the grinning goofball next to him.
ÒKevin, run this by me one more timeÓ he asked Òso I can try and prove its not some terrible hallucinationÓ he thought to himself.
ÒItÕs simple Mack DaddyÉÓ
ÒDonÕt call me that, IÕve told you beforeÓ
ÒSaw-ree, anyway, we enter the race, win it, and get a cool half a million eachÉthatÕs like fifty thousand each.Ó
ÒFive hundred thousand actually but closeÓ Mack replied with a trace of sarcasm in his voice ÒYou see Kevin, I can understand the entering part, sure I could use the moneyÓ he then thought; Òespecially after I bought that motorcycle, what was I thinking?Ó Then returning to speaking ÒBut Kevin why are we in an ice cream truck? You have a perfectly good Jeep and I swore I never wanted to be in one of these again. So again, WHY?Ó
ÒDuh, thatÕs easy Bro, any cop stops us and we tell them that thereÕs a sick little boy in Seattle with not long to go, and his last wish is to have a bowl of ÔTutti Frutti triple chocolate chip eggnogÔ ice creamÉand we have the last tub left in the USA so we need to get it to Seattle before it melts. Awesome plan huh?Ó
ÒKevin by your standards itÕs a stroke of geniusÓ then the voice in the back of his head added Òby everyone elseÕs standards its as likely as me becoming leader of the KKKÓ
Mack then took a deep breath and then prepared to ask the question he had been dreading before he went to collect the forms.
ÒKevinÉwhy do we also have this Orang-Utan with us?Ó
Racer Number 8 – ÔBro
and QBÕ – Ice Cream Truck
ÉÉÉ
In another part of Lawndale, a garage door opened to silhouette a figure that after he had opened the door stepped into the garage rubbing his hands in glee
ÒOh itÕs been too bloody long since I last got to let you out babyÓ
With that he dusted the cobwebs off his black leather baseball cap and removed a set of car keys from his pocketÉ
ÒShowtime!Ó
ÉÉÉ
ÒUh-oh Cops!Ó Daria stated as a Mustang bearing the markings of a cop car entered the car park, however the two officers who got out looked a little odd, they where pretty young looking and their uniforms didnÕt seem to fit.
A second glance at the car made Daria even more curious, it had no discernable markings identifying which city or even state it was from. However when the two quote-unquote cops approached the table it all fell into place.
ÒJennifer?Ó Jane said in surprise before looking at the other cop ÒÉÕShaggyÕ?Ó
The girl name Jennifer who was more well known as Ôthe Burnout GirlÕ put a hand over her face to hide the laughter as the young man who indeed bore a passing resemblance to the Scooby Doo character rolled his eyes.
ÒMy name is Casey, is it that hard to remember that you can remember the name of some 70Õs cartoon beatnik easier?Ó
ÒHeh, sorryÓ Jane snickered before continuing ÒSo what number you two ÔOfficersÕ got?Ó
Ò10Ó Jennifer replied before glancing over her left shoulder, then sheepishly did so again with her right so she could actually see (one of the flaws of having hair down one side of the face) ÒsoÉyou two like our disguise? Anyone stops us we simply say weÕre in pursuit of a bunch of speeders.Ó
Jane looked at Daria who shrugged ÒBetter than KevinÕs ideaÓ she then held out a form Òracer 10, enjoy your stayÉOfficer.Ó
Racer Number 10 –
ÔShaggy and BurnoutÕ – ÔPoliceÕ Mustang
ÉÉÉ
ÒUpchuck how the hell did you convince Ted to help you?Ó Daria asked with a hint of surprise.
ÒAh my sweet Daria, the Ruttenheimer charm although most potent against the fairer sex does still extend to all humans so when it came to telling my companion here of the bevy of beauties we are sure to ah-ha Ôbecome acquainted withÕ on this trip he leaped at the chance. Number 12 if you please.Ó
ÒYAY WeÕre going to go on a road trip!Ó Ted Dewitt-Clinton shouted in innocent excitement from the passenger seat of Upchucks ÔLove MachineÕ
Daria looked at the red-headed Ruttenheimer creature in front of her before grabbing his shirt collar and dragging him to face level ÒÉHe has no idea this is illegal does he?Ó she whispered in a way that was practically a hiss.
ÒNone whatsoever, but heÕs the best map reader in the school.Ó
ÒUpchuck I swear if you get that poor kid into troubleÉÓ
ÒRRR Feisty, why Ms Morgendorffer I never knew you caredÉÓ
Daria let go of Upchuck and glowered at him, ÒYouÕre going to go to hell for this I swear Upchuck.Ó
ÒDonÕt get him excited, the place is full of loose women.Ó Jane commented before holding out a form and giving a sickly sweet grin ÒRacer number 12, have a nice day, do try not to choke on your breakfast you piece of stale vomit.Ó
Racer Number 12 –
ÔThe Love MachineÕ - 1966 Buick Convertible;
Wildcat
ÉÉÉ
Elsewhere a pair of black Ford LTDÕs where on the route to the ÔLe Grande HotelÕ however they where not planning on joining the race, their intentions were quite the opposite, for behind the wheel was former ATF AgentÕs Flemming and Bork.
