The following stories are at best a flattering imitation of Daria that is not intended to be taken seriously. Any resemblance to an actual episode of Daria is purely coincidental.

This is quite obviously my first real fanfic (although MDRR #300 was sort of fanficy). I'm not sure if this will be the start of a long barrage of fics, only time will tell.

Padded Room of Terror
by Mike Quinn

(Instead of the normal opening, we see written in the usual font Daria in Padded Room of Terror in white letters on a black background. After the title card fades out, there is a fade into a dungeon with a coffin propped up against one of its walls. The coffin opens and Jake steps out in standard vampire attire - a cape, pointed teeth, bad Slavic accent, etc.)

Jake: It's that time of year again, when fear rules and children try to confuse their neighbors in an attempt to secure candy. (Pause) Halloween reaches everywhere, even Lawndale! What would happen if Daria and Quinn suddenly exchange their levels of cute-ness? (Bt) Well you're about to find out. Hahahaha! (flaps his cape)


(The title appears as an establishing shot of Scene I starts.)

Scene I - Lawndale High's football field on the night of October 30th.

(There is a huge bond fire burning near the middle of the field. Daria and Jane are seen standing about five feet behind Quinn and the rest of the Fashion Club.)

Daria: Another mischief night and no mischief to be found anywhere.

Jane: Yeah, shouldn't we be egging something by now. Why did you want to come to this school sponsored event, anyway? It seems awfully social of you.

Daria: The Wicked Witch of my house is paying me to keep an eye on the fairy princess over there. (looks toward Quinn)

(Cut to Quinn, who is being admired by the three J's.)

Jamie: You look cute in the light of the fire, Quinn.

Joey: Yeah!

Jeffie: Can I roast you a marshmallow?

Quinn: Thanks.

(Cut back to Daria and Jane, watching that entire exchange.)

Jane: She really needs supervision.

Daria: I sort of wish she weren't the only one who's always waited on like that.

(As Daria says this, a shooting star becomes visible behind her.)

Jane: Any other Halloween plans I should know about, except casting evil spells on your sister. You have a costume?

(Upchuck walks up to them out of nowhere, but he's obviously been watching them.)

Upchuck: Probably something exotic. Hello ladies!

Daria: What do you want, Upchuck?

Upchuck: You lovely ladies are invited to Casa de Ruttheimer for a masquerade ball. How can you resist bobbing for apples with me?

Daria: Easily and Repeatedly. (Daria and Jane walk off)

Upchuck: Feisty! (pumps fist)

(cut to:)

Scene II - The Morgendorffer's bathroom

(Daria and Quinn are getting ready for bed.)

Quinn: You're glad you went to the bonfire party, aren't you?

Daria: (sort of agreeing) I did make $25 out of it. You better be prepared for all of the weird stuff that's supposed to happen tonight.

Quinn: (bored) Like?

Daria: You know, living dead... werewolves... alien abductions.

Quinn: God Daria, I hope you don't believe all of that Halloween stuff.

Daria: How do you know there aren't any monsters under your bed, just waiting for you to fall asleep?

Quinn: (visibly shaken) No-nothing's gonna happen tonight, everything's n-n-normal, right? (Pauses) Daria!

Daria: Yeah, right. Whatever.

(cut to:)

Scene III - Daria and Quinn sleeping

(We see Daria calmly sleeping in her bed when suddenly a gold glow comes over her. We then cut to Quinn, who is also sleeping but tossing and turning like she's having a nightmare. A similar glow comes over her but it is gray.)

(cut to:)

Scene IV - The next day (October 31st) at school

(Daria and Jane are walking down the hall towards their lockers.)

Daria: Something doesn't seem quite right today.

Jane: And that's not normal for you how?

Daria: It's just that I was teasing Quinn last night about how all of this bad stuff was going to happen today and now I'm feeling weird.

