What theÖ?

mranonymous@valleyalley.com

Inside Janeís room we see Daria sitting on the bed reading. Jane is at her easel working on some abstract painting. As both are engaged in their activities the phone rings. Both pretend not to hear it hoping the other will answer. Finally Daria relents and picks up the receiver.

Daria

Hello.

Cut to a shot of Monique sitting at a bar stool talking on a pay phone.

Monique

Hi Daria.

Cut to Daria.

Daria

Hey.

Cut to Monique.

Monique

Is Jane there? I really need to talk to her.

Cut to Daria. She looks up at Jane who looks back.

Yea. Sheís right here.

She hands the phone to Jane.

Itís Monique.

Jane takes the phone.

Jane

Did she say what she wanted?

Daria

No. I have an idea. Why donít you put the phone to your ear and ask her?

Jane gives Daria a cross look then does what she suggests.

Jane

Hey sis. Whatís going on?

Uh huh.

Nods.

Uh huh.

Smiles.

Right. Gotcha.

Shakes her head.

Later.

Jane hangs up. She turns back to the easel and starts cleaning up. Daria looks at her.

Daria

So what did she want?

Jane gets an evil smirk. Itís payback time.

Jane

You mean she didnít tell you?

Daria gives her a cross look.

Daria

Very funny. You got me. Now what did she want?

Jane

Laughing.

Okay.† Sheís at the club. The rest of the band called her earlier. The van with the equipment broke down.

Daria

Thatís not good.

Jane

She didnít think so either.

Daria

So why did she call us?

Jane

She wants us to go see if we can find Trent. She needs him to take the Tank and meet them so they can get all the stuff there before the show tonight.

Daria

Why him? I thought she had a membership in triple A. Canít she call them.

Jane

She tried. They canít get a truck there for four hours. The gig is in three. She needs to get everything there pretty quick.

Daria

So I guess the sleepover is off.

Jane

Not really. I just need to go over there and wake him. After that itís right back here.

Daria

Why doesnít she just call him?

Jane

Canít. Phoneís disconnected.

Daria

Mutters on a low tone.

Jerk. Canít even pay one bill.

Jane

Huh?

Daria

In a normal voice.

Nothing.

Jane

Why donít you come along?

Daria

She has a look of utter disgust on her face.

To that pit of disease? No way. Iíll stay here and get a tetanus injection ready for your return.

Jane

Oh Címon. Weíll get a pizza after.

Daria shrugs.

Daria

I guess Iíll go. Do you have any hazmat suits?

Jane just shakes her head.

Daria and Jane are outside. The pair are heading to Trentís apartment.

Jane

So why are you so down on Trent?

Daria

Well to start heís so irresponsible. I mean I canít understand why Monique continues dating him. Heís never on time for anything and when he does show up he usually has forgotten what he planned to do. If he even knew what he wanted to do in the first place.

Jane just keeps walking but you can see sheís getting amused.

And add to that the fact that his hygiene is questionable at best. I mean does he even OWN a toothbrush?

Just then we see a building come into the shot. Itís Trentís apartment. It should be noted he lives on the ground floor.

Cut to the pair standing at the door. Jane knocks. No reply. She knocks again. Still no reply.

Daria

It looks like he isnít here either. What are we going to do now?

Jane

Donít give up so easy. Third timeís a charm.

She knocks one more time. Again, no reply.

Okay I give up. Letís find a phone and call Monique. She might have an idea of where else he might be.

Daria

How do you know the number of the club?

Jane

She always leaves the number where she can be reached when sheís out of town.

Daria

Oh.

As they walk away from the door they pass an open window. From inside they hear light snoring. Itís a window of Trentís apartment so they peek inside. They see him sound asleep on a filthy bed.

Daria turns to look at Jane.

Daria

I canít believe the success of her gig tonight relies on him. How desperate is that?

Jane

Lighten up Daria.

She opens the window some more.

Hey Trent.

No reply.