Agent Flemming gripped the wheel tight and glared at the road, this was his big chance to get back in the good books and get his position in the ATF back, ever since that ÔHighland incidentÕ where he and his men had used Ôexcessive forceÕ on some god dammed hippy school-teacher he had been demoted down to the Government Traffic AllianceÉwhich was just a fancy name (and a strangely amusing one to those damn delinquent teenagers) for being put on Ôtraffic patrol.Õ
However with this ÔraceÕ that some jumped up Junior Millionaire had set up would be his shot at redemption, he was going to put a stop to this race, or at least catch a few of the Godless Un-American Degenerates who where taking part.
A small evil grin spread across his face as he thought of all those cavity searches Agent Hurley would be doing, he hoped she had a spare pair of glovesÉ
ÒUh ChiefÉÓ Agent Bork said nervously as he glance at the rear view mirror ÒThere seems to be a car coming up behind us, I think he wants to pass usÉmaybe we should let himÉI donÕt think he wants to slow down.Ó
ÒNonsense Bork, when he sees we wonÕt yield then heÕll slow downÓ Flemming looked in the rear-view ÒÉor he may decide to speed upÓ Flemming would forever deny that as they swerved off the road; to avoid what could only be described as a small red blur shot past; causing them to knock into the other LTD; and wind up in a ditch at the roadside; at no point did he Ôscream like a little babyÕ as Bork would later claim. However when the car did come to a stop upside down he did say somethingÉ
ÒWell IÕll be a monkeyÕs
bare-assed uncle!Ó
ÉÉÉ
ÒSWEET JESUS CLOVIS!Ó Wasabi Yojiman Sakaguchi yelled as he looked out the window, how the hell had he been talked into this? He was supposed to be the Ôsane oneÕ
ÒBro donÕt you know that car looked like the sort used by G-Men?Ó the girl with an English accent sat in the back of the car asked the driver ÒYou could have just run a bunch of government agents off the road!Ó
Clovis R. Lee-Daniels just tilted his head to the side and grinned at his green haired friend and younger sister,
ÒHeh, I know.Ó
ÉÉÉ
ÒHey Amiga, check out the fancy sports carÉa Triumph Spitfire I think, looks like someone gonna do this race in style.Ó
Daria remained uncharacteristically silent, that car was worryingly familiar, and the driver even more so she thought as she got out and approached.
ÒHey favourite nieceÓ Amy Barksdale said as she approached the table Òfancy meeting you here.Ó
ÒAunt Amy?Ó Daria was still slightly stunned ÒWhat are you doing entering this?Ó
ÒSeemed like a good idea at the time, frankly IÕm surprised your not taking part, madcap racingÕs a great way to bond. Number 11 please.Ó
ÒUh yeah, here you goÓ Daria handed over the form, she was still having trouble believing this, Jane was silent, enjoying seeing Daria in such a state.
ÒThank youÓ Amy replied as she took the form Òsure you donÕt want to join? YouÕll feel left outÓ and with that she headed towards the hotel ÒNow I think IÕll enjoy the pool providing no ones driven their car into it yet.Ó
ÒÉJane what do you think she meant by being left out?Ó
Racer Number 11 –
ÔSingle Bored FemaleÕ – Triumph Spitfire Convertible
ÉÉÉ
The next to arrive for the race was a Lawndale High school bus which to DariaÕs complete lack of surprise had the principal of the school at the wheel.
ÒDoing a little extra-curricular activity eh Ms Li?Õ Jane smirked as the Principal along with Mrs Bennet and Mrs Morris approached.
ÒOf course Ms Lane, with the money from this we could afford that ÔAnti Satellite CannonÕ I always wanted for the roof. Number 5 if you would be so kind.Ó
ÒUh-Huh,Ó Jane handed over the form ÒYou may want to get to the buffet now while you still can before Mr DeMartino finishes clearing it out.Ó
Racer Number 5 – ÔThe Laaawndale ExpressÕ – School Bus
ÉÉÉ
ÒOh I canÕt believe my eyes.Ó Jane said as she stared at the classic car with the old fashioned dressed man getting out.
ÒJane.Ó
ÒNathan.Ó
ÒSo are you hoping to buy a time machine with your winnings or something?Ó Daria asked with mock sincerity.
ÒWho told you that?Ó The retro-crazed boyfriend of Jane Lane asked shocked before realising she was being sarcastic Òoh Ha-Ha, number 14 and make it snappy woman.Ó
Daria threw the form at the man and with her voice dripping with sarcasm ÒDo try and make it past the starting line wont you?Ó
Racer Number 14 – ÔRetro ManÕ – 1957 Ford Skyliner
ÉÉÉ
ÒGOD DAMNED SPEED FREAKS!Ó Agent Flemming yelled as he hit the steering wheel of the remaining (yet slightly dinged) LTD, the other one had been busted beyond repairs and Smith had to be hospitalised after spilling his coffee on his lap, poor bastard, no one deserved to get 2nd degree burns THERE.
ÒWell on the plus side chief thereÕs still your back up plan, didnÕt you say you had 2 guys on the inside?Ó
ÒAh yes, I called in a pair of honorary ATF members who where willing to do so, I called in some favours to see that they got all they needed and entered them in.Ó
ÉÉÉ
ÒWhat the hell? Jane sat at the table flabbergasted as a large eighteen-wheeler trundled into the parking lot.
ÒOh NoÉÓ Daria uttered as she saw the badly scrawled graffiti proudly naming the vehicle as ÔDeth TrukÕ and had a number 7 scrawled on as well. ÒNot them, anyone but themÓ her voice quivered as the truck cabÕs doors opened and a pair of young adolescent males climbed downÉthat or a pair of shaved monkeys.
