Would You Like To Take A Survey?
Part II
By Mike Yamiolkoski
(based on a concept by Kemical Reaxion)
A while back, Kemical Reaxion released a little piece wherein she produced a standard internet survey and had Daria, Jane, Trent, and Quinn go through and answer the questions. It’s a funny piece of work.
But, why stop there? Doesn’t the rest of Lawndale deserve to be heard? Therefore, with Kem’s blessing, I have taken the liberty of giving the same questionnaire to Sandi, Stacy, Tiffany, and Jamie. In keeping with Kem’s original concept, I am asking the exact same questions and presenting responses for just four people – future installments may include others.
Of course, everyone reading this should also read the original at [http://vulcan.spaceports.com/~kem/survey.html].
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NAME: Sandi Griffin
AGE: Depends on where we’re going that night
SEX: I do not put out, and whoever said I did is lying!
EYES: I’ve been told I have that unique shade of deep brown tinged with violet that just goes with anything.
WHERE DO YOU LIVE: Lawndale
SIBLINGS: Don’t go there
SCHOOL: Lawndale High
BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: When Quinn gets put in her place
WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Being fat – not that I would know!
DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS: Only until I can open my own line of credit
DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS AND IF SO, WHERE AND WHAT OF: Who would want a fashion accessory that never changes with the season?
IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL: It had better be kept full, or I won’t be going back to that restaurant.
DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS: And risk breaking a nail? Please.
WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED: The shoes that won’t fit in my closet (because my father is too cheap to renovate it)
FAVORITE NUMBER: 2. That’s my dress size.
WHAT IS IN YOUR CD PLAYER RIGHT NOW: “Boys Are Guys”
ONE WORD TO DESCRIBE YOURSELF: Popular
FAVORITE BODY PART OF THE OPPOSITE SEX: Right hand. The one he signs the credit card slip with.
WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN: Silk. I have delicate skin.
BEST ADVICE: Never volunteer for anything. To volunteer is to say “Use Me.”
NON-SPORT ACTIVITY YOU ENJOY: Shopping
SCARIEST THING YOU’VE EVER DONE: That time I tripped over my stupid brother’s truck and fell down the stairs.
FAVORITE THING TO DO IN WINTER: Shop for spring clothes
FAVORITE COLOR: Seafoam green goes particularly well with my complexion.
DO YOU SMOKE: Do you know what that does to your teeth? Ew!
WHO’S THE HOTTEST GIRL / GUY IN THE WORLD: Modesty prevents me from answering that question.
WHEN YOU DIE, DO YOU WANT TO BE BURIED OR CREMATED: As long as I’m properly immortalized in marble, it doesn’t matter.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS: Aliens are so geeky.
THINGS YOU OBSESS OVER: I wouldn’t call it an obsession, but I consider the Presidency of the Fashion Club to be an enormous responsibility, one that simply cannot be left to those left qualified and who are better suited to the less strenuous vice-presdential duties.
A TEACHER YOU HATE: That time that Quinn’s brainy sister was our teacher was the worst.
FAVORITE AUTHOR: I have better things to do with my time than read books.
WHAT’S YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT: Well, there was the time that I had a brief lapse in thinness and had to go to school on crutches – no, the memory is too painful. Next question, please.
IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOURSELF, WHAT WOULD IT BE: Are you implying that I’m flawed in some way?
DO YOU ASK A GUY / GIRL OUT OR DO YOU WAIT FOR THEM TO ASK: Generally, I don’t need to wait for very long.
NAME A PERSON THAT REALLY GETS ON YOUR NERVES: Anyone who has a younger brother (or two) already knows the answer to that.
SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT EACH PERSON YOU’RE SENDING THIS TO: Oh, my friends already know how I feel without my having to dress it up in flowery language.
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NAME: Stacy Rowe
AGE: 17
SEX: Not until I meet a really special and popular guy who will love me forever and ever and never cheat on me or be mean to me
EYES: Baby blue
WHERE DO YOU LIVE: Lawndale
SIBLINGS: None, but I’ve always felt like Quinn would be a lot of fun to have as a sister… not that she’s a better friend than you, Sandi, or you, Tiffany, we should all be sisters! – maybe it would be best if I just stayed an only child.
SCHOOL: Lawndale High
BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: When you find the perfect dress that just goes really great with your eyes and minimizes a slight asymmetry in your shoulders
WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: When I say or do something stupid. That happens to me all the time.
DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS: They’re so sweet! They’re always telling me how much I can do to improve myself.
DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS AND IF SO, WHERE AND WHAT OF: That’s against the Fashion Club bylaws (but I really liked the temporary one I got that one time we were going to go to Alternapalooza, and I sometimes wonder if I should get a real one and just not tell Sandi about it)
IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL: I’m not very good at math.
DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS: Oh no! I’ve been doing it wrong all this time?
WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED: Nothing you or Sandi need to concern yourselves with…
FAVORITE NUMBER: I’m really not very good at math!
