Mike's Delayed Reaction Review-#300, The End of Season Review

(Scene: a stage of a large auditorium or ampi-theatre, with a huge red curtain and a podium)

Announcer: Good Evening, Ladies and Gentlemen. Welcome to the Delayed Reaction Review final extravaganza! And now here is the reviewer himself, Mike Quinn.

<Curtain opens enough for Mike to walk onto the stage, towards the podium, waits for scattered applause to die down before tapping on the microphone>

Mike Quinn: Thank you! Before I begin, I would like to offer a brief description or this review and its format. The best way to describe this review is pseudo-fanfic and I've broken it down into a bunch of sections that cover as many aspects of season three that I can remember. First, I'll go through each episode in the order in which they were originally aired on MTV in the United States. The next phase will go over some of the major character points that were introduced. Then will move onto the 1st Annual Delayed Reaction Awards. After that, I'll offer my final analysis along with a look ahead to season four. At this point I would like to warn everyone that almost every season episode is thoroughly spoiled in the lines ahead, everything past our beloved theme song is considered massive spoilers. Now, without further ado, I present Mike's Delayed Reaction Review #300 - Season Three in Review.

<Applause, theme music begins>

La La La La La

This is Mike's post

Got to review

Or he'll go nuts



It's got to be delayed

La La La

Too soon and it will fade

La La La

He's standing by his grade

La La La

He's standing by his grade

La La La

He's standing by his grade

La La La La La

La La La La La

La La La La La

La La La La La.....

Announcer: And now, MDRR #300. First, a sort of brief recap of each episode.

Mike Quinn: Thank you. I went back and rewatched every episode twice and will comment on them again now. Some of the grades have changed, but most of my opinions have stayed close to the original. Be patient, this first part is a bit dry but the pace will pick up later in the show. <Curtain opens completely to show a large projection screen, clips of each episode show on the screen as they're being mentioned>

#307 "Daria!"

This episode was not as painful to rewatch as I had originally thought. The idea of everyone in Lawndale singing about a hurricane, or any other weather system, was an original idea that worked way better than I expected. The songs themselves were very well constructed in a "Weird Al" sort of way.

Original and Final Grade: B

#301 "Through A Lens Darkly"

Daria faced an internal conflict that may not trouble most people but had her confused. She didn't want to tarnish her image and appear to be vain. It turns out that no one had a real problem with her contact lenses except her and this bothered her. But that didn't matter either, since she can see things that others can't. She is just more comfortable with her glasses, which is all right but no one should need anyone else to tell them so.

Original and Final Grade: A-

#302 "The Old and the Beautiful"

This episode comes down to one piece of advice. If you want to help, it's a good idea to find someone that will accept your help. The other interesting facets of this episode include a look into Brittany's life at home (which was less than helpful). Overall, it seemed pieced together from parts of previous episodes. The Frankenstein’s monster of the season, if you will.

Original Grade: B+

Final Grade: B

#303 "Depth Takes A Holiday"

First of all, we're not dealing with a typical installment of Daria. That doesn't hurt too much by itself but the way this episode played out was disastrous. I mean that, if I want fanciful fantasy, I'll watch Sabrina the Teenage Witch. However, I found this episode a bit easier to stomach this time around.

Original Grade: F

Final Grade: F, but slightly closer to passing

#304 "Daria Dance Party"

Daria's not featured prominently, but for once it works, remarkably well. The various stories revolved around Daria and Jane intricately as they narrate and comment on the events. I had just about given up hope that Daria couldn't be in the background and this episode helped to redeem that possibility (too bad it went right back in the crapper by the end of the season).

Original and Final Grade: A-

#305 "The Lost Girls"

Now here's an episode that is painful to rewatch. I suppose this episode was meant to be fun but it quickly fizzled into chaos. Val is one of the most annoying stereotypes I've ever seen. I found myself yelling "Make It Stop!" at the television.

Original Grade: B-

Final Grade: C

#306 "It Happened One Nut"

This is the total non-event. There was nothing horribly bad about this episode but it didn't move me one way or the other. The only significant moment was overly contrived just to show that Trent cares about Daria in some respect, which has been done before. Not bad, just boring.

