Scissors MacGillicutty

"I think we should break up."

Tom was stunned. "What? When did you decide this?"

"Just now," Daria sighed.

Tom looked incredulous. "Because I got into Bromwell and you didn't? That's not fair, Daria."

"It's got nothing to do with Bromwell," she said defensively.

"Well, if it's not about Bromwell, then what? Why?"

"If you must know, it's the penguins."

"Penguins?" Tom stammered "What to penguins have to do with this?"

"Besides pretty much everything..."

"Jinkies! It was old Mr. Angst Guy all the time! Dressing up as the ghost penguin and trying to scare off anyone coming near Sloane Manor."

"Grrr, I'd have gotten away with this if it wasn't you you meddling kids! Say, can I interest you in getting a penguin for a sidekick besides that dumb dog?" TAG says. <Gets carried away by police>

Daria, stunned replies "Thanks."

"No problem, it's what I do best"

<silence for a moment>

"Hot monkey love in the back of the Mystery Machine?" Velma pleaded.

"Thought you'd never ask!"

A.J.

Daria looked around nervously. 'Damn that Jane and her bets, she knew that either way I'd lose this one. At least I'll be $20 richer after this...'

Daria sighed and stepped out into plain view before walking on towards the school wearing a Tenderheart Bear costume Jane rented for her.

Angelboy

Jane broke into a trot to keep up with her friend, who seemed to be trudging to class far too eagerly.

"Hey, come on, Morgendorffer, talk to me."

Daria sighed, deeply. Better just to get it over with, she thought. So, in what was barely more than a mumble...

"...I kissed your boyfriend."

Jane skidded to a stop. Daria turned to face her, noting what could only be called a "gobsmacked" expression on her partner-in-crime's face.

"What?"

"I kissed your boyfriend. I kissed Tom. I didn't mean to."

Jane's brow furrowed. "The hell do you mean, 'you didn't mean to'? Unless you—" Suddenly, Jane's eyes lit up with sudden realization.

"Oh no, you don't mean..." There was already a chuckle rising in Jane's voice. That just made it worse.

Daria groaned, slumping against a wall locker. "Look, it was dark, that stupid Pinto pulled up in my driveway, and...well, damnit, you know how the two of us have been working on 'intimacy', and I just wanted to be a little spontaneous for once..."

Jane had been slowly bending forward, and was by now was nearly doubled over in stifled laughter. But she managed to croak out "So you...so you just jumped the first guy you ran across?"

"I DIDN'T!" Daria bleated, plaintively, burying her face in her hands "I swear, it wasn't like that! It was an accident, I'm sorry..." Daria felt her knees start to slowly buckle, sending her sliding down the wall onto the floor. She could hear Jane starting to cackle. Daria groaned again. "It's not funny! God, this is humiliating enough...but promise me you won't tell Tim until—"

"'Tell Tim' what?"

A chill jumped down Daria's spine. She forced herself to crack open an eyelid.

There was a sweatervested young man standing in front of her, brown haired, blue-eyed, and with a face that held all the guile of an altar boy. He'd shown up, just on time, to give Daria a ride home. Actually, curse his eyes, he was a couple of minutes early.

Jane had managed to compose herself just enough to squeak out a greeting. "Oh, hello, Tim! Say, by any chance, did Tom tag along today?"

Tim Sloane gave a quizzical nod. "Well, yeah, now that you mention it. His Corvair's been in the shop since yesterday, so I gave him a ride—had to practically blackjack the guy to get him to come." He nodded out the door towards where the battered old Ford was parked at the curb. He could just see his twin brother scrunched down in the back seat, hiding his face behind a copy of the Lawndale Times he'd seemed so interested in. Almost like he's embarrassed to be here... Tim thought. Huh. Weird. Tom wasn't usually snobbish like that...

Oh, that reminds me...Tim turned back to Daria. "Hey, Daria, Tom said he was going to try and drop off that Beatles tape you lent me after he dropped Jane off last night. Did he remember to-" Tim paused, squinting. "Uh...sweetie? What exactly are you doing?"

Daria ignored her boyfriend's question, preferring to concentrate on the task of cracking her skull open on the linoleum. Another few hundred taps, and she was sure she'd get it. She really was convinced it was, despite the pain, quite for the best.

Ranchoth

No one ever picks me

WacoKid

Tad and Tricia Gupty tug on Waco Kid's sleeze. "Do you want to play with us?" Tad asks waving to all the rest of the Lawndale cast that didn't get to pick an author.

Angelboy

Daria looked on dumbly at her empty hand.

She had lost.

To Quinn.

And in doing so .... She blinked in shock. The stakes had been incredible.

It was her own fault, of course. She'd gotten so caught up in the moment, so sure she'd win, or at the very least be able to bully Quinn into backing out.

By the time the game had started, Daria had gotten her sister to agree that, had she lost, Quinn would drop out of the Fashion Club, read one non-school, non-fashion book a month for the next 24 months, only date on Friday and Saturday nights for the rest of her time in high school, not wear anything pink until she graduated, learn to play chess (and play once a week), throw away all of her boyband CDs, magazines and posters, cut off her hair, eat cheese on every pizza she had for the rest of the year, and work to get a B average for the rest of high school (and pay Daria a month's allowance for every C or lower she got on her report card).

But Quinn had never once backed down. And in trying to get her to do so, Daria now realized she'd agreed to just as daunting a list of demands. No sarcasm for three months, having to wear her contacts for the rest of the year, having to eat their father's cooking (and offer only helpful and encouraging comments on it) for the rest of the year, taking flute lessons again for at least a year, join at least two extracurricular activities at school, and ....

God, it was almost too much for Daria to say. Once she said it, it would become true.

A total makeover - her appearance, wardrobe and her room - all under Quinn's supervision.

Daria wondered if she was going to cry.

Quinn just looked smug.

"I told you, Daria, no one - and I mean no one - ever beats me at Rock-Paper-Scissors!"

WacoKid

"I think we should break up."

Tom was stunned. "What? When did you decide this?"

"Just now," Daria sighed.

Tom looked incredulous. "Because I got into Bromwell and you didn't? That's not fair, Daria."

"It's got nothing to do with Bromwell," she said defensively.

"Well, if it's not about Bromwell, then what? Why?"

"If you must know, I've fallen in love with another guy."

"It's Trent, isn't it?"

Daria said nothing.

"It is Trent!" cried Tom. He pulled out his cell-phone and dialed. "Oswald, it's me, Tom. I need a gross of your finest penguins ASAP. Arm them with tomatoes and send them after all the shippers on this message board. There'll be a hefty bonus for you if the penguins are mobilized within the next fifteen minutes." Tom hung up. "That'll teach them to write untenable pairings!"

You are knocked out of your chair by a barrage of tomatoes thrown by emperor penguins.

Hierargo

The reptilian monstrosity leaped from behind the mesa and gave voice to its most powerful roar, its tiny forelimbs waving threateningly at the herd of squirrel with the Lazy M brand.

Big Jake stared at the tiny Musasaurus, barely the size of his horse's hoof, then stared offscreen in the direction of teh camera.

Guy [VO]: Gimme a break, it's all the effects team could afford. I'm a frickin' fanfic author, you think I can afford Industrial Light and Magic?!? Now react in terror, dammit! Wranglers, panic the herd! Roll film... ACTION!

Deceleraptor

The Monster
In the tallest tower of Kerkfleet castle, as thunder sounded overhead, Daria and Jane prepared for the night’s work. The lifeless Quinn Morgendorffer lay strapped to a long table in the centre of the room, electrodes attached to her cranium, and her body showing signs of recent trauma.

The blue construction paper showed the extent of the pair’s handiwork so far.
1. Quinn is clubbed to death with the bars from Daria’s window.
2. After being patched up and dragged onto the table, her form is to be prepared for reanimation.
3. When lightning strikes the rod at the top of the tower, Daria will either make history, or acquire a reading room.

Jane turned to the camera crew and began documenting the momentous occasion, “Tonight on Mythbusters, we put Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein to the test. Is it possible to give life to an inanimate corpse?”

Daria just stood quietly, twirling her moustache.

Thomas

"I think we should break up."

Tom was stunned. "What? When did you decide this?"

"Just now," Daria sighed.

Tom looked incredulous. "Because I got into Bromwell and you didn't? That's not fair, Daria."

"It's got nothing to do with Bromwell," she said defensively.

"Well, if it's not about Bromwell, then what? Why?"

"Because you're going one place and I'm going another."

"So what? We won't be that far away."

"I don't mean physically. I mean you're from one place and I'm from another, and college is going to make it even more obvious."

"I don't believe that."

"Tom," she said, trying to convince herself more than she was him, "We've got nothing in common. No common ground to start from. We're falling appart."

Tom stared at Daria blankly before taking her hand and laying it against his stomach. "Daria, this is your child in here isn't it?"

Daria sighed and pulled back her hand shaking her head. "No Tom, the blood work came back. The child's Angela Li's."

Tom watches Daria walk away before sighing and getting up. "I should see Angela then..." Walking out of the Pizza King Tom didn't see an outraged look on guy's face that was watching him leave.

When Tom arrived he saw Mack waiting at the door his hands protectively over his own stomach. As Angela opened the door and found her two lovers outside waiting for her she knew the game was up. "I suppose I owe you two..."

Suddenly an outraged Mr. DeMartino barges in screaming. "ANGELA!!! HOW COULD YOU CHEAT ON ME WHEN OUR TWINS ARE HERE!!!"

Angelboy

Daria was screaming uncontrollably. As the police officers reached the convertable and opened the driver side door, Jane slumped out and almost on to the pavement. The bullet had passed through her eye.

Quinn, Helen, and old man they had met at the retreat had dashed up to where the convertable stopped and stood behind Daria. "Oh, no!" cried the old man, as he took Daria by the waist and lifted her from the car. Helen and Quinn each took an arm and led her away.

Trent stared at Lieutenant Lou Escobar as Daria's screams receded into the distance. Finally, he brought himself to murmur, "Irresponsible."

Escobar glared back at him. Then he looked at Jesse and Max and uncuffed Trent. "You wanna do your friend a favor?" he barked at them. "Get him the hell outta here!"

Jesee and Max led Trent away. He couldn't take his eyes off Jane's body. "Forget it, Trent," said Max, "it's Degas Street."

Scissors MacGillicutty

Burnout Girl watched as the pairs shuffled off in opposite directions to their respective fates. Curiously, one man remained behind, taking the occasional drag on a cigarette and staring off at an unidentified point on the horizon. Shrugging inwardly, she walked over. He turned to look at her as she approached and gave a warm smile.

A.N.: Hey. Glad you're here. I don't see you around much.
B.G.: I was gonna say the same.
B.G.: (glancing at his nametag) So, what's your real name Mr, uh, Nauseam.
A.N.: What's yours?
(A moment passes)
Both (in unison): Doesn't really matter.
B.G.: What exactly do you do around here?
A.N.: I, uh... add a certain ambience?
B.G.: (smirking knowingly) Mm. Yeah.
A.N.: Mostly I just listen in and try not to make an ass of myself. Mostly.
B.G.: (her smirk turns to a sad smile) Mm. (She looks up) What were you staring at earlier?
A.N.: Well... I was thinking how this area* is prone to sudden, violent thunderstorms. (points to a rapidly approaching tempest) Kinda like that one right there.
B.G.: And...
A.N.: And... (simultaneously glances at the distant cast members and PPMBers and points to a Jeep parked about 10 yards to the left) ...I'm thinking about how I'm the only person who drove here.
B.G.: (laughs) What a boy scout.
A.N.: (shakes his head) You don't know the half of it. Wanna head into town and get some Mexican food?
B.G.: Depends. Do actual Mexican people work there?
A.N.: I wouldn't eat there otherwise.
B.G.: Well, to the 4 liter chariot, then.

Later, in Mexican Restaurant...
B.G.: So, I hear you play bass guitar.
A.N.: Yeah, I've heard that rumor.
B.G.: Groovin' away in the background, content to let the singer get all the glory, stuff like that?
A.N.: (looks at her a moment longer than necessary) There are a few perks.
(They smile and raise their bottles of Sol to each other)
B.G.: Here's to the extras.
A.N.: Here's to the Fashion Club failing to notice my existence. Thank the gods.
B.G.: Cheers.

* "404 error"

ad nauseam

The only dimensional portal I could get to after the little pairing-off ceremony led to a Good Times Chinese restaurant on Fulton Street just off of Broadway. Great. Right around from where I used to work for the Bank-that-shall-not-be-named, and a favorite lunch spot for some of my ex-managers. Like I'd really want to run into Joe Bonelli with an animated cartoon character by my side--and carrying a heavy black robe and neon purple light sabre, for Chrissake's.

I should have been so lucky. Instead, there were a couple of NY's Finest who were out to make quota early.

"Excuse me--sir! That a fictional cartoon character you with?" She was a tough looking Latina whose nametag improbably read O'Brien.

"Um...yes?"

"Ohmigod! Did I get you in trouble, Mr. MacGillicutty? Ohmigod! Ohmigod! We're not gonna go to jail are we?"

Leave it to Stacy to keep cool under pressure. Fortunately, Officer O'Brien's partner--a large, pasty faced blonde guy whose name was apparently Hauser--took Stacy aside and calmed her down. "It's all right, young lady--just need to ask the author some questions."

Officer O'Brien pulled a chair from a table and sat down, motioning for me to do the same.

She took our her pad and began to write a summons. "Have your name, sir?"

"MacGillicutty, Scissors."

"That M-C or M-A-C?"

"M-A-C."

"Right. Have a license to write in Manhattan, Mr. MacGillicutty?"

I swallowed. I had, but I let it lapse. "N-No, but I live in Brooklyn."

She looked up from her pad and gave me a cynical glare. "And you never write at your job?"

"No, no--I mean, maybe a little sometimes--"

"Have a license to write in King's County, Mr. MacGillicutty?"

I breathed a bit easier. "Yes--here it is, officer."

I took the small yellow card from my wallet and gave it to her. She wrinkled her nose at it. "It's still valid, but it's old. When'd you get this--was Paul Auster still in Brooklyn?"

I nodded. She wrote down my name and address from my license and handed it back to me. "Here's the deal, Mr. MacGillicutty," she said, taking a pack of Old Golds from her pocket--just like a cop to smoke Old Golds--"back when your license was issued, county of Manhattan would recognize King's County writers licenses. But since Auster left Brooklyn, and Jonathan Lethem started to talk trash about Manhattan, there's been some changes, you following me so far?"

"Yes," I replied and sighed. I knew I should never have subscribed to McSweeney's. As if they'd ever publish fan fiction anyway.

"Fortunately for you, it's not so bad. You just have to register your Brooklyn license at the Municipal Building on Centre St--if we don't have any problems with your friend here--" she turned to Hauser, walking towards us with Stacy. Stacy had been crying and was shredding a tissue.

"It's OK," Hauser said. "She's just from some animated series on MTV got cancelled back in '01."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. MacGillicutty," Stacy burbled. "I-I couldn't take the pressure! I had to tell him everything!"

Officer O'Brien turned over my license and smirked. "Says here you're OK for fan fiction, but I wouldn't bring your friend along if she's gonna keep blubbering like that." She looked back at Hauser. "No copyright problems?"