Jane: Relax, it's Halloween. Weird stuff is supposed to happen today. As long as Halloween doesn't actually show up at your house, everything'll be fine.

Daria: I guess you're right. We shouldn't be worried about make believe monsters when there are so many real ones running this school.

(Bell rings as we shift to a short establishing shot of Lawndale High.)

(cut to:)

Scene V - Mr. Phelps class (The same Mr. Phelps from Kara Wild's fanfics - I know, I'm lazy)

(Quinn and Stacy, looking the same as they always do, are seated in the back talking to each other quietly.)

Phelps: Class, pass up your assignments. (sees Quinn and Stacy talking) Miss Rowe, Miss Morgendorffer, pay attention!

Quinn/Stacy: Sorry. (they pass up their papers)

Phelps: (does a double take) Quinn? I can't put my finger on it, but somehow you look different today.

Quinn: I didn't sleep too well last night.

Phelps: OK, that's all right (shakes his head) Class today we're going to cover...

(Quinn and Stacy continue their conversation as Mr. Phelps begins the lecture in the background.)

Quinn: What was he talking about?

Stacy: Um, Quinn, I didn't want to have to tell you this but you don't seem as cute today.

Quinn: What ?!?!

Stacy: I dunno, it's just that you don't seem to have your usual cuteness working, you seem almost normal.

(Quinn gets a terrified "Oh No" look on her face.)

(cut to:)

Scene VI - Mr. O'Neill's class

(Daria and Jane are seated in their usual seats, looking the same as they always do.)

O'Neill: Today, I hope to take on a current issue. Maybe a debate on how physical beauty is portrayed by the media. Daria, you look lovely today.

Daria: (with a puzzled look) Huh?

O'Neill: (weak chuckle) I mean, why don't you begin?


Daria: OK, the media, for the most part, portrays physical beauty as important only when that beauty fits their standard. They try to portray their opinion as the only possible way you can be beautiful. Therefore, people who don't fit the standard are made... (starts to look around the room) to... feel... inadequate. Wait a sec, (Bt) what are you all staring at? (pan out to show that all of the guys in the room, including Mr. O'Neill, are staring amorously in Daria's direction)

Kevin: Hey Daria, do you need to borrow a pencil? Or how about meeting me after school?

Brittany: You two timing son of a... (she hits him with her notebook)

Kevin: Ooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwww!

(cut to:)

Scene VII - Later the same day, after school

(Daria and Jane walk down the front steps of school.)

Daria: You saw what I was talking about.

Jane: After what happened in Mr. O'Niell's class today, I'm ready to believe almost anything.

(The three J's run out of school after Daria and Jane.)

3 J's: (simultaneously, but not in unison) Hey Daria!

Daria: I don't know where Quinn is.

Joey: That's OK, we want to talk to you.

Jamie: Yeah!

Jeffie: Got anything we can carry?

Daria: (to Jane) Do you believe this? (Jane shakes her head) You know, you were supposed to play your pranks last night. Who put you guys up to this?

Jamie: No one, but you look kind of cute all of the sudden.

Jane: So we've noticed.

(Sandi then appears, she and Tiffany had been following the whole group.)

Sandi: Hey, Quinn's cousin.

Daria: May I help you.

Sandi: We like your new look and are hoping you would consider joining the fashion club as our new vice-president.

Jane: (whispers to Daria) Here's your chance to take them down from the inside.

Daria: That's OK. I'm too busy with my job at the slaughterhouse, besides Quinn's doing fine as your veep. (Daria and Jane start to walk away)

Sandi: Fine, but don't try to compete with us, you may have the latest look, but we can out cute you any day!

Daria: (still walking) What's going on today?

Jane: It's almost like your little wish came true.

(They both stop and look at each other, realizing what has happened.)

(cut to:)

Scene VIII - The Morgendorffer's kitchen

(Quinn is sitting at the table with her head in her arms, sobbing. Daria walks in, they both look the same as they always do.)

