What the…?
Inside Jane’s room we see Daria sitting on the bed reading. Jane is at her easel working on some abstract painting. As both are engaged in their activities the phone rings. Both pretend not to hear it hoping the other will answer. Finally Daria relents and picks up the receiver.
Daria
Hello.
Cut to a shot of Monique sitting at a bar stool talking on a pay phone.
Monique
Hi Daria.
Cut to Daria.
Daria
Hey.
Cut to Monique.
Monique
Is Jane there? I really need to talk to her.
Cut to Daria. She looks up at Jane who looks back.
Yea. She’s right here.
She hands the phone to Jane.
It’s Monique.
Jane takes the phone.
Jane
Did she say what she wanted?
Daria
No. I have an idea. Why don’t you put the phone to your ear and ask her?
Jane gives Daria a cross look then does what she suggests.
Jane
Hey sis. What’s going on?
Uh huh.
Nods.
Uh huh.
Smiles.
Right. Gotcha.
Shakes her head.
Later.
Jane hangs up. She turns back to the easel and starts cleaning up. Daria looks at her.
Daria
So what did she want?
Jane gets an evil smirk. It’s payback time.
Jane
You mean she didn’t tell you?
Daria gives her a cross look.
Daria
Very funny. You got me. Now what did she want?
Jane
Laughing.
Okay. She’s at the club. The rest of the band called her earlier. The van with the equipment broke down.
Daria
That’s not good.
Jane
She didn’t think so either.
Daria
So why did she call us?
Jane
She wants us to go see if we can find Trent. She needs him to take the Tank and meet them so they can get all the stuff there before the show tonight.
Daria
Why him? I thought she had a membership in triple A. Can’t she call them.
Jane
She tried. They can’t get a truck there for four hours. The gig is in three. She needs to get everything there pretty quick.
Daria
So I guess the sleepover is off.
Jane
Not really. I just need to go over there and wake him. After that it’s right back here.
Daria
Why doesn’t she just call him?
Jane
Can’t. Phone’s disconnected.
Daria
Mutters on a low tone.
Jerk. Can’t even pay one bill.
Jane
Huh?
Daria
In a normal voice.
Nothing.
Jane
Why don’t you come along?
Daria
She has a look of utter disgust on her face.
To that pit of disease? No way. I’ll stay here and get a tetanus injection ready for your return.
Jane
Oh C’mon. We’ll get a pizza after.
Daria shrugs.
Daria
I guess I’ll go. Do you have any hazmat suits?
Jane just shakes her head.
Daria and Jane are outside. The pair are heading to Trent’s apartment.
Jane
So why are you so down on Trent?
Daria
Well to start he’s so irresponsible. I mean I can’t understand why Monique continues dating him. He’s never on time for anything and when he does show up he usually has forgotten what he planned to do. If he even knew what he wanted to do in the first place.
Jane just keeps walking but you can see she’s getting amused.
And add to that the fact that his hygiene is questionable at best. I mean does he even OWN a toothbrush?
Just then we see a building come into the shot. It’s Trent’s apartment. It should be noted he lives on the ground floor.
Cut to the pair standing at the door. Jane knocks. No reply. She knocks again. Still no reply.
Daria
It looks like he isn’t here either. What are we going to do now?
Jane
Don’t give up so easy. Third time’s a charm.
She knocks one more time. Again, no reply.
Okay I give up. Let’s find a phone and call Monique. She might have an idea of where else he might be.
Daria
How do you know the number of the club?
Jane
She always leaves the number where she can be reached when she’s out of town.
Daria
Oh.
As they walk away from the door they pass an open window. From inside they hear light snoring. It’s a window of Trent’s apartment so they peek inside. They see him sound asleep on a filthy bed.
Daria turns to look at Jane.
Daria
I can’t believe the success of her gig tonight relies on him. How desperate is that?
Jane
Lighten up Daria.
She opens the window some more.
Hey Trent.
No reply.