Hauser shrugged. "Technically, yeah, but she was a minor character--"

"Minor character?" Stacy wailed. "But Sandi always said that the Fashion Club was the backbone of the show!" She was now sobbing uncontrollably.

Hauser sighed. "Like I said, minor character. More paperwork than it's worth."

"Then that's it," O'Brien said, tearing a sheet of paper from her pad and handing it to me. "This is a summons for you to appear 30 days from now in Criminal Court Building, 100 Centre Street. You register your license in Manhattan before that, you can just send a certified copy of the registration to the address on the back. Or you can show up to your hearing with the registration. But if you don't register by then, it's $50 per word per day. Got that, Mr. MacGillicutty?"

I nodded contritely. Being an Angst Lord--and how the hell did that happen anyway? I still haven't finished a story of any length!--didn't cut any ice with the NYPD. I wasn't even going to try.

Hauser and O'Brien left. I heard them cracking jokes about the light sabre on the way out--"Neon purple? What the hell color is that?"--and figured I better just go over to the Municipal building and get it over with. I'd have to make up some bizarre excuse for my job--"Had to stay home to wait for a plumber..."--but I'd rather burn a personal day than have to face that fine.

(to be continued?)

This story has been continued by Scissors MacGillicutty. The story called "Where's Mary Sue when you need her" is still in writing on PPMB at the time of this compilation (early September 2005)

Scissors MacGillicutty

Guy sighs in disgust as the three J's crowd around him. He had been hoping for someone decent, like Sandi, or Mack, or (*rapturous sigh*) Aunt Amy, but nooooooo.

"I don't suppose I'd be able to get two of you to go to other authors, could I?"

The confused, almost frightened looks in their eyes as they huddle together for protection answers his question.

Awright, awright, what to do, what to do? he thinks to himself. A sputtering, dim light bulb appears over his head. He shoots the animator a dirty look, then thinks, Ah, yessssss...

"Tell me, fellas. Any of you ever heard of an eustreptospondylus?"

"A what?" asks Jaimie.

"Too many syllables! You're giving me a headache!" whines Jeffie.

"Uhhhhh... sounds familiar... no, guess not," says Joey, who should know better.

"Splendid! Right this way, gents!" said Guy, ushuring them offstage, grateful to not have to buy more dino kibble for the next week.

Deceleraptor

It's Fluffy and Friends. (Anyone that gets this watching late night cartoons or has a good memory.)

Opie the opossum stands at the end of the table just looking around with a happy smile on his face. Suddenly from behind him Fluffy the white cat starts to sneak up behind him. Once Fluffy is within inches of him, Fluffy winds back her foot. Smirking Fluffy swings forward and kicks Opie off the table only to have Opie yank her with him. On the way down Opie grabs the tablecloth and lets go of Fluffy, letting her fall into the tub of water below the table. Opie then climbs up and looks over at Quinn and Sandi both staring in amazement at what the two animals performed. Daria smirks as she walks up behind them. "And that is how you get Fluffy to take a bath."

Angelboy

Open on a large chamber with a large tube containing a giant floating head. Below the head are three control panels that form a half circle – a red and gold robot franticly works the controls.

Alpha: Ay yi yi! Zordon, Rita Repulsa has been released from her prison dumpster!

Zordon: Calm down Alpha, find me five teens with attitude and transport them here.

Alpha: Ay yi yi, sure thing Zordon!

The robot works some more controls and then in the center of the room five different colored (black, pink, blue, yellow, and red) electric fields appear and quickly disappear leaving five teens standing in their place. They are Mack, Britney, Ted, Tiffany, and Jane.

Britney: Kevvie?

Ted: Oh my… what place is this?

Tiffany: Wheeerrreeee….

Jane: Hey what the hell is this?

Mack: This can’t be good.

Zordon looks at the teens then down at Alpha.

Zordon: Alpha… you’re fired.

Alpha: B-but Zordon!

Zordon: Just send them back and get me five good choices!

Alpha: W-we can’t, there isn’t enough energy!

Zordon: Fine, we’ll just have to work with- them…

Fade to later – each of the new rangers hold their morphers and look tired.

Zordon: For the sixth time… you hold out your morphers and call out the name of your dinosaur spirit- it is that simple. Now just go…

A door opens at the back of the room and the teens all leave. Once the door is closed again Zordon turns back to Alpha.

Zordon: Alpha, prepare my ship, we’re leaving.

Alpha: What! But Zordon-

Zordon: No buts, with those kids as our last hope, the world is doomed and I’m not going down with it. Now prepare the ship.

Alpha: Yes Zordon.

Cut to: Outside the power chamber the rangers are attacked by a group of grey creatures called Putties. The rangers are no match for them as they are quickly beaten down.

Jane: Damnit! That floating head said that these things could help us, let’s use them already!

Mack: Right!

They all pull out their morphers- cut to transformation screen (an extreme close-up of the morphers but the inner part is replaced with an electricity field of each Ranger’s particular color):

Mack: Mastodon!

Britney: What? Oh, um Pterodactyl?

Ted: Triceratops!

Tiffany: Saaabbbeeerrr…

Cut to Jane’s morphin’ screen-

Jane: Just skip her, Tyrannosaurus!

Cut to the four rangers posing together while Tiffany still tries to morph. The rangers, minus Tiffany and Britney, begin fighting off the grey guys. Britney just runs away as three of the Putties chase after her, Mack jumps in front of them and knocks them all onto their backs. Ted grabs one by the arm and flips it over onto its back and kicks it into the air and into two other Putties. Jane uses one of the putties as a platform which she jumps off of and then twists in the air and pulls out her blade blaster and fires at the remaining four putties. The defeated putties all disappear and the rangers all gather back into a group.

Cut to: Tiffany’s morphin’ screen-

Tiffany: …toothed tigggger!

Cut back to the group now complete with the yellow ranger.

Yellow Ranger: Heeeey, I did it….

The black, blue and red rangers drop their heads in annoyance.

Cut to: Rita’s Moon Palace – Rita is watching them through her telescope.

Rita: AHHHHH! Zordon has already found his rangers! Well, I’ll just fight fire with fire; after all they won’t be a match for my evil Green ranger!

She laughs as she disappears.

Cut to: Street, Daria is walking down the street by herself when Rita appears before her. Daria jumps back and falls on her butt.

Rita: Yes, you’ll be perfect for my evil Green Ranger.

Daria: Your what? Look I’m not-

Rita: Yes you are!

Rita points her wand at Daria and they disappear.

Cut back to the power chamber- Alpha is moving some crates as the rangers enter the command room.

Jane: Well thanks to you we just got jumped by some grey things.

Zordon: Those were putties-

Tiffany: That word, ewww…

Zordon: Do you mind? I was explaining… oh why bother. They were putties, Rita uses them as cannon fodder to delay her enemies, since that’s all they can do- they’re quite worthless.

Alarms sound and red lights around the room start flashing.

Mack: What’s that?

Alpha: Ay yi yi! That’s the command center’s alarm!

Zordon: Rita must have begun her attack on Lawndale! Behold the view screen.

They all turn and look at the giant globe behind the control panels. In it we can see the Green ranger leading a group of putties into Lawndale.

Ted: Hey, that’s a ranger like us!

Zordon: No, that is Rita’s evil Green ranger; you must go and stop him before he hurts anyone.

Jane: Well, I didn’t have anything else planned, and this ranger thing is pretty damn cool. Plus I like the color of this suit…

Ted: Morphanominal!

They all look at him…

Zordon: Maybe it’s best you don’t speak… what about the rest of you? All in good, Alpha!

Alpha: Right on it Zordon.

He touches a button on the control panel.

Mack: But I didn’t-

He is cut of as he teleports out.

Cut to: The front of Lawndale High –

Mack: -say I was in… great.

Green Ranger: (OS) Not for you!

Jane recognizes the voice-

Jane: Daria!

Green Ranger: Maybe once, but now I’m Green Ranger- prepare to be destroyed! Putties attack!

The rangers pull out their morphers-

Mack: Mastodon!

Britney: Pterodactyl!

Ted: Triceratops!

Tiffany: Saaabbbeeerrr…

Cut to Jane’s morphin’ screen-

Jane: Damnit Tiffany! Tyrannosaurus!

cyke

[A rather bare room. In the middle is a vertical table with Princess Daria bound to it. Next to it is a large table covered with makeup, hair curlers, etc, which Dr. Valkins is standing next to. On the wall in front of the table is a viewscreen, before which stand Pink Helmet and Col. Rowe. Col. Rowe is wearing a fashionable, futuristic-looking silver uniform, while Pink Helmet is wearing a bright pink uniform with a large helmet over her head, with the faceplate down. King Jake & Queen Helen of Planet Cynica appear on the viewscreen.]

Helen: Helmet, you fiend! What are you doing to our daughter?

Jake: Yeah!

Pink Helmet: All me to introduce the brilliant stylist, Dr. Valkins, the greatest stylist in the universe and Hollywood.

Dr. Valkins: Your Highnesses.

Helen: I don't understand. Daria's never been interested in makeup.

Pink Helmet: It's not what you think it is- it's a lot worse. If you don't give us the combination to the air shield, Dr. Valkins will give your daughter [pauses for dramatic effect] a hostile makeover!

Princess Daria [horrified]: Nooooo!

Helen: Hmm, that wouldn't be such a bad idea. You do want to look good at your wedding, after all. Right, Jake?

Jake: Huh? Oh, yeah! You only get married once, kiddo, so you want to look your best!

Daria & Pink Helmet: What?!

Pink Helmet: You want us to give your daughter a makeover? How are we supposed to blackmail you into giving us the code to the air shield if you don't think it's blackmail?

Jake: Oh, the code is on Planet Cynica's website.

Daria & Helen: Dad! Jake!

Jake: Now what did I do?

Helen: You just told them how to get the code, you idiot!

Jake: Oops.

Pink Helmet: Thanks. [aims a remote at the screen and turns it off] Colonel Rowe, get on the computer and find the code.

Col. Rowe: Right away, Lady Helmet. [She sits down at a nearby computer terminal and starts typing away]

[Pink Helmet turns back to Daria and Dr. Valkins]

Pink Helmet: Dr. Valkins, proceed with the makeover. Do your best.

Dr. Valkins: My pleasure.

[She gets out a makeup kit and gets ready to do Daria's makeover. Daria faints.]

Col. Rowe [still at the computer]: I found the code. It's one-two-three-four-five.

Pink Helmet [raising her helmet's faceplate]: Are you kidding me? That's, like, the code an idiot would put on her luggage.

[President Nifgrif strides into the room]

Nifgrif: Well? Did you, like, get the code?

Col. Rowe: Yes, the code is one-two-three-four-five.

Nifgrif: Well, they certainly know what a good code is. That's the same one I put on my luggage. [Pink Helmet and Col. Rowe briefly share an uneasy look] Now we can steal all the air from Planet Cynica. Like, prepare Fashionball 1 to leave immediately. And change the code on my luggage. [Nifgrif, Pink Helmet and Col. Rowe leave the room, with Dr. Valkins giving Daria a makeover]

Derek

It was nearly light when Daria slipped out of the Tank leaving Max in blissful slumber. All four members of Mystik Spiral in one night, she thought to herself. My career as a band ho is off to a good start. And Mom and her stunt driver have nothing on me.

Dennis

Three little words, that was all it took to throw Daria's life out of whack. It hadn't been Jane nor Trent that said it to her. Rather it was the quiet girl that she always thought of as nothing more then a burnout girl. That one blonde girl had told Daria something that had completely tossed all her thoughts out of the window, and Daria didn't even know her name.

Daria hugged her knees and rocked back and forth on her bed as those words echoed in her ears. An eerie sounding echo reminding her of those three words she never expected to here. Slowly she muttered them out herself in a quaking voice, "You're popular, Daria."

Angelboy

"Come on, Daria, I've got us a table."

Daria quickly joined Jane, the two of them facing the stage at the recently renovated McGruddies Brew Pub.

"I still can't believe your brother and his friends are the new house-band for this place."

"Niether can I. I swear, it's all he could talk about on the phone or in his emails. He wasn't even at the house when I got home this afternoon. Just a note saying he was here and he'd see us tonight."

"You mean he was actually awake and on time for a gig?"

"Yeah, amazing, isn't it?" Jane paused to look around the new McGruddies a little more. It was, in stark contrast to the way Jane remembered it (or, indeed, remembered any place Mystic Spiral had ever played, aside from the Taylor house), clean and well lit, with the lights subdued to that of a nice restaurant. Even the floor was lacking its traditional coating of cigarette ash. A waitress - one who looked young and friendly instead of burned out and burdoned by two or more fatherless children - came and took thier drink orders. "They've really cleaned this place up. It looks almost classy."

"Maybe business has been good," Daria shrugged, not really caring anything at all about anything that was happening in Lawndale. This was actually her first time back after leaping at a spot in Raft's summer program right after Graduation (Christmas had been spent with Aunt Amy) and the two were really only back because of Quinn's graduation (like Daria would be able to get out of that) and because Jane wanted to see her brother's new steady gig. She'd barely even noticed the changes.

Suddenly the lights dimmed a little more and a pair of spotlights hit the stage.

"Ladies and Gentlemen," a voice said, "McGruddies Brew Pub is proud to present the musical stylings of Helpful Corn!"

The crowd - to Jane's shock - cheered.

Then Trent and the boys came on stage - to Jane's even greater shock.

Gone was the slouched, dirty, ragged Grunge-rocker wannabe Jane had known. Instead, he was wearing nice kakki slacks and a pink button up shirt. His hair was short, clean and nicely trimmed in a conservative cut, his face clean shaven. His once lazy brown eyes were now bright, wide and full of life. In place of his cheap electric guitar was a nice accoustic one.

The change in Mystic Spiral - now Helpful Corn - was equally shocking. They were all dressed the same as Trent, and with similar hair styles. It was a toss up which was more disturbing: Jesse wearing an actual shirt or Max with actual hair. Even Nick's hair was back to his basic brown. Jessie carried a guitar similar to Trent. Nick held a banjo; Max a tamborine.

"This isn't right," Jane said quietly.

Trent came up to the mike, smiling happily.

"And now," he said," I'd like to sing a song that's always been one of my favorites. And I hope it'll be one of your favorites to."

He strummed his guitar and began to sing.

I'd like to build the world a home
And furnish it with love

The crowd cheered again, and the rest of Helpful Corn joined in, singing backup harmony.

Grow apple trees and honey bees and snow-white turtle doves
I'd like to teach the world to sing
In perfect harmony
I'd like to hold it in my arms and keep it company
I'd like to see the world for once
All standing hand in hand
And hear them echo through the hills "Ah, peace throughout the land"
(That's the song I hear)
I'd like to teach the world to sing (that the world sings today)
In perfect harmony

"No, no, no," Jane cried softly to herself, "This isn't right at all! Daria! We've got to do something!"

She turned to the seat next to her, but Daria wasn't there.

Jane looked around in panic and suddenly found her friend.

Daria was up in front of the stage, swaying her arms and dancing, a look of joyful bliss on her face, as she and the rest of the crowd sang along with the band.

I'd like to teach the world to sing
In perfect harmony
Id like to build the world a home
And furnish it with love
Grow apple trees and honey bees and snow-white turtle doves

WacoKid

Daria steps off an airplane on a tropical island and meets Reed Richards (AKA Mr. Fantastic) of the Fantastic Four.