A little louder.

Trent.

No reply.

Even louder.

Trent!

Still no reply.

Cupping her hands over her mouth she shouts.

TRENT!!! WAKE UP.

After still no reply she turns to Daria.

Daria. Could you find me a long stick?

Daria

Would some big rocks do? They would hurt more.

Jane closes her eyes and shakes her head.

Jane

Just give me something long enough for me to jab him with.

Daria

Long and pointed. Gotcha.

As Daria leaves Jane rubs behind her neck in frustration.

Inside Trentís apartment we see all three. Trent is sitting on a couch rubbing his side. Daria and Jane are both standing. Jane looks around. Finally she sees a roll of garbage bags and takes one. Setting it on a chair she sits on top of it. Daria refuses to move.

Jane

Sorry about the jabs but when the first twenty didnít wake you I had to get a little more forceful.

Trent

Still rubbing his side.

Itís okay I had to get up anyway. Iíve got a gig tonight.

Pausing. He looks at Jane.

Itís still Thursday right?

Jane

Uh Trent. Itís Friday.

Trent

Oh. Better call the band and apologize. Wait. I canít. The phone quit working last week.

Daria closes her eyes and shakes her head.

So what were you saying outside?

Jane

The Harpiesí van broke down and Monique needs you to take the Tank and get them and the gear to the club.

Trent

Okay. Give me an hour or two and I should be ready to go.

Daria

We donít have that kind of time. They said they needed to be there in about two hours and that was an hour ago. You need to get going now.

Trent turns to look at Daria.

Trent

Oh hi, um, a Ö Janeís friend.

Daria gets a cross look.

Daria

Itís Daria.

Trent

Oh right. Daria.

Daria just glares at him.

Trent looks at Jane again.

So whereís the gig?

Jane

Sweaters. (The name of the bar)

Trent

Whoa. Thatís seventy miles east of here. Iíll never make it in time.

Daria

Angry voice.

Itís THIRTY miles NORTH of here and you have plenty of time IF you leave NOW!

Trent

Whoa. Calm down. You better come along to make sure I get it right.

Daria

No Freaking Way.

Jane

Um. Daria?

Daria turns her attention to Jane.

Daria

Yes?

Jane

Can I speak to you in private?

Daria

Sure.

Jane gets up and both of them go outside.

Jane

I know what youíre going to say but I think we need to go along with Trent.

Daria

Have you completely lost your mind?

Jane

I know. I know. But if Monique is going to make the show tonight sheís going to need someone along with him to make sure he gets to the right place on time and doesnít wreck the Tank with all the stuff in it in the process.

Daria

But if we go along with him and he wrecks anyway weíll get killed too.

Jane

Tell you what. You ride up front and Iíll give you the stick. If he starts to nod off you can jab him in the side. Will that work?

Daria

What if I only think heís nodding off?

Jane

Poke him in the side anyway. Weíll say it was a judgment call.

Daria

Okay but what if Mom calls and what about the pizza?

Jane

We wonít stay for the gig and you were going to have to buy the pizza anyway. Iím broke.

Daria glares at Jane for a second then relents.

Daria

Okay. Letís get going.

Jane

Cool. Letís tell Trent to get moving.

They go back inside.

Hey Trent. Weíre riding along. Letís go.

They see Trent laying on the couch sound asleep. Jane gets a concerned look on her face while Daria just shakes her head then holds out her hand.

Daria

Give me the stick.

Cut to the inside of the Tank. Jane is seated in the back on a crate and Daria is in the front seat next to Trent. She is holding the stick Jane promised her. Suddenly the Tank starts sputtering.

Trent

Uh oh.

Daria turns to look at him.

Daria

What do you mean, ďuh oh?Ē

Trent pulls the Tank off the road.

Trent

I think I know. Just a sec.

Trent gets out. Daria follows him to see whatís wrong. When they get to the side of the van he pulls a rag out of the neck of the gas tank. He then turns to look at Daria.