A little louder.
Trent.
No reply.
Even louder.
Trent!
Still no reply.
Cupping her hands over her mouth she shouts.
TRENT!!! WAKE UP.
After still no reply she turns to Daria.
Daria. Could you find me a long stick?
Daria
Would some big rocks do? They would hurt more.
Jane closes her eyes and shakes her head.
Jane
Just give me something long enough for me to jab him with.
Daria
Long and pointed. Gotcha.
As Daria leaves Jane rubs behind her neck in frustration.
Inside Trent’s apartment we see all three. Trent is sitting on a couch rubbing his side. Daria and Jane are both standing. Jane looks around. Finally she sees a roll of garbage bags and takes one. Setting it on a chair she sits on top of it. Daria refuses to move.
Jane
Sorry about the jabs but when the first twenty didn’t wake you I had to get a little more forceful.
Trent
Still rubbing his side.
It’s okay I had to get up anyway. I’ve got a gig tonight.
Pausing. He looks at Jane.
It’s still Thursday right?
Jane
Uh Trent. It’s Friday.
Trent
Oh. Better call the band and apologize. Wait. I can’t. The phone quit working last week.
Daria closes her eyes and shakes her head.
So what were you saying outside?
Jane
The Harpies’ van broke down and Monique needs you to take the Tank and get them and the gear to the club.
Trent
Okay. Give me an hour or two and I should be ready to go.
Daria
We don’t have that kind of time. They said they needed to be there in about two hours and that was an hour ago. You need to get going now.
Trent turns to look at Daria.
Trent
Oh hi, um, a … Jane’s friend.
Daria gets a cross look.
Daria
It’s Daria.
Trent
Oh right. Daria.
Daria just glares at him.
Trent looks at Jane again.
So where’s the gig?
Jane
Sweaters. (The name of the bar)
Trent
Whoa. That’s seventy miles east of here. I’ll never make it in time.
Daria
Angry voice.
It’s THIRTY miles NORTH of here and you have plenty of time IF you leave NOW!
Trent
Whoa. Calm down. You better come along to make sure I get it right.
Daria
No Freaking Way.
Jane
Um. Daria?
Daria turns her attention to Jane.
Daria
Yes?
Jane
Can I speak to you in private?
Daria
Sure.
Jane gets up and both of them go outside.
Jane
I know what you’re going to say but I think we need to go along with Trent.
Daria
Have you completely lost your mind?
Jane
I know. I know. But if Monique is going to make the show tonight she’s going to need someone along with him to make sure he gets to the right place on time and doesn’t wreck the Tank with all the stuff in it in the process.
Daria
But if we go along with him and he wrecks anyway we’ll get killed too.
Jane
Tell you what. You ride up front and I’ll give you the stick. If he starts to nod off you can jab him in the side. Will that work?
Daria
What if I only think he’s nodding off?
Jane
Poke him in the side anyway. We’ll say it was a judgment call.
Daria
Okay but what if Mom calls and what about the pizza?
Jane
We won’t stay for the gig and you were going to have to buy the pizza anyway. I’m broke.
Daria glares at Jane for a second then relents.
Daria
Okay. Let’s get going.
Jane
Cool. Let’s tell Trent to get moving.
They go back inside.
Hey Trent. We’re riding along. Let’s go.
They see Trent laying on the couch sound asleep. Jane gets a concerned look on her face while Daria just shakes her head then holds out her hand.
Daria
Give me the stick.
Cut to the inside of the Tank. Jane is seated in the back on a crate and Daria is in the front seat next to Trent. She is holding the stick Jane promised her. Suddenly the Tank starts sputtering.
Trent
Uh oh.
Daria turns to look at him.
Daria
What do you mean, “uh oh?”
Trent pulls the Tank off the road.
Trent
I think I know. Just a sec.
Trent gets out. Daria follows him to see what’s wrong. When they get to the side of the van he pulls a rag out of the neck of the gas tank. He then turns to look at Daria.