Original and Final Grade: B

#308 "Lane Miserables"

Looking past the obvious contrivances of this episode (like the way all of the Lane's just happen to return home at the same time), Jane and Trent are nothing at all like the rest of their immediate family. But we all know this was the quintessential 'shipper outing. The only possible disappointment is the way we were led to believe that Daria got over the crush. Damn!

Original and Final Grade: A

#309 "Jake of Hearts"

The premise wasn't entirely unexpected since anyone who didn't see this coming, has not been following along too closely. It's just sort of troubling that an event as huge as this was treated in a jokingly manner. Quinn and Helen did put their lives on hold when the possibility of Jake dying was there. Jake has become cartoonier than before but there is no sense in complaining about that (that is how he's always been, so it's not even out of character). Don't even get me started on the wacky DJ's.

Original and Final Grade: B

#310 "Speedtrapped"

This episode is all about trust. Jane trusts Daria to bail her out of jail. Daria trusts Quinn enough to let her come along. They don't realize yet how well they can compliment each other. One of the most powerful moments between siblings is when they figure out that they can do much more damage together than they ever could on their own. That and one of the most singular funniest moments in Daria history. I'm still trapped.

Original and Final Grade: A

#311 "The Lawndale File"

Yet again I fell victim to coming to a conclusion about an episode based solely on its title. I'm happy to say that I was wrong. Oddly enough, that was a major premise of this episode. Everyone jumped to premature conclusions without being informed. Nothing was as it seemed. As I said before, miscommunications run amok.

Original and Final Grade: B+

#312 "Just Add Water"

My opinion still stands. There's nothing wrong with this episode by itself. Fair Eno... I mean, Just add Water was borderline plagiarism. The only other grime is that nothing that interesting actually happened. The gratuitous Titanic rip-off didn't help, either. Does anyone want to help me create an automatic script generator for episodes such as this.

Original Grade: C+

Final Grade: C

#313 "Jane's Addition"

This episode shows a good example of how three-dimensional this series can be. Daria and Jane were really fighting, not just sort of acting that way. This is more realistic than most of television. They also didn't end up blaming each other. Tom was a clever addition that was used to open up the 'shipper story line. This is you captain speaking, we are due to land in friend-ville any minute now. A very strong character episode that made for a strong end.

Original Grade: B+

Final Grade: A-

Mike Quinn: Whoa, was that a treat! When we return, we will explore the depths of loony-ness inside all of our favorite characters.

<applause, big band music plays>

Announcer: Later on, the first annual of hopefully many seasonal awards. We'll be right back!

*Commercial Time*

(Scene: a shot of a research scientist in her lab wearing a lab coat)

Researcher: This is your disposition. <holds up a picture of a man frowning>

Researcher: This is your disposition on the Delayed Reaction Review Archive

<holds up a picture of the have a nice day smiley face>

Researcher: You do the math.

Voice Over: Visit the Delayed Reaction Review Archive today or you could be exposed to the frown.

*End Commercial Time*

<applause, big band music plays>

Announcer: Once again, here is Mike Quinn.

Mike Quinn: Thanks, do you ever wonder what makes our favorite characters click? Here's your chance to argue with me about it. I'll make this easy, we'll start at the top and make our way down.

Daria - A common thread in Daria's behavior this season was a lack of enthusiasm for almost anything. Personally, I didn't pick up on this until I watched every episode back to back. She wasn't ever too willing to put in extra effort, time and again. Examples are easily seen in The Old and the Beautiful, The Lost Girls and It Happened One Nut. Daria has also found more common ground with her sister. It has been a gradual process, but Quinn and Daria are at the very least tolerating one another and occasionally even sticking up for one another. Finally, anyone who still thinks that Daria is overly monotone hasn't been paying attention. All forms of emotion can be sensed in her voice now, especially anger. She did go too far the couple of times she got mad at Jane. She has been very over protective of her best friend. With all her flaws, she is still one of the sanest people in Lawndale.