ÒUh huh huh huh, this is gonna be cool, Hey DiaÉI mean Daria.Ó
ÒJane when this is all over, remind me to poison DadÕs martini.Ó
Racer Number 7 – ÔB&BÕ – Eighteen Wheeler.
ÉÉÉ
After the two idiots had left with the threat of violence from Daria (her boots and a pair of grapes from the buffet helped to illustrate the point.) They where able to deal with the next entrant, and it was a good thing they had gotten rid of Beavis and Butt-Head
Jodie Landon and Brittney Taylor where stood patiently at the table, both wearing a pair of zip-up bodysuits that made them look like something off of a 70Õs adventure series.
ÒWhat are you doing here Jodie? Your parents think this would be good for the college applications or something?Ó
ÒBelieve it or not yes DariaÕ Jodie replied with a sigh Òand my empty-headed friend hereÓ she said as she motioned to the; distracted by something shiny; Brittney Òis coming along so she can prove a point to Kevin or something.Ó
ÒWhy am I not surprised, so your dad let you borrow his car for this?Ó
ÒNope.Ó
ÒEven better.Ó
Racer Number 13 – ÔGirls on The EdgeÕ – Jaguar XJ Sedan
ÉÉÉ
ÒWow they actually made it.Ó Jane said in surprise at the sight of the beat up black van that gradually made its way into the parking lot.
ÒJaneÉplease tell me thatÕs not ÔThe TankÕ I see before me.Ó
ÒIndeed it is, they figured theyÕve toured enough to be able to endure a raceÉI guess Nick was putting our calendar forward every few days for a reason after all.Ó
ÒThink we should point out that they seem to have gotten into ÔThe TankÕ as opposed to say, an actual vehicle?Ó
ÒAnd spoil the fun?Ó
ÒI guessÉguess I can be glad my sibling wont try entering this idiocy.Ó
They watched the band start bickering about where to park while Jesse came over to no doubt collect the form.
ÒHey, weÕre racer numberÉÓ Jesse paused for a while, lost deep in thought Òwhat comes after 1 again?Ó
Racer Number 2 – ÔÉBut weÕre Thinking of Changing Our NameÕ – Chevrolet van
ÉÉÉ
ÒJanet is this really wise?Ó
ÒCan it Skinny,Ó Janet Barch, nemesis of all male students of Lawndale snapped ÒWith this money we can afford a proper wedding and honeymoon.Ó
Timothy OÕNeill found himself unable to recall ever actually proposing to Janet but decided not to question her; he liked his ability to eat solid foods, something he was putting to good use in the hotel restaurant, after seeing what seemed like over half the faculty (and several students he also noted) stuffing their faces he decided to follow suite.
ÒAll the same Janet, is your choice of vehicle wise?Ó He asked between mouthfuls of tofu ÒI meanÉa monster truck is going to stand out a little after all.Ó
Racer Number 6 – ÔMan CrusherÕ – Monster Truck
ÉÉÉ
ÒÉWhat was that you where saying again Daria, something about your sibling not entering this race?Ó Jane asked her friend while trying to hold back her laughter at the sight that approached.
ÒI was hoping the idea of not being able to carry all their clothes with them would discourage them,Ó Daria said as she put her hand over her face, ÒI suppose I underestimated the effect 1 Million dollars can have on a persons ability to secure suitcases to a car.Ó
The cause of these bizarre utterances from Daria and Jane was the sight of the Fashion Club arriving in Linda GriffinÕs (no doubt borrowed without her consent) Mitsubishi that had the entire back seat piled high with suitcases and clothing bagsÉin fact poor Tiffany Blum-Deckler had no choice but to sit on top of the pile of bags.
ÒWhy do I suddenly have the Beverly Hillbillies on my mind?Ó
ÒFrankly Jane IÕm more worried about whatÕs gonna happen if they put the top up on that thing, Ugh Mom is gonna kill her if she finds outÉgood thing sheÕs been in her office for the past 6 days running.Ó
Racer Number 9 – ÔThe Fashion MobileÕ – Mitsubishi Eclipse Spyder
ÉÉÉ
Amy Barksdale had finished checking into her room and had gotten changed for a relaxing swim before getting some dinner.
However her plans where interrupted by a hearse of all things flying through the terrace and making a pretty impressive jump which ended in a crash landing into the pool.
Two gothic looking teenage girls, one with black hair and one with red hair surfaced and leaned on the side of the pool looking at each other.
ÒYou know Scarlet I donÕt think weÕll be able to compete.Ó
ÒSomehow Andrea I think your right, guess we shouldnÕt have chosen now to test those nitrous boostersÉmaybe we should fish that out?Ó
ÒYeah I guess your rightÉlets go get a beer first.Ó
Amy watched the two soaked Goths climb out the pool and nonchalantly walk to the bar, she then looked at the pool that was now occupied by a (hopefully unoccupied) hearse.
ÒFigures.Ó
ÉÉÉ
ÒYou know I guess it was obvious that if the Fashion Club where involved then their cronies would soon be along as well.Ó Daria observed as she watched the Three JÕs arguing at their car, ÒBut I must say IÕm curious as to why your involved Robert, care to enlighten me?Ó
ÒYes MaÕam, IÕm in it for the money, plain and simple.Ó
ÒGood man, Racer 12, if you can shut those three up then have a nice day.Ó
Racer Number 12 – ÔThe Yes MaÕamÕsÕ – 1994-1998 Ford Mustang Convertible
ÉÉÉ
Leaning back at the table Daria sighed, she had been sat out collecting entrants for what felt like all day, Jane had gone to fetch a pair of sodas since sitting on your ass making sarcastic comments to people all day is thirsty work.