Trent
Hey um…
Daria
Daria.
Trent
Right. Daria. Can I borrow your stick?
She eyes him with suspicion. She doesn’t know if he really needs it or he wants to get it away from her before she can jab him if she doesn’t like what she hears.
She decides to give him the stick.
Daria.
Okay.
He takes the stick and puts it in the gas tank. When he retrieves it the stick is completely dry.
He stupidly hands the stick back to Daria.
Trent
No gas.
Daria
Now what do we do?
Trent points down the street.
Trent
There’s a gas station on the corner. We’ll just push it there and fill up.
Once again Daria rubs her forehead.
Daria
(Moans)
Cut to a shot of Daria and Trent pushing the Tank next to a pump. The side door of the Tank is open so Jane can hear.
Trent
This will do.
Daria
Yelling so Jane can hear her.
Okay. You can stop now.
Jane
Yelling back.
Roger.
Trent picks up the nozzle. He pulls out the rag again and puts the nozzle in the filler neck. He turns to look at Jane who is still sitting in the van looking out the window.
Trent
Uh. Hey Jane. I’m broke. You got any cash? I’ll pay you back later.
Jane
Sorry Trent. I’m broke too.
Jane looks at Daria.
Daria You have some money. Right?
Daria walks over to the window and whispers to Jane.
Daria
Are you nuts? He’ll never pay me back. He’s always broke.
Jane whispers back.
Jane
C’mon. We need to get going. Don’t worry Monique will pay you back. I promise.
Daria
I’m keeping the receipt just to be sure.
Daria turns to look at Trent.
In a normal voice.
Okay Trent. Let me go pay the cashier. Then you start pumping.
Trent
Okay. Cool. While you’re in there could you get me some coffee?
Daria spins around in anger.
Daria
Every dime I have is going in that gas tank. Okay?
Shocked at her reaction, Trent’s eyes get really big.
Trent
Whoa. Okay.
In a hushed tone.
She really needs a boyfriend.
Inside the store Daria walks up to the counter. Reaching into her pocket she pulls out the cash and gives it to the cashier.
Daria
$20 on pump 7A.
Clerk
Ok.
As she turns to leave she bumps into Quinn. He’s a little scuffed up and his clothes are dirty.
Quinn
Daria! What are you doing here?
Daria
Buying gas to stockpile for the impending apocalypse. And why are you here looking like that?
Quinn
Tucking his shirt in.
I was getting a ride home when I mentioned I wanted to get something to drink. The car turned so fast I fell out of her convertible.
Daria
You mean you were riding with…
Before she can finish the statement three girls who look just like Sandi, Tiffany, and Stacy walk up to where Quinn and Daria are.
Jamie
(Sandi)
Um uh, Quinn I like found a root beer. Is that okay?
Jessica
(Tiffany)
G u a v a M a n g o S u r p r i s e ?
Jennifer
(Stacy)
Frappucino?
Quinn turns to look at the three J’s.
Quinn
Um. I hate to do this but the fall kind of killed my appetite for a drink. Perhaps I should just go home. Sorry.
All three turn to put the drinks back.
Jessica
O k a y.
Jamie
Whatever.
Jennifer
Sobbing.
I knew I would pick the wrong thing.
Quinn turns his attention back to Daria.
Quinn
Look Sis. I need a favor. I really need to get away from those three. They haven’t left me alone all day.
Suddenly he is distracted. Looking outside he points at the Tank.
Are you riding in that?
Once more Daria gets a cross look.
Daria
Yes. Now what do you want?
Quinn
I can’t take any more of them today. Can you give me a ride home? Or at least get me away from here.
Daria
Sorry, but we have to get going. We’re going to be cutting it close as it is.
Quinn
Where are you going?
Daria
None of your damn business.
Quinn gets an evil grin.
Quinn
I’ll tell Mom and Dad that when they ask where you are later.
Daria
They know I’m staying over at Jane’s tonight. They won’t call.