WHAT IS IN YOUR CD PLAYER RIGHT NOW: Sandi told me the new “Boys are Guys” CD was really good, so I’ve been listening to it for the past three days now.
ONE WORD TO DESCRIBE YOURSELF: Happy. Yes, I’m very happy. I really, really like myself and my life. I’m a very happy person. I only cry because I’m so used to being happy that little things just get to me.
FAVORITE BODY PART OF THE OPPOSITE SEX: Um… next question!
WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN: My favorite pajamas are the ones with the little baby teddy bears.
BEST ADVICE: Somebody once told me not to flush my entire world down the drain just because some jerk didn't ask me out on a second date. I can’t remember who that was, but it was good advice.
NON-SPORT ACTIVITY YOU ENJOY: I like to go shopping with my friends.
SCARIEST THING YOU’VE EVER DONE: That time I went over to Upchuck’s house to practice his magic act was scary, because I thought he was going to be all jerkish and everything, but he was actually kind of nice and sweet. If only he weren’t Upchuck…
FAVORITE THING TO DO IN WINTER: Don’t tell anyone this, but I really like to make snow angels.
FAVORITE COLOR: Turquiose looks really good on me.
DO YOU SMOKE: Sandi says that’s bad for your teeth, which is good because I really don’t want to smoke anyway.
WHO’S THE HOTTEST GIRL / GUY IN THE WORLD: That Steve guy on “Blues Clues”. No, wait! Um… Matt Damon! I meant to say Matt Damon!
WHEN YOU DIE, DO YOU WANT TO BE BURIED OR CREMATED: Can’t they, like, freeze you and they wake you up hundreds of years later only with all your problems fixed and everything? That’s what I’d like.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS: How did you know I had that movie? Have you been looking under my bed? It’s not my stuff, don’t you dare tell anyone it is!
THINGS YOU OBSESS OVER: It’s very important to me that my friends all like me, so I try to be as likeable as I can. It’s not really an obsession, I just think about it all the time.
A TEACHER YOU HATE: Mr. DeMartino is really scary. I wish he wouldn’t do that eye thing, it just makes me want to cringe!
FAVORITE AUTHOR: Danielle Steele.
WHAT’S YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT: Oh God, I don’t want to think about all those times…
IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOURSELF, WHAT WOULD IT BE: I would try to be a more likeable person. And I would fix that slight asymmetry in my shoulders. And I really hate pillow hair, I’d want to not have pillow hair. And I would want to have Quinn’s color sense because I’m not as good at that as she is. And I have kind of puffy ankles that I wish I could tone a bit more. And I wish I was more attractive in general so more guys would ask me out. And I’d like to get invited to more parties. And people tell me that sometimes I tend to ramble on and on, so that’s something I would change. I wouldn’t say such stupid things all the time. And I’d like to be better at knowing what the next upcoming fashions are so I wouldn’t have to depend on Sandi’s advice all the time. And I wish I could take back the stupid things I say sometimes. Did I mention the puffy ankles?
DO YOU ASK A GUY / GIRL OUT OR DO YOU WAIT FOR THEM TO ASK: You’re supposed to wait for them, but sometimes I wish I didn’t have to, because it’s so nerve-wracking and sometimes you don’t get asked and then you just feel terrible!
NAME A PERSON THAT REALLY GETS ON YOUR NERVES: Sandi. No, wait! That just slipped out! I meant to say, um, Upchuck! Yeah, he gets on my nerves a lot.
SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT EACH PERSON YOU’RE SENDING THIS TO: Sandi, you’re the best Fashion Club President ever. Quinn, I was so happy when you became the President, because you were the best. Tiffany, I’m sure you tried your hardest when you became the President – you’re the best. Um, people only get to see what you write about them and not what you wrote about everyone else, right?
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NAME: Tiffany Blum-Decker
AGE: Um… 17
SEX: I haven’t tried it yet
EYES: Really pretty
WHERE DO YOU LIVE: Home
SIBLINGS: No
SCHOOL: Just for one more year, then I’m going to be a model
BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: When you get your eyeliner just right
WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: When your facial mask causes a rash
DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS: I guess so
DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS AND IF SO, WHERE AND WHAT OF: Those needles look like they would really hurt
IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL: What glass?
DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS: But, there’s like a hundred keys, I don’t have that many fingers
WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED: The floor
FAVORITE NUMBER: 98. That’s my ideal weight.
WHAT IS IN YOUR CD PLAYER RIGHT NOW: Boys are Guys – Sandi said we should listen to it
ONE WORD TO DESCRIBE YOURSELF: Pretty
FAVORITE BODY PART OF THE OPPOSITE SEX: But, all my body parts are female…
WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN: A bed
BEST ADVICE: Don’t look into the sun. It’s like, really pretty, but if you do it for too long, you get wrinkles
NON-SPORT ACTIVITY YOU ENJOY: I don’t like being too active. It makes you sweat. Ew.