She looked at the remaining forms, they where down to 3 more to go, although it seems number 16 had dropped out after crashing into the pool, maybe they could find a replacement or maybe theyÕd just have to be last place by default, who knows.
As she heard the sound of another car arriving she looked up at the sky and let out a long sigh, her father was co-organiser of an illegal cross country race, her sister was entering, so was her best friends brother, her mother was working away in the office for the legal aspect of the race, what next?
ÒDaria? What are you doing here?Ó
Daria jerked so suddenly that she nearly fell out of her chair at the familiar voice, she found herself looking at a young man she was very familiar with.
ÒTom? What are YOU doing here?Ó
ÒIsnÕt it obvious?Ó He asked as he pointed to the rusted Jaguar he had parked nearby, ÒIÕm entering the race.Ó
ÒWhat? Why?Ó
ÒWell I hate to sound the stereotypical bored rich guy but it seemed like fun and I could use some excitement, in fact I think I was one of the first people to sign up, thatÕs why IÕm Racer number 1ÉhereÕs hoping that holds true at the finish line eh?Ó
Daria remained silent for a while until she finally spoke up ÒTom why the hell are you wearing a tuxedo?Ó
He laughed lightly as he looked at himself, indeed he was wearing a tuxedo, ÒI thought if I was going to infuriate my parents I may as well do it in style, donÕt suppose I could convince you to join me on this little jaunt?Ó
Racer Number 1 – ÔA Guy Called SloaneÕ – 1968 Jaguar 420G
ÉÉÉ
Jane returned to the table with two cans of soda and stood in surprise to see Tom Sloane in a tuxedo of all things stood at the table.
ÒÉdonÕt suppose I could convince you to join me on this little jaunt?Ó
ÒDaria! YouÕre entering without telling me? How could you?Ó She said in a mock over-the-top manner.
ÒVery funny you two, Tom no offence but IÕd need a VERY good reason to be talked into doing something as outrageously stupid as this.Ó
ÒOh come on.Ó Tom replied grinning ÒYou make it sound like only a bunch of lunatics would be entering this raceÉÓ
He found himself cut off by the sudden emergence of a bright red original mini cooper; with a union jack painted on the roof; which burst into the car park and begin to spin wildly before tipping onto its side and flipping over TomÕs car and landing perfectly in the space between that and RobertÕs Mustang without a mark of damage.
The driverÕs door opened and a man dressed all in black with a long braid and black leather baseball cap emerged grinning like a complete lunatic.
ÒLiiiiiiiiike a Glove!Ó Clovis yelled ecstatically Òsee Waz, told you my driving skills hadnÕt gotten rusty.Ó
Wasabi emerged from the car looking as green as his hair, he looked about ready to respond before jerking suddenly and running into the hotel with his hand over his mouth.
ÒBloody amateur.Ó Clovis rolled his eyes as a girl looking very similar to Clovis got out the back, ÒCome on Carlotta, better get registered.Ó
Daria, Jane and Tom had watched the scene with their mouths hanging open, eventually Daria turned to look at Tom who grinned nervously.
ÒLike I said, a VERY GOOD REASON.Ó
Racer Number 3 – ÔThe J-MenÕ – Original Mini Cooper.
ÉÉÉ
Jane handed the forms out to Clovis and Tom who took them and then proceeded to talk to each other about their race strategiesÉor lack of in ClovisÕs case (Unless you call Ôdrive real fast and donÕt brake for anythingÕ a strategy)
Daria on the other hand was sat with her head laying flat on the table, obviously the number of people she knew who where showing a complete lack of common sense or sanity by entering had gotten to her.
A shout of ÒOI!Ó From Carlotta Lee-Daniels who had emerged from the reception got her attention however;
ÒPhone call for Maria DorgendorfferÉIÕm assuming they bollocksed your name up.Ó
Daria sighed once more before heading to the receptionÉonly to find the actual Maria Dorgendorffer on the phone.
ÒWhat are the odds?Ó She muttered before turning to leave as a phone rang behind her she heard the receptionist call out
ÒMs Daria Morgendorffer?Ó
Turning round Daria approached the desk, narrowly avoiding a guy in a suit who looked like Robert Stack as he ran to the bathrooms, there was something oddly familiar about him but she shrugged and headed on.
ÒHello?Ó She asked as she took the phone, and then held the receiver away from it as what sounded like her mothers voice came screaming through the phone, something about asking what she and her father where thinking letting Quinn enter and a bunch of other stuff, from the sound of things all the work had caused her mother to temporarily go insane (at least she hoped it was temporary, her mother was threatening to see she got 5 years solitary confinement)
Quickly she grabbed a brochure from the rack on the reception and held it to the receiver ÒSorry Mom canÕt hear you, the lines funnyÉÓ and with that she proceeded to crinkle the paper before hanging up.
ÉÉÉ
Meanwhile outside Jane was manning the table in case the substitute racers Noah had hired in case someone dropped out would be able to turn up to replace team 16, albeit there was little chance of such happening but at least she got to watch Clovis, Tom and WasabiÕs antics.
