SHABBY ROAD

written by jak981125

picture by Kemical Reaxion (used with permission of course)

SHABBY ROAD---SONG LISTING

1. DeMartino (to the tune of Come Together)

Lead Singer: Jesse

2. Nothing (to the tune of Something)

Lead Singer: Nick

3. Maxwell's Silver Teardrops (to the tune of Maxwell's Silver Hammer)

Lead Singer: Trent

4. Oh Starling! (to the tune of Oh Darling!)

Lead Singer: Trent

5. 1515 Broadway (to the tune of Otopus's Garden)

Lead Singer: Max

6. The Ballad of Trent and Monique (to the tune of The Ballad of John and Yoko)

Lead Singer: Trent

7. Let's Have Some Fun (to the tune of Here Comes the Sun)

Lead Singer: Nick

8. You Never Listen To Zappa (to the tune of You Never Give Me Your Money)

Lead Singer: Trent

9. The Trip Back From Freemont (to the tune of Because)

Lead Singers: Trent, Max, and Nick

10. Swamp Thing (to the tune of Sun King)

Lead Singer: Jesse (with Trent and Nick)

11. Mean Col. Mustard (to the tune of Mean Mr. Mustard)

Lead Singer: Jesse

12. Mrs. Pac Man (to the tune of Polythene Pam)

Lead Singer: Jesse

13. She Came Into The Spiral Rockshow (to the tune of She Came in Through the Bathroom Window)

Lead Singer: Trent

14. Golden Arches (to the tune of Golden Slumbers)

Lead Singer: Trent

15. Gain All That Weight (to the tune of Carry That Weight)

Lead Singer: Trent

16. My Friends (to the tune of The End)

Lead Singer: Trent

17. His Holiness (to the tune of Her Majesty)

Lead Singer: Trent

I should mention that if you really, REALLY want to enjoy this, you should familiarize yourself with Abbey Road before reading. You don't have to but you'll enjoy it more if you do. Plus Abbey Road is a classic that everyone should hear. Your local library likely has a copy. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Keep in mind, better work than this is on the horizon.




De Martino

Here come old psycho

He come stomping up angry

He got huge huge eyeballs

He one lousy bowler

He got full blown heart disease

Teaches all the atheletes

Till he's weak in the knees

He drives a Yugo

He ain't got no woman

He lives in a trailer

He lives with his mother

He say "I hate jocks, they hate me"

Why on earth he's teaching is a mystery to me

De Martino, why teach

History?

He got bad temper

He gets into bar fights

He fights worse than Upchuck

He gets injured badly

He got migranes that would kill a Yak

Someday he will stroke out and fall flat on his back

De Martino, why teach

History?

He got no patience

He got high blood pressure

He got banned from Boy Scouts

He got double vision

Well it don't take much to make him cry

Don't take much to figure something wrong with this guy

De Martino, why teach

History?

De Martino, yeah

De Martino, yeah

De Martino, yeah

De Martino, yeah

De Martino, yeah

De Martino, yeah

De Martino, yeah

De Martino, yeah

De Martino, yeah

De Martino, yeah




Nothing

Nothing in this wretched town

Is worth another single day here

Nothing in this town could thrill me

I'd like to leave Lawndale soon

I'd rather live on the moon

Nowhere in this two-horse burg

Is there room for artistic vision

No one in town understands me

I'd like to leave Lawndale soon

I'd rather live on the moon

You're asking me where will I go

I don't know, I don't know

I'll join a carnival freak show

I don't know, I don't know

Nothing in the town of Lawndale

Will ever really satisfy me

Nothing in this town is worth it

I'd like to leave Lawndale soon

I'd rather live on the moon




Maxwell's Silver Teardrops

Max was driving late one night on the interstate

Doing eighty five

The limit's not that high and he should have kno-o-o-own

Sgt. Matthew Amerol of the state police patrol

Sees our friend drive by

He gives a little sigh as he starts pursui-ui-ui-uit

But as he's walking up to the car

Max loses control

Wah! Wah!

Maxwell's silver teardrops are running down his cheeks

Wah! Wah!

Maxell's sobbing so hard that he can barely speak

Two more weeks go by, Max upsets another guy

During a rock show

He pokes fun at his 'fro and the dude gets ma-a-a-ad

Mystik Spiral takes the stage but the man is still enraged

Max still won't shut up

So this dude climbs up and attacks the ba-a-a-and

And as he's grabbing Max by the neck

The boy can't hold it in

Wah! Wah!

Maxwell's silver teardrops are running down his cheeks

Wah! Wah!