Jane - Jane is still the loyal best friend of Daria, but beyond that she is a mystery. Jane seems to me to be a prankster. Meaning that she isn't afraid to go right up to the line, but she never crosses it (I guess that makes her edgy). She still hopes to hook up Trent and Daria but that has been placed on the back burner for the most part. She is still the playful type that will try almost anything once. In that way, she is the perfect complement to Daria.

Quinn - A conscious is a brewin'. Quinn has become less selfish than she was at the beginning of the season. This is evidenced in how she treats the clothes drive for the homeless. In the battle for the Fashion Club, she has won some key victories from Sandi (well, as key as those victories can possibly be) and has a decided advantage. She is still not too good with major responsibility but is getting better.

Trent - Trent shows us that he has feelings of respect for Daria. Nothing more, nothing less. In addition to that, there has been a strong indication that he's had an unsatisfactory childhood. The way he bonded with Jake shows that he needs some attention like that. His irresponsibility was show cased on numerous occasions and could end up being the deal breaker for all the 'shippers out there.

Helen - The main plot line for Helen is her marriage. I'm not saying that it's in shambles (far from it actually) but her relationship with Jake leaves much to be desired. She has also kept eternally vigilant in regard to Daria, she tries her darnest to be the best mother she can be.

Jake - Jakey has been all over the place. he seems ready to stand up to Helen but never does. He stresses himself into a heart attack but is happy to have outlived his father. He made have found a son he never had in Trent. Is he Homer Simpson, yet? Really only on his worst day and Homer's best.

The Rest of the Fashion Club - These guys are hardly worth mentioning. Sandi is trying hard to get rid of Quinn without getting blood on her hands. Tiffany and Stacy have all but unhooked their brains (except for the rare occasion when Stacy almost stands up to Sandi, in a perfect world she would have punched her out by now).

Kevin & Brittany - Four words: intended as comic relief. Actually, they weren't that bad in that department. Otherwise, nothing new to report.

Everyone Else - Mack and Jodie were conspicuously absent for most of the season (I counted Mack having eleven lines of dialogue).... The faculty of Lawndale were up to their old tricks, but Mr. DeMartino went overboard more often.... Jesse and Mystik Spiral weren't too interesting... Upchuck was weird, even for him.... Andrea had about five words (not that I'm surprised).... Amy's two minutes of screentime probably beget more fanfics than I ever could hope to read.

Mike Quinn: Surprisingly enough, most of the characters stayed in character with no obvious exceptions. That doesn't mean they didn't grow, they just did it in character and that is down right amazing.

<applause, big band music plays>

Announcer: When we return, the 1st Annual Delayed Reaction Awards. And later, some of the more memorable lines of season three.

*Commercial Time*

(Scene: Mike sitting at a desk in class, looking at his watch)

Mike Quinn: <mumbling> How much longer is this going to be?

Voice Over: Tuesday on the 8 spot - Mike sits through a boring lecture. Only on MQTV!

-fade into next ad-

DJ-ish Voice: Do you wish you could hear all of the crappy music from you childhood? Well, now you can with "Crappy Songs from Your Childhood, Volume One." Hits from artists such as Milli Vanili, Dexy's Midnight Runners and Vanilla Ice. Don't miss out - Order Now!

*End Commercial Time*

<applause, big band music plays>

Announcer: Welcome back, now back to the stage.

Mike Quinn: Next up are the 1st Annual Delayed Reaction Awards, but since my voice is getting tired and I have to go to the bathroom, I've recruited a couple of familiar faces to give out the awards. <runs offstage fast>

Announcer: And now the 1st Annual Delayed Reaction Awards to be presented by Daria Morgendorffer and Jane Lane, themselves. <wild applause as Jane and Daria walk to the podium>

Jane: Hey! He tricked us! He said there would be a TV!

Daria: <pointing> I think he meant that teleprompter.

Jane: Great! Let’s get this over with.

Daria: The first award is the "Missed the Point Award." That goes to that time when my dad went into cardiac arrest.

Jane: That should have been taken more seriously.

Daria: I was serious! Just too mental in the mourning.

Jane: I still can’t believe you did that to those poor defenseless DJ’s.