Quinn
They might if I drop a hint you might need something.
Daria knows he would do it. Reluctantly she decides the truth is her only refuge. She sighs.
Daria
Monique’s van broke down. We’re meeting the band and driving them the rest of the way to the club.
Quinn suddenly gets a puppy dog look in his eyes.
Quinn
Monique?
Shaking his head to get the lust out of his brain.
Monique needs help? I’ll go. Please let me go!
Daria considers his request.
Daria
Okay. You can go but you are doing all the lifting.
Quinn
For Monique? No problem.
Just then from off camera we hear Jamie.
Jamie
Oh Quinn, Would you like some beef jerky or something?
Jennifer
Chips?
Jessica
C a s h e w s ?
Looking at Daria with panic in his eyes.
Quinn
Let’s go!
He grabs Daria’s wrist and almost drags her out to the van. When they get to the Tank Trent is stuffing the rag back into the filler neck.
As Quinn pushes Daria into the vehicle she speaks in a rushed voice.
Daria
Trent. This is my little brother Quinn. He’s riding along okay?
Trent
Sure. That’s cool.
Quinn looks out the driver side window to see the three J’s. He turns to look at Trent.
Quinn
C’mon. Let’s go!
Trent
Whoa calm down. I’m almost done. Have to be careful doing this. Can’t afford to lose another rag down there.
Daria just shakes her head and sighs, again.
Trent gets in the drivers seat and starts the van. At the same time the three J’s come out of the store calling for Quinn. He sees them and ducks into the back under a canvas tarp.
Trent
Hey man I think those chicks are looking for you.
Quinn
Just drive!
Trent
Okay. Whatever.
As he drives off he looks at Daria then at Quinn who is still hiding under the tarp.
Man this is one weird family.
Cut to a shot of the front of the Tank driving down the road. It slowly starts moving onto the shoulder. Suddenly we hear Trent’s voice.
Oww!
The van gets back on the road.
Cut to a two shot of Daria and Trent in the front seat. Daria has an angry expression and Trent, rubbing his side, looks a little annoyed as well.
Trent
What is it with you and that stick? It hurts you know.
Daria
Well stay awake and keep your eyes on the damn road and I wouldn’t have to keep poking you.
Trent
You should have bought me that coffee.
Daria
I’ll know better next time. If there IS a next time.
Jane comes up between them and points out the front of the Tank.
Jane
I think that’s the van up there.
Cut to a shot of the van approaching a newer, really nice looking van. A wrecker from the auto club is parked in front of it. Three women dressed along the lines of Monique are standing around.
Trent
Voice over.
Yea that’s them.
The Tank pulls up and stops behind the van. Everyone gets out and starts moving stuff around. Daria and Jane stay in the background preferring to let Trent and Quinn do most of the work.
Cut to a shot of everyone crowded inside the Tank. There’s equipment and people crowded everywhere. This time Jane is sitting next to Trent.
Suddenly Jane points at an angle.
Jane
That’s the club. Monique said take a left at the corner and go in the alley.
Trent
Okay.
He turns the steering wheel. A few turns later they pull up at the rear entrance. As they stop Monique comes out.
Monique
You made it, and not a moment too soon.
Everyone piles out of the Tank.
Jane
Yea. It was close. We had to stop for gas.
Monique
No prob. You made it here. That’s all that matters. Thanks.
She looks at everyone.
So who’s with the van?
Jane
The wrecker got there early. He took it to a garage. Don’t worry, he said they won’t do anything until they can talk to you.
Monique
Cool. Well the show is pretty soon. We really need to get set up.
Everyone looks at each other and nods. They start grabbing equipment.
Cut to a shot of Quinn and Trent on stage. Trent is plugging in equipment while Quinn is lugging around amps bigger than he is. Monique sees Quinn struggling and comes over.
Monique.
Do you need any help?
Quinn turns to see Monique behind him. His exhaustion is suddenly replaced by the same puppy dog look he had at the gas station.