ÒClovis why have we got a shovel in the trunk?Ó
ÒOh no reason.Ó
ÒWait isnÕt Bruce Lee buried in Seattle?Ó
The sudden outburst of ÒWHAAAAAAT!?!Ó Startled the middle aged man who was approaching the table, Jane recognised him as the man who had gotten out of a black Ford LTD after some Robert Stack look-alike ran into the hotel.
ÒCan I help you?Ó Jane asked, not taking her attention off of the sight of Clovis and Wasabi arguing about whether or not they could find out how Bruce Lee really died.
ÒErr yes,Ó the man replied, still taken aback by the sight of the two madmen arguing, he had been told by Agent Flemming to see about apprehending anyone involved, ÒIÕm Agent Bork andÉÓ
ÒAh excellent we heard you would be here,Ó Jane said as she idly filled out a spare form Òso your disguised as Feds are ya? Nice one,Ó she handed over the form to him Òhave a nice day.Ó
ÒButÉÓ Bork was about to reply but was unable to when an auburn headed young girl ran out the hotel and grabbed the arm of the girl in front of him.
ÒJane we gotta get packed,Ó Daria said before shouting ÒTom, you got your very good reason. Remember the race starts at midnight.Ó
Bork was about to try and say something but at this all the youngsters in the car park vanished from sight leaving him standing outside on his own with nothing but a form.
ÉÉÉ
Agent Flemming walked out of the hotel washrooms, zipping up after completing his duties and narrowly avoiding a bunch of youngsters rushing past, damn delinquents he thought before taking a deep breath, getting worked up always triggered his IBS.
He walked outside to find Agent Bork stammering confused with a piece of paper in his hands. As Flemming approached he saw what appeared to be an entry form for the very race he had set out to put a stop toÉ
ÒBORK YOU IDIOT, IÕLL HAVE YOUÉOH GODÉÓ with that he clutched his stomach and went running for washroom again, ÒWEÕLL TALK ABOUT THIS LATERÉÓ he was heard to shout.
Bork looked down at the form and then at the hotel entrance, ÒWhereÕs the bar? I need a drinkÉscratch that, lots of drinks.Ó He said before he walked off.
Racer Number 16 – ÔThe FedsÕ – Ford LTD
ÉÉÉ
End of chapter.
Chapter 1 – Let the Games Begin.
With less than 3 hours to go the participants found themselves preparing for the race, each in their own way.
ÉÉÉ
Amy Barksdale relaxed in the hot tub. She would have gone swimming but they still hadnÕt been able to remove the hearse. The owners where still in the bar and in no state to be of assistance.
ÉÉÉ
Both Mack and Jodie spent their time observing the maps and planning their routeÕs, while Kevin tried to teach the orang-utan to play drinking gamesÉthe orang-utan drank Kevin under the table. Brittney was last seen heading off with a guy who looked like he had stepped out of a time slip.
ÉÉÉ
Anthony DeMartino spent the entire night loading his DUKW up with as much free food as humanly possible then did the same with his stomach. The rest of the faculty did pretty much the same.
ÉÉÉ
Casey and Jennifer finished perfecting their cover, soon Officer Reynolds and Officer DeLuise where ready for active duty.
ÉÉÉ
The Fashion Club did what they do best (second to eating carrot sticks) and enjoyed the attention of the three JÕs and anyone else for that matter.
Robert watched before repeatedly hitting his head on the bar and wishing he hadnÕt quit smoking.
ÉÉÉ
Beavis and Butt-Head loaded their truck with as many rolls of toilet paper as was humanly possible before asking an important question:
ÒHey Beavis this is like a really long drive, donÕt we need like food or something?Ó
ÒOhhhh YeahÉheh he hehÉLets get NachoÕs.Ó
ÉÉÉ
While they went off in search of blessed corn chip snacks Upchuck found himself wishing he had not put Ted in charge of food
ÒTed dear boy, didnÕt you get anything besides a crate of gum?Ó
ÉÉÉ
Mystik Spiral did what did best, sleptÉa lot.
ÉÉÉ
Barch and OÕNeillÉwell IÕd rather not go into detail of that.
ÉÉÉ
Agent Flemming cursed whoever used up all the toilet paper.
Agent Bork drank drinksÉlots of drinks.
ÉÉÉ
Daria and Jane packed whatever possessions they had brought with them and found Tom at a table in the reception; looking at a map with what appeared to be a phonebook in one hand and a cell phone in the other.