Daria: <ignoring that last comment> The next award is the "First annual Don Jake Dammit! Award." Boy is that name stupid.

Jane: We’re not here to judge. Who or what won that one?

Daria: This award is for, and I quote, "making us think that Daria got over her crush on Trent in Lane Miserables, just to have her change her mind by the end of the episode."

Jane: So did you get over him?

Daria: <not surprised> I’m not going to tell you. You’ll have to wait and see like the rest of them.

Jane: The third award on this cavalcade of excellence is the award for "Least Interesting Premise."

Daria: That would be us, giving out these awards to no one.

Jane: Actually, it goes to that time when we "volunteered" for casino night. Who really cares?

Daria: <very monotone> No one. Absolutely no one.

Jane: Settle down, we’re almost done.

Daria: The final four awards all come equipped with a list of nominees. Another odd change of pace.

Jane: Less words, more awards! The nominees for "Worst One Shot Character" are <picture of each flashes on the projector> :

- Anyone from Holiday Island,

- Grandma Ruth,

- Val, and

- Bing and the Spatula.

Daria: <fake enthusiasm> Ooh, a real group of winners.

Jane: <shakes her head> More like losers, that is the point you know. Here’s the envelope. <hands it to Daria>

Daria: <opens the envelope> The winner is, no surprise here, Val. She was one of the most annoying people to grace this earth in a long time.

Jane: Along with everyone else as far as you’re concerned.

Daria: Damn straight!

Jane: The next award, appropriately enough, is for the "Best One Shot Character." The nominees are <picture of each flashes on the projector, Jane reads them from a piece of paper instead of the teleprompter, which has been turned off since it was being ignored>:

- The Big Wheel Girl

- Daria’s Driving Instructor

- The Sheriff of Fremont

- Tom

Daria: Let me see that! <reads the list> Well, I’ll be damned.

Jane: This is an easy one, the winner is Tom! I can’t wait to see more of him next season.

Daria: That makes one of us. The next award is for "Stinker of the Lot." Given to the episode that surpasses the bounds of bad taste. <pauses, looks around> Geez, who writes this stuff?

Jane: That guy who shares a family name with the given name of our favorite niblet, also known as your sister.

Daria: The nominees are: <silent clip of each episode is shown>

- Depth Takes A Holiday

- Jake of Hearts

- The Lost Girls

- Just Add Water

Jane: Another easy one for anyone who’s watched the entire show.

Daria: Maybe not, it has been a while. The memory of some isn’t this long term. <Open envelope> The "winner" is Depth Takes A Holiday.

Jane: Surprise, Surprise.

Daria: And our final award is the Delayed Reaction Medal for the best episode of the year. The nominees are: <silent clip of each episode is shown>

- Through A Lens Darkly

- Lane Miserables

- Speedtrapped

- Jane’s Addition

Jane: Ha! My name’s in two of them!

Daria: <less than impressed> Good for you.

Jane: <opens the envelope> The winner is Speedtrapped.

Daria: That concludes our public service for the week. <to Jane> Let’s go get some pizza.

Jane: OK, but where’s the host?

Daria: <smiles> Not our problem. <they both walk off stage>

<applause, big band music plays>

Announcer: More to come, including a montage of some memorable lines. Stay Tuned!

*Commercial Time*

(Scene: Mike sitting at a desk in a different class, looking annoyed)

Mike Quinn: Gah!

Voice Over: Wednesday on the 8 spot - Mike sits through another boring lecture. Only on MQTV!

*End Commercial Time*

Announcer: Mike hasn’t returned from the restroom, yet. Let’s see <we hear a shuffling of papers>. And now some of the more memorable quotes from season three.

Mike Quinn: <running on stage> Wait! I’m here… <interrupted by a montage of the following quotes>

<Each quote is played on the big screen>

<From "Daria!">

Jane: You know, being a post-apocalyptic town is going to be cool. Other towns will be scared of us.

<Cut to next quote>

Jake: C'mon, Trent! Your daughter and my sister are out there.

Trent: That doesn't sound right.