Quinn.
Uh no. I’m almost done here. This is the last one.
Monique smiles at him.
Monique
Well we couldn’t have done this without you. Thanks kid.
As Monique walks off Quinn stands there with a stunned look on his face.
Quinn
In a low, dejected voice.
Thanks kid?
He bows his head.
Daria is sitting at a table in the club waiting for everyone to finish up. Monique goes over and sits by her.
Monique
Hey Daria.
Daria turns to look at her.
Daria
Hey.
Monique
Jane told me you paid for the gas. Thanks.
Monique reaches into a pocket and pulls out something. She hands it to Daria.
Here. This should cover it.
Daria takes the money. She looks at it.
Daria
Uh Monique. This is $40. I only put $20 in the Tank.
Monique
Smiling.
Yea I know. When you get back you and Jane go out for a pizza. My treat.
Daria pockets the money.
Daria
Thanks. That’s very nice.
Monique
You’re welcome. Just do me a favor Daria.
Daria
Um, sure. What?
Monique
Take it easy on Trent on the ride back. I know he seems like a jerk but he’s basically a nice guy. He’s far from perfect but if you get to know him you’ll see he’s a good person.
Daria turns a little red. She’s embarrassed that Monique heard about how she treated Trent.
Daria
Okay. I’m sorry I acted the way I did. I’ll behave.
Monique
It’s okay. I’ve done a few things like that myself.
Monique gets up.
Well I guess we had better start sound checks. They’re going to be letting people in here soon.
Daria
Yea. We need to get back home too. Mom and Dad are probably wondering where Quinn is by now.
Monique turns to look at Quinn who is now sitting on the edge of the stage.
Monique
You’re little brother is cute. Jane told me he has a crush on me.
Daria’s eyes get really big.
Daria
She did!?
Monique
Yea but it was kind of obvious anyway. Don’t worry I’ll be cool around him and he will eventually get over it.
Daria
I guess. Well I need to find Jane so we can get back.
Monique
Yea. And I need to get back to work. Thanks again.
They separate.
Cut to a shot of the Tank driving down the road.
Cut to a shot from the front of the Tank. Once again Daria is sitting next to Trent. Jane and Quinn are seated in the back. Both are laying on the tarp asleep from exhaustion.
Daria
Um Trent?
Trent
Yea?
Daria
I’m sorry for how I behaved earlier. I shouldn’t have kept jabbing you the way I did.
Trent
It’s cool. You had to keep me awake somehow.
Daria
Well I just wanted to apologize anyway.
Trent
It’s okay… Daria.
Daria smiles at the fact he finally remembers her name.
Cut to a shot of the Tank pulling up in front of the Pizza King. Daria, Jane, and Quinn all get out.
Cut to a shot from the sidewalk as all three look in the van. We see Trent still behind the wheel.
Jane
Thanks for dropping us off here. Are you sure you don’t want to come in with us?
Trent
Nah. What time is it?
Jane looks at her watch.
Jane
About 8:45.
Trent
Rehearsal started almost two hours ago. I really should get there.
All Three
Well bye.
Yea later.
See ya.
Daria shuts the door and Trent drives off.
All three look at each other.
Daria
I can’t believe I’m about to do this but Quinn, if you want, you can come in and eat with us. It would give you an alibi when Mom and Dad ask where you were.
Quinn peeks through the window. All three J’s are sitting at a booth.
Quinn
No. Thanks anyway but I’ll think of a story on the way home. Bye
Daria
Okay Bye.
Quinn walks off.
Cut to a two shot of Jane and Daria as he leaves.
Jane
You know your brother is really kind of cool.
Daria
Yea. He’s okay at times but I’ve often wondered what it would be like if I’d had a sister instead.
Jane
What’s the point of speculating about what will never happen? Lets go get some food.
The two enter the Pizza King.
The End
As usual Daria belongs to MTV. This was written for my own amusement.