Trent

Hey umÖ

Daria

Daria.

Trent

Right. Daria. Can I borrow your stick?

She eyes him with suspicion. She doesnít know if he really needs it or he wants to get it away from her before she can jab him if she doesnít like what she hears.

She decides to give him the stick.

Daria.

Okay.

He takes the stick and puts it in the gas tank. When he retrieves it the stick is completely dry.

He stupidly hands the stick back to Daria.

Trent

No gas.

Daria

Now what do we do?

Trent points down the street.

Trent

Thereís a gas station on the corner. Weíll just push it there and fill up.

Once again Daria rubs her forehead.

Daria

(Moans)

Cut to a shot of Daria and Trent pushing the Tank next to a pump. The side door of the Tank is open so Jane can hear.

Trent

This will do.

Daria

Yelling so Jane can hear her.

Okay. You can stop now.

Jane

Yelling back.

Roger.

Trent picks up the nozzle. He pulls out the rag again and puts the nozzle in the filler neck. He turns to look at Jane who is still sitting in the van looking out the window.

Trent

Uh. Hey Jane. Iím broke. You got any cash? Iíll pay you back later.

Jane

Sorry Trent. Iím broke too.

Jane looks at Daria.

Daria You have some money. Right?

Daria walks over to the window and whispers to Jane.

Daria

Are you nuts? Heíll never pay me back. Heís always broke.

Jane whispers back.

Jane

Címon. We need to get going. Donít worry Monique will pay you back. I promise.

Daria

Iím keeping the receipt just to be sure.

Daria turns to look at Trent.

In a normal voice.

Okay Trent. Let me go pay the cashier. Then you start pumping.

Trent

Okay. Cool. While youíre in there could you get me some coffee?

Daria spins around in anger.

Daria

Every dime I have is going in that gas tank. Okay?

Shocked at her reaction, Trentís eyes get really big.

Trent

Whoa. Okay.

In a hushed tone.

She really needs a boyfriend.

Inside the store Daria walks up to the counter. Reaching into her pocket she pulls out the cash and gives it to the cashier.

Daria

$20 on pump 7A.

Clerk

Ok.

As she turns to leave she bumps into Quinn. Heís a little scuffed up and his clothes are dirty.

Quinn

Daria! What are you doing here?

Daria

Buying gas to stockpile for the impending apocalypse. And why are you here looking like that?

Quinn

Tucking his shirt in.

I was getting a ride home when I mentioned I wanted to get something to drink. The car turned so fast I fell out of her convertible.

Daria

You mean you were riding withÖ

Before she can finish the statement three girls who look just like Sandi, Tiffany, and Stacy walk up to where Quinn and Daria are.

Jamie

(Sandi)

Um uh, Quinn I like found a root beer. Is that okay?

Jessica

(Tiffany)

G u a v a†† M a n g o†† S u r p r i s e ?

Jennifer

(Stacy)

Frappucino?

Quinn turns to look at the three Jís.

Quinn

Um. I hate to do this but the fall kind of killed my appetite for a drink. Perhaps I should just go home. Sorry.

All three turn to put the drinks back.

Jessica

O k a y.

Jamie

Whatever.

Jennifer

Sobbing.

I knew I would pick the wrong thing.

Quinn turns his attention back to Daria.

Quinn

Look Sis. I need a favor.† I really need to get away from those three. They havenít left me alone all day.

Suddenly he is distracted. Looking outside he points at the Tank.

Are you riding in that?

Once more Daria gets a cross look.

Daria

Yes. Now what do you want?

Quinn

I canít take any more of them today. Can you give me a ride home?† Or at least get me away from here.

Daria

Sorry, but we have to get going. Weíre going to be cutting it close as it is.

Quinn

Where are you going?

Daria

None of your damn business.

Quinn gets an evil grin.

Quinn

Iíll tell Mom and Dad that when they ask where you are later.

Daria

They know Iím staying over at Janeís tonight. They wonít call.