ÒTom what are you doing?Ó
ÒMaking race preparations,Ó he replied while entering a number into his cell phone before taking a pencil and marking something on the map ÒIÕm getting the number of every pizza place that delivers or does drive through that IÕm likely to pass on the route.Ó
ÒFinally someone who knows what their doingÓ Jane commented ÒMind if we put our stuff on the back seatÓ
ÒGo aheadÓ he tossed the keys to the duo ÒJust be careful out there, THOSE THREE are doing a supply checkÉÓ
ÉÉÉ
The ÔTHOSE THREEÕ (Note capitals) in question of course turned out to be (as usual) Wasabi and the Lee-DanielÕs siblings, they where loading up the Mini (referred to as ÔVeraÕ by Clovis for unknown reasons.) as Daria and Jane passed they overheard the following snippetsÓ
ÒNodachi?Ó
ÒCheckÉand I donÕt want to know what you think we need that thing for.Ó
ÒShotgun?Ó
ÒTouchŽ, and check.Ó
ÒRock music?Ó
ÒHell yeah thatÕs a check.Ó
ÒFood?Ó
ÒIf by that Clovis you mean 3 packets of beefy jerky, a box of instant noodles and several thermosÕs of hot water then check.Ó
ÒDrink?Ó
ÒYes although IÕm not sure that energy drink is even legal in this countryÉand the fact there is a can of diet cola worries me what with yourÉcondition.Ó
ÒShovel?Ó
ÒCheckÉWAITAMINUTE!Ó
Carlotta detached herself from the ensuing argument about how cool an ornament of a certain martial arts legends skull would make as she approached Daria and Jane,
ÒSo you two joining in as well I take it? What changed your mind?Ó
ÒMy mother seems to have snapped at last, I figured it would a) be wise to get out of town and b) if sheÕs serious about the 5 years solitary then it may as well be for something more than just handing out forms.Ó Daria neglected to mention c) keep an eye on everyone because she knew she would never live it down (Jane would see to that.)
ÒIÕm just going along cause Sick Sad World are gonna be doing a special on this and I can fulfil a life fantasyÓ Jane added with her usual smirk. ÒBeing involved in a hit and run on live television.Ó
Daria rolled her eyes as she put her and her friends bag on the back seats of TomÕs car, hereÕs hoping that Tom could stand being in a car with those two for the raceÕs duration without throwing them out. Of course they could always do the sameÉif it wasnÕt for the fact no one but him knew how to keep that car working.
The two left as Carlotta returned to restrain her two slightly unstable friends from trying to kill each other. They saw Tom getting up from the table he was at, a folded map in his pocket.
ÒWell I finished my researchÓ he spoke as he took back his keys Òwe got another hour or so till midnight so IÕm going to catch a few ZÕs till then, IÕd recommend you take care of anything else that needs taking care of.Ó
As she watched him leave Daria decided she should at least let her father know her intentions and headed to reception to dial NoahÕs penthouse.
ÉÉÉ
ÒHello?ÉÓ Noah Barkman answered the phone ÒOh hello Daria, how goes the form collecting?É all in? ExcellentÉthatÕs not what you where calling about?Éyou want to speak to your father? One second let me see.Ó He looked away from the phone ÒHey Jake, phone callÉÓ
ÒCHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!Ó
Noah watched Jake attempting to down the latest beer bottle in a long series before he collapsed face down on the floor.
ÒSorry Daria heÕs busyÉyes, as a skunkÉwant me to give him a message?É youÕre entering the race? Excellent, makes it more interestingÉdonÕt worry IÕll be sure to tell him once he recoversÉof course you can have a copy of the photoÕs of his face. ByeÓ
With that Noah hung up the phone and walked over to the now comatose Jake Morgendorffer, he looked at the elderly gentleman who had drunk the man under the table.
ÒAnd ÔStan The ManÕ remains the undefeated ÔchugmeisterÕ although IÕm surprised you went easy on him.Ó
ÒWell with great power, comes great responsibilityÉÓ
ÒSomehow I knew youÕd say that.Ó
ÉÉÉ
Close to midnight all 16 vehicles where lined up at the starting lineÉor as close to a line as can be gotten with the assorted vehicles that crowded the car park (Agent Flemming had decided it would be easier to allow the race to start and arrest all the competitors on the wayÉmainly as Bork was too drunk to be of assistance and he was still recovering from having to use that magazineÉthe less we know of this the better.)
Most of the participants where stood in a crowd where Noah Barkman took the stage, Daria; amongst the crowd; would have been expecting it to be a long stream of tech speak buzzwords and little substance, however the contact she had with Noah since he and her father had begun this joint-venture had shown that the young head of Buzzdome Enterprises was more than the Ôdot-com stereotypeÕ he allowed people to think he was.
In a way he reminded her of Mr. Dolphus Raymond from ÔTo Kill a MockingbirdÕ with the way he allowed people to assume his nature, but in NoahÕs case it meant he was able to hide his actual business skills behind a wall of fancy buzzwords and a Ôhip and edgy appearanceÕ which had allowed him to make a fortune out of a company that did practically nothing.
There, now IÕve gotten the literary reference out the way and this is disguised as an Ôintelligent fanficÕ I can proceed with whatever I want whether it be low-brow humour, explosions, or just plain crazy acts of idiocy, now where was I? Ah yes, NoahÕs speech:
ÒLadies & GentlemenÉand I use the term loosely.Ó There where a few obligatory chuckles to the opening line, Òit is with great honour that I welcome you to the first annual Dammitall RunÉand if I can help it this wonÕt be the last. You being here has filled my heart with joy, for before me I see the best assortment of freaks and miscreants I have laid eyes onÉand I worked in computer support.Ó
Again there was another burst of laughter from the crowd, Òas you all know the destination of this combustion-fuelled crusade is the Paramount Hotel in Seattle; so please, no one take a wrong turn and wind up at the top of the Space Needle; now all of you entrants have been issued with a nifty little gadget in the form of one of these:Ó with that he held up a small business card sized device with a blinking light
ÒThis little fellow will be monitoring your progress, from the moment you cross the starting line to the exact nano-second you pass the chequered flag. As long as you keep this intact it doesnÕt matter how you cross the line, it can be in your own vehicle, someone elseÕs vehicle, heck a pogo stick or a space hopper even as long as you get there its what countsÉoh and they will be monitoring altitude so donÕt go trying to fly and spoiling the fun, ainÕt gonna happen.Ó Noah waved a finger as he said this.