<From "Through A Lens Darkly">

SSW Announcer: When he turned up his nose at accordion lessons, they cut off his inheritance malto allegro. "The Severed Pianist," next on Sick, Sad World.

<Cut to next quote>

Amy: How are you? Your mother hasn't had a stroke, has she?

Daria: Well, I haven't checked her in the last half-hour.

<From "The Old and the Beautiful">

Kevin: You know what's cool about that Darwin guy? When Curious George gets in trouble, he always lets him slide.

<Cut to next quote>

Ashley-Amber: "I'll cure what 'ales' you." <giggles>

<From "Depth Takes A Holiday">

Cupid: Soccer Riot!

<From "Daria Dance Party">

Jane: <shouts> But what about the baby?!!

<Cut to next quote>

Brett: We travel around on weekends trying to find a high school more screwed up than ours.

Jane: And?

Brad: Congratulations. Your trophy will arrive in six to ten business days.

<From "The Lost Girls">

Jake: "Edgy..." I keep hearing that word from my clients. Everyone wants "edgy." What is it?

<Cut to next quote>

Quinn: Um, was she a little old for that outfit?

Daria: She's a little old for that brain.

<From "It Happened One Nut">

Tiffany: You're… that… girl… from… Quinn's house.

<Cut to next quote>

Daria: I've always dreamt of the day my picture would hang in a nuthouse.

<From "Lane Miserables">

Jake: I just don't get it. If B.C. is a caveman, how can he celebrate Ash Wednesday?

<Cut to next quote>

Trent: Too bad you're not a few years older, huh? I could take you out. (chuckles, coughs)

<From "Jake of Hearts">

Jane: I'm telling you, puppets make anything funny.

<Cut to next quote>

Tiffany: Upchuck? Eww...

<Cut to next quote>

Daria - A few days ago, my father had a heart attack, forcing me to admit his mortality to

myself for the first time. Accepting this grim new knowledge has been especially difficult, as I've been under constant, yammering assault by two utterly brainless and talentless so-called radio personalities. And so, for these reasons, I, Daria Morgendorffer, am mental in the morning.

<From "Speedtrapped">

Daria: Yeah. Um, my dad took me with him to Fremont once on a business trip. Isn't it even deader than Lawndale?

Max: Hey, not after the Spiral gets there! We're criminales! We live life on the edge! You go up against the Spiral, we're gonna take you down!

<Cut to next quote>

Quinn: Daria, all guys are all alike. The secret is knowing how to ask them.

Daria: And how am I supposed to ask them?

Quinn: You can't just be all meek and respectful. You have to remember that line about how you catch more flies with money.

<From "The Lawndale File">

Helen: What about the newspaper? Read anything interesting lately?

Daria: Hmm. I did see an article by an efficiency expert who claims one really intense

conversation with your child over breakfast is worth a whole week of unfocused parenting. Did you catch that article?

<Cut to next quote>

(branches rustle)

Daria: Come on now. Aliens don't hide in the bushes. It's probably just a stalker. Yes, a

stalker out to plant a teen in a shallow grave. Perfectly normal. I feel much better now.

<From "Just Add Water">

SSW Announcer: Meet the cannibal with a heart... quick, before he eats it! Next, on Sick, Sad World.

<Cut to next quote>

Mr. DeMartino: Daria, take my chips.

Daria: Excuse me?

Mr. DeMartino: You know, as a thank you for making me want to kill myself a little less than the processed sausages who call themselves your classmates.

<From "Jane’s Addition">

Mr. O'Neill: Jane, have you considered homeopathy?

Jane: I'm going to stick with guys for now, but thanks for asking.

<Cut to next quote>

Daria: Is Trent up yet?

Jane: I heard something stirring in his room. I'm hoping it wasn't a family of raccoons.

<Cut to next quote>

Tom: Daria, you're so darn pleasant and friendly, I don't see how anyone could resist an evening with you. But just on a crazy whim, I think I'll go home and watch TV by myself.

<Cut back to the stage where Mike is standing by the podium>

Mike Quinn: I know I shouldn’t have gone to Denny’s before the show. <realizes he’s back on> Hey, that was interesting. When we come back, I’ll offer comments on all of the loose ends of the season.