Quinn

They might if I drop a hint you might need something.

Daria knows he would do it. Reluctantly she decides the truth is her only refuge. She sighs.

Daria

Moniqueís van broke down. Weíre meeting the band and driving them the rest of the way to the club.

Quinn suddenly gets a puppy dog look in his eyes.

Quinn

Monique?

Shaking his head to get the lust out of his brain.

Monique needs help? Iíll go. Please let me go!

Daria considers his request.

Daria

Okay. You can go but you are doing all the lifting.

Quinn

For Monique? No problem.

Just then from off camera we hear Jamie.

Jamie

Oh Quinn, Would you like some beef jerky or something?

Jennifer

Chips?

Jessica

C a s h e w s ?

Looking at Daria with panic in his eyes.

Quinn

Letís go!

He grabs Dariaís wrist and almost drags her out to the van. When they get to the Tank Trent is stuffing the rag back into the filler neck.

As Quinn pushes Daria into the vehicle she speaks in a rushed voice.

Daria

Trent. This is my little brother Quinn. Heís riding along okay?

Trent

Sure. Thatís cool.

Quinn looks out the driver side window to see the three Jís. He turns to look at Trent.

Quinn

Címon. Letís go!

Trent

Whoa calm down. Iím almost done. Have to be careful doing this. Canít afford to lose another rag down there.

Daria just shakes her head and sighs, again.

Trent gets in the drivers seat and starts the van. At the same time the three Jís come out of the store calling for Quinn. He sees them and ducks into the back under a canvas tarp.

Trent

Hey man I think those chicks are looking for you.

Quinn

Just drive!

Trent

Okay. Whatever.

As he drives off he looks at Daria then at Quinn who is still hiding under the tarp.

Man this is one weird family.

Cut to a shot of the front of the Tank driving down the road. It slowly starts moving onto the shoulder. Suddenly we hear Trentís voice.

Oww!

The van gets back on the road.

Cut to a two shot of Daria and Trent in the front seat. Daria has an angry expression and Trent, rubbing his side, looks a little annoyed as well.

Trent

What is it with you and that stick? It hurts you know.

Daria

Well stay awake and keep your eyes on the damn road and I wouldnít have to keep poking you.

Trent

You should have bought me that coffee.

Daria

Iíll know better next time. If there IS a next time.

Jane comes up between them and points out the front of the Tank.

Jane

I think thatís the van up there.

Cut to a shot of the van approaching a newer, really nice looking van. A wrecker from the auto club is parked in front of it. Three women dressed along the lines of Monique are standing around.

Trent

Voice over.

Yea thatís them.

The Tank pulls up and stops behind the van. Everyone gets out and starts moving stuff around. Daria and Jane stay in the background preferring to let Trent and Quinn do most of the work.

Cut to a shot of everyone crowded inside the Tank. Thereís equipment and people crowded everywhere. This time Jane is sitting next to Trent.

Suddenly Jane points at an angle.

Jane

Thatís the club. Monique said take a left at the corner and go in the alley.

Trent

Okay.

He turns the steering wheel. A few turns later they pull up at the rear entrance. As they stop Monique comes out.

Monique

You made it, and not a moment too soon.

Everyone piles out of the Tank.

Jane

Yea. It was close. We had to stop for gas.

Monique

No prob. You made it here. Thatís all that matters. Thanks.

She looks at everyone.

So whoís with the van?

Jane

The wrecker got there early. He took it to a garage. Donít worry, he said they wonít do anything until they can talk to you.

Monique

Cool. Well the show is pretty soon. We really need to get set up.

Everyone looks at each other and nods. They start grabbing equipment.

Cut to a shot of Quinn and Trent on stage. Trent is plugging in equipment while Quinn is lugging around amps bigger than he is.† Monique sees Quinn struggling and comes over.

Monique.

Do you need any help?

Quinn turns to see Monique behind him. His exhaustion is suddenly replaced by the same puppy dog look he had at the gas station.