Maxell's sobbing so hard that he can barely speak

Later in the hospital, who shows up but Amerol

Coming to arrest

And as I can atest, Max was less than thri-i-i-illed

Max didn't hesistate, tried to use the fire escape

Just to get away

Got trapped there for three days in the freezing co-o-o-old

At last they saw him stuck way up there

And guess what that boy did

Wah! Wah!

Maxwell's silver teardrops are running down his cheeks

Wah! Wah!

Maxell's sobbing so hard that he can barely speak

Criminale man




Oh Starling!

Nick (speaking in a creepy English accent): Hello Clarice!

Trent (singing): Oh Starling, please believe me

I want to chew on your arm

Please don't take it personal

As I'm from the funny farm

Oh Starling, how you doing?

Miss your favorite Son of Sam?

I'm no one's favorite psycho

Now that Eminem has Stan

When they told me

That they would track me down some day

I laughed like a hyena till I cried

When they told me

That they would track me down some day

I thought "Tell that to the guy I just fried"

Oh Starling, I ain't fooling

I know how scary I am

My accent's really creepy

And so is that slurping sound

(And I eat people)

When they told me

That they would track me down some day

I laughed like a hyena till I cried

When they told me

That they would track me down some day

I thought "Tell that to the guy I just fried"

Oh Starling just remember

I can still scare folks stiff

Eat your heart out Freddy

Forget Jason and Michael

Hannibal Lector is back




1515 Broadway

Don't want to be

On MTV

At 1515 Broadway in New York

All their shows stink, that's what I think

At 1515 Broadway in New York

I hope the whole nation will see

How they treat good shows on MTV

Don't want to be

On MTV

At 1515 Broadway in New York

There's the Real World

It makes me hurl

All those whiny kids under one roof

There's Andy Dick

He makes me sick

I never laughed at any of his spoofs

If their shows don't make you frown

They cancel good shows like Downtown

Don't want to be

On MTV

At 1515 Broadway in New York

I saw Undressed

Was unimpressed

And Road Rules made me yank my hair and scream

Soon Daria

Will say Ta-Ta!

I'm really hoping this is some bad dream

I hope the world will join me

I say we boycott MTV!

Don't want to be

On MTV

At 1515 Broadway in New York

At 1515 Broadway in New York

At 1515 Broadway in New York




The Ballad of Trent and Monique

(author's note: I hated "I Want You (She's So Heavy)" and it was a lousy pick for a parody. Please accept this substitution which I came up with a long time before I even thought up this project. By the way, if you are a shipper and insist on reading this next song, prepare to be offended)

Hiding in the back of the Zon club

This mob of diehard shipper is mad

They say "Trent you're a creep becasue you're dating Monique

We think you're making Daria sad!"

These fanatics annoy me

Some things just weren't meant to be

The way things are going

No one will buy our CD

Finally did escape through the backdoor

Caught a cab and headed downtown

But it was just my bad luck that the driver spoke up

He said "You really let you followers down!"

These fanatics annoy me

Some things just weren't meant to be

The way things are going

No one will buy our CD

Finally met Monique at a bus stop

We went into Ye Olde Pizza Place

But I just should have know that they won't leave us alone

Oh man, they never will get out of my face

These fanatics annoy me

Some things just weren't meant to be

The way things are going

No one will buy our CD

Think I'm going crazy with these vicious fans

They make some joke about a size twelve

I say live and let love

You can push but don't shove

I'LL STILL DO WHATEVER I WANT!

Yeah!

After we have both finished eating

Jesse picks us up in the van

We both fill him in and he flashes a grin

He says "I really do feel bad for you man!"

These fanatics annoy me

Some things just weren't meant to be

The way things are going

No one will buy our CD

We drop off poor Monique in her driveway

And as she parts she gives me a kiss

Then Jesse says "Dude, I've been taking grief too

They wanna kill me all because of your sis!"

These fanatics annoy me

Some things just weren't meant to be

The way things are going

No one will buy our CD

The way things are going

No one will buy our CD




Let's Have Some Fun

Let's have some fun

Let's have some fun

And I say it's all good

Little darling, let's chuck some eggs at your dad's Jaguar

Little darling, let's call your folks and then hang up

Let's have some fun

Let's have some fun

And I say it's all good

Little darling, let's scare your mom, say we got married

Little darling, but let's not try that on your dad

Let's have some fun

Let's have some fun

And I say it's all good

Fun, fun, fun all night long

Fun, fun, fun all night long

Fun, fun, fun all night long

Fun, fun, fun all night long

Fun, fun, fun all night long

Little darling, I don't know why your parents hate me

Little darling, what did I ever do to them?