REED: Greetings, Daria, and welcome to Fantastic Island!

DARIA: Shouldn't this be Fantasy Island, and shouldn't I be meeting that guy played by Ricardo Montaban?

REED: This used to be Fantasy Island, but the sorcerer decided to retire after Khan came here seeking to fulfill his fantasy of revenge against Captain Kirk.

DARIA: Ah.

REED: Not to mention that Sue decided we ought to disappear after that horrible Fantastic Four movie which people only went to see Jessica Alba.

DARIA: OK... Does this mean I don't get my fantasy fulfilled?

REED: That depends. What do you have in mind?

DARIA: Well, I've always wanted to make people in Lawndale really suffer and burst into flames.

REED: That we can handle. I'll dispatch Johnny immediately...

Hierargo

Daria took the diploma from the hands of the president of Raft, and made her way back to her seat.

Opening the leather-bound folder, she gazed sadly at her Bachelor's degree, and thought fondly on her many happy years at college.

I had a good run, she thought, and all parties must end sometime. Wouldn't have minded a couple of more years of whiskey, men and madcap pranks; but Quinn's right. I'll be 65 come November and it's time to join the real world.

Deceleraptor

It was then that Trent started to whisper his subliminal suggestions, which were easily absorbed by the bliss-softened minds of the crowd.

I'm glad I finally realized that I was never going to conquer the world with rock and roll, he thought. My audiences were too busy headbanging, moshing, and fighting to hear my suggestions. But these people are ready to be controlled. Soon, I will have an invincible army with all the resources of the wealthiest men in Lawndale, and my insidious plan can begin.

Below him, Daria and the rest of the crowd swayed happily, unaware of the fate awaiting them.

E. A. Smith

Black screen – we hear a loud explosion and cut to a shot of a mushroom cloud.

Fade to a street surrounded by destroyed buildings… on the ground there is a sign from the Zon partially buried under rock. A figure hunched over and covered by a torn, filthy blanket walks past through the destruction, she trips and almost falls but she reaches out to a pile of rubble and steadies herself. When she pulls away her hand the top few rocks are covered in blood. She looks at the cut on her, then takes the end of her blanket and tears off a strip and wraps it around the injured hand. In the distance we hear loud screams and cheers; she jerks her head up and starts limping as fast as she can toward a partially standing building.

Inside she crouches down in a corner underneath a window and spreads the blanket over herself effectively blending into the shadows. A group of people – if they could be called people anymore – climb over and around the piles of rubble yelling and screaming at each other. Their bodies are covered in scars, missing limbs, and some have grown extra limbs. From among them one figure steps out into the street, the others cower as he passes by. This one appears to have lost part of his right arm and replaced it with a jagged strip of metal. He unwraps the cloth covering his face and we see that it is, or once was, Anthony DeMartino; the right side of his face and eye has been horribly scared. One of the others gets to close to him and he savagely slices and stabs it with his metal weapon – the whole time laughing low and darkly… He stops and looks around at the others who scatter and hide.

DeMartino starts walking down the street and slowly the others begin to follow and begin yelling and screaming. After the noise fades the girl from before pulls the blanket away from her face – Its Daria; on side of her glasses bent and missing its lens while the other lens is cracked. Beneath her glasses we see a large cut on the left side of her face that starts above her eyebrow and runs down to her chin. Daria slowly peeks above the window seal for any sign of movement, seeing none she settles back down into the corner and pulls her legs tight against her body…

Daria: (sadly) …J-Jane…

cyke

"NO! NO! NO!" Jane yelled. "The Sailor Scout uniforms are for the groomsmen! The bride's maids get the Grim-Reaper outfits! And I still need the stilts and giant paper-mache head for the Minister! And where the hell is my dancing bear flower-girl?!"

"Tell me again," Daria said with a sigh as the trained monkey serving as ringbearer pulled her hair for the umpteenth time that day, "Why we agreed to let Jane plan our wedding?"

"Don't ask me," Tom said, down on his knees, dressed as a leprechaun, with his legs tucked up under his long coat. "She's your best friend."

WacoKid

Everything had finally fallen into place for me, I was finally happy with my life… but of course that was when the machines had invaded earth. Humanity was no match for their strength and we were enslaved… I and a few others managed to escape their clutches and through pure luck we found ourselves before one of the few invading ships that were shot down. Working as hard as we could we managed to repair the ship and leave Earth… our home. We traveled into the vast mysterious space and encountered many other races, some friendly and some not. We learned from these encounters and quickly became masters of the advanced technology contained in this ship… somewhere along our way I was nominated captain… Now, five years since fleeing our world, my crew and I have decided to return and fight to free Earth. This ship, now named Arcadia, is the flagship of my small armada of pirateships… but despite her ragged appearance she is a match for any other ship out there… and despite my youth, I Captain Morgendorffer have vowed to never give up until I can set foot on a free Earth…

cyke

And now for "Entertainment Cliches", here's Daria and Jane.

Jane: Cliches, we're all familiar with most of the typical cliches that appear on our favorite (And not-so-favorite) TV shows and movies. Sometimes, they make us yawn, others make us retch.

Daria: Today's cliche is all-too familiar. Children can't die........ever.

Jane: Any child under the age of 15 seem to have this .... this ..... aura, whatever it is that keeps them from getting kiled, or dying from injuries that have NO problem whatsoever in killing teenagers and adults.

*Daria motions to Kevin, who now appears from off-screen*

Daria: Observe as we make Kevin seriously-dead.

*Daria takes out a gun and shoots Kevin in the head with a .44 magnum. Kevin drops like a rock, and blood oozes out from his hair*

Jane: As you can see, Kevin, a young-adult became living-impaired.

Daria: Dropped like a rock.

Jane: Suffering from rigor-mortis.

Daria: Bought the farm.

Jane: AND still choking his chickens.

Daria: But what happens when you do the same to a child?

*Jane motions to Link, who appears from off-camera*

Daria: This is for that sh!tty summer camp!

*Daria shoots link in the head with the same gun several times, but the bullets ricochet off and hit several stagehands off-camera, screams can be heard*

Jane: Wow! Is he wearing some kind of steel child mask?

Daria: I dunno, let's find out.

*Daria and Jane pull out 13' machetes and try to split Link's face open from the hairline and under the chin. The blades do not make even one dent. Several minutes pass*

Daria: As you can see, Link cannot die because he is a child.

Jane: *Holding her now-dulled blade* Dammit, I spent, like, thirty bucks on this f***ing thing.

Daria: If one needs further examples, we can always attempt the same on someone else.

*Daria and Jane motion to Tad and Tricia, who appear from off-camera*

Jane: Children seem to have this ability to cheat death when given severe injuries. But if one were to be tossed down a flight of stairs.....

*Montage of Jane pushing Tricia down a flight of stairs, Tricia unconscious, Tricia in hospital bed in critical condition, flatline followed by Tricia waking up, cheerful as ever, and praising Allah*

Daria: Uh, Tricia?

Tricia: I'm not doing any lines that collide with what I believe in. Besides, it's not like I can die.

Jane: Oh no? *Revs up a chainsaw and chases after Tricia* DEMON BE GONE!!

Daria: No matter how hard you try, you can't kill children. *Daria pulls a lever, dropping an 18-wheeler on top of Tad, the truck is split in half upon impact. Tad walks away unharmed.* Why can't children be used in war movies? Dear God, I wonder what THAT would be like.........

---------------------------

SAVING PRIVATE RYAN

*Montage of 10-year-old kids storming Normandy beach with M-16s, all narrowly-missing all enemy gunfire, 5-year-olds blasting the bunkers with bazookas, one toddler gets launched into the air by a landmine, and lands 50 feet away on his head. He giggles and continues to storm the beach.*

---------------------------

Daria: *Daria looks at the camera, and gives off a nervous laugh* That's....that's all for now. Goodnight.

*Credits roll*

Jane: *Jane is still chasing Tricia with the chainsaw* C'mere you little f***er!

Reese Kaine

'I must say, you are the best intern that we've ever had here.'

Thank you, sir. I never thought politics would interest me, but working with you...'

Daria stood up, and poured herself another cup of coffee. "I think that I'd like to work here, Mister-'

'Please - no formalities at all. 'Nick' will do nicely.'

Daria couldn't believe that she was blushing. 'Ah... well... 'Nick' - I, uhmn... I think-"

'How about we start off slowly, then? In private, no titles or formality - good enough?'

'I think I can handle that,' Daria said, and she suddenly realized that she was standing very close to the intensely handsome man that charisma seemed to flow off like water over Niagara Falls, and his eyes are so - oh, my God in heaven, I'm acting like Quinn - and what the hell, I'm in love with Michael-!

'It's settled, then. I have several personal assistants, but I want you on staff, as well. We will be able to work around your schedule.'

"I'll be back - tomorrow. I mean, I'll be back in... I should go now.'

Nicolae Carpathia smiled a warm, comforting smile that put Daria at ease, and waved as she nearly tripped over an end table on her way out.

She's quite adorable... and she'll make a perfect companion...

Brother Grimace

"I was very impressed with your performance at the Rennaissance Festival play last weekend, Quinn." Ms. Li said as she led the girl down a previously unseen coridor of Lawndale High School.

"Um, thanks," Quinn said, still wondering why Ms. Li had called her to the office this morning. "I did OK, I guess."

"Don't sell yourself short, Quinn, you were excellent, and handled yourself well under the presure. You have just the sort of qualifications I've been looking for.

Quinn started to feel a little weirded out, especially as there was no one else in this hallway.

"You see, Quinn," Li continued, I've worked very hard to turn Lawndale High into the top ranked institution it is. It's taken a lot of time and a lot of money, but it's something I feel is worth it. A good school is important to students, and to the future of the world. Wouldn't you agree?"

"Um, yeah, I guess."

"But there are those that don't feel that way. Believe it or not, there are people who don't care about Lawndale High or about the students here. Worst of all, some of these people actually are students here." They finally came to the door at the end of the coridor. "Lawndale High must be defended from these people, Quinn. Defended by very special individuals. Individuals like you."

"Me?" Quinn squeeked, "But I can't do anything."

"Nonsense. You're the most popular girl in school, with a pretty face, top notch fashon sense, and a desire to help others feel good about themselves. You're also incredibly charismatic, able to make almost anyone like you instantly and convince people to do what you want. And I've been watching you closely. You have untapped mental potential as well: a sharp mind and the ability to react quickly under presure. You're just what I need for my team."

"Team?"

Yes, Quinn." She opened the door, revealing a rather luxurious room, complete with big screen TV, bar, pool table, posh couches and chairs, and other frills. Around the room were four other students - Kevin, Brittany, Mack and Jodie - each wearing a single-colored jump suit - Yellow, Blue, Black and White, respectively.

"Welcome, Quinn, to TEAM LAWNDALE: SCHOOL POLICE!"

WacoKid

Dariatello was working on the Battle Shell while Janelangelo and Quinnpheal were playing games in the background. Walking across the foreground Jodienardo kneels next to Dariatello and sticks her head under the Battle Shell. "Mistress Amy wants to know how long it will be Dariatello."

Dariatello sighs and rolls out on the little wheeled gurney she was on under the Battle Shell. "I don't really know Jodienardo, the Fashioner really worked us over last time."

Janelangelo shouts over, "What should I put on the pizzas dudettes?"

With a sigh Dariatello slides back under the Battle Shell. "At least it's better then lasagna every night.

Jodienardo sighs and starts walking back to Mistress Amy's side of the sewer haven. "Another fun filled night for the Teenage Lawndale Ninja Turtles."

Angelboy

JANE: You're popular?

DARIA: Of course I'm popular. It's deliberate.

JANE: Why?

DARIA: I think that would be obvious.

PAN OUT TO SHOW TRENT STARING AT DARIA LIKE A LOVE-SICK PUPPY.

DARIA: Guys can't resist me like this. You'd know that if you'd bothered to read all the fan-fiction. (To Trent) Your room, fifteen minutes, have a guitar on hand and be ready to sing me love-songs...

Hierargo

With a mental cry of joy, Daria rushed down the wormhole into her new body. She quickly took it over, forcing the whimpering soul that had previously owned the body into a small corner in the back of her mind. As she took control, she suddenly found herself in enormous pain. The young woman whose body she now possessed had been horribly tortured by the Possessed, but Daria relished the pain. Any sensation at all was an enormous relief after the sensory deprivation of the Beyond.

The moment she had died Daria's soul had flitted through a wormhole to the beyond. She had cursed every moment she had been in there, removed from all sensations except for dim views into the regular universe and whatever memories she could swipe from other souls. She had mind-raped countless souls, and been mind-raped herself just as often. She had no idea how long she had been in there; it could have been five minutes or five million years, it made no difference. But now she was free.

Almost. She still had a connection to the beyond. She could here the cries of the billions, perhaps trillions of souls still trapped in the beyond, begging her to find people for them to possess as well. The urge to possess others was irresistible.

"Hey there, amiga. Long time, no see." That voice sounded vaguely familiar. Daria opened her eyes. She was inside what appeared to be a warehouse. There was a woman and two men standing over her. She could sense that they were Possessed, like her. "Jane?" she asked.

"In the flesh," Jane replied, then laughed at her joke along with the men.

"Who are the other guys?"

"Trent and Jesse."

"Where are we? And what year is it?"

"Some planet called Nyvan, 58 light years from Earth. The year is 2611."

Daria thought about this for a moment. She had been dead for over 500 years, during which time humans had apparently developed faster-than-light travel and had established at least one colony world. A sudden jolt of additional pain pulled her out of her reverie.

"Is there any way of stopping this pain?" Daria asked.

"Sure. Just apply some energistic power to your wounds to heal them. You won't believe how fast we can heal ourselves that way," Jane replied.

Daria concentrated, and her wounds began to heal with incredible speed. Within a quarter hour she was completely healed, except for some blood loss.

She got up off the ground, where she had been lying the whole time. She looked at the others and said, "Come on. Let's get something to eat and some more people to possess."

"Right on," said Trent, and the foursome started walking towards the door, intent on adding to the hell raging across Nyvan's surface.

Derek

"You want me to what?"

"You heard me the first time, Quinn. Don't make me repeat myself."

"But ... but ... you're a ...."

"My real name is Antonio. Antonio Kuntakinte Li. Now open wide, baby. Ooh, that's the style. Lawndale, F'yeah."

WacoKid

"And the next contestion in the Lawndale High Talent Exhibition," Timothy O'Neill said, glad that he'd been able to convince Ms. Li that a 'Competition' might send the wrong message to the participants, "Is Kevin Thompson."

Kevin took the stage of the LHS auditorium to a smattering of applause, mostly from members of the football team, and delited cheers from Brittany. He waved happily and took the microphone, and a strong bass line and drum beat began to play, with a guitar riff soon joining it.

Whoa, Mack Daddy (bam-ba-lam)
Whoa, Mack Daddy (bam-ba-lam)
Mack Daddy is so fly (bam-ba-lam)
You know that's no lie (bam-ba-lam)
He's so rock steady (bam-ba-lam)
And he's always ready (bam-ba-lam)
Whoa, Mack Daddy (bam-ba-lam)
Whoa, Mack Daddy (bam-ba-lam)

Suddenly, Kevin's performance was cut short as Mack smashed him in the back with a folding chair, dropping the QB to the floor.