ÒSo there you have it, youÕre all here because youÕre the kind of people who want some fun, money, or both, and are willing to say Dammitall to the consequencesÓ He said as he looked at the clock that was ticking down the seconds at 11:59 Òso without further ado, the moment that clock hits midnight I want you to get in those cars and drive like thereÕs no tomorrow, ready, setÉÓ As the final second ticked down and a klaxon sounded he punched the air ÒTHE RACE IS ON, GO ON AND GET THE HELL OUT THERE!Ó
With that everyone ran for his or her cars.
ÉÉÉ
ÒI still canÕt believe IÕm doing thisÓ Mack said as he buckled in and revved the engine Òall this for money.Ó
ÒBro we ainÕt doing this for money.Ó
ÒWeÕre not?Ó
ÒNawÉweÕre doing this for a shitload of money!Ó
ÒKevinÓ Mack replied with a grin Òfor once I agree with you.Ó
ÉÉÉ
Clovis somersaulted over the adjacent car and went through the open window of ÔVeraÕ landing in the drivers seat,
ÒItÕs a bloody long way to Seattle,Ó
Wasabi got in the passengers seat,
ÒWeÕve got a full tank of gas,Ó
Carlotta the back,
ÒHalf a CD rackÕs worth of rock music,Ó
They fastened their seat belts as Clovis revved the engine.
ÒIts dark, and IÕm wearing sunglassesÉHIT IT!Ó
ÒJust remember one thing BroÓ Carlotta addedÉ
ÒOver here they drive on the wrong side of the road.Ó
ÉÉÉ
Anthony DeMartino didnÕt utter a good quote or anything similar as he started his vehicle up, he just laughed maniacally as he drove onÉ
ÒNYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!Ó
DidnÕt I tell you?
ÉÉÉ
ÒUh Huh Uh Huh Huh This is gonna be coolÉÓ
ÉÉÉ
ÒCare to make a wager ladies?Ó Upchuck leered over the side of his car at the Fashion Club ÒWhomever makes it to the finish first has to pay for dinner?Ó
ÒLike keep shifting youÕre gear stick Upchuck Ôcause that car is gonna be the only ride youÕll be getting.Ó
ÉÉÉ
ÒReady Jennifer?Ó
ÒYeah Casey, lets show them that weÕre more than just background characters.Ó
ÒWuh?Ó
ÒIt sounded cool, just driveÉcan we use the siren?Ó
ÉÉÉ
ÒReady to hit the ÔHighway to HellÕ?Ó
ÒAs long as we got ÔWheels of SteelÕ then of course.Ó
ÒDonÕt you mean ÔWheels of FireÕ?Ó
ÒWhatever, weÕre ÔHell Bent for LeatherÕÓ
ÒJust ÔHit the Road JackÕÓ
ÒDude thatÕs NickÉÓ
ÒWhatever Jesse, it doesnÕt matter, ÔHeÕs Going the DistanceÕÓ
During all the Ôsong-tagÕ between the other three Max closed his eyes and repeated his mantra:
ÒHere in my car, I feel safe and secureÉÓ
ÉÉÉ
ÒSee you at the finish line boysÓ Amy Barksdale said to the car of schoolboys as she left them eating her dust.
ÒDude she looked like QuinnÕs sister or whateverÉÓ
ÒMaybe itÕs her real Mom?Ó
ÒYou mean she really was QuinnÕs cousin?Ó
ÉÉÉ
ÒYou ready Jodie?Ó Brittney practically squeaked with excitement.
ÒOf course BritÓ Jodie replied as she looked at the school bus next to her, ÒMaybe I can finally live out my secret fantasy of running Principal Li off the roadÉÓ
ÒWhat did you say Jodie?Ó
ÒOh nothing, lets goÉÓ
ÉÉÉ
Nathan honked the horn of his car angrily,
ÒCome onÓ he yelled at the large monster truck blocking his path.
ÒYouÕre in the way, move it you dumb broadÉÓ
There is just no helping some people is there?
ÉÉÉ
ÒReady Skinny?Ó
ÒNot reÉÓ
ÒExcellent lets go.Ó Barch replied not letting OÕNeill get a response.
ÒJanet you appear to be in reverseÉÓ
ÒIÕm well aware of that.Ó
ÒJanet thereÕs a car behind usÉÓ
ÒLike I said Skinny, IÕm well aware of that.
ÉÉÉ
ÒWow.Ó Jane said as she watched Nathan dive out the classic car as it was crushed under the wheels of BarchÕs aptly named ÔMan-CrusherÕ
ÒCheck it out Daria, the guy couldnÕt even manage it past the starting line after all.Ó
ÒGuess people just canÕt follow instructions.Ó Daria replied, ÒTom are you going to start this race or fiddle with those gloves all night?Ó
ÒPatience my dear DariaÓ Tom replied as he finished putting on a pair of leather driving gloves Òif you insist riding with me you must permit me these one or two indulgences of my ego.Ó
ÒTom knock off the fancy talk and start driving before I phone my mother and tell her you kidnapped me.Ó
ÒAw, come on Daria, you know with things like this it ainÕt what you do, its how you do it,Ó Tom replied as he rolled his eyes ÒYou sure you got everything? I donÕt plan on making any bathroom breaks for at least a few hours so I hope youÕve taken care of everythingÉunlike that guy.Ó
The Ôthat guyÕ in question was someone in a fancy G-Man style suit running to a slightly dented LTD with a long stream of toilet paper trailing from his foot.
