5: ON THE FIFTH DAY (Try To Understand)

"So you want out," said Jane, "yet you're in love with the queen
of The Fashionistas. A definite Scylla and Charibdes choice, to say the 
least."
Daria and Jane, were having their per usual pizza at the Pizza King.
Right now, even while The Byrds'  My Back Pages was playing in the 
background, the auburn had related to her friend the quandry she
was in and her meeting with Amy and Eiji.
"A part of me," said Daria, " wants to buy some jewery and settlle
down with Sandi, and all in the name of love, and the 
other half wants to flee to Transvaal and hide out in their 
diamond mines. And yet, it was that kiss that showed me and 
Sandi how the other half lives......and if you
say, 'Oh dear, our girl's becoming a woman,' I'll kick your butt."
"You'd think I'd be stupid to do that?" said the artist. "I think
what it is, is that you're feeling the guilt, yet you enjoy it. 
Listen, if you wanna break up the easy way, why not call The 
Chicken Breakup Service?"
"What's that?"
"It's a telegram service where a delivery person, dressed up 
like a chicken, delivers a telegram to one you wanna break up with. 
You could say it's one way of telling Sandi that her love's flown 
the coop."
""Thanks but I don't think Sandi is likely to fall for that."
"If Sandi knew she ain't the only one in love, she'd turn off of 
you, and turn on to Quinn," said Jane. 
"And that," said Daria hopefully, "could be the solution....."

Time passed upon arriving at House Morgendorffer. Quinn had gone on her 
date at 6:00 P. M., and no sooner  had Daria's sister departed, a knock on
the door brought Sandi who said, "Hi, sweetie."
"So what's on your mind? Your brothers stole your Waif collection?"
"If they did, I'd bust their butts silly. Anyhow, since your folks and mine
will be, like, home tomorrow, I figured we'd make our last moment here 
something to remember--under your glowing stars."
"Under the glowing stars? Oh, you mean those glowing stars Jane did for me."
"Yup. But first--" here Sandi's voice changed to a breathy murmur--" I got something 
you're going to love......" From there, the brunette took the auburn's hand, then the 
other one, and led her upstairs.
 