SCARIEST THING YOU’VE EVER DONE: That last math test was kind of scary
FAVORITE THING TO DO IN WINTER: Too much cold weather dries out your skin
FAVORITE COLOR: Blue is really pretty
DO YOU SMOKE: Ew…
WHO’S THE HOTTEST GIRL / GUY IN THE WORLD: I think Ben Affleck is the cutest guy this week, according to Waif.
WHEN YOU DIE, DO YOU WANT TO BE BURIED OR CREMATED: Ew…
DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS: Ew…
THINGS YOU OBSESS OVER: I don’t like Obsession. Eternity smells much better.
A TEACHER YOU HATE: Ms. Morris, the gym teacher. She, like, doesn’t even care if we sweat, she makes us exercise anyway. That’s so gross.
FAVORITE AUTHOR: That’s a hard one… I don’t know who writes Waif.
WHAT’S YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT: That one time when Stacy and I came to school in the same dress. That was, like, so wrong
IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOURSELF, WHAT WOULD IT BE: I would be thinner. You really can’t be too thin
DO YOU ASK A GUY / GIRL OUT OR DO YOU WAIT FOR THEM TO ASK: They always ask me whether I wait or not, so it doesn’t really matter
NAME A PERSON THAT REALLY GETS ON YOUR NERVES: I try not to get too upset about anybody, that can cause wrinkles
SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT EACH PERSON YOU’RE SENDING THIS TO: Sandi is really pretty. Quinn is so cute. Stacy is really nice. But don’t worry, Stacy, you’re pretty and cute too, and Quinn, you’re really nice, and Sandi… you’re really pretty.
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NAME: Jamie White
AGE: 17
SEX: With Quinn (I hope, I hope, I hope…)
EYES: Blue. Just like Quinn!
WHERE DO YOU LIVE: 3.7 miles south/southwest of Quinn’s house
SIBLINGS: No, but I hang out with Joey and Jeffy a lot
SCHOOL: Lawndale High, in the same class as Quinn
BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: That time when Quinn said she would go with me to the Homecoming Dance! It really sucked that Joey and Jeffy came along too.
WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: When Quinn can’t remember my name
DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS: Sure, I guess
DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS AND IF SO, WHERE AND WHAT OF: I wanted to get one of Quinn on my shoulder, but the guy said my ID looked way too fake. Maybe next year.
IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL: Quinn likes diet cola with a little piece of lemon.
DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS: The Q is too hard to reach that way.
WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED: I have a bunch of pictures of me and Quinn
FAVORITE NUMBER: 555-1934 (Quinn’s phone number)
WHAT IS IN YOUR CD PLAYER RIGHT NOW: Boys are Guys. I know they suck, but it’s Quinn’s favorite.
ONE WORD TO DESCRIBE YOURSELF: Quinnophile (Quinn’s cousin called me that once, and said it was really fitting. I don’t know what it means)
FAVORITE BODY PART OF THE OPPOSITE SEX: Anything as long as it’s Quinn’s
WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN: I’d rather not say. It’s probably better if Quinn doesn’t know.
BEST ADVICE: Quinn once told me I’d look good in blue. When I wore a blue shirt the next day, she let me take her to Chez Pierre. So that was really good advice!
NON-SPORT ACTIVITY YOU ENJOY: Making out with Quinn (I imagine)
SCARIEST THING YOU’VE EVER DONE: I once went a week without calling Quinn because I lost a bet to Joey. That was really scary, I was afraid she wouldn’t like me anymore!
FAVORITE THING TO DO IN WINTER: Go skiing with Quinn
FAVORITE COLOR: Strawberry red, like Quinn’s hair
DO YOU SMOKE: Quinn said that was gross, so I don’t
WHO’S THE HOTTEST GIRL / GUY IN THE WORLD: QUINN!!
WHEN YOU DIE, DO YOU WANT TO BE BURIED OR CREMATED: I’d like to be cremated, and my ashes given to Quinn
DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS: Mr. O’Neill said that Quinn’s cousin is an alien
THINGS YOU OBSESS OVER: Hm… can’t think of anything
A TEACHER YOU HATE: Ms. Barch. She won’t let me sit next to Quinn
FAVORITE AUTHOR: Quinn wrote some really cool poetry once, so she’s my favorite author
WHAT’S YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT: That time Joey and Jeffy pulled my pants down in front of Quinn
IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOURSELF, WHAT WOULD IT BE: I would be dating Quinn
DO YOU ASK A GUY / GIRL OUT OR DO YOU WAIT FOR THEM TO ASK: I’ve asked Quinn lots of times. Sometimes she says yes
NAME A PERSON THAT REALLY GETS ON YOUR NERVES: Anyone who goes out with Quinn
SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT EACH PERSON YOU’RE SENDING THIS TO: Quinn! You’re so cool! Will you go out with me, please?