"I told you to stop calling me that, damn it!" Mack yelled as he kicked Kevin repeatedly in the groin and stomach, until several security guards dragged him away.

WacoKid

"Quinn," Mack said, "There's only one way for you to prove your loyalty to this team."

"What?" Quinn asked, cringing inside.

"Buy us pizza," Jodie answered.

"Yeah," Mack aggreed. "What? You didn't think we were going to exploit sexual favors from you, did you? Because I get all I need from Jodie. Don't I, my little pookie wookie."

"Yes you do, my little cuddlebubblebear."

The two of them started rubbing noses, Eskimo style.

Then Jodie turned to Quinn suddenly.

"Unless you'd like to give us sexual favors. Because I'm totally up for that."

WacoKid

Trent sat in his room, listening to a retro pop station. He hated retro pop, but he was so depressed. The woman he had loved so much had rejected him..

"And now for all of those suffering from unrequited love, Here is 'You really Got A Hold On Me' by the Beatles" the DJ cirped cheerfully..
" don't like you
But I love you
See that I'm always
Thinking of you
Oh, oh, oh,
You treat me badly
I love you madly
You've really got a hold on me
You've really got a hold on me, baby
I don't want you,
But I need you
Don't want to kiss you
But I need you
Oh, oh, oh
You do me wring now
My love is strong now"

Oh yeah that's the story of my love life..Trent thought.

"You've really got a hold on me
You've really got a hold on me, baby
I love you and all I want you to do
Is just hold me, hold me, hold me, hold me
I want to leave you
Don't want to stay here
Don't want to spend
Another day here
Oh, oh, oh, I want to split now
I just can quit now
You've really got a hold on me
You've really got a hold on me, baby
I love you and all I want you to do
Is just hold me, hold me, hold me, hold me
You've really got a hold on me
You've really got a hold on me"

The song ended. Trent was in tears.

"Damn you Lauren Gupty, why must you have such a hold on me!"

Ms. Kinnikufan

"Now as you can see here in this part of the film," Jake lectured, "The squirrel jumps back and to the left. Back and to the left. We are through the looking glass, people."

WacoKid

Meanwhile, at Sandi's house, the Fashion Club was holding a meeting.

"And so it is agreed," Sandi said,"Plaids are most definitely forbidden for the members of the Fashion Club. Next order of business; Quinn's cousin, or whatever's, sudden popularity."

"Gee, Sandi, she's not really popular," Quinn said. "It's just something that weird burnout girl said. And you know how unpopular she is, and if an unpopular person says someone else is popular, especially when that other person was previously unpopular, can we really believe that an unpopular person is all of a sudden popular when an even more unpopular person than the one she's saying is popular, says she's popular?"

"Um, what did you just say?" Sandi said.

"Myyy heeead hurrrts," Tiffany said.

"I think what Quinn is trying to say is..."

"Excuse me, Stacy, you what?"

"Eep! Sorry, Sandi."

"Look, my sis-...um, cousin, is not freakin' popular, okay?"

"I don't know, Quinn," Stacy said. "She has been seen talking to Kevin and Mac quite a few times, and she also seems to be friends with Brittany, and I've seen her with Jodie a few times, and she's really popular. I mean, you know, for a brain."

"Compelling evidence, Stacy," Sandi said, "but you are forgetting one thing."

"What's that?"

"No one is popular unless we say they're popular."

atimnie

Daria's ghostly form teetered on the edge of the cloudbank, and she braced herself with her standard. It was slick with the silvery angelic ichor, but her grip held tight with pure human resolve.

She glared down over the side—there he was.

The Supreme Being.

The Alpha and the Omega.

A grand, ethereal being, said to be as far above humans as humans were above bacteria.

...and He was hanging onto the cloud by the fingernails of his one remaining hand.

His eyes—piercing, and with an inhuman glow—held a look that was familiar enough, though. Shock, and disbelief.

Daria sniffed, and wiped the blood away from her face with her sleeve.

"I..." she said, not breaking eye contact as she raised her guidon staff high, and brought it down, hard, on his fingers.

"...have had..." she cracked it down again. His grip began to falter, but his eyes stayed fixed. To anyone else, it would have been intimidating, but Daria's fury just climbed higher.

"Enough... Daria felt something crunch when she brought the staff down again. It vaguely reminded her of crushing potato bugs when she was a kid.

She raised the staff high again. She didn't think she'd have the strength for more than one more hit. Hopefully, He wouldn't either.

And, as the slammed it down, she saw something that no one—no angel, no demon, no deity, and no mortar had ever seen, or ever would again...

"...of YOU!"

...Daria saw God blink.

His shattered hand came away, and He fell, wordless, back to Earth. Daria watched his shape shrink into a pinprick of light, which flashed as it struck the exposed maw of the underworld, forty miles below, not far from where the Devil's bones lay scattered.

Less than a minute, the shockwave from the impact rumbled through Paradise. A mild tremor, then quiet.

Quiet, like the beautiful winter evening it was.

A little breeze picked up, sending the red banner on Daria's staff flapping.

With an exhausted sigh, she turned back towards the inner circle of Heaven. She could see the Palace of Heaven was still burning—which by it's very nature, despite the inferno, only looked as forboding as a holiday presto log—but the sounds of the last fighting had died down. Daria wondered, dimly, if the last of the Host had given up, or had just lost the will to go on existing.

It was the same result, either way, so it didn't really matter, Daria thought, trudging back. That part of the job was done. There would be more to come—the proclaimation of the republic, the reorganization of the afterlife, and the rectification of millenia of injustice—but right now, it all seemed like just so much red tape and pencil-pushing.

The hardest part was already done. And the thing foremost on Daria's mind now was getting a hot meal and a good night's sleep.

Ranchoth

"Hey."

"Huh?" I looked up from my pad to see someone staring down at me. Squinting slightly, I was still unable to make out who had gotten in my light. "Do I know you?"

"You're one of those writers, right?"

"Uh, you mean like those guys?" I gestured with my pen toward where the other fanfic writers were wandering off with members of the cast.

"Yeah."

"Something like that."

"So, why ain't you trying to get one of them?"

"Don't need to," I said with a shrug. "You got a name?"

"Link."

"Oh. You've gotten taller since the movie."

"It's been a few years." He sat next to me on the ground and wrapped his arms around his knees. "What'cha writing?"

"Nothing in particular," I replied. "I'm just figuring out troop strengths for a crossover I'm working on."

"Is it a Daria story?" When I nodded, the glanced at the others, "So, why didn't you need any of them?"

I finally let go with the chuckle that I'd been hiding since I'd heard about this little get-together. "I can create them whenever I need them."

"You can?"

"Watch." I turned the pages in my notebook. A diminutive woman with long auburn hair came from around the tree. She had brown eyes hidden behind glasses that looked like they had been stolen from the George Burns estate. Her pleated black skirt moved in the slight breeze as her boots left their prints in the grass. Beneath her green jacket, she wore a mustard colored T-shirt. Leaning over, her near monotone sounded out the words, "Hey, Link. Long time no see."

"Hey, Link," Daria said as she came around the tree, "long time no see."

"Wow," Link looked at me in awe.

"How the hell did I get here?" Daria asked.

"Ranger!" I heard TAG yell, "Stop doing that!"

"You gotta teach me how to do that!" Link said.

"It's all in the wrist," I told him with a smirk and a wave of my pen.

Ranger Thorne

"Death, Destruction, Mayhem. These are the things I live for now. Ever since they took it away... all I want is those three things, and I will have them." Smirking as he loaded up his AK-47 assault rifle's clip while happily humming the Ride of the Valkeries. Smirking he snapped the clip into the rifle and stood up. "My parents will pay for taking my gum away." Ted vowed quietly to the air.

Angelboy

The drive was over, the fliptails were safely in the Dodge City stockyards, waiting for the train to take them to Chicago, and the squirrelboys were getting liquored up and rowdy, but Big Jake's mind was on home, and the sweet little woman who's letter he was now opening.

He opened the letter and began reading:

"Hello, you've reached the office of Helen Morgendorffer, attorney at law. I'm not in right now, but if you write back with your name, address and message at the tone, I'll get back to you as soon as I can. 'Bye!"

He dropped the letter and shook his head. Even here in an old west parody ficlet, all he could get was her stinking answering machine...

Deceleraptor

A Ranger is fighting with a hideous buglike alien.

RANGER: We live for the One! We die for the One!

ALIEN: Who is this One, anyway?

RANGER: Here he comes now!

Ernie (from Sesame Street) approaches.

ALIEN: The One is a Muppet?

ERNIE: No, the One is (produces Rubber Duckie) Rubber Duckie!

Rubber Duckie flies out of Ernie's hands and incinerates the alien with laser beams from his eyes.

ERNIE: He wasn't listening when I took my bath and sang "Rubber Duckie, you're the One"; was he?

The Ranger shakes his head.

Hierargo

Jane and the Fashion Club stood outside the door of Daria's dressing room. "Daria, we have to do this now," Jane said. Like the others, she was dressed in an attractive, form fitting, Penguin costume. Daria marched sullenly out of her room, in the same outfit. "Alright," she snarled, "lets get this over with!" The six girls raised their right flippers, touching them together over their heads, and shouted, "Wonder Penguin Powers, activate!"

Sleepless

Hierargo

Daria sighed and sat back sipping her coffee as the new band started to sing a tribute to The Penguins.

Earth angel, earth angel
Will you be mine?
My darling dear
Love you all the time
I'm just a fool
A fool in love with you

Earth angel, earth angel
The one I adore
Love you forever and ever more
I'm just a fool
A fool in love with you

I fell for you and I knew
The vision of your love-loveliness
I hoped and I pray that someday
I'll be the vision of your hap-happiness oh, oh, oh, OH!

Daria looked around the room watching the people enjoying the music, especially one guy in particular in the back. As she studies the guy in further detail she wonders if Pierce Brosnan is looking for a stand in. Smirking she turns back to the band that's dressed up as Penguins.

Earth angel, earth angel
Please be mine
My darling dear
Love you all the time
I'm just a fool
A fool in love with you-ou-ou

I fell for you and I knew
The vision of your loveliness
I hope and pray that someday
That I'll be the vision of your happiness

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh , oh, oh, oh

Earth angel, earth angel
Please be mine
My darling dear
Love you all the time
I'm just a fool
A fool in love with you-ou (you, you, you)

After the song the lead singer walked up to the mic and smiles. "We would like to thank everyone for coming out to hear us sing. That song was a nod of recognition to our predecessors "The Penguins" and now we'd like to sing something we created."

Sitting in her chair Daria looked back at the James Bond wanna-be to see him staring intently at the band still. With a smirk Daria turns back around and sips her coffee.

Angelboy

'And now, we will select our competitors for the Tri-toon Tournament!' Principal Li announced, as a flickering tongue of flame delivered a slip of parchment out of the Goblet of Fire. 'The champion from Animation in Cinema will be - Bugs Bunny!'

A typhoon of applause shattered the air in the gymnasium, and the WB toons cheered as Daffy Duck and Porky Pig housted Bugs up into the air; Babs looked at him with luminous eyes.

"No surprises there!" Jane called out, her voice almost disappearing in the cheering for the wascally wabbit.

'Bravo, Bugs!" Scar called out, so loudly everyone could hear him, even over the applause. "Knew you had it in you!"

A second slip of parchment leaped from the Goblet. "The champion from Cable Animation will be - Aeon Flux!"

The section of bleachers with the cable 'toons exploded with glee; Aeon Flux simply polished her guns and glowered.

Mack sighed, then applauded along with the rest of the 'Daria' cast. "Well, if it wasn't me, at least it's an MTV character..."

"The champion from Television Animation will be - 'Jonny Quest!"

More thunderous aplause rang out through the LHS Gymnasium. "Well, we now have our three champions. I am sure that I can count on all of you to give every ounce of support that you can muster to -

The room seemed to be filled with a single, unified gasp as the Goblet flared, and a blue-white tongue of flame leaped forth; a singed slip of parchment fluttered down for Principla Li to pluck out of the air.

She stared at the name on the parchment; everyone stared at her, and then, Li cleared her throat and read out -

"Daria Morgendorffer."

Michael Fulton smiled at Daria, who was sitting across the table from him.

"There's something I want to tell you," he started.

"And that would be...?"

"You're smart, you're witty, and you're beautiful..."

"Oh stop, you're making me blush," Daria deadpanned.

"... which is why dumping you is so hard."

Daria's jaw dropped open. "Wh-what?" she managed to stammer out.

Michael waved at an old woman sitting at a nearby table. She got up and walked over to stand beside him.

"Daria, I'd like you to meet my new girlfriend, Amelia. Sure, she's three times as old as me, but she's a real kicker."

Daria stared at them for a moment, her heart shattered, then dropped her head on the table and started crying.

Derek

This is going to be hard to explain. Mr. DeMartino thought as pictures of Upchuck in the nude fell out of his desk at Mack's feet.

Angelboy

"Mack," Mr. DeMartino began, "I . . . I kissed your boyfriend."

The Angst Guy

"Which one?" said Mack, "What, Upchuck? Shoot, he's yesterdays news, you can have him. Just keep you mitts off my main squeeze, Timmy O'Nie... Oh, no, DeMartino! You did not just give me that kicked puppy, 'don't hurt me' look!!!"

Deceleraptor

This is going to be hard to explain. Ms. Li thought as naked photos of nearly every girl in Lawndale high falls out of her briefcase, right in front of the school board, all the parents of Lawndale, and the leader of the conservative movement that's giving the majority of school's funding. Many of them appear to be done in the showers of the locker room.

Angelboy

Daria knew it was going to be a strange day (and that was putting it lightly) when it started raining eggbeaters, peguins, 'maters (whatever they were) and nude photos of various lawndale residents.

Ms. Kinnikufan

As a bullet pinged off the top of her foxhole Colonel Morgendorffer nodded to her troops with her in the foxhole. Pointing to Corporal Lane she signaled for her to cover the others retreat. After getting Jane's nod of approval Daria and Lieutenant Landon readied themselves to run to the bunker. Once Jane started opening fire Jodie and Daria took off at a full sprint, minutes later Jane lobbed a suspiciously football looking object into the middle of the enemy formation. As the enemy tackled the person with the football in a giant pile Jane turned and joined Jodie and Daria in a full out retreat. Jane dived into the bunker just before the door shut only to be greeted by the gum chewing Private Dewitt-Clinton sitting at the terminals displaying the incoming missiles targeted for the tracking device Jane threw earlier. In seconds the whole bunker rocked.

Sighing Daria turned to Jodie. "Lieutenant Landon report."

Jodie looked at the screen and then gave the thumbs up. "All enemy targets neutralized Colonel Morgendorffer."

Jane smirked and then leaned against the wall. "Can we go see what Captain McKenzie has done to the prisoner Colonel Morgendorffer?"

At Daria's nod Jane and Jodie walked off to see what Mack had done to poor Kevin Thompson. After they had left the room Daria turned to Ted and sighed. "Has this paintballing field trip gotten out of hand?"

This is going to be hard to explain.....Mrs. Johansen thought as Daria's glasses fell out of her mouth at the "All You Can Eat Lawndale Student Fundraiser"

"Damn!", she thought, "Misread the sign again..."

A.J.