Daria: I don't mean to intrude, but have you noticed any strange things happening today?

Quinn: Yeah, I'm not cute anymore and you are. I don't understand!

Daria: I know, I seemed to have "stolen" your cuteness. Look... (Quinn interrupts)

Quinn: Why should I even talk to you? You're the new cuteness queen.

Daria: I don't exactly like the arrangement, either. Anyway, I don't exactly know what happened but I think I know how to end this.

Quinn: Really?

Daria: Yeah, but it may involve hanging around Andrea for a while.

Quinn: I wouldn't be caught dead near her, she's weirder than a drunken robot.

Daria: As far as your "friends" care, you don't exist anymore. It's up to you.

(Quinn gets an astonished, yet agreeing look.)

(cut to:)

Scene IX - Almost sunset out in the woods

(Andrea, Daria and Quinn are sitting around a campfire.)

Daria: Thanks for helping on such short notice.

Andrea: No problem. Now what brings the two of you to me?

Daria: I sort of made a wish that I would get more attention for being cute than her.

(Quinn didn't know this part and get a steamed look.)

Quinn: (points at Daria) You did this! (Daria gives her an apologetic shrug)

Andrea: What would you like me to do?

Daria/Quinn: Reverse the wish!

Daria: It's been a living hell.

Andrea: (teasingly) Can't take a little living hell, eh. What kind of wish was it?

Daria: Huh?

Andrea: You know, coin in a fountain, four leaf clover, genie in a bottle.

Daria: I'm not sure, I made it at the bonfire last night.

Quinn: I heard Tiffany tell Stephanie that Jamie told her he saw a shooting star.

Andrea: A shooting star! You drug me out here for nothing.

Quinn: N-N-Nothing?

Andrea: Shooting star wishes on Halloween don't usually last very long. Your pitiful lives should be back to normal by this time tomorrow.

Daria: That's a relief!

Quinn: (panicky) What do we do until then?

Daria: Take a lesson from me, stay in the house and don't talk to anyone, (Bt) especially me.

(cut to:)

Scene X - Lawndale HS, the next morning

(Daria and Jane stand in front of their lockers.)

Jane: So these things wear off on their own.

Daria: Apparently, I don't think I could take another day in Quinn's shoes.

Jane: If it's any consolation, she didn't like being treated like you always are.

Daria: You always look for the silver lining, don't you?

Jane: Not necessarily, sometimes it's just the less gray one.

(Just then Quinn walks by.)

Daria: Hey Quinn! (faux scared) Oh my gosh, look at that giant zit on your nose.

(there isn't really a zit)

Jane: It's a keeper!

(Close-up on Quinn)

Quinn: Noooooooooooooo! (runs away and starts to flail her arms in the air)

Daria: I'll never get tired of that. (small smile)

(cut to:)

Commercial Time

In the spirit of the holiday our first batch of ads goes thusly:

M&M ad, toothpaste ad, Butterfinger ad, tooth brush ad, Twizzler ad.

Is it just me or do dentists and candy manufacturers have some sort of deal going to increase both of their profits.

End Commercial Time

(Fade into the same set that opened the show, Jake is still there in his vampire suit sucking on an orange.)

Jake: (holds up an orange) These are real good, if you can't find any blood. They gave me a lot, too. (angrily) Probably to make up for not putting me in this episode anywhere else. But I am in it more than Helen (ponders this thought, then regains composure) Space is the final frontier, but how would our favorite Lawndale kids handle it?

Daria Trek: Spoilager

(shot of a starscape with the title in a Star Trek like font)

Scene I - After the title fades, a starship that looks remarkably like the Starship Voyager flies by.

(The camera follows the ship as a voice over by Daria begins.)

Daria: (in voice over) Captain's Log stardate 47474.7. Currently my newly commissioned ship, Spoilager, is on a routine patrol mission that has been doubling as a test flight for this new ship.

