Well, this is one of the first Daria fanfics I wrote, but I never got around to releasing it. I figured now would be a good time to do it, since I’m in the middle of writing a rather involved, lengthy fic at the moment. This will let everyone know I AM still out here! Basically this story, well, is not really a STORY in the strictest sense of the word. You know those annoying email surveys you’re always getting? Well, I thought it would be fun to see how a few of our favorite characters would answer these questions. So, here they are...Daria, Jane, Trent, and Quinn...answering some rather insightful and ridiculous questions in their own unique, ridiculous ways! Just keep in mind that many of the answers are not to be taken seriously. I mean, look at who’s answering them!
Note: Once again, I do not own any of the following characters, MTV does...bla bla bla.
Also, for those of you that are Internet challenged, you may want to know that when someone types :-) .....that is actually a smile (look at it sideways, brainiac!). And when they type ;-) .....that is a wink (again sideways...duh!). That was just something I thought needed clarifying for anyone who didn’t know. K? OK! And, as always, if you have any comments on this or any of my fanfics, you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Ok...on with the show!
NAME: Daria Morgendorffer
WHERE DO YOU LIVE: Hell
SIBLINGS: No, but I have a third cousin twice removed named Quinn who’s like the sister I wish I never had
SCHOOL: Hell’s Bathroom
BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Humiliating my sister...in public
WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Being forced to spend ‘quality time’ with my sister in public...which is almost the same as humiliating her, now that I think about it
DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS: You know, that question was almost funny.
DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS AND IF SO, WHERE AND WHAT OF: No, but maybe one day, that dream of self-mutilation will finally come true -- either that or the one where Quinn runs away and joins the circus.
IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL: Do you really have to ask?
DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS: No, they’re usually on the left ones.
WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED: A bottomless chasm of despair. No, wait, just some old notebooks and dust bunnies. But the bunnies DO look kinda depressed...
FAVORITE NUMBER: 3,678,233,894.404351
WHAT IS IN YOUR CD PLAYER RIGHT NOW: Dust, cobwebs, frog legs, eye of newt, tongue of dog. All I need is one of Quinn’s fingernails and the spell will be complete
ONE WORD TO DESCRIBE YOURSELF: Unique...just like everyone else.
FAVORITE BODY PART OF THE OPPOSITE SEX: Jane, get that little smirk off your face! I know what you’re thinking!
WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN: Constant fear
BEST ADVICE: ‘Just because people are cliquey and snotty is no reason not to like them.’
NON-SPORT ACTIVITY YOU ENJOY: The word “enjoy” insinuates that I would be having fun. And you already know my position on that.
SCARIEST THING YOU’VE EVER DONE: Riding in a moving vehicle with Upchuck driving
FAVORITE THING TO DO IN WINTER: The same thing I always do. Sit in my room by myself and devise my plan for world domination. Either that or watch TV.
FAVORITE COLOR: Black
DO YOU SMOKE: No, but I have been known to spontaneously combust on occasion.
WHO’S THE HOTTEST GIRL / GUY IN THE WORLD: Ahem.....moving right along....
WHEN YOU DIE, DO YOU WANT TO BE BURIED OR CREMATED: I want to be buried with my butt sticking out of the ground so everyone can come by and kiss my ass
DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS: I believe the entire Lawndale High staff is a race of aliens bent on taking over the minds of helpless teens. Won’t they be surprised when they find that there is no intelligent life in this hell-hole.
THINGS YOU OBSESS OVER: Not one word out of you, Jane. Not...one...word!
A TEACHER YOU HATE: Oh, this question is going to require some thought. The faculty member I hate the most would have to be Ms. Li, although technically not a teacher, she has taught me a valuable lesson in challenging authority -- and how entertaining that can be.
FAVORITE AUTHOR: Byron
WHAT’S YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT: Oh, gee, let me think. There are so many!
IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOURSELF, WHAT WOULD IT BE: my zip code
DO YOU ASK A GUY / GIRL OUT OR DO YOU WAIT FOR THEM TO ASK: I wait, and wait, and wait...
NAME A PERSON THAT REALLY GETS ON YOUR NERVES: Quinn
SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT EACH PERSON YOU’RE SENDING THIS TO: Jane...you’re one sick little puppy...and I mean that in the nicest possible way. Trent...you must be very brave, putting up with Jane for all these years. Aunt Amy...as you are well aware, I am not allowed to say anything nice about you since 1) You are an adult and 2) You’re a family member. Sorry. Nothing personal.
NAME: Jane Lane
AGE: 28 and a half
SEX: Yes, please!
WHERE DO YOU LIVE: A run-down shack in the middle of the Enchanted Forest SIBLINGS: Entirely too many
SCHOOL: No thanks, I just ate
BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: ;-)
WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: A swift kick in the ass
DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS: The next time I see them, I’ll ask
DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS AND IF SO, WHERE AND WHAT OF: None that I am aware of, but there WAS that night in Tiajuana last summer...
IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL: Depends on what’s in the glass
DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS: jwoek fjeoiw kddi kwiiiskvm jkeies kcz eiwow dkseiwal
WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED: The last time I tried to clean under there, I lost an arm, so I’ll have to pass on that one
FAVORITE NUMBER: ;-)
WHAT IS IN YOUR CD PLAYER RIGHT NOW: Garbage “Version 2.0”
ONE WORD TO DESCRIBE YOURSELF: herroyalhighnessqueenalmightyruleroftheuniversejanelane. Hey, that’s one word!
FAVORITE BODY PART OF THE OPPOSITE SEX: ;-)
WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN: A bed...MINE, for you dirty minded little heathens out there! Some friends you are.
BEST ADVICE: Stay away from the meatloaf.
NON-SPORT ACTIVITY YOU ENJOY: Racing camels in the Sahara...oh, I guess that IS a sport, isn’t it?
SCARIEST THING YOU’VE EVER DONE: Riding in a moving vehicle with Trent driving
FAVORITE THING TO DO IN WINTER: ;-)
FAVORITE COLOR: Black
DO YOU SMOKE: Only when ignited
WHO’S THE HOTTEST GIRL / GUY IN THE WORLD: I AM!! Well, not the hottest GUY, but you know what I mean.
WHEN YOU DIE, DO YOU WANT TO BE BURIED OR CREMATED: Freeze-dried and propped up outside Lawndale High with my middle finger extended
DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS: Who is this ‘Jane’ person you keep referring to? My name is Calgon, leader of the planet Paraffin
THINGS YOU OBSESS OVER: Oh, you know, the usual teen stuff. The bounciness of my hair, or lack thereof. Which brainless twit is going to ask me to the prom. “Is that blouse ‘purple’ or more of a ‘deep plum’?” I tell ya, I’m losing sleep over it!
A TEACHER YOU HATE: I’d have to go with O’Neill on this one. He just makes my skin crawl.
FAVORITE AUTHOR: Dr. Suess
WHAT’S YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT: Nothing embarrasses me. But I could tell you DARIA’S most embarrassing moment!
IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOURSELF, WHAT WOULD IT BE: Nothing! I’m perfect, dammit!!!
DO YOU ASK A GUY / GIRL OUT OR DO YOU WAIT FOR THEM TO ASK: I prefer to the old ‘carrot in the cardboard box’ trap. Hey, it worked for Elmer Fudd. No, wait, I guess it didn’t. Nevermind!
NAME A PERSON THAT REALLY GETS ON YOUR NERVES: I’d say it’s a tie between Kevin and Upchuck
SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT EACH PERSON YOU’RE SENDING THIS TO: Trent, you’re the only member of the Lane family that I can tolerate (well, besides myself), so you must be doing something right. Daria, you’re the most consistently stubborn person I know in regards to ‘personal matters,’ and I just have to respect that...but that doesn’t mean I’m giving up! Jesse...you’re....um....well....yeah. That about sums it up.
NAME: Trent Lane
SEX: Is that an offer?
WHERE DO YOU LIVE: I think it’s Lawn-something...
SIBLINGS: I don’t know. 2? 3? I lost count.
BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: When you play a new song in front of an audience and they totally connect to what you’re trying to say.
WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: When you play a new song in front of an audience and they throw beer bottles at you. Especially when they hit you in the head.
DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS: Parents?
DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS AND IF SO, WHERE AND WHAT OF: Yes, I have many, some you don’t know about. Let’s keep it that way
IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL: Haha, Janey. You took my answer. Depends on what’s in the glass.
DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS: Not if I can help it.
WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED: I’m too scared to look.
FAVORITE NUMBER: Heh, heh, heh...
WHAT IS IN YOUR CD PLAYER RIGHT NOW: “Supernatural” by Santana. Anyone that can play guitar like that is cool in my book
ONE WORD TO DESCRIBE YOURSELF: Broke
FAVORITE BODY PART OF THE OPPOSITE SEX: Legs
WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN: Whatever, wherever, whenever.
BEST ADVICE: Somebody once told me that it takes a lot of guts to go after a dream and that even if it doesn’t work out, at least now I’m doing exactly what I want to do. That was really good advice.
NON-SPORT ACTIVITY YOU ENJOY: Sleeping
SCARIEST THING YOU’VE EVER DONE: I fear nothing
FAVORITE THING TO DO IN WINTER: Sleep
FAVORITE COLOR: Black
DO YOU SMOKE: I used to, but I quit a few years back
WHO’S THE HOTTEST GIRL / GUY IN THE WORLD: I don’t think I can answer that.
WHEN YOU DIE, DO YOU WANT TO BE BURIED OR CREMATED: Cremated. My ashes are going on display in the Rock ‘N Roll Hall Of Fame.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS: After that really weird guy Artie delivered our pizza that night...I’d have to say....no.
THINGS YOU OBSESS OVER: My music...like there was any doubt.
A TEACHER YOU HATE: That Ms. Barch was scary as hell.
FAVORITE AUTHOR: Hmm...I don’t think I’m really qualified to answer this. Do magazines count?
WHAT’S YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT: Well, it involves a pair of panty hose, a muffler, a five pound bag of fertilizer and my high school homecoming parade. That’s all I’m gonna say.
IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOURSELF, WHAT WOULD IT BE: I’d get rid of that stupid tattoo on my...uh, nevermind.
DO YOU ASK A GUY / GIRL OUT OR DO YOU WAIT FOR THEM TO ASK: Oh...you know.... whatever
NAME A PERSON THAT REALLY GETS ON YOUR NERVES: Britney Spears
SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT EACH PERSON YOU’RE SENDING THIS TO: Daria, you’re the coolest high schooler I know, you’re a great friend, and I’m really glad Janey introduced us. Janey, you’re the SECOND coolest high schooler I know, and you make me laugh. Jess, you’re alright, man.
NAME: Quinn Morgendorffer
AGE: How old do you THINK I am?
EYES: Well, Joey said they were like glistening crystal pools, but then Jeffy said they were more like sparkling sapphires, and then Jeremy started in, and they started fighting and beating each other up, so I really don’t know.
WHERE DO YOU LIVE: In Lawndale, with my parents and, um, our visiting exchange student from Finland or whatever.
SIBLINGS: I’m an only child
SCHOOL: Lawndale High. I’m, like, the most attractive and popular one there, well except for YOU Sandi!
BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Making Brittany jealous and having all the guys fight over me
WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: When you are forced to look at those less coordinated than yourself. That REALLY hurts my eyes
DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS: Are you kidding??? Hanging out with your parents is SO geeky!
DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS AND IF SO, WHERE AND WHAT OF: Ewww...GROSS!!!
IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL: It’s half-full, as long as it’s a diet soda, two ice cubes. Anything else, you might as well just forget it.
DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS: Well, I usually pay my sist-, I mean my COUSIN to type my papers for me. I wouldn’t want to chip my nails
WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED: Like I would crawl around on the FLOOR just to find out the answer to some stupid survey
FAVORITE NUMBER: Well, number 1 is always the best place to be, so I’d probably have to say 1!
WHAT IS IN YOUR CD PLAYER RIGHT NOW: That Joey something-or-other. You know, from the New Kids on the Block. He’s SO hot!
ONE WORD TO DESCRIBE YOURSELF: Cute, duh!
FAVORITE BODY PART OF THE OPPOSITE SEX: Well, I really love a guy with beautiful, deep soulful eyes, but a nice butt doesn’t hurt either.
WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN: I share my secrets with no one.
BEST ADVICE: Like, ‘Don’t count all your eggs in one basket until the fat lady sings,’ or something.
NON-SPORT ACTIVITY YOU ENJOY: Shopping. Well, actually shopping IS sorta like a sport, but without all the sweating and running and stuff
SCARIEST THING YOU’VE EVER DONE: I try NOT to be scared. I mean, it adds wrinkles like you wouldn’t believe!
FAVORITE THING TO DO IN WINTER: Well, Brian’s parents have a cabin in Colorado and we went for a ride on his snowmobile last year, but that was a total disaster. My hair was a mess! But I WAS wearing that really cute silver snowsuit so that sorta made up for it. What was the question again?
FAVORITE COLOR: That’s, like, the most impossible question to answer. It’s like asking me which angle shows off my best features. I mean, they’re ALL good, each in their own way. I love all colors. All except black. ICK!
DO YOU SMOKE: Are you kidding? And stain my perfectly white teeth? I don’t THINK so!
WHO’S THE HOTTEST GIRL / GUY IN THE WORLD: Well, Brad Pitt is SO hot, but Leonardo has REALLY nice hair. Now, Keanu is just to DIE for, except that he’s in a band and grunge or whatever is SO over. And then there’s the Backstreet Boys, but who could even BEGIN to chose one from THAT group??
WHEN YOU DIE, DO YOU WANT TO BE BURIED OR CREMATED: Death? Ick! That’s so...MORBID!
DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS: Little green men? Ugh! Green is, like, SO last season!
THINGS YOU OBSESS OVER: Obsess? I’d NEVER do THAT!! That’s SO lame!
A TEACHER YOU HATE: Mr. D-.....DiMar-.....DeMarteen-.....oh, you know who I mean. The one with the eye ‘thing.’ That’s so gross!
FAVORITE AUTHOR: Val
WHAT’S YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT: That time my brainy LOSER cousin got up in front of the whole school and claimed to be my sister. That was SO rude!
IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOURSELF, WHAT WOULD IT BE: What? Are you saying I need to change? I don’t need to change. I’m cute. I’m perky. Why would you even ask me that?
DO YOU ASK A GUY / GIRL OUT OR DO YOU WAIT FOR THEM TO ASK: Waiting is SO pathetic, and asking just makes you look DESPERATE or something. Thank God I don’t have to worry about that problem!
NAME A PERSON THAT REALLY GETS ON YOUR NERVES: Daria
SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT EACH PERSON YOU’RE SENDING THIS TO: Sandi...you do a GREAT job as president of the fashion club and I could NEVER replace YOU as the leader...no way!!! Tiffany...you, uh, have very white teeth...but not TOO white! Stacy...you have that REALLY cute brown suede purse. By the way, are you going to be needing that this weekend? I have a date with this REALLY cute guy and I need something to coordinate, you know, with his eyes and stuff.