This is going to be hard to explain.....Mrs. Johansen thought as Daria's glasses fell out of her mouth at the "All You Can Eat Lawndale Student Fundraiser"

"Damn!", she thought aloud, "Misread the sign again..."

"No you didn't," responded Ms. Li as she picked her teeth with the sharpened end of a paintbrush.

Smirking Ms. Barch walked up holding football pads, "I love it when I have to crack the shells."

Angelboy

This is going to be hard to explain, Daria thought as Jane and Trent walked in to find her wearing her frilly pink dress and singing along to her Disney Princesses video.

WacoKid

This is going to be hard to explain, Daria thought as she realized there was a giant plot hole in her latest story.

WacoKid

Daria opened the front door to find Brittany Taylor standing there in a "Hillary Loves You" T-shirt and no underwear.

"Now will you go out with me?" Brittany cried.

The Angst Guy

Damn it!" cried Linda Griffin, waving a handful of nude photos in Ms. Li's face. "Why the hell aren't the rest of us getting any of these?"

The Angst Guy

This is going to be hard to explain, thought the ghost of Tommy Sherman as the Lawndale High Committee for a Memorial for Tommy Sherman examined his shrine to Daria Morgendorffer.

Hierargo

"I told you Brittany, I'm going out with Jennifer." Daria replied shutting the door before walking back to her room where Jennifer (Burnout Girl) was waiting in a penguin suit holding a opossum suit. "Sorry about that love, it was just Brittany again.

Angelboy

In utter desperation and anger, Ms. Barch stamps her right foot three times on the ground. I wish there was something I could do-!

With a horrible suddeness, the spot on the ground that Ms. Barch stamped upon splits open and emits a horrid stench, followed by a white-hot blade of flame that cleaves the ground open! Janet watches as three horrifically grotesque, bat-winged women, each wearing wreaths of hissing, snapping serpents around their heads, as they scrape their way from the pit before her.

They turn and look at Janet, their eyes dripping with blood, and suddenly, she feels perfectly at ease.

"Megaera. Tisiphone." She looks at the first being that climbed from the pit, goes over, and hugged her. "Alecto. "

"Sister, we felt your pain - how could we not come, even if you had not called specifically for us?"

"How may we be of service...?" Tisiphone purred, and all about her, the grass died at the sound of her voice. "What man has wronged you, sister of our soul, sister of our ways? Tell us, so that we may... educate him, as to the error of his ways..."

"Yes, tell us who this man is," Megaera cooed, her wings fluttering in eager anticipation. "Give us his name; we will speak for you, and show that he has chosen - poorly." Her claws clicked quickly, almost musically, and venonous spittle flew from her mouth. "Speak his name..."

"He's hurt a child I've known for many years, a woman who I thought would make a name and a good life for herself, even in this hellspawned world besotted by pseude-religious values! He's crippled her soul, rent her beliefs; he's used her body terribly and tried to force himself upon her sister, who's barely little more than a child herself! Avenge her, sisters, avenge her!"

The air was thick with the beating of leathern wings; the fetid scent of death aproaching was like the earliest touch of spring to Janet, so taken with hatred and revenge that she didn't notice the first glimmering wisps of lavender witchfire dancing about her fingertips.

"Tell us his name!"

"TRENT LANE!" Janet screamed, and the three creatures screamed out their anticipation to the heavens. "Find Trent Lane - torment him for an eternity, and then bring to me his heart, with the blood in it still warming! For Daria, for me, for all the women of this world that Justice has abandoned, bring me VEANGEANCE!"

As one, the Furies rose into the night air, shrieking out their delight that yet another Great Hunt had begun...

Brother Grimace

Although Janet was a little bemused when her sisters returned with the battered remains of an english street sign.

DJW

We see Jodie, Mack, Jane, Tad, Tom, and Daria wandering around an amusement park, with Jodie and Mack dragging Daria along by her shoulders.

Mack: C'mon everybody!

Tad: The Dungeons and Dragons Ride!

The gang pile into a roller coaster car, as they head out we see many ghouls, goblins, orcs and fire breathing dragons.

Tad: WOW! Neat!

Tom: Gimmie a break.

Then things begin to get weird the monsters disappear into smoke, and the car seems to fall apart around them falls apart.

Jodie: I don't LIKE this!

Mack: What's happening?

All: WOOOAAAAHHHH!!!!

They land in the barren area, and take a moment to look at their new clothing in astonishment.

Daria: Where ARE we?

Opie: Meeeeehhh!!!

Opie, galloping towards them, leaps into Tad's arms. Mack spots what he's running from.

Mack: LOOK OUT!

The kids back away from Teachmat, the five-teacher-headed dragon, looking terrified.

Dungeonmistress(Aunt Amy): Fear not, Ranger-

He shoots a bolt of light into Mack's hand, which Mack uses to shoot at Teachmat.

Dungeonmistress: ...Barbarian...

Bolt of light, the club appears in Tad's hand.

Dungeonmistress: ...Magician, Thief...

Hat and Cloak appear on Daria and Jane respectively as they run away, as they run Jane uses her hood to disappear.

Dungeonmistress: ...Cavalier...

The shield appears in Tom's hand...

Dungeonmistress: ...and Acrobat!

Jodie uses her new javelin to leap over a blast of Teachmat's fire, and Daria conjures ropes from her hat. Climbing the ropes, they are confronted with Li-ger! Li-ger's bolt of magic bounces off Tom's shield and hits Teachmat, and Teachmat chases Li-ger away.

Jodie: Who WAS that?

Dungeonmistress: That was Li-ger, the Force of Evil.

The kids gather round on top of the cliff as Dungeonmistress pats Opie on the head.

Dungeonmistress: I am Dungeonmistress, your guide, in the Realm of Dungeons and Dragons....

Fade to the title, "Dungeons and Dragons."

Angelboy

Jane: Hey, lets go on the Gamma World ride!

Daria: (being dragged by Jane) Let's not.

[The ride starts, suddenly the two are sucked through a portal into a post-apocalyptic wasteland]

Daria: Damn it!

Jane: (looking around) This is kind of cool!

[Suddenly, a 15 foot tall bear jumps out and incinerates Daria with it's laser eyebeams.]

Jane: OK, that was much less cool.

WacoKid

Quinn pulled frantically on the penguin chick that had a deathgrip on Sandi's hair. Sandi had picked it up because it was so "cute." Quinn also was dancing around trying to avoid the sharp beak of the chicks mother. Meanwhile, Tiffany perched terrified on top of a penguin habitat, while a screaming Stacy ran around around and around it, chased by the thirty or so penguins trying to get at the fish in the bucket she forgot to drop.

Daria mused that community service wasn't so bad, after all, even if she and Jane had to share it. Then the aroma of the steaming, knee high piles she and Jane were standing in reminded her that she might be wrong about the last part. Jane gagged and said, "Oh, Man! I guess elephants really Do do everything in a big way. We thought monkeys were bad ... "

Sleepless

This is going to be hard to explain... Thought Mack as Kevin's missing jockstrap fell out of his bag at Kevin and Brittany's feet.

Angelboy

This is going to be hard to explain... thought Quinn as her dentures clattered down on Sandi's thigh.

Scissors MacGillicutty

Sandi however smirked and pointed downwards on her nude body. "Now you can chew."

Angelboy

"I think we should break up."

Tom was stunned. "What? When did you decide this?"

"Just now," Daria sighed.

"Was it because I got all four members of the Fashion Club pregnant, including your sister?"

"Actually, getting all the cheerleaders pregnant was the deal-breaker."

"Damn!" said Tom.

mman

Daria coughed as she used the butt of her shotgun to help her stand up. Whiping the dust off her long, calico skirt, she muttered, "Never did trust those damned roller coast..."

She stared at Jane, who was looking down in wonder at her red bustier and fishnet stockings. The feathers in her hat waved as she looked around.

Jodie was dressed in a buckskin dress decorated with colorful porcupine quills, cradling a carbine in her arms, while Mack sported a ten gallon hat, chaps, and twin holsters slung low on his hips. Tom was in a flashy outfit with a small, flat-rimmed hat.

"What the..." he said, reaching up his sleeve and pulling out a derringer.

"Whoa!!!" said Tad.

They looked in his direction. He was dressed only in a loinclot and moccasins, holding a bow almost as big as he was. In his hair was a headband with a single eagle feather hanging down behind his ear.

"Way cool!" he concluded.

"Okay, Landon. This is importent," said Daria, pinching the bridge of her nose and shutting her eyes under her pioneer style bonnet, "Did you drag me to the ride that said 'Dungeons and Dragons' or the one that said 'Boot Hill?'"

Tom shaded his eyes and stared off in the distance at a cloud of dust being kicked up in the distance. "What the heck..." he said as he pointed, "Are those squirrels?!?"

Daria sat down hard. "No..." she whimpered, "Dear God, no..."

Deceleraptor

"There's my missing jockstrap!" cried Kevin, picking it up. "Thanks, bro!"

"Yeah, thanks!" said Brittany gaily. "You're the greatest, Mack! Let's go, Kevvie!"

I guess that wasn't so hard to explain, after all, Mack thought.

The Angst Guy

Daria and Jane are sitting on Jane's bed only now they have jet black skin and white hair.

"Lu'oh xunus udos ori'gato ukta telanth udossa wund xunin nindol 'sohna?" Daria asked Jane with a look of disgust on her face.

Jane smirks and points out the door as the drop dead gorgeous drow Trent walks by the door. "Uk della dos bauth Trent. T'yin dos morfel uns'aa valm wun ulu inbau l' emp'poss."

Daria sighs and puts her head in her hands. "Xsa uns'aa"

Jane smirks. "Al dos zhaun, Ilythiiri nesstren ph' jivvin klezn ulu Ilythiiri j'nesstren..." Jane then ducks as Daria swings a pillow at her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Translated...

(How did we let him talk us into doing this again?)

(He told you about Trent. Then you made me join in to get the job.)

(Damn me...) (Well you know, Drow men are play things to Drow women...)

Angelboy

Daria pointed back to the waiting cars. "Look, that damn roller-coaster is our best chance to get out of here."

Jane said, "I'm all for getting out of here. Being trampled by a herd of buffalo was not on today's agenda."

Jodie was already getting into one of the cars. "Sounds good to me."

Tad looked at his bow. "Bummer."

Once they were all on board, the roller coaster car started again, plunging them into another whirlpool of motion that dumped them into what looked like some kind of store room, filled with large, generic boxes.

Daria stood up and brushed the dust off of her tuxedo. In the process, felt the silenced PPK tucked into the shoulder holster. She smiled. "However, I think I can live with Top Secret."

RLobinske

Scenes from 'Honey, I Shrunk the Cynics!'

[We see Daria and Jane standing in Daria's room. The 'Fem-A-Sizer' is visible poking out of a cupboard.]

DARIA: I really don't know why Ms. Barch entrusted us with this device.

JANE: Probably as an alibi, if anything goes wrong.

DARIA: And to dodge some of the 'mad scientist' allegations.

JANE: Albeit, justified ones.

DARIA: Of course.

[Suddenly, a frisbee is thrown into the room, narrowly missing the overly complicated device. Quinn pokes her head into the room.]

QUINN: Oh, sorry. Hope I didn't hit you guys.

DARIA: Don't worry.

JANE: It was a near-miss. [Beat.] We were lucky to survive.

QUINN: (Matter-of-fact) You're weird.

JANE: Point taken. But could you watch where your frisbee is going? We have some delicate goods in here...

DARIA: Just one misdirected throw could mess up everything.

QUINN: [Insincere.] OK Daria, I'll be careful.

DARIA: Thanks.

[Cut to several seconds later. By sheer chance, Quinn's frisbee ends up in the room again, this time bumping the Fem-A-Sizer's convoluted system of controls. Unsurprisingly, Daria and Jane are hit by the ensuing beam. It's a small beam, which is appropriate that the two now appear to be only an inch tall. A long-shot reveals the broad expanse of carpet around them.]

DARIA: I felt short before, but this is ridiculous.

JANE: [Dramatic] This sick, sad world has gotten a lot bigger.

[A brief period of silence.]

JANE: There must be some benefits...

DARIA: Like what?

JANE: Uh, a pizza will last us a whole lot longer now, any television will become a big-screen--

DARIA: Assuming we can either get pizza or access to a television.

JANE: Right.

[...]

[Since the last scene, Our Heroines have made it down the stairs. Some time has passed.]

DARIA: That took a while.

JANE: What did you expect?

DARIA: You're right. [Beat.] Oh look, Mom's here.

JANE: Think we can get her attention?

DARIA: It's our best hope... At this point.

[They begin walking closer to her. Helen is engaged in an animated conversation on her cell phone.]

HELEN: No Eric, it's not a problem!

DARIA: Mom!

JANE: Mrs. Morgendorffer! Down here!

[Helen doesn't hear this noise, and continues. Unfortunately, she also begins pacing.]

JANE: I don't think she heard us.

DARIA: [Sardonic.] That went well.

[Close-up of Daria and Jane. From this perspective, all that can be seen of Helen are her shoes. Jane realises that Helen's heels are three times their size.]

JANE: I've seen some high heels before, but none like these.

DARIA: It's funny how being an inch tall can alter your perspective.

JANE: Yeah. [Beat.] I think this 'getting attention' thing is harder than it seems.

HELEN: [Continuing her conversation.] Yes, I think that is definitely the best route here.

(We briefly see the scene from Helen's perspective. Two indistinct specks are on the ground. These are of course Daria and Jane.)

JANE: Look, we should regroup.

DARIA: Agreed.

[They walk away.]

Gregor Samsa

"Daria, there's something you ought to know. When you were born, you actually had a twin brother. Your father and I weren't able to raise two kids at the time, so we put him up for adoption, and he was taken in by this nice family from Detroit named Fulton."

[Pause]

"NOOOOO!"

Derek

Strapped into her Poetry Appreciation Chair, Daria screamed as the Fashion Club pranced in front of her and began to sing:

Throw your hands up if you know that you're a star
You better stand up if you know just who you are
Never give up never stay down
Girl Power Girl Power!!

Throw your hands up if you know that you're a star
You better stand up if you know just who you are
Never give up never come too far
Girl Power Girl Power!!

I've made mistakes before but I know I'm not perfect
It's okay 'cause who could ever be
As long as I did my best
It don't matter what no one says
'cause deep down in my heart I got the power to make it all happen

Throw your hands up if you know that you're a star
You better stand up if you know just who you are
Never give up never stay down
Girl Power Girl Power!!

Throw your hands up if you know that you're a star
You better stand up if you know just who you are
Never give up never come too far
Girl Power Girl Power!!

At times I may just feel like
my back is to the wall,
I hold my head up high
And keep on standin' tall
I know that my back is covered
Because we have each other
and we're down for whatever.
If you hear me throw your hands up

Throw your hands up if you know that you're a star
You better stand up if you know just who you are
Never give up never stay down
Girl Power Girl Power!!

Throw your hands up if you know that you're a star
You better stand up if you know just who you are
Never give up never come too far
Girl Power Girl Power!!

Sometimes life may get you down
But you better hold your ground
Can't nobody live your life but you
Stay true to who you are
And always follow your heart
Your heart, your heart

Throw your hands up if you know that you're a star
You better stand up if you know just who you are
Never give up never stay down
Girl Power Girl Power!!

Throw your hands up if you know that you're a star
You better stand up if you know just who you are
Never give up never come too far
Girl Power Girl Power!!