(cut to a panning shot of the bridge of the ship, which is similar to Voyager, the officers are wearing uniforms like those worn on DS9 while the voice over continues.)

Daria: (v.o.) The crew is a good one but still incomplete, we are still waiting for a full medical staff.

(The pan moves to the left and starts with a shot of Tiffany at the ops station then Upchuck in the first officer’s chair and finally stops at the tactical station where Daria is standing next to Mack, who sports pointed ears.)

Daria: How are the shields and weapon systems operating, Mr. Mackvok?

Mackvok: (stoically) Weapons systems are fully operational. There is a small variance in shield harmonics.

Daria: Good. Bridge to engineering, how's everything going down there, Jane?

Jane: (over the communication system) Warp engines at your disposal, Cap'n. No major problems to report...

Mackvok: (interrupting) Captain, we are receiving a distress signal from the industrial colony on Churner IV. Audio only.

Daria: (takes the captain's chair) Let's hear it.

Male voice over comm system: (there is interference in the background) This is the colony on Churner IV, we are under attack by two Spudnak vessels, we need any assistance possible! They're spoiling our butter! Please, hur... (the transmission is cutoff)

Mackvok: The signal is being blocked. Captain, Spoilager is the only ship that is in the area that can respond in time.

Daria: Let's see what this ship can do. (nods to Upchuck)

Upchucktay: Helm, set a course to Churner IV, maximum warp! (nothing happens) Helm?!

Daria: Ensign Lane, wake up! (pan to the navigation station, where Trent is sitting, asleep)

Trent: (waking up) Sorry. What was that again?

Daria: (annoyed) Get us to Churner IV, ASAP!

Trent: Aye, Captain.

Daria: Tiffany, How long will it take to get there?

Tiffany: 2 hours... 31 minutes...

(cut to:)

Scene II - Spoliager's conference room

(Daria is seated at the head of the conference table, with Upchucktay, Jane and Tiffany on her left and Mackvok, Trent and Quinn on her right all in uniform, except Quinn who has a Seven of Nine-like catsuit)

Daria: What do we know about the Spudnaks?

Upchucktay: They are shrouded in mystery. But we do know that they had been oppressed and preyed upon by the Butterians. Also, they resemble potatoes.

Jane: Could that be why they would attack a place like Churner IV, which is one of the largest producers of dairy products in the quadrant?

Daria: That would certainly make me uneasy if I were a potato. What level of technology do they possess?

Quinn of Nine: Their ships are formidable but of an inefficient design. Not attractive to the eyes.

Mackvok: We believe that they are below our level of technology, but there are two ships there.

Daria: Then we should proceed with caution. Jane, is the Emergency Medical Hologram ready, in case we have any casualties?

Jane: The EMH works, but he's a huge pain in the ass. Let's just say his bedside manner subroutine wasn't quite finished. I'll have Quinn and Tiffany help me take a look. Right?

(looks at both of them.)

Quinn of Nine: Just as soon as we try on our new cute space suits.

Tiffany: Yeah!

(Jane shakes her head as Trent lets out a huge snore.)

(cut to:)

Scene III - Sickbay

(The doors open with a "woosh," as we see Jane, Quinn and Tiffany walk in.)

Jane: Let's see. Computer! Activate the Emergency Medical Hologram.

(The EMH materializes and looks like Mr. DeMartino. He's wearing a similar uniform to Jane and Tiffany)

EMH: Please state the NATURE of the medical EMERGENCY.

Jane: No emergency, we're here to adjust your attitude.

EMH: Then why do you keep ACTIVATING me, if there is no EMERGENCY.

Quinn of Nine: Because we are going into battle, and we need to be prepared for injuries.

EMH: I'll treat your WOUNDS! Isn't that enough?

Jane: We also have some time to kill and you've been a bit of a pill.

Tiffany: (slowly) What should we do?