Announcer: When we return, Mike will offer his final comments and analysis and will welcome a special guest.

<applause, big band music plays>

*Commercial Time*

(Scene: Mike sitting at a table in a different class, sleeping)

Voice Over: Thursday on the 8 spot - Mike sleeps through yet another boring lecture. Only on MQTV!

-fade into next ad-

(Picture of the Outpost Daria logo that starts small and gets larger)

Voice Over: Outpost Daria, serving your online Daria needs since 1998.

*End Commercial Time*

<applause, big band music plays>

Announcer: Once again, here’s Mike.

Mike Quinn: Did you think I’ve covered everything there is to cover? Well, there’s more!

Daria’s Driving – The whole thread of Daria’s driving lessons culminated when she earned her license. She didn’t seem to need her contacts, either. We all know that there was more to Helen’s motives for her to get contacts, than it’ll help Daria’s driving. Otherwise, they seemed to have me pegged. Maybe, I’m reading too much into this but I do see Daria on a regular basis and I do have an official form regarding her performance. I’m not exactly bald, though.

Most Appropriate Eeps! – One thing that we couldn’t avoid this season was a preponderance of Eeps. There was one in nearly every other episode, and they weren’t just from Brittany. The most well placed ones were Brittany at hearing hoe those old ladies used to look like her, Stacy at Sandi’s dirty glance in Daria Dance Party and Daria at the idea of Trent staying at casa de Morgendorffer.

Jake’s Parenting – Jake doesn’t seem to know too much about his daughters. Partly because Helen doesn’t let him and partly because he doesn’t try. He wants to do more but tries not to put himself in situations where he is a force of parenting.

Hypocritical? – One incident this season that caused me concern was when Daria and Jane blew off Upchuck’s cousins. They were all right with them until their lineage was revealed. I thought Daria and Jane want to be accepted for who they are but they didn’t. I know no one should be a slave to principles but they ditched Bret and Brad based on what they might be like, not how they had acted up to that point

The Train to Love Station – The ‘shipper stuff was neglected for most of the season but when it was there, it was laid on thick. Happily, for non-‘shippers, the train ended up at Friend Station where it belongs. Now it could leave, but could we really live with it if it does?

A Genuine Throw Up Moment – Trent and Daria’s final conversation at Pizza King with all of the pauses and double entendres was a treat or a disaster depending on where you stand. I think the intent of the scene (which was written by Glenn Eichler, himself) was to make fun of anyone who only see the ‘shipper aspects of Daria (I don’t know anyone like that). And it worked for that purpose.

Mike Quinn: Well that’s just about it. The bottom line on this season is that it was uneven and a season of peaks and valleys. At its best, season three was spectacular, at its worst, putrid.

Final Grade for Season Three: B/B+


Mike Quinn: Before we roll the credits, here are some of my predictions for season four.

<Each with a picture on the big screen – use your imagination>

Daria wins the state pole vault championship, Jane asks "why is it all right now?"

Jake goes postal when Helen has an affair with Eric.

Quinn finally gets fed up with Sandi and beats her to a bloody pulp.

Jane sells a painting for a million dollars, pays off most of her family to never visit her again.

Trent moves to LA with a girl who is not Daria and is never heard from again.

Mystik Spiral changes its name to Trent’s Taxidermy Typhoon.

Mr. DeMartino’s head explodes.

Three words: Weddings, Weddings, and Weddings.

Mike Quinn: And now for some real predictions, special guest and fanfic writer extrordinnaire, Kara Wild.

<"Wild" applause>

<True to her name, an extremely savage-looking woman walks hesitantly out to the podium. Mike steps back out of the way>

Kara Wild: *Eap* -- I mean, eep. Ooooh... kinda nervous standing here, revealing my true self instead of hiding behind the "Daria" characters. <hushed> Ugh-hhhh... what if they don't like me??? Starting to panic... starting to hyperventilate a la Stacy.... *hghhhhhh*.... Nah, I'm fine. Gotcha! Thanks, Mike, and here are my predictions:

To the joy of 'shippers everywhere, and to the relief of fanfic authors, Jane's beau, Tom, will NOT appear in every other episode. In fact, I'd expect to see him four times at most next season.