Daria's head exploded when the next voice came over the speakers: 'And that was 'The Fashion Club', the final, incredible act at 'Live 8', whit their rendition of 'Girl Power!'

Brother Grimace

Stacy, Quinn and Tiffany are standing around Quinn's locker talking one afternoon. Suddenly a huge vacuum tube pops out of Quinn's locker and sucks them in sending them down a long chute, screaming. At the end of the chute they land on a large pink cushion with the word "WHOOP" behind them. In front of them is a large desk covered with papers and a tall, thin man of British decent stands behind it.

"You know Jerry, that is like so rude." Quinn whined as she got off the cushion helping Stacy and Tiffany off.

"Yeeaaaah.... thaaaat's... soooooo... wrooooooong..." Tiffany said with an annoyed twinge to her voice.

"Sorry girls, but the world needs saved." Jerry said kindly before turning to a large screen TV behind him.

Stacy looks over to Quinn before sighing as the three of them sit down for the briefing. Nothing had been the same since they joined Whoop.

Angelboy

"Oh dear, this is going to be hard to explain," thought Dr. Shar, after removing the bandages from Quinn's face...

Deceleraptor

"Oh dear, this is going to be hard to explain," Dr. Sharr thought, removing the bandages from Quinn's chest.

Greystar

"Oh dear, this is going to be hard to explain," thought Dr. Shar, after removing the bandages from Quinn's buttocks...

RLobinske

"Oh dear, this is going to be hard to expain," thought Dr. Shar, after removing the bandages from what was Quinn's face.

Quinn blinked as she looked in the mirror. "Why is Ms. Johansson's picture here?"

Angelboy

"Oh dear, this is going to be hard to explain," Quinn said as she removed the bandages from Sandi's face.

"She's not going to like this," Tiffany said slowly as Stacy began to hyperventelate.

At that moment, Helen decided to walk through the livingroom.

"Hi, Quinn, Stacy, Tiffany, Kevin," she said without missing a beat as she went up the stairs.

"Daria was right," Quinn sighed. "We never should have ordered that home plastic surgery kit from Waif."

Greystar

"Man, being a superspy is going to be totally rad," Jamie said as he checked himself out in the mirror.

"Yeah, dude," Joey agreed, as he checked out some of the gadgets in his utility belt. "Totally."

"But why do I have to wear the yellow jumpsuit," Jeffy whined. "I hate yellow."

WacoKid

This came out better than I expected, Daria thought as she removed the bandages from Quinn's face.

Just then Jake walked through the living room. "Hi there, kiddo! Hi there, kiddOH MY GOD! HELEN! THEY CLONED DARIA, JUST LIKE ON TV!

Derek

Jane knew it was going to be a bad day when Daria stockpiled her room with canned goods and a dozen can openers. She knew it was worse when Daria dragged dozens of books into her room, followed by several planks of wood.

Angelboy

Jane knew it was going to be a rough night when Daria ate six pounds of spicey chili before bedtime.

WacoKid

But forgot the toilet paper.

The Angst Guy

Luckily, though, Daria was sleeping with Tad Gupty, not with Jane.

"What are you laughing about?" Jake Morgendorffer asked.

Jane just smiled and snuggled up next to him in the bed. "Oh, nothing."

The Angst Guy

Open the picture showing a half shot of an Earth-like planet with the Sun partially behind it, as we pan to the right we see a large sail-ship cruising through space.

Jake Morgendorffer voices over the scene as the ship passes us. "Thundering across the stars..." Next we see Li dressed up as a purple skinned bubble-headed alien. "to save the Universe from the monster mind." Show Jane and Trent holding two identical pendants each looking off screen with them. "Jane searches for her brother to unit the mystic spiral," Show Daria, Tricia, Jane, Tad in armor, and Jennifer on the bridge of a star-ship as Jake continues Jane and crew charge the screen. "and lead her lightning league to victory..." Right before Jane hits the camera, the screen view changes back to Li stalking forward. Then a plant like vehicle comes on screen in a blaze of lightning. "Over the changing form of Li Boss." Cut to a ship where five wheeled vehicles of mechanical origins shoot out. "Wheeled Warriors explode into battle..." show five plant vehicles "Lightning STRIKES!!"

Mystic Spiral plays while Trent sings lead with Monique singing back up.

As the song progresses we see Jane driving while under fire and shooting back. Tricia drilling under an enemy vehicle, then she launches a gun that lands on the back of her vehicle. Then we see the gun shoot out purple rays that send another vehicle with a morning-star on the back side flying away. Next we see Daria smirk and draw a one in the air. Then we see a shot of Jennifer shooting Jane a thumbs up before cutting to Jane who shoots the foot of a massive machine with a ring of power while Tad jumps in the background cheering her on, we then cut to the title shot.

There's a power that comes from deep inside of you,
'Cause every day you're reaching toward the light,
And you know there's a long long way ahead of you,
But when your wheels get you there, things will turn out right!

Just keep 'em turning, don't stop 'em rolling,
The fire is on, (Wheeled Warriors!)
Battle drums burning, wheels moving,
Wheeled Warriors! (Wheeled Warriors!)
Come take a chance, keep 'em turning, don't stop 'em rolling,
The fire is on, (Wheeled Warriors!)
Battle drums burning, wheels moving!
Wheeled Warriors! (Wheeled Warriors!)

A spinning blade appears on the screen fading into a golden saw blade over a black background while a red "Jane and the" stands over a silvery "WHEELED WARRIORS"

Angelboy

"That should, like, finish her off," Sandi stated as they gathered around the chair.

"Tooottaaalllyy," agreed Tiffany.

"Oh," Stacy clenched her fists over her heart, "she's gonna be so happy when she's reprogrammed."

"Well," Quinn reached out for her sister, uh, cousin's head, which was hanging down, "let's make sure, first."

"I can save you the trouble," Daria said with a growl. When she looked up, they could see that fur was beginning to grow on her face, "You see, I saw a werewolf last night with a Chinese menu in his hand . . ."

Ranger Thorne

...standing outside of Trader Vic's, and his hair was perfect.

atimnie

"It's not bad enough that I had to get my legs amputated above the knees," Daria said, "and this damn orange makeup is giving me a rash, but if I have to sing that ****ing oompa loompa song one more time, I'm taking a dump in the chocolate river."

atimnie

Just then Willy Janeka played her little flute calling out the Oompa Loompas to sing the song once again. Daria meanwhile could be found squating over the chocolate river.

Angelboy

Jane wondered briefly why Daria had thrown the covers over her head. Then she made the mistake of inhaling...

Deceleraptor

Daria knew it was going to be dificult to explain, but she tried it anyway: "Okay, Kevin, listen carefully. First, unscrew the burned-out bulb..."

Deceleraptor

Sadly, it was then that Daria learned that Oompa Loompas had no orifices below the neck.

WacoKid

There was me, that is Veruca, and my three droogs, that is Augustus, Mike, and Violet, Violet being called Violet because her skin had a violet hue. Also that was her name. We were sitting in the Lawndale Pizza King trying to make up our razoodocks how to get our revenge on that freak Wonka.

Veruca - Welly welly well, what shall it be then? Blow up the factory?

Augustus - What? And no more Wonka bars?

Violet - I say we kidnap an oompa loompa for ransom.

Mike - I say we kill an oompa loompa.

Veruca - I say you twits shut up. We can't touch an oompa loompa if we can't get into the factory.

Daria - Excuse me, but didn't you guys visit the factory more than thrty years ago? Don't you think you should just let it go already? And what the hell are you doing in this forum anyway? Find your own damn fandom.

Veruca - Look, you git, I don't care who's fandom this is, I want revenge on Wonka, and I want it now.

Daria - Bet you've been saying that for the last thirty years. Just give it up already.

Veruca - No, I won't give it up, I shall have my revenge. (singing) Don't care how, I want it nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow. (falls through trap door)

Jane (with her hand on lever) - Brattiness, I can take, but I won't stand for any singing, not after the last time. Still have nightmares about being trapped with Kevin and Brittany.

atimnie

... and the scent of Daria's Axe cologne drove Jane into a spontanious fit of sexual ecstasy.

WacoKid

"Gee mom, thanks for sending me to Summer Camp, don't mind the man in the bushes, that's Jason, the camp counselor."

Angelboy

Wonka - Good morning Charlie. Happy anniversery. It's thirty years since I gave you this factory.

Charlie - Hard to believe it's been that long. I wonder what happened to the other kids.

Wonka - Oh, I know exactly what happened to them. Remember when I said that they would go back to their horrible selves? Well, that wasn't exactly true. You see, they went through some pretty traumatic experiences, so I had to erase their memories through hypnotism, and fill their minds with new memories. Thank goodness they were only children.

Charlie - You mean it would have been worse if they were older?

Wonka - No, I mean that they had no siblings, they were each an only child. I also had to give their parents new memories and identities. Too bad they weren't only children.

Charlie - They all had siblings?

Wonka - No, I mean that they were grownups, it's easier to hypnotize a child, at least for me it is. Anyway, they all got new identities and are now all living in a place called Lawndale. Veruca is working at a tv station under the name Linda Griffin. Greed was replaced by ambition, didn't turn out well. Violet is working as a teacher at the high school. I managed to get her off gum. Unfortunately, she's also off men. Her name is Janet Barch now. And Mike...well, at least I got him away from the tv, but now he has his head buried in the paper most of the time. He goes by the name of Jake Morgendorffer.

Charlie - And what about Augustus?

Wonka - Still addicted to chocolate, I'm afraid. He had a sex change operation when he turned twenty-one. She's now known only as Mrs. Johanssen.

atimnie

Anything to get out of Lawndale.

atimnie

"And that was the only friend I made in camp."

Ranger Thorne

"Hey, teammate," Evan said cheerfully as he walked up to Jane's table. He then turned to Jane's weird and sort of pinch-faced friend and said proudly, "Did you see this girl run like the wind?"

The pissy-looking girl snapped, "Have you ever heard her -GAK!"

Suddenly, she started flopping and spasming in her booth, her glasses flying off as a blood stain appeared on her chest, quickly followed by something pushing against her shirt, finally tearing it's way out of the hole it left in the now dead girl's chest.

The small, phallic-looking creature stood on the table looking at Jane and let out a sound that sounded like a cross between a hiss and a growl.

Then it coughed and picked up a tiny cane and straw-hat. Hello, my baby
Hello, my honey
Hello, my ragtime gal

Send me a kiss by wire
Baby, my hearts on fire

If you refuse me
Honey, you'll lose me
Then you'll be left alone

Oh baby, telephone
And tell me I'm your own

As the tiny little creature sang and danced its way out the door of the Pizza King, Jane could only look on in open-mouthed shocked.

Finally, Evan blinked and broke the awkward silence.

"Well," he said, "That's not something you see every day."

WacoKid

"Thanks to Mom, I've found my long lost brother, Jason. No more getting the greasy watermelon for me, he knows how much I like to be alone and read, and he has his own very special way of making that happen."

"Chi...chi...chi...ha...ha...ha..."

"Jason, shush. Have you taken care of Skip yet? The weed wacker is filled with gas and ready to go."

A.J.

Daria knew it was going to be a bad day when the squirrel showed up at her bedroom door sporting a hockey mask and a machete.

A.J.

"Oh dear, this is going to be hard to explain..." thought Jane, "they brought Trent into the wrong operating room!!" as the doctors took the bandages from Trent's chest...

A.J.

In the other waiting room, Sandy was even less impressed with her unwarranted lung transplant.

Daria: You know what the worst thing about a lung transplant is?

Jane: Coughing up someone elses phlegm?

Quinn, Stacy & Tiffany: Ewwww!

Thomas

“Hi Daria, we’ve been expecting you.” said the massive demon with the pointy tail, pitchfork and English accent.

“Is this heaven?” Daria asked, looking a little unsure of herself.

“My dear girl, you are a bit confused aren’t you? This is hell; come now I will explain as we go, we're doing KPIs this month and we will need you to fill out a few forms before we can get started.”

Satan and Daria are now strolling down an ill lit corridor surrounded by walls of rock. The smell of burning flesh is everywhere, and the cries of the damned are only slightly masked by the sounds of Avril Lavrigne blasting out from the speakers lining the walls. A three headed dog sniffs at Daria’s heels, but otherwise, no one else is in sight.

“But I died saving the Gupty children from a plague of singing frogs!” Daria’s manner suggested irritation rather than fear. “Doesn’t that count for anything?”

“We understand your concerns Daria, in fact yours is a special case. You see, some of the “fallen angels” are no longer interested in torturing the damned. Their minds have turned to more wholesome endeavours, and the new Harry Potter book is not helping. Morale is hanging by a thread and we need your unique assistance in this matter.”

The pair had stopped outside an iron door in the rock with Daria’s name on it.

“Daria, we need you to act as a sort of "life coach" for the staff here.”

“You mean…”

“Yes.”

Daria Morgendorffer, motivational speaker from hell.

"Couldn't I just possess someone? I hear my sister's looking for an other worldly being to watch over her?"

Thomas

"Ms. Morgannderphor,

"We appreciate your submission of your story for consideration, yet we find it does not suit our current needs. However, we were so impressed by your story, I Have no Sphincter and I Must Poop, that we doubt you could top it and must ask you to send no more submissions here.

"Please find enclosed a list of qualified mental health professionals in your area. Please contact one at you earliest convenience.

"Worriedly yours

"[Return information deleted for safety of staff]"

[Author's name deleted for humorous trope ]

Looking himself over in the mirror Kevin smirked. "That's right, tonight you're gonna woo Mack-Daddy..."

Angelboy

Daria and Mr. DeMartino knew that it would be a bad day when the doors of the 'Good Times' Chinese restaurant locked shut behind them as the lights dimmed, a massive bed dropped from the ceiling, the music of Al Green began to issue from the wall speakers, and a voice exclaimed 'And here he is - Priapus!'

Brother Grimace

This is going to be intersting to explain. Thought Ms. Defoe as Jane opened a drawer revealing nude photos of Daria on top of everything else.

Angelboy

This is going to be hard to explain, thought Jane as she, Tom and Quinn found themselves in the middle of a Buffy/X-Men/Indiana Jones crossover.

WacoKid

Using the tongs, Angier drew the scrunchie out of the fire and held it out towards Daria. "Don't worry," he said, "It's quite cool."

Daria reluctantly took the scrunchy. Angier leaned on the mantle and said, "Tell me what you see."

The scrunchie was indeed cool to the touch. It retained its golden color, even though common sense told her it should be scorched.

"There's some form of writing on the inside band," she said. "It looks like French, but I can't make it out."

"It is the ancient language of Parisian and Milanese runways which is called the Indigo Charcoal Tongue. It's part of a longer verse. I'll not speak that language here, but translated the verse says:

"'Three Scrunchies for the Versace Clan in the Tuscan sun,
Seven for the editors of Vogue in their halls of gloss,
Nine for the Fashion Mavens, doomed to be trendy,
One for the Dark Lady on her Dark Throne
In the salons of Paris, where supermodels purge.
One Scrunchie to rule them all; one Scrunchie to bind them,
One Scrunchie to bring them all and in the glossies bind them;
On the runways of Paris, where supermodels purge."

"Whoa that Quinn ever found this thing!" cried Daria, adding under her breath, "Damn her eyes."