Quinn.

Uh no. Iím almost done here. This is the last one.

Monique smiles at him.

Monique

Well we couldnít have done this without you. Thanks kid.

As Monique walks off Quinn stands there with a stunned look on his face.

Quinn

In a low, dejected voice.

Thanks kid?

He bows his head.

Daria is sitting at a table in the club waiting for everyone to finish up. Monique goes over and sits by her.

Monique

Hey Daria.

Daria turns to look at her.

Daria

Hey.

Monique

Jane told me you paid for the gas. Thanks.

Monique reaches into a pocket and pulls out something. She hands it to Daria.

Here. This should cover it.

Daria takes the money. She looks at it.

Daria

Uh Monique. This is $40. I only put $20 in the Tank.

Monique

Smiling.

Yea I know. When you get back you and Jane go out for a pizza. My treat.

Daria pockets the money.

Daria

Thanks. Thatís very nice.

Monique

Youíre welcome. Just do me a favor Daria.

Daria

Um, sure. What?

Monique

Take it easy on Trent on the ride back. I know he seems like a jerk but heís basically a nice guy. Heís far from perfect but if you get to know him youíll see heís a good person.

Daria turns a little red. Sheís embarrassed that Monique heard about how she treated Trent.

Daria

Okay. Iím sorry I acted the way I did. Iíll behave.

Monique

Itís okay. Iíve done a few things like that myself.

Monique gets up.

Well I guess we had better start sound checks. Theyíre going to be letting people in here soon.

Daria

Yea. We need to get back home too. Mom and Dad are probably wondering where Quinn is by now.

Monique turns to look at Quinn who is now sitting on the edge of the stage.

Monique

Youíre little brother is cute. Jane told me he has a crush on me.

Dariaís eyes get really big.

Daria

She did!?

Monique

Yea but it was kind of obvious anyway. Donít worry Iíll be cool around him and he will eventually get over it.

Daria

I guess. Well I need to find Jane so we can get back.

Monique

Yea. And I need to get back to work. Thanks again.

They separate.

Cut to a shot of the Tank driving down the road.

Cut to a shot from the front of the Tank. Once again Daria is sitting next to Trent. Jane and Quinn are seated in the back. Both are laying on the tarp asleep from exhaustion.

Daria

Um Trent?

Trent

Yea?

Daria

Iím sorry for how I behaved earlier. I shouldnít have kept jabbing you the way I did.

Trent

Itís cool. You had to keep me awake somehow.

Daria

Well I just wanted to apologize anyway.

Trent

Itís okayÖ Daria.

Daria smiles at the fact he finally remembers her name.

Cut to a shot of the Tank pulling up in front of the Pizza King. Daria, Jane, and Quinn all get out.

Cut to a shot from the sidewalk as all three look in the van. We see Trent still behind the wheel.

Jane

Thanks for dropping us off here. Are you sure you donít want to come in with us?

Trent

Nah. What time is it?

Jane looks at her watch.

Jane

About 8:45.

Trent

Rehearsal started almost two hours ago. I really should get there.

All Three

Well bye.

Yea later.

See ya.

Daria shuts the door and Trent drives off.

All three look at each other.

Daria

I canít believe Iím about to do this but Quinn, if you want, you can come in and eat with us. It would give you an alibi when Mom and Dad ask where you were.

Quinn peeks through the window. All three Jís are sitting at a booth.

Quinn

No. Thanks anyway but Iíll think of a story on the way home. Bye

Daria

Okay Bye.

Quinn walks off.

Cut to a two shot of Jane and Daria as he leaves.

Jane

You know your brother is really kind of cool.

Daria

Yea. Heís okay at times but Iíve often wondered what it would be like if Iíd had a sister instead.

Jane

Whatís the point of speculating about what will never happen? Lets go get some food.

The two enter the Pizza King.

The End

As usual Daria belongs to MTV. This was written for my own amusement.