The auburn and the brunette were at the front door. During that whole time 
however, Daria had been thinking on how tobreak it to Sandi. The fact she 
had glasses--and no one in one's right mind would hit someone with glasses--
she hoped Sandi wouldn't punch her. Just now, the cynic started to open the 
door, when the diva reached out and took her hand.
"Sandi, it's late," said Daria. "Quinn will be home soon, and besides, my folks
will be home tomorrow. How's that for the latest article on Sick Sad World?"
"I don't think I'd care. Like, I love you....and I want you."
"Even a geeky brain like me? You know, in a way, considering that we're of
different worlds, all it took was a kiss just to win a bet with your fellow
Fashion Clubbers--and to see how the other half lives. Maybe we DID learn 
something from each other, who knows?"
For the first time in years, Sandi had been somber in what she had been 
saying since that first kiss with Daria; right now, she said, "Like, who knows
indeed? Still, I can't be a better person, just as you can't conform to what is
popular and fashionable. Like, it's too late for me, Daria."
"Maybe, maybe not. I can't help it if I am a cynic just as you can't help it
if you're a diva. They're the only ways we can live in such a sick sad world, 
I guess."
The brunette could only laugh before saying, "Oh!! You.......!!" and
headed for the door--before she turned to the auburn and said, "When
will I see you again?"
For Daria, the time was now. Break it to her gently and hang the outcome,
The Misery Chick way--so with that in mind, she said bluntly:
"You won't, Sandi. You can't see me again. It's over between me and
you."
"WHAT.........?!?"
"Please.......try to understand......it's all over."
As expected, the brunette's face now had the meanest look, her voice
seething with a tone that left no room for mercy. "Daria, that is so
unfair of you, I CANNOT believe you'd do that to me, after all the love 
we shared, you hang me out to dry!!!!" 
""At least listen."
Her face red, her voice twixt anguish and rage, Sandi growled, "Listen to
what, you %@#*^&$ BITCH!! You said you loved me!! I went out of
my way for you, and you don't love me?!? #%@*^$&!! Is that the
&^*$#@% thanks I get?!?
"Try to understand. I am an unpopular geeky brain, and you're a
popular shallow beauty. You and your fashion drones, save for my 
sister, weren't friends of mine. We're of different classes, and 
different ages, lifestyles, along with the fact I'll be heading to
collage soon. Besides, I love Tom, and the way I see it, now that
we got what we came for, it's best we break it off, before it
gets out of hand. And yet, I don't know why I still want more."
Bunching her hand into a fist, the diva hissed "You %@#$&^*....!!"
"You wouldn't hit a gal with glasses, would you?"
"Unfortunately, we Griffins don't believe in superstitions." Swinging a
fist, Sandi started to punch Daria, who jumped from its path, and
the brunette lunged at the hapless auburn, falling to the couch,
grabbing the front of the cynic's coat and shouting through her
sobs: "I HATE YOU!!!! I HATE YOU!!!! I HATED YOU SINCE YOU
AND QUINN FIRST CAME HERE, I HATED YOU SINCE YOU
YOU WERE THAT ACTING TEACHER WHEN ALL THE OTHER 
TEACHERS WERE ON STRIKE, AND I HATE YOU EVEN TODAY,
EVEN NOW......!!!!"
Somehow all the vehemence turned out to be an outlet for
blowing off steam, for in the next instant, Sandi's rage turned
to tears, which were streaming down her face, before she flung
her arms 'round a bewildered Daria and cried as hard as she 
could.
"I said it before," said the auburn, "and I'll say it again--you don't 
need to cry 'bout that."
"Oh, Daria," sobbed the brunette, "I wanted to break off from you
myself; I was aware as you were, that it was over, that our love 
was never meant to be, that we were of different worlds....and
that it was best that I wanted out of that affair as you did, yet 
a part of me wanted more of the love we once
shared.........and that part is saying....that....I love you....I
don't wanna be without you.........y-you were my first love,
my first kiss....and to break up from that....it's sad to say
goodby.......but what hurts me is that you broke off from me
first, before I could tell you our romance was over."
"What difference does it make who said it?" said Daria. "Be
it with straight, lesbian, or even gay romances, there's a lot
of other fish in the sea--or words to that effect.Me and Trent 
had a thing for a moment, but we became just friends while 
he got engaged to Monique. Tom used to be Jane's lover till 
he turned on to me; that almost runied mine and Jane's
friendship, but we made up. These day's she's dating Jesse
Moreno. Believe me, I know there's someone that loves you."
Lifting her tear drenched face, Sandi stared at Daria before
sobbing, "D-Daria........", only to relapse and cry sadly on the
auburn's shoulder.
"Listen, Sandi," said the cynic, "remember when you said 
you fell in love with me and Quinn? What if I were to tell
you that Quinn was secretly in love with you?"
Getting up, the brunette stared through her drying tears 
and said, "What? Quinn in love with me?"
"Believe me," said the auburn,"it's no lie."
"Quinn did THAT?!? You sure you didn't make up such a half
baked tale like that, just to get rid of me?"
"If you don't believe me, you, Quinn and your fashion drones 
meet me and Jane in the bathroom tomorrow. I think it's time
we placed our cards on the table.If I am right, Quinn may be the
solution."
"And if you ain't?"
Thinking carefully, Daria replied, "Then you got me still, despite
the odds, plus you got the right to kick my butt with those
fancy shoes of yours."
For a moment, Sandi mulled over that while drying her eyes, 
then said, "Like, I'll give you a chance--but I'll enjoy the 
pleasure of kicking your butt if you're mistaken--BOOM!!"
"Whatever," said the cynic. 
On that, the diva got up, opened the front door, and went 
out, closing it. Then, just as Daria turned  to the kitchen, 
there was a knock on the door; opening it, she saw Sandi,
who said, "Like, by the way..........thank you for everything."
From there, she hugged the auburn before fully kissing
her on the mouth one last time and ran down the street.

After closing the door, Daria picked up the phone, and 
placed a call to Jane who picked up her phone saying, "Yo."
"Jane," said the auburn. "It's time we move fast, and your
help is a must for tomorrow."