Jane: I know. Computer, as soon as we leave sickbay activate program Barch one for five minutes. (to Quinn) That should do it.

Computer Voice: (Sounds like Helen) Program Barch one active. Please clear sickbay.

Daria: (over comm system) Red Alert! We are now approaching Churner IV. All hands to battle stations.

Jane: We had better get out of here.

(As they leave, a holoprojection of Miss Barch in Klingon garb appears)

Barch: I've been waiting 400 years for this.

EMH: (meekly) Oh no.

(cut to:)

Scene IV - Space shot of Spoilager approaching the enemy wessels.

Daria: (v.o.) Captain's Log, supplemental. We are about to enter our first battle situation. knowing how these things usually go, something weird will happen. Nothing too boring for the viewing audience.

(cut to Daria on the bridge with the lights dimmed small red lights flashing.)

Daria: (motions to Tiffany) Shields up! (Tiffany nods, Daria turns her attention to Mackvok) Open a channel to the Spudnaks, we may be able to talk to them.

Mackvok: Channel open, Captain. (under breath) This never works.

Daria: This is Captain Daria Morgendorffer of the starship Spoilager. State your business in this system.

(Close-up on the viewscreen, which comes to life with an image of a man who likes an odd version of Mr. Potato Head.)

Spudnak captain: This is Russet Au Gratin of the Spudnak Empire. The production of butter at this colony offends us. We must spoil the butter.

Daria: Maybe we can reach a compromise (the transmission is cutoff by Au Gratin) Not in a mood to talk, eh. I've always had trouble getting along with vegetables.

Upchucktay: They are firing spud missiles!

Daria: Evasive maneuvers! (the bridge shakes as they are hit)

Mackvok: Direct hit on our forward shields. They are holding but the missile has become lodged in our shields.

Daria: Return fire!

Upchucktay: Their shields are weakening, they are moving away.

(a voice comes over the comm system)

Jane: Engineering to bridge (cut to engineering) Daria, I think we have an idea. We may be able to use that stuck spud against them.

Quinn of Nine: If we can lodge the missile in their tailpipe, their engines will stall.

(cut back to the bridge.)

Daria: Why didn't I think of that? Trent, follow them!

Trent: (yawns) Aye

Tiffany: You... better... hurry.... The second... ship... is approaching.

Daria: Ready Mackvok. (he nods) Fire the spud!

Mackvok: Direct hit. Their engines have stalled. The other ship is retreating. They are hailing us.

Au Gratin: We surrender. We are no match for your resourcefulness.

Daria: OK, prepare to be boarded. (To Upchucktay) Where do we keep the deep fryer?

(cut to:)

Scene V - Spoilager's conference room

Daria: (v.o.) Captain's Log Stardate 47477.4 We have secured the Spudnak vessel, but after talking to some of their crew, they seem to be perfect candidates for an episode of Sick Sad World.

(All of the same people are there as before with the addition of Au Gratin and two guards that are watching him.)

Au Gratin: We just want to be respected.

Daria: We don't mean you any harm, but you can't be attacking us like that.

Au Gratin: (angrily) You don't understand! They used to kill us and bake our heads and cover them with butter.

Jane: If we promise not to do that, would it be OK?

Au Gratin: (less angrily) Well, I guess.

Daria: We'll let you go this time, just don't come around here anymore or we'll be forced to send you in for fry-ification.

Au Gratin: Understood.

Daria: (to guards) Escort him to a transporter room. (to Jane) Did we suffer any major damage?

Jane: No, except for some minor short outs in the clocks in sickbay. That should be easy to fix.

(cut to sickbay, where we see Barch still kicking the crap out of the EMH - he looks the same because he's a hologram.)

EMH: When will that five minutes END?

Computer voice: Unable to comply. Sickbay clocks are off line.

Barch: Why do you want to stop? We are just getting started! 9punches him)

EMH: Make it stop!