"We can take comfort in this. The Scrunchie seeks out a way back to its old mistress. Quinn was meant to find it, and was meant to leave it to you. I take great comfort in that."

"Yeeeaahhh, Ang, that helps heaps. About as comforting as that primal scene when I was ten..."

Deceleraptor

"Jane, I can explain—" began Daria as Upchuck's dead body fell out of her locker.

"I don't think so," said Jane. Then she opened her own locker and Upchuck's dead body fell out of it, too.

Hierargo

"I kissed your girlfriend," Jane confessed.

"I know," said Ms. Defoe. "I have the video."

The Angst Guy

Melody Powers seldom ran from anything, but sometimes it was better to just run instead of fight. This was one of those times.

Looking over her shoulder as she ran Melody still couldn't believe after all these years he was still alive. She needed to get away.

Just as she turned to look where she was going she had to skid to a halt as there he stood. His ratty mop-top and thick framed glasses standing out over his horrendous teeth and crushed blue velvet suit. The only thing she liked about his dress was the metallic male symbol hanging around his neck. Then he spoke. "Hey Melody baby, is that anyway to treat your old uncle Austin?

Angelboy

"Clovis what do you mean you're leaving?" Tom asked his friend

"Well with the way these bloody maniacs have been writing lately, I figured it was finally time to persue other options, mainly before they start writing Clovis/Tom slash fic."

"Clovis/Tom? surely you mean Tom/Clovis?"

"The mere fact that we may end up discussing something like this is exactly what I'm talking about, I need to get out of here, I'm moving on to new and greater fanfics..."

"but are you sure you've thought this through? I mean,...Harry Potter fanfic?"

"I figure I can ride the hype of the new book to make a big debut, besides I've already got a wand and a broomstick"

"Clovis thats not a wand, its a quarterstaff, I think they will notice given that it is 6ft long and made of bamboo and that broom is just a katana with some bristles on the end isnt it?"

"Thats as maybe, but I've decided to do this, and so is Wasabi, he's just getting ready. Why don't you come with us? the way people keep treating you round here I'm amazed you stuck around as long as you did."

"Contractual obligation, comes with not being created by some wierd english guy who took one to many blows to the head. Besides I'd probably just wind up as some sort of Slytherin Malfoy clone anyhow. And what about you? Lets face it you'll probably just get written as some weirdo background character, hell the luckiest you can expect is to wind up in Harry/Ron/Clovis thre...."

Tom was cut off by Clovis sudenly yelling "AVADA KAVARA!" as he hit him over the head with his 'wand' (the quarterstaff one you freaks, its this sort of thing thats making him leave."

"Bloody Muggles" he muttered to himself "OI Waz, you ready?"

the KA-KICH sound of a shotgun being cocked was his response

"you pillock I said BROOMSTICK not BOOMSTICK"

DJW

Daria watched the missle streak upward and detonate on target. She dropped the launcher to the grounded and waited a few seconds to catch the black, round framed glasses that fell from the sky, along with fragments of broomstick. She looked at the glasses and said, "Look kid, these glasses are my trademark."

RLobinske

Tommy - Keep going. It gets better. Hello beautiful. I see one thing about Lawndale football has improved a lot since I was unanimously voted most valuable player. The QB's.

Kevin - You're Tommy Sherman!

Tommy - That's my name. Don't wear it out.

Kevin – I’m your biggest fan!

Tommy - That's great. Listen, they're putting me up at the Lawndale Manor, why don't you and I head back there, order you some champagne, get horizontal, and you can find out just how big a hero I am.

RLobinske

Daria, Jane and Quinn were surrounded by Angst Lords on all sides.

Soon they would be overtaken.

"EXPECTO PATRONUS!" Daria's voice shouted at the last possible moment.

A silver squirrel came out of Daria's wands, chattering and flicking nuts at the Angst Lords.

The Angst Lords screamed like little girls and went into the fetal position...

Ms. Kinnikufan

'This is going to be hard to explain...' Daria thought as Jane loaded her Furcadia client to the male alt she had.

Angelboy

This is going to be hard to explain... thought Mr. DeMartino as the naked pictures of Angela Li fell out of his desk.

A.J.

Jane knew it was going to be a bad day when a squirrel in a hockey mask carrying a machete and the head of her best friend knocked on her front door.

A.J.

Tommy - Keep going. It gets better. Hello beautiful. I see one thing about Lawndale football has improved a lot since I was unanimously voted most valuable player. The QB's.

Mack - You're Tommy Sherman!

Tommy - That's my name. Don't wear it out.

Mack – I’m your biggest fan!

Tommy - That's great. Listen, they're putting me up at the Lawndale Manor, why don't you and I head back there, order you some champagne, get horizontal, and you can find out just how big a hero I am.

Mack - Honey, I'm black. Let's hope we can even find your "hero". Cause you know what they say, once you go black you don't go back!

A.J.

Jane knew it was going to be a bad day when Daria started asking for price quotes on Nuclear Attack Subs.

Angelboy

(Jane and Daria appear against a moonlit rooftop, bedecked in elaborate costumes.)

JANE: The Jane-Signal! That can only mean one thing.

DARIA: Commissioner DeMartino turned his light on?

JANE: And?

DARIA: We have another villain to defeat?

JANE: Yes we do. Probably our nemeses the Quinndler, Tiffany Ivy and the Griffin, up to their old tricks.

DARIA: (Deadpan) Holy shallowness Jane.

JANE: This could be our greatest battle yet. Come along now, my young ward!

DARIA: You're only four months older than me.

JANE: I know, but this position gives me certain rights. I'd appreciate it if you respected them.

DARIA: Oh very well.

Gregor Samsa

The new students came forward to recieve their house assignments. First was Sandi.

"Slytherin," announced the hat.

Daria walked up and sat down. The hat was lowered onto her head.

"Griffendor," it said.

Next was Jodie.

"Ravensclaw."

Then it was Kevin's turn.

"Hmmmm," the hat said, "Starfleet Acadamy."

The room reacted in surprise as Kevin twinkled and disappeared in the transporter beam.

_______

The next week, owl mail came for Brittany. Two letters, one of which was a little fat.

She oppened the one from Kevie first.

"Babe, this is so cool! I haven't been here two days and they've already assigned me to a starship and given me this cool red uniform! Proud of me? Love, Kevie!"

She opened the fat one.

"Dear Miss Taylor, it is with deepest condolences and sincere regret that we must report the passing of your boyfriend, Kevin Thompson. He was killed on his first away mission, in the Romulan Neutral Zone. Enclosed please find his remains that you may dispose of as you wish. Sincerely, etc."

A tear made it's way down her cheeks as she wondered if Quinn could spare a J. Then she smiled. "You will not have died in vain, Kevie! I'm sure Prof. Snape could find some use for you. Hee! Brownie points!"

Deceleraptor

"EXPECTO PATRONUM!" Daria yelled.

The Angst Lords looked around.

Jane grabbed Daria's arm and lobbed a Hershey bar. The Angst Lords all wheeled around and ran after the chocolate.

"Ooooo! Chocolate!"

"That's how you do it, Daria." Jane smirked.

Angelinhel

This is going to be all too easy to explain. Thought Mack as the bloody heads of Kevin and Ms. Barch fell out of his locker at the feet of Jodie.

Angelboy

"Jane, I have to admit that you made the right choice," Daria said as she cut off another tasty, moist portion from the hunk of meat before her. "Lambchop was the perfect selection for our first meal together in Boston."

"Yes," Jane agreed, then pulled a long white fiber out of her mouth, "but I wish you had spent a little bit longer plucking the thing. Who would have thought a sock puppet could have so much hair?"

E.A. Smith

Daria and Jane knew their chances for eternal happiness were shot when they saw Darius Morgendorffer and John Lane making out.

Hierargo

"EXPECTO PATRONUM!" Daria yelled.

The silver squirrel appeared - only to be immediately used as a snack by Renfield's pet beast - Slifer the Sky Dragon!

"Thanks," Kristen Bealer said, effortlessly catching the bar as she darted through a color pool and out of sight through another!

Angelinhel looked at the three young women. "Now, how shall we punish the three of you...?"

She sighed, and turned to see the look of pure, malicious mirth on Brother Grimace's face. "What now...?"

"Now, they find out why I'm known for mental-torture fics..."

Several minutes later, the three girls were tied to trees as Brother Grimace flipped the final switch on the machine. "Angel, Renfield - you're on."

"Right," Renfield smirked, picking up a long, metallic cylinder. 'Let's do this."

(Spotlights suddenly explode into life, spilling light across the Angst Lords!)

Renfield: (singing) Summer loving, had me a blast...

AIH: (singing) Summer loving, happened so fast...

Renfield: (singing) I met a girl, crazy for me...

AIH: (singing) Met a boy, cute as can be...

BOTH: (singing) Summer days, drifting away, to - oh oh the summer nights...

TAG, Scissors, BG, WK: (singing in unison) Well-a well-a well-a huh! Tell me more, tell me more -

BG: (singing) Did you get very far ?

TAG, Scissors, BG, WK: (in unison; singing in falsetto) Tell me more, tell me more-

TAG: (singing) Like does he have a car? (Tux, TAG's penguin, winks at Daria)

(The screaming begins...)

Brother Grimace

A thin arrow shoots through the ropes holding the girls to the trees before a series of others shoot out the lights. "Man that song's annoying, my sister has been playing it all week." A deep voice grumbles out in the ensuing chaos before he takes off through the trees. "How can I use them in my scenes if the Angst Lords drive them insane... wait... that could work... hmm..." Running away as he is, he doesn't notice the three rescuees chasing after him while the Angst Lords try to capture each other.

Angelboy

The four figures suddenly stop, frozen in total horror, as a HUGE explosion of light shatters the night before them!

The entire cast of 'Daria' is on a massive stage, dressed in a medley of 1980's 'teen-scene' outfits! The Angst Lords are in the bandstand with Mystik Spiral, all playing a familiar song VERY well, and at the front of the stage is Tux!

TAG: I don't think so! Tux - you're on!

Quinn: Oh, no - I know this song...

Tux: (singing VERY well)
Baby, look at me, and tell me what you see
You ain't seen the best of me yet
Give me time, I'll make you forget the rest
I got more in me, and you can set it free
I can catch the moon in my hand
Don't you know who I am?
Remember my name

All: (in unison) FAME!

Tux: (singing)
I'm gonna live forever
I'm gonna learn how to fly!

All: (In unison) HIGH!

Tux: (singing)
I feel it comin' together.
People will se me and cry-

All: (in unison) FAME!

Tux: (singing)
I'm gonna make it to heaven
Light up the sky like a flame-

All: (in unison) FAME

Tux: (singing)
I'm gonna live forever
Baby remember my name...

All: (in unison) Remember, remember, remember, remember, remember, remember, remember, remember...

Brother Grimace

Jane shrugged and looked at Daria. "Want to at least find out if we can join them?"

"That's sick, sad and perverted. Sure."

RLobinske

The ultimate nightmare of American Daria fans [Transcript borrowed from Outpost Daria. I'll put it back when I'm through, Martin. Honest!]:

Announcer: We will return to CSI: Special Angst Squad after these mess...

[Channels change. A familiar duo is walking down the halls of Lawndale High.]

Jane: Okay. [stiffly] We are now talking.

Daria: About the Tom thing.

Jane: That I don't want to talk about.

Daria: If you're still upset about it, we should deal with it now. Especially since we won't be seeing each other all summer.

Jane: You don't get it, do you? I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to think about it. I told you, I'm not mad at you about Tom. Now let it freaking go, okay?

Daria: Can I at least take you out for a good-luck pizza before you leave for your big art adventure?

Jane: Daria, I said let it go.

[And Jane leaves a dejected Daria in the dust.]

[The scene fades to Jodie and Tiffany sitting on stools in front of a phone bank.]

Jodie: Poor Daria! The start of a really bad summer. [Grins]

Tiffany: Yeaaaaah.

Jodie: Then again, it really wasn't such a great summer for the rest of us, was it?

Tiffany: It miiiight have beeeen, iiiif thaaaat tuuuutor guy haaaadn't gooot discouuuuraged. [Sly grin at Jodie]

Jodie: But we'll see all that when we return to "Is It Fall Yet?" in a moment. Know what's up next, Tiffany?

Tiffany [bright smile]: Yeaaaah. Special oooooffers!

Jodie: That's right, Tiffany! For your generous support of your local PBS stations during this pledge week, we're offering these special edition DVD's of the Daria movies! For a pledge of only $75, you can recieve "Is It Fall Yet," or "Is It College Yet?" And they say the edited portion of "IICY?" has been restored, just for this premium offer.

Tiffany: Or you caaaan geeet boooth for a meeere $125. Aaaaand thaaaat's noooot all!

Jodie: Yes, don't forget the platinum package of the two DVD's and bonus CD, "The Very Best of Mystic Spiral," yours for a mere $175!

Tiffany: Ooooorder nooooow, and we'll incluuude these faaaake Maori tribal tatoooos for a meeeere $25 more.

Jodie: We now join Evan for an exclusive interview with Quinn Morgendorffer.

Tiffany: Theeeese excluuuusive interviiiiews are avaaaailable in the eeeeeexeeeeecutive package, which we'llll teeeeell you abouuuut wheeeen weeee coooome baaaaack.

Jodie: Take it away, Evan!!!

[There is a brief explosion as remote control and TV screen make an unfortunate meeting. The camera now frames Daria's head, her face in a frown.]

Daria: Dammit, I feel defiled! It was bad enough in the old days, when we had to pause for inane commercials on MTV or Noggin, but this takes the ever-loving cake! [Looks over to the right] And do you know what else, Jane? Do you know what the final insult is? [The camera pulls back to include "Jane," a black cat with a white chin, chest, and socks.]

Jane: Prrrrmrph?

Daria [Shouting and slamming her fists on her thighs]: THEY DIDN'T EVEN HAVE THE DECENCY TO CONTACT ME SO I COULD REFUSE TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS BEGATHON!!!

[The camera pulls back to reveal Daria on a couch straight out of "Beavis and Butthead," in a faded terry-cloth robe, blue pajamas, and fuzzy penguin slippers*. All about her, cats of various hues mill about, ignoring another one of mommy's rants. She reaches down and picks up a red tabby, standing up and holding it at arms length as it struggles to get down.]

Daria: I'M READY FOR MY CLOSE UP, MR. EICHLER!!!

Deceleraptor

Daria looked around her room smirking satisfied. Everything was in place, and perfect. Daria walked over to her bed and laid down on it with a pleased air about her. "Finally some peace..." thought Daria.

"DARIA MORGENDORFFER WHY IS YOU SISTER IN THIS DOG CAGE?!?!" Helen shouted down the hall of their Highland home.

"Curses, foiled again..." Daria muttered as she started to go out and explain what happened to her mother.

Angelboy

'Dear Ms. Morgendorffer,

Your submission, "I'm OK and So Are You." has been accepted for publishing with us. Thank you for your submission and please read over the contract attached.

Sincerly,
Sunshine Books.'

Daria sat back with a huge grin on her face. "And to think, it all started when mom got me put on Perkydyne."

Angelboy

Daria decided there was only one way to escape the "Scenes No Daria fic should have"

"I'm ready for my plastic surgery!" She told Dr. Sharr.