Let's have some fun

Let's have some fun

And I say it's all good

Let's have some fun

Let's have some fun

It's all good

It's all good




You Never Listen To Zappa

You never listen to Zappa

You only listen to the Rolling Stones

And when you get these fits of pure agression, I back down

You never care about my music

You only care about the money I don't make

And in the middle of a confrontation, I back down

Don't need college, feelin' fine

Get inspired all the time

Touring in a van with all my friends

See the country, see the sights

Charge through all the yellow lights

Conquering the world with all my friends

But oh, that Mystik feeling

With all my friends

Oh, that Mystik feeling

With all my friends

With all my friends

Ah, Ooo, Ah, Ooo, Ah

Make it big

Holy cow Jesse, you smell worse than pig

Why don't you go take a bath

You make me cry, but soon we'll laugh again

Make it big

Soon my friend

Soon my friend

Soon my friend

Someone dial 911

That there trucker's got a gun!




The Trip Back From Freemont

Ah, because the the chili's hot

It gives us gas

Because the chili's hot

Ah, because the van windows are stuck

It stinks in here

Because the van windows are stuck

Ah, my gosh how, could I tell

Jesse could, make that smell

Ah, because it will not stop

We're bailing out!

Because it will not stop

Ah, ah, ah, ah




Swamp Thing

Here comes the Swamp Thing

Here comes the Swamp Thing

Looks a little greenish

Shaves with a lawnmower

Here comes the Swamp Thing

Dos policias estaron enmorados con este pato

Todos tuvieron que mover a Oahu en Hawii

El matrimonio fue legal solo alli, mis amigos




Mean Col. Mustard

Mean Colonel Mustard sleeps on a bench,

Sleeps with a wrench, in the library

Nearby Mr. Body's asleep, softly Col. Mustard did creep

Never made so much as a peep

Such a mean old man

Such a mean old man

Poor Mrs. White found her boss dead

Wrench in his head, in the dinning room

Didn't shed so much as tear, worked for him for nearly twelve years

Made off with his new chandalier

Just a stingy dead man

Stingy dead man




Mrs. Pac Man

Well you should see Mrs. Pac Man

She's so round looking 'cause she ate too much Spam

Well she's a big yellow blob with a big mouth and no job

Yes you should see Mrs. Pac Man

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Seems to think that Orson Welles was a hunk

She wears a hairbow but she's bald as a monk

She has a man and a kid, the dumbest thing that she did

Was to get into a fight with a skunk

Yeah, yeah, yeah




She Came Into The Spiral Rockshow

She came into the Spiral rockshow

Because she had a crush me

She saw a knight in shinning armor

All my flaws, she refused to see

Didn't anybody tell her

Didn't anybody see

Me, I'm just a lazy slacker

Me and her weren't meant to be

She said she's always been sarcastic

She had a messed up childhood

I guess she saw when things got drastic

As a mate I'd be no darn good

And so she got herself a boyfriend

A young man by the name of Tom

And though he had dated my sister

It was cool cause their love was gone

Didn't anybody tell her

Didn't anybody see

Me, I'm just a lazy slacker

Me and her weren't meant to be




Golden Arches

(author's note: this one's dedicated to the McDonald's in my neighborhood that re-opened after many months of re-building, and besides, it seemed like one of the few things that would catch Mystik Spiral's attention)

Once there was a way to get food faster

Once there was a way to get fast food

Hush little darling do not squeal

And I will get you a Happy Meal

Golden arches fill my head

No more substitutes instead

Hush little darling do not squeal

And I will get you a Happy Meal

Once there was a way to get food faster

Once there was a way to get fast food

Hush little darling do not squeal

And I will get you a Happy Meal




Gain All That Weight

Oy! You're gonna gain all that weight

Gain all that weight before New Year's

Oy! You're gonna gain all that weight

Gain all that weight before New Years

You never give your candles

You only give me your firecrackers

And when we lit them inside Jesse's woodshed, it burned down

Oy! You're gonna gain all that weight

Gain all that weight before New Year's

Oy! You're gonna gain all that weight

Gain all that weight before New Years




My Friends

Oh yeah, alright!

We gonna watch some Jackie Chan tonight!

Kung Fu! Kung Fu!

Kung Fu! Kung Fu...

And so my friends

Our rock and roll

Comes directly from the soul




His Holiness

His Holiness's a pretty nice pope

The only one I've ever known

His Holiness's a pretty nice pope

And he rarely sits around in Rome

He travels the world to see all his people

Cause I guess he's just a social kind of guy

His Holiness's a pretty nice pope

I'm telling you that ain't no lie

Oh yeah, I'm telling you that ain't no lie

2001 Joseph Kerner

Disclaimer: There's just too much too disclaim. I make no profit off of this. Please don't sue me. All songs parodied were composed by John Lennon and Paul McCartney except Something and Here Comes the Sun by George Harrison and Octopus's Garden by Ringo Starr.