(cut to:)

Commercial Time

The only thing scarier than Halloween are the negative political ads that air around this time. If I hear or see one more ad about which guy should be mayor of Philadelphia, I'm going to scream (I don't even live in the city, so I can't even vote in this election anyway).

End Commercial Time

(Fade again into the same set that opened the show, this time with Jake sitting in a chair dozing off.)

Jake: (groggy, but awake) Do any of you guys like wrestling? (gets distracted starts to go off on a tangent) Frankly, I don't understand it myself, just a couple of huge guys running into each other. (gets back on track) Anyway, it would be scary if a clay wrestler came to life and started to wreak havoc. (looks off screen) That doesn't seem too scary, unless the clay guy is huge.

Off screen voice: Just read the card, so we can all get out of here.

Jake: Right, can he be stopped in time? Let's find out.

Off screen voice: Cut!

Jake: Thank God! (takes out false teeth) I'm outta here!

Child's Clay

(establishing shot of Lawndale High's school bus rumbling down a generic interstate as the title fades.)

Scene I - The inside of the bus

Li: (standing near the front of the bus) I hope you all enjoy this special field trip to Clayco Studios as a reward for all of the prestige you've brought to Lawndale High....

(Cut to a view of the seats of the bus to show about ten or fifteen students; including Mack, Jodie and Kevin. Daria and Jane are seated in the back, they begin talking while we can still hear Miss Li speaking in the background.)

Jane: I wonder why they invited us.

Daria: Probably as some sort of punishment.

Li: ... the captains of the football team for leading our team to a district championship and Miss Lane and Miss Morgendorffer for being so easy to get along with because of their sunny attitudes.


Daria: (directly to the camera) Now I know this is the Halloween episode.

(cut to:)

Scene II - In front of Clayco Studios

(The occupants of the bus start to file out as they are met by a tour guide.)

Tour guide: Hello everyone, my name is Corey, and welcome to Clayco Studios; the home of the hit show "Duels of the Rich and Famous" that shows us how celebrities would kill each other if they were six inches tall and made out of clay and foam. Today, we will show you lucky students how the show is produced.

(Daria and Jane are standing near the back of the tour group.)

Daria: This ought to be interesting.

Jane: (bored) Right up our alley.

(Jodie drops back and joins them)

Jodie: Hey guys, if you don't mind my asking, why haven't you tried to get out of this trip yet?

Daria: We've always had a morbid curiosity.

Jane: Yeah, what's better than find out how clay celebrities beat each other into bloody stumps.

Jodie: (tentative) OK...

Daria: Actually, we've already surpassed our nonviolent resistance quota for the month.

Jane: We're just going to roll with the punches.

(cut to:)

Scene III - A room where one of the sample sets of "Duels of the Rich and Famous" is housed

(The group walks into the room.)

Corey: ...The building housing these studios used to be part of a maximum security prison that has seen its share of executions. We feel that that fact gives us a unique perspective on death. We are now entering one of the sets used to film each frame of the show.

(Close up of the "ring" where a miniature clay version of Stone Cold Steve Austin with a scowl on his face, about to punch some anonymous clay guy.)

Jane: There's a new pose, brawny wrestle beating up the skinny kid.

Daria: C'mon, you know better. That's his bottom line.

Jane: That and drinking a lot of beer.

Daria: Hell Yeah.

Corey: If you'll follow me, our next destination is one of the animation offices where the film taken here is put together and brought to life!

Kevin: Cool!

(The students begin to file back into the hallway, as Daria walks out, her glasses catch one of the lights on the set and reflects directly on the clay Stone Cold - at this surge of light, the clay literally comes to life and shakes its head vigorously.)

Stone Cold: Guh Guh Guh Guh!

(Stone Cold jumps out of the "ring" and waddles into the hallway.)

(cut to:)

Scene IV - The hallway between the set and animation office

Kevin: Hey Tourey, I mean Corey, does this place have a bathroom?