Friday, the fifth day brought Sandi, Quinn, Tiffany and Stacy
entering the bathroom, where Daria and Jane stood; nearby
was a huge tank type vacuum on casters, and a long hose.
Behind them, the grill for the air vent had been removed and
was near the sink.
"OK, like what's on your mind?" said Sandi.
"Why'd you tell me to come here?" said Quinn.
"What's the secret?" said Tiffany.
"And what you mean by placin' the cards on the table?" said
Stacy.
"Shh," said Daria "Just listen."
Needless to say, the faint sounds of Kevin and Brittany
smooching it up could be heard.
"Kevin and Brittany," said Quinn.
"In the air vents?" said Stacy.
"Then that means they DID evesdrop.....brr!!" said Tiffany.
"Then that means.......oh no, they overheard....!!" said
Sandi, who now clenched her fists.. "I'll pound them
silly!! No court is goin' to convict me!!"
"Settle down, S. G.," said Daria. "Sure, the story they told 
is real, BUT....if you truly wanna get back at them for what 
they did, there's such a thing as the right way."
"And which IS the right way?," haughtily demanded the brunette.
Pointing to the vacuum, Jane replied, "See that vacuum? I just
borrowed it from the janitor, and it's full of dust. Right now, I
just took the hose off vacuum, and placed it on exhaust.
Quinn, can you take the cord and plug it in that wall outlet?
Daria, can you stand on that sink and stick the hose in
the air vent?"
"And how is that %@#$&*^ setup going to help me?!?"
said Sandi.
"Just stand by that switch on the vacuum," said the
artist, " and wait for my signal." To Daria, who was 
standing on one of the sinks, one hand aiming the vacuum 
hose in the vent, she added, "Just follow my lead, amiga."
"As you wish," said the cynic.
"So, Daria," said Jane, "you're thinking of breaking up with 
Sandi, right?"
"Yup," said Daria, in the hopes Brittany and Kevin would
hear. "Sandi may be sweet on me, but she's way too sweet 
for a brain like me."
As expected, Brittany could be faintly heard from the vent 
with, "That sucks!!", followed with Kevin saying, "Oh, man!!
Daria's goin' splitsville with Sandi!!"
Turning to Sandi, Jane hissed, "Turn on the vacuum!!"
"With pleasure," said the brunette before she switched
on the vacuum, which belched clouds of black coal dust
from the hose, into the air vent; in seconds, the sound
of Brittany and Kevin coughing could be heard. After a
few seconds passed, the artist said, "Turn it off," and
Sandi did just that.
Jumping off the sink, Daria said, "Guess those jock jokers
learned the folly of evesdropping." Then to the group, she
added, "Everyone, listen to me. I am Daria Morgendorffer,
local brain and cynic of Lawndale."
"And I am Sandi Jillian Griffin," said Sandi, "the president
of The Fashion Club, back from sabbatical.......and what
started it all was a bet and a kiss. But, when me and 
Daria kissed, we got more than we bargined for.....we
also learned how the other half lives,"
After that, the diva and the cynic revealed to Quinn 
and co. the fact that Sandi was a lesbian, and her crush 
on Daria and her sister. When they had finished, Stacy
gasped, "Y-you mean....?"
"You're saying YOU had a crush on me?" said Quinn.
"You're joking."
"Who've thought?" said Tiffany.
Hanging her head, Sandi said somberly, "It's no joke, Quinn.
I do love you......and I want you to kiss me."
"EEEEEEEEEEW!!!! Now I know you're joking!!"
"Like Sandi said," stated Daria, "it's no joke.So I bet you
couldn't kiss her full on the mouth. Like you said, a bet's a bet."
"That was what started the whole thing in the first place," said
Quinn. 
"Gee, Quinn," said the brunette, "if you ain't got any love for
me, much less the courage to kiss me, you ain't got the 
potential to be vice president of The Fashion Club."
"What do you mean I ain't?!? I'll show you!!" So saying, the 
redhead flung her arms 'round Sandi and kissed her full,
deep and hard on the mouth; from there, the brunette
held her friend at the waist, the two kissing gently at 
first, and then with more feeling and more intensity,
the wave of passion enveloping them, each girl running 
her fingers through each other's hair.
"Here we go again," said Tiffany.
"WOOOOOOO--------------OOOOW!!" said Stacy.
For that matter neither girl wanted to stop kissing, so 
there was no doubt they were enjoying it.
"What do you think, Daria?" said Jane.
"I'd say our work is done," said the auburn. "We've come
full circle, finishing just as it started--with a bet and
a kiss. Let's go."
Replacing the grill back on the vent, Daria and Jane
took the vacuum, hose, cord and all and exited the
bathroom--just in time to see. Brittany and Kevin 
shake the black soot and dust from themselves.