ÒWords fail me, ÉAnywayÓ Tom continued as he started tapping the steering wheel with his fingertips ÒI think its time we blow this scene, get everybody and their stuff togetherÉOK 3 2 1 lets jam.Ó
With that he like all the other racers floored the accelerator and shot off with the destination of Seattle in mind.
ÉÉÉ
Noah Barkman watched the 15 vehicles head off into the night, good thing no one betted on that 40Õs retro guy, the first elimination (which judging from the entrants wouldnÕt be the last) had happened a lot earlier than planned but at least it made things more interestingÉand it was then he realised how much he had been using that word.
Shrugging to himself he felt the feeling of pride well up in him as the knowledge that the race he had organised had started. Whether it would finish would be another question but one he looked forward to answering.
He glanced back at the penthouse where the party was still going strong, come the morning him and most of the entourage would head to Seattle where they would no doubt watch movies. Gamble, play video games and drink copious amounts of alcohol until the race ended. Sounded like a plan.
ÒHeeeey Noah my manÉÓ Noah turned to see a very drunken Jake Morgendorffer approaching; he had somehow acquired a traffic cone and was wearing it on his head in accordance with the laws of drunkenness.
ÒHello Jake.Ó He replied, as he readied the digital camera in his pocket, after all a promise is a promise.
ÒHave youshe seen my daughter DarlaÉDARIA! Round here?Ó He slurred at the white haired grinning face before him.
ÒJake I doubt that KFC bucket is going to be much helpÓ Noah attracted his sozzled associateÕs attention, Òand as for Daria donÕt worry sheÕs in the same place as the other oneÉQuinn right?Ó
ÒUh-*hic*Ó Jake replied as he tried to figure out which of the three NoahÕs was real ÒWhereÕz that then?Ó
ÒSheÕsÉÓ Noah continued speaking as he simultaneously drew the camera Òentered the race of course, sheÕll meet you in Seattle.Ó
To this day Noah has still yet to see someone go from intoxicated to sober to gibbering to unconsciousness in such a short amount of time, and he got it all on film as well.
It was good to be alive he decided.
ÉÉÉ
Racer 14 – ÔRetro ManÕ – 1957 Ford Skyliner – ELIMINATED.
End of chapter.
Chapter 2 –Capers in Carter Country & Disasters in Delaware
As the small hours of the morning approached the racerÕs made their way through the Carter Country area, they had all gotten off to a good start, except for Nathan but lets face it, you make that sort of comment to someone like Barch then your lucky to at least walk away with your tail between your legsÉor anything else for that matter.
However the adrenaline rush of the start of the race had begun to wind down on some of the various participants which coupled with the lack of light that you tend to find when its between 2 and 5 in the morning (as well as a few being a little above the legal limit) meant that it really was a bad idea to be driving at such high speeds with reckless abandon like they did when they had started.
This of course didnÕt stop any of them.
ÉÉÉ
What did stop Brittney and Jodie however was a highway patrol man, the two girls exited the car after pulling over, the officer stroked his (possibly mandatory) moustache as he approached.
ÒIÕm sorry officer!Ó Brittney squeaked, ÒUsually I drive right around the speed limit!Ó
ÒA lapse is a lapse maÕam but a 140 Miles per hour, what where you thinking?Ó The officer pointed into the air repeatedly as he spoke, he would have continued to reprimand until at least 5 other vehicles passed at equal speeds, which nearly blew his hat off.
ÒWhat the hells going on? EveryoneÕs driving like crazy people tonight.Ó With that he returned his attention to the two girls, ÒLets see a license and some ID.Ó
Brittney gave an empty headed (yet oddly calculating) smile and squeaked once more ÒCertainly officerÓ and reached for the ring round the neck of her racing suitÉ
UN-ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP.
Jodie rolled her eyes as Brittney retrieved her licence from within and held it out for the officer who just stood staring (it was borderline ogling to be honest) at BrittneyÕs prominentÉcredentialsÉsure it was cheap and she felt like she was kissing her integrity goodbye but it kept them from getting ticketed.
ÒHeck I canÕt give a ticket to a couple of nice Ga-GIRLS like you, specially with the road full of speed-crazy lunatics, you drive safe now, you hear?Ó
Brittney waved as the patrolman returned to his car and drove off.
ÒI donÕt know whatÕs sadder Brit,Ó Jodie spoke, ÒThe fact we just did thatÉor that it was my ideaÉor worst of allÉthat it actually worked.Ó
ÒWell we didnÕt get a ticket at least, and he was kinda cuteÉÓ
ÒOh and Brit, you can zip up nowÉunless you intend to cause a major traffic accident.Ó
ÉÉÉ
ÒHuh looks like Jodie and Brittney where the first to get stopped.Ó Mack commented as he glanced at the side mirror before returning to the road Òwell better them than usÉ Kevin what the hell are you doing?Ó
ÒmÕts eÕzy mÕk dÕddÕyÓ Kevin replied with his mouth full before swallowing the ice cream and continuing ÒI figure I can stay awake by eating coffee ice cream, and it ainÕt hot so it wont burn if we spill it with some whacked out driving.