Corey: (points) Two doors that way on your left.

Kevin: Thanks! I'm the QB you know.

Corey: (annoyed) Great. Just go already.

(Kevin walks through the door to the bathroom and looks with a dazed grin; as he starts toward a "rest stop," he hears rapid footsteps)

Stone Cold: Hell Yeah!

Kevin: What the... (sees what it is) Hey, that's cool!

(Stone Cold growls and jumps on Kevin's shoulders and starts to punch him mercilessly)

Kevin: Quit it! (falls to the ground and passes out)

(cut to:)

Scene V - The animation bay

(Everything is the same about the tour group, except that it is noticeably missing about half of the students.)

Corey: (less enthused) This is the animation station where the individual frames are spliced together for a first rough version of each segment.

Jane: (to Daria) Could this get any worse? Even the tour guide is falling asleep.

Daria: Well...

Jodie: (overhearing) Isn't this interesting?


Daria: (very sarcastic and deliberate) Yes, the magic of TV production and all of its tricks. Simply riveting.

(They start to walk back into the hallway.)

Jodie: Why do you guys have to be so negative?

Mack: But they're right this time.

Jodie: Shut up.

(cut back to Daria and Jane)

Daria: Is it just me, or does the tour group seem to be smaller?

Jane: They probably just passed out from boredom.

Daria: But it's still creepy, just like everything else about this place. It did used to be a prison.

Jane: I would think you, of all people, would appreciate that.

(Daria glares at her and starts to walk away)

Jane: What? (throws arms up in the air and follows her)

(cut to:)

Scene VI - The editing room

Corey: This is the editing room where the final edition of each episode is done.

(The sound of the footsteps and growl that Kevin heard in the bathroom is audible, at this point only Daria, Jane, Mack and Jodie remain with the tour guide.)

Daria: Excuse me, did you hear that?

Corey: Yeah, I've never heard that sound before.

(Stone Cold runs in and does the same thing to Corey that he did to Kevin.)

Stone Cold: Hell Yeah!

Jane: Let's get out of here!

(Daria, Jane and Jodie run out into the hallway. Mack starts to follow but Stone Cold gets him too.)

(cut back to the hallway, the three girls are running.)

Jane: (stops) Where are we going?

Daria: (also stops) We're following you.

Jodie: Let's try that way (she points to a large metallic door on their left)

(cut to:)

Scene VII - A large dimly lit room

(The door they picked leads into an old cell block, they all look around.)

Daria: I think we've lost him.

(As soon as she is finished saying this, we hear Stone Cold's trademark footsteps.)

Jodie: Not again.

(They all begin running again until they come upon the old execution chamber, with a sign reading "Electric Chair Inside" on it.)


Daria: A chamber of death. (to the camera) Way to foreshadow, Mike.

(cut to:)

Scene VIII - The execution chamber

(They enter the chamber and close the door behind them, the chair is directly in the middle of the room.)

Jodie: We should be safe in here for a while.

Jane: I don't know, we don't know what kind of strange powers that thing has.

Daria: Don't get too excited.

(Suddenly, Stone Cold breaks through the door and starts slowly toward our heroes.)

Stone Cold: Hell Yeah!

(Switch to Daria's perspective - Stone Cold is still moving toward them. The door is now broken and slightly ajar, a large switch is seen by the door.)

(As Daria, Jane and Jodie back up toward the chair, Daria trips over it.

Daria: Ow!

(All three of them hide behind the chair.)

Jane: Do you think it's time to kiss our butts goodbye, yet?

(Stone Cold is now on top of the head gear of the electric chair and he's glaring down at the girls, looking like he's deciding who to get first.)

Stone Cold: This is the bottom line!

(Before he gets a chance to do anything, the door starts to open and someone quickly reaches and flips the switch.)

Stone Cold: Oh no.

Stone Cold: I'm melting!