"Who was it that said an elephant wedding wouldn't 
work out? Pachyderms pledge their love before the
altar, next on Sick Sad World!!"
Laying on the bed inside Jane's bedroom, Daria and 
her partner in crime were checking out the boob 
tube for their fave show. In the distance, the bell
tower of The Red Barchetta Hotel could be heard.
"So it seems your sister patched up Sandi's heart in 
no time," said Jane.
"Yup," replied Daria. "Which means ol' S. G.'s back to her
old spoiled self. Now I can make up for lost time with 
Tom, till it's time for collage."
"So I guess all worked for the best. Too bad it was Sandi 
and not me that could've made all that fantastic love."
"Oh, Jane, don't tell you wanna kiss me? That was what
started the whole thing in the first place."
"Why not? Seeing you and the diva queen got me
wonderin' what it's like to kiss you."
Just then there was a knock on the door; upon heading
down the stairs, Daria and Jane, to their surprise, saw
The Fashion Club--with a white flag attached to a stick in 
Sandi's hand.
"Now I know I wish I had my camcorder," said the artist.
"You snooze, you lose," said the cynic.

Inside Jane's bedroom, Daria, Jane, Stacy, Tiffany, Sandi
and Quinn were in a group.
"So what brings you fashion freaks, of all people, to Casa 
Lane?" said the artist.
"As much as it hurts the reputation of The Fashion Club,"
stammered Sandi, "we came to say........thanks for 
everything.....and to your friend Daria for setting me up
with the one I was meant to love--Quinn." From there, she
kissed the redhead's cheek.
"And," said Quinn, the redhead, "for making my dreams of
loving Sandi."
"And, " said Tiffany, "for revealing the fact that me and Stacy 
were born lovers."
"Oh, no!!" said the auburn. 
"Don't tell me you--," said the artist.
"--now love each other," said Stacy. "Seeing Sandi and Quinn
kiss kinda sparked our curiousity, so me and Tiffany tried
to kiss each other--and we loved it!!"
"Who was it that said," said Sandi in her stuck up way,
that it couldn't be any of you girls?"
"Seems like," said Daria, "Lawndale's teenage lesbian
community just jumped up to 52%."
"Better make that 54%," said Jane. Turning to her 
friend and cupping her face, she said, "Kiss me,
Daria."
"Oh, no, Jane!! Not you too!!" squawked the cynic.
"Gee, Daria," said Quinn. "A bet's a bet, you know."
"Besides," said the artist, "if Sandi and co. can do it,
so can we."
"Et tu, Jane? "
"Well........why not?"
"One of these days, Jane....." The rest of Daria's words 
were lost in the big deep intense kiss she and Jane shared
--and it was a french kiss, no less.       
"You were saying?" said Jane.
"I only hope," said Daria, "that Tom, Trent, Jesse, Amy and 
Tachibana san take notes."
Nearby, Sandi said, "Daria.......you were right.......I don't
need you, when I got someone that truly loves me."
"And that someone is me," agreed Quinn.
"I could've told you that," the cynic said.
"You know, Sandi," said Quinn, "the fact my sister 
paired me and you together, I think that SHOULD be 
rewarded, don't you think?"
"Absolutely." So saying, Sandi came over to the left side
of Daria while Quinn did the same, on the right side.
From there, the brunette and the redhead kissed the 
auburn, Sandi kissing the left face cheek, and Quinn
kissing the right.Needless to say, Jane was laughing at
that.
"Just another day in the life of Daria Morgendorffer,"
said the cynic. "part time cynic lezzie and one half
of the brain and the beauty."

OWARI (THE END)

EPLILOGUE & ENDNOTES
And there you have it--the end of The Brain & The
Beauty. Sorry it was such a long chapter, like chapter 2, 
but I had to tie all the loose ends. Thanks to Quinn,
Sandi was able to patch up her broken heart. And
Daria and Jane were able to join the ranks of
Lawndale's lesbains (ditto for Stacy and Tiffany). 
Let's hope they get back to Tom and Jesse soon!!
I chose Daria and Sandi for the pairing, because next 
to Quinn, Stacy and Jane, Sandi and Daria were my favorite
characters. One may wonder if I had allowed the Sandi/Daria
romance to continue unscathed, but I doubt it.
Originally, the story title was The First Five Days, but it
was Martin J. Pollard, of Outpost Daria, who first coined
the line, "the brain and the beauty", so that stuck. A
much better title, to say the least.
As you can guess, the story takes place before Is It
Collage Yet?
The origin for the name of The Red Barchetta Hotel
came from a tune titled Red Barchetta, by the
band Rush, so please forgive me. Ditto for the
R. R. Tunnel No. 558 sequence; that was in homage
of the similar scene from the film version of Pink
Floyd's The Wall. Just a spur of the moment.
I Kissed A Girl seemed fitting for Sandi and Daria's
first kiss while Neil Young's Sample & Hold
illustrated that Sandi needed someone to love.
Peace out.

--Weenie Hut Jr.