Yet... with the introduction of Tom, "Daria" will finally have to have its first *sex* episode. I see Jane and Tom doin' it hot and heavy, much to Jesse's -- oops, just kidding. <smirk> More likely, it would just be a discussion about sex.

Since Jane will be preoccupied with Tom part of the time, Daria will start hanging out with other people more. Maybe... not so *nice*... people.

And Daria will be even *less* interested in Trent romantically than she was in "Jane's Addition" or after she had that really unflattering fantasy in "Lane Miserables." That does it for 'shipper-esque predictions. Here are the rest:

Quinn WILL finally challenge Sandi for the Fashion Club throne. I mean *come on*, she's *got* to. She'll have been at Lawndale High for almost two years, and it makes no sense for her to be as competitive as she is and *not* make a power play. Do it, Quinn, DO it!!! Make me PROUD! Uh, er, I mean... uh, let's move to the next one, shall we?

Don't look at me that way!

The Famous Aunt (as I've nicknamed Amy) will make a more prominent appearance than she did in Season Three, either in an episode revolving around her, or another family episode. Will we see that she's *not* Daria's mirror-image?

Will she sleep with Trent? Will she even *want* to sleep with Trent? Will she and Quinn actually exchange dialogue? Is *Quinn* her "favorite niece," too?? All that and more will be addressed...

Helen and Jake will finally have the "blow-up" we've been waiting for them to have since Season One.

Quinn will sugarcoat her Sweet Sixteenth with a trip to the DMV, and somehow end up a licensed driver. Get ready to watch heads roll (especially Jake's), as Quinn and Daria have to compete for use of the cars.

There will be a flashback episode, either involving Helen and Jake's relationship, or Daria and Quinn's younger years. Don't expect an appearance by the Dynamic Duo of Dorkdom, though.

Against all odds, Quinn will get her first crush on a guy a la "My Quinn's Delayed Reaction."

And both Mack and Andrea will say more than two words the entire season.

Well that's it for normal predictions. Here are some silly ones -- I just couldn't help myself...

Tiffany takes an experimental "Anti-Fat" drug that affects her brain in an adverse way, causing her to go door-to-door and tell off every single person in Lawndale.

A cool, callous Trent-like man will show up at the Lane residence and declare that the wimpy loser in "Lane Miserables" was *not* the real Wind Lane. In fact, he was the evil Wind from a parallel universe, whose porthole opens into the back of a Good Time Chinese restaurant.

Well that's it. No, really, that's all I could think of. Hope you enjoyed it!!!


Mike Quinn: <clapping> Thank you Kara. Ladies and Gentlemen, read her fics, they're very good.

Kara Wild: Hell, Mike, tell them to read all our fanfics. We're a crazy bunch of writers, folks.

Mike Quinn: Um, why aren't you leaving?

Kara Wild: I like it out here, now. <grins wickedly> You'll have to sic a two-ton sumo wrestler on me to get me off this stage.

Mike Quinn: Um, yeah. Um... security? <yelling> Security! <tries to regain composure> Er, the show's over anyway. Also, I thank all of you for making this show possible. I already can't wait to review season four! Thanks again.


(Cut into the Credits, No Doubt’s "Let’s End It on This" is the credits song)

Credit Alter Ego
Written by
Michael J. Quinn
Mike in his referee uniform (with white hat), signaling touchdown.
MDRR Theme Song Lyrics by
Jeg7777 dresses in full mummer regalia
Exact Quotes Courtesy of
Martin J. Pollard at
Outpost Daria
Martin working at his computer
Creative Consultant
Kara Wild
Kara swinging on a jungle vine with an extremely attractive, muscular man
Daria is © 1997-9
MTV Networks, Inc.
Mike posing for a picture with Daria and Jane after the show
Mike’s Delayed Reaction Reviews
Copyright © 1999 Mike Quinn
Mike in cap and gown holding a diploma
MDRR logo