(The door opens to reveal that Mack, with two black eyes, is the one that came to the rescue. Daria, Jane and especially Jodie look at him, surprised.)

Jodie: That thing didn't kill you!

Mack: No, just beat me up a little.

Jane: I didn't see that coming.

Daria: I bet the audience did.

(cut to:)

Scene IX - Out in front of the studio

(All of the students who came on the trip started to get back on the bus, most of them are holding ice packs to their heads.)

Jodie: At least everyone's all right.

Daria: This is further proof that all weird field trips sponsored by our school end up evil.

Jane: Miss Li did disappear.

(cut to a shot of one of the cells in the cell block with Miss Li tied to a chair and gagged, struggling to get out.)

(cut back to out in front of the studio.)

Jane: What should we do about it?

Daria: Nevermind. By the way, Mack, thanks for saving us from that monster.

Mack: Don't mention it, at least I wasn't forgotten this time.

(The all laugh as they board the bus)

(cut to the credits)

(The alter egos would be all of those scary ones like the two headed Quinn/Daria and Trent as pinhead.)

Comments from the Author

        I know what most of you are probably thinking. Is this the same Mike Quinn that gave an F to the only episode of Daria that is remotely like this? The answer to that would be yes. So why did I chose something like this for my first fic? I'm not really sure but I can say that it is a whole lot easier to come up with insane ideas that don't entirely add up than it is to come up with serious ones that have a real message. So I thought that it would be a good idea to start with something like this, if only to get a feel for how to write fanfic. I'm not saying that this was a piece of cake to write, but I don't think it was the toughest thing I could have picked to start any possible chain of fics.

        In less general terms, the format of this entire "episode" is an homage to the series of Treehouse of Horror series of Halloween episodes of The Simpsons. If you aren't familiar with them, they have three separate Halloween stories using all of that series' characters in weird, off the wall situations that are usually connected loosely to the plot of some horror film. Along the vein, I think I worked in as many "exaggerated character cliches" as humanly possible. I had Trent sleeping, Upchuck saying "feisty," Tiffany speaking slowly, etc.

        Child's Clay was the first idea that I came up with and, in my opinion, the story that turned out the best (which is why I put it last). The title and story were derived from the moderately successful series of Child's Play movies that involved a doll named Chucky that terrorized people in numerous settings (my story is probably closest to the one where Chucky chases a bunch of people through a toy factory and I don't remember which one that was). Of course, Stone Cold Steve Austin is a popular wrestler who occasionally appears on MTV's Celebrity Deathmatch (I was going to use that directly but ended up deciding against it).

         Star Trek: Voyager which is widely regarded as the weakest television incarnation of Star Trek. It was easy to fill in the characters of Daria into Voyager personas, but the story still didn't seem to entirely click.

        Cute-urama is a play on Futurama, which is a relatively new animated show set in the year 3000. This one started out with the tricky title and proved to be the most difficult of the three to write. I was going to have it set in the future, but that really wasn't working at all. I was able to work in at least one reference to "Futurama," though.

        And finally, why use Jake to introduce each segment? I don't know, it just seemed right.

Unanswered Questions

Why was Helen nearly completely absent from this fic?

Will this be the start of a series of fanfics from yours truly?

Other Loose Ends

        I would like to thank everyone out there that read this and everyone that has been supportive of the Delayed Reaction Reviews. Be sure to visit the Delayed Reaction Review Archive.

        Special thanks go to Glenn Eichler and Susie Lewis, for creating Daria in the first place, Martin J. Pollard, for being a premier webmaster, and special special thanks to Kara Wild to turning me on to the idea of joining the ranks of "fanfic author" (and sort of helping me with this work).

If you have any questions or comments about this or anything else I've written/said, then by all means email me.

Copyright © 1999 Mike Quinn [All Rights Reserved].
Daria and all related characters are © 1999 MTV Networks, Inc.
Any other copyrights that I've used are property of their creators.

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