Ms. Kinnikufan

Daria ignored the first sounds of sobbing from Quinn's room. After all, the Fashion Club were having a emergency meeting in there tonight, and Stacy had probably just got herself stuck between Sandi and Quinn(again!) But when her bedroom door opened to admit a sobbing Stacy, who fell to her knees in front of the startled Daria, and grabbed her fiercely around the knees?

"Oh, Daria, you poor thing! We never dreamed things were that bad for you!"

"Uh, Stacy, please let me go? Quinn!"

Sandi and Tiffany rushed into the room on her heels, also grabbing Daria in a clinch. Sandi bawled into the now desperate Daria's ear, "Daria! You poor pathetic creature! Forced to give up your job as a Fashion Editor by your insane family! How did you survive? You poor dear! Forced to live with your two evil brothers!"

"Quinn!"

The three girls forced the stunned Daria downstairs to Sandi's car.

Sandi continued talking, while Stacy and Tiffany showed a rare unity.

"We're taking you right to the beauty parlor! Our treat! When we get thru with you ... "

Daria's shouting disappeared into the night. Jane and Quinn peered out her bedroom window at the taillights of Sandi's car.

Jane whistled softly, "Wow, they really did it!"

Quinn smirked, then frowned prettily, "The power of the Fashion Club is not easily invoked, and carries a terrible price!"

"Huh?"

Quinn's normal bland expression returned.

"Now, then, you wanted your hair tiger striped?"

"Yes, but, her brothers in Highland?"

Quinn shuddered.

Sleepless

This is going to be hard to explain... Dr. Sharr thought as she removed the bandages from Daria's face, now looking like it did back during Beavis and Butthead.

Angelboy

This is going to be hard to explain... Dr. Sharr thought as she removed the bandages from Daria's face, now looking like Beavis and Butthead.

Daria - Hold on a second, how can I look like Beavis and Butthead?

*hands Daria a mirror*

Daria - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *takes breath* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

atimnie

Joe Pesci knew it was going to be a wierd day when a squirrel in a hockey mask , carrying a bloody machete and a duffel bag containing the heads of Daria, Jane, Quinn, Helen, Jake, Sandi, Stacy and Tiffany came to his door.

Pesci reprises his "Goodfellas" role and steps on the squirrel, stomping it flat. Daria's head, still capable of thought processes, thought "Why didn't I think of that earlier?"

Pesci: 8 heads in a duffel bag? Hmmmmmmmmmm..............................

A.J.

Darius: I kissed your girlfriend.

John: What?

Darius: I kissed your girlfriend, I kissed Thomasina.

John just stands there for a moment and then bellows out in evil laughter.

Darius: What the hell's so funny?

John: You just kissed right? Nothing further?

Darius: No, just a kiss or two. Why?

John: Thomasina is related to me through marriage, he deals in the art of female impersonation.

Darius: You mean...

John: Yep. Any further with him last night and you would've been tasting his lollipop.

Darius: Oh. Want to join us?

John: Thought you'd never ask.

A.J.

"Hey!" shouted Trent while waving his hat, "Over here! I found his horse!"

Jake and the other squirrelboys gathered around. It only took them a few more minutes to find his corpse.

"Oh, man," said Kevin, "Oh, man no... Tommy was my idol... my ideal squirrelboy..." A manly tear ran down his cheek. Soon he was crying like a girl.

His ideal squirrelboy, thought the others. Explains a lot, they thought as they're eyes swept over his dude chaps, oversized sombrero, and English saddle.

Big Jake shook his head sadly. "How long has he been missing?"

"Since that lightning flash spooked the fliptails, about eight o'clock last night," said Tom.

"Oh, man, we were..." said Jeffy.

"...milling the herd over him..." said Joey.

"...the whole night!" concluded Jamie.

"His horse must have spooked and thrown him," said Mack. "Must have been that fruity English saddle," he added, gazing significantly and futily at Kevin.

Trent rolled the corpse over on his back and the others gasped in horror.

"My God!" said Mack.

"His face!" said Tom.

"Poor..." said Jeffy.

"...Tom..." said Joey.

"...my!" said Jamie.

"Man," said Trent, "will you three stop the Huey, Dewey, and Louie crap!!!"

"What Huey..." asked Jeffy.

"...Dewey and..." asked Joey.

"...Louie crap?" asked Jamie.

"Y'all hush up and show a little respect," said Big Jake.

"Cool," said Jesse.

He got down from his horse and stood over what had been Tommy Sherman. "It's the squirrelboys worst nightmare," he said, gazing sadly at the rictus of horror in Tommy's sightless eyes and the final smile on his lips, "tickled to death by the stampeding fliptails."

Deceleraptor

Kevin, Jeffy, and Joey sat in a triangle around a spinning .45 semi-automatic pistol. The gun ended up pointing to Kevin who gave a dopey grin. Picking up the pistol Kevin squeezed the trigger.

As the report sounded throughout the building Jane, Daria, Mack, Jodie, and Jamie who were in the next room smirked. The others started to give Daria twenties while she explained her plot. "I found out that someone played Russian Roulette with a semi-automatic on Darwin Awards and then figured those three would be the only ones that would fall for something that stupid."

Angelboy

"Hey, Daria," Kevin said walking into the room holding the just-fired automatic, "I pulled the trigger and the bullet fired. Does that mean I win?"

Suddenly the bullet Kevin and fired into the air fell back to earth and struck Jane in the head, killing her instantly.

WacoKid

"Hey, Daria," Kevin said walking into the room holding the just-fired automatic, "I pulled the trigger and the bullet fired. Does that mean I win?"

Suddenly the bullet Kevin had fired into the air fell back to earth and struck him in the head.

"OWWW!!" Kevin grabbed the top of his head with both hands. "Somebody hit me, man!"

Greystar

"Hey, Daria," Kevin said walking into the room holding the just-fired automatic, "I pulled the trigger and the bullet fired. Does that mean I win?"

Suddenly, Kevin sneezed and the bullet flew out of his nose.

"OWWW!!" Kevin grabbed his nose with both hands. "Somebody hit me, man!"

RLobinske

Daria and Jane watched with a mix of horror and fascination as Kevin ran excitedly into the room, eager to show off the new hole in his skull. Peering into the gaping wound, they were astonished to see final proof that Kevin's head was, quite literally, empty.

E.A. Smith

"I have an announcement to make!" said Mrs. Barch. "The men will be taking a slightly different final from the women. Ladies, open your blue books and take one of these tests, and pass it back to the nearest woman." She handed the test papers to the women in the front row.

"Now, men, your test." She opened the drawer on her desk and pulled out a revolver, and flipped the cylinder open. She then held up a single .38 caliber bullet and loaded it into th gun, flipping the cylinder closed. She walked straight to Mack's lab table and slapped it down in front of him.

"Didi mao!" she shrieked.

Deceleraptor

Mack sighed in resignation and picked up the revolver. "You know, I'm really tired of this kind of insane crap, Barch. Enough is enough. I think its time for you to finalize ALL of our grades, right now, before you resign from teaching."

Barch swallowed, realizing her mistake. She was unarmed.

He spun the pistol, did a quick border shift and finally pointed it at her with a negligent skill. "You claim to be a scientist, Barch. Calculate these odds. What do you think the probability is for me really putting the 'fun' into funeral if I should decide to pull this trigger six times?"

Barch managed a sickly grin. "Ah, that's a 'pass.' Mr. Mackenzie."

"All of us." Mack narrowed his eyes. "All of us pass. All the men. With high marks."

"Mack?" Jodie was getting scared.

Barch nodded shakily.

"Don't dissappoint me, Barch." He put the gun into his belt.

Nemo Blank

"My mission is complete Commander Zzzlithar, may I please return home?" Artie said into his wrist pleadingly.

Angelboy

"Puh-leaze," Sandi sneared. "We of the Fashion Club are much bigger sluts than you."

"That's what you think!" Brittany sneared back, "We Cheerleaders are the biggest sluts in all of Lawndale!"

From their usual booth in the Pizza King, Daria sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. "God, please make them stop."

As the four Fashion Clubbers and the four Cheerleaders continued their ever increasing boasts of potential sluttiness, Jane looked on with a raised eyebrow. "You know," she said between sips of her soda, "Of all the things for them to argue over, this one really never would have occured to me."

"I think I'm going to throw up," Daria moaned as Quinn said something about herself, the Three Js, a cucumber and a quart of vegatable oil. Finally she gritted her teeth and accepted what had to be done. "There's only one way to stop them."

Jane glanced across the table. "Show them that we are the hands-down, accept no substitutes, without a doubt biggest sluts in all of Lawndale history?"

"Yes," Daria sighed, before getting up from the booth. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go slip into my fur bikini."

"Woo-Hoo!" Tom crowed from where he'd been sitting next to her.

WacoKid

Announcer: And now it's time for ADVENTURES OF THE FASHION CLUB!

Kevin is dressed in ugly clothes.

BRITTANY: Oh, Kevvie! You look awful! Whatever shall we do?

Enter Sandi, Quinn, Stacy, and Tiffany.

SANDI: (Heroically) Fear not, Brittany. We're here to help.

BRITTANY: How are you going to do that?

SANDI: By using THE FASHION CLUB!

Stacy hands Sandi a huge club.

SANDI: Anyone who's, like, hit over the head with THE FASHION CLUB instantly gains, like, big insights into fashion.

TIFFANY: They... did... it... to... me... lots... of... times... and... I'm... much... more... fashionable... now.

BRITTANY: But will it work on Kevvie?

SANDI: Absolutely.

Sandi clobbers Kevin on the head with THE FASHION CLUB several times.

KEVIN: Ow! Ow! Ow! What'd I do, Sandi? (Beat) Brittany! I just realized I need better shoes! Let's go shopping!

BRITTANY: (Being pulled off screen by Kevin) Thank you, FASHION CLUB!

SANDI: Ladies, our work here is done. Let's go find Quinn's cousin or whatever and her weird art friend and, like, hit them with the FASHION CLUB.

Exit Sandi, Quinn, Stacy, and Tiffany.

Announcer: Tune in next week for the further adventures of THE FASHION CLUB!

Hierargo

As Daria opened her door she got a feeling of dread when on the other side stood Cruella DeVille asking about the litter of oppossums Opie's mate had last night.

Angelboy

[Daria is walking down the hall and Jane catches up with her.]

Jane: Hey!

Daria: Oh. Hi.

Jane: What's up? What's going on? How you doing?

Daria: Great.

Jane: No walkee to school today? What happened?

[no response from Daria]

Jane: Hey, what's up? Talk to me.

Daria: Brittany kissed your boyfriend.

Jane [aghast]: What?

Daria: No, no, really, it was Sandi that kissed him.

Jane: You're kidding!

Daria: Alright, I admit it. It was Kevin.

Jane: Daria! What are you talking about?

Daria [pausing]: It was me, Jane. I kissed your boyfriend.

Jane: WHAT!?!

Daria: Yes, Jane, but think! Isn't it better than him kissing Brittany, Sandi, or Kevin? [She grins endearingly.]

[Later, she would have to wonder if that was going to leave a mark...]

Deceleraptor

"Hey Jane, can I borrow some money?"

"I don't know Tom... you never paid me back that thousand I loaned you..."

Tom sighs and hangs up his phone before looking about his spartan apartment. 'Damn, I knew I should have invested in her...'

Angelboy

Upchuck fell to his knees, exultant. After his long search, he had finally found the ancient artifact. At last, the power was his.

Reverently, he lifted the Magic Pimp Hat of Destiny high over his head and then crowned himself. Now the girls would have to pay attention.

Nemo Blank

Helen and Jake knew a certain thread on the PPMB had gone way overboard when almost all the males in Lawndale showed up on their doorstep hoping to take out "the alien sex goddess Daria".

Hierargo

"Jane... what happened to Daria?" Quinn asked looking at her sister oddly.

"Some pink haired psycho lady drove up on a Vespa scooter and hit her on the head with a Gibson Firebird VII..." Jane replied casually.

"Then what's that massive lump?"

"Oh that, Angelboy's crossing us over with FLCL..."

"Ummm... can I borrow that bomb shelter of yours?"

Angelboy

Daria was happily tapping away at her computer, a wicked grin on her face, when it started. A low rumbling that built until the very walls were rattling.

She turned and looked out her window and saw fire shooting up from the ground.

"Oh crap..." she said, then got up and ran down the stairs and out her door.

The silver cylinders were rising from their silos on pillars of fire and white smoke. As they rose, they began their slow arc to the north, and Daria began to really regret her bright idea to hack the Pentagon...

Deceleraptor

"Daria, the next time a computer asks if you want to play a game, you say NO!" Jane yelled in Daria's ear as the first mushroom cloud appeared on the horizon.

Greystar

"Now then, I think the first thing we need to makeover is your room. Tear that crap off the walls and put up something bright and cheerful. Pink is good. Although I'm not sure just yet what color I'm going to build your new wardrobe around, so we may hold off on any final decisions. Hmm, maybe Plum? Or perhaps a nice soothing Yellow. We'll see. As for your clothes, that outfit is history. Especially those ugly ugly ugly boots. We'll pick you out a couple of pairs of sandles, some stylish tennis shoes, at least three different sizes of high heels, and some new fashionable boots. And I see a lot of miniskirts and belly tees in your future. Oh, and we'd better get your ears pierced to. Oh, and I'm sure Victoria's Secret will have lots and lots of new underwear for you to try on!"

Daria just sat and whimpered, knowing that it was futile for her to resist this makeover. After all, no one ever said 'no' to Amy Barksdale.

WacoKid

[The Morgendorffer family is gathered at the table.]

QUINN: That's it!

HELEN: What?

QUINN: I've had it up to here with my old life. Being fashionable is just so dull.

(Daria glances, suddenly interested)

DARIA: Go on.

QUINN: And all the pressure of keeping up with the latest trend, it's just too difficult!

DARIA: I'm not sure what is the greater surprise, whether you realised the fact, or how long it took. [Beat.] Um, good work.

HELEN: Yes, I'm glad that you've suddenly decided to become more independent.

JAKE: Me too! Say kiddo, what are you going to do?

QUINN: Oh I'm glad you asked. After much thought, I've decided to become... A homeless bum!

(Helen and Jake appear aghast.)

QUINN: Isn't it wonderful?

JAKE: Uh, yeah...

QUINN: I've already stopped washing. Isn't that super?

DARIA: How many payments left on the cardboard box?

QUINN: Please Daria, that isn't authentic. I'm doing this for real.

(Focus on Helen and Jake, frozen.)

DARIA: (V/O) I suppose this isn't the best time to tell them of my secret ambition to appear in infomercials.

Gregor Samsa

"So tell me," the tv interviewer said, "What's it like having a sister who's a world famous writer, the author of six best selling books, a weekly collumnist for a major newspaper, winner of the Pulitzer Prize and an Oscar for Best Original Screenplay, co-authored a cookbook with your father that landed them both their own series on the Food Network, subject of her own reality tv show, recorded two platinum albums, one of People Magazine's 50 Most Interesting People for five years in a row, engaged to the heir of the Sloane financial empire, active in over a dozen charities, and considered a wondeful rolemodel for young women everywhere?"

"Just peachy," Daria said bitterly.

WacoKid

Daria had to smirk as she looked down at the red mess spreading at her feet. Jane had been right this time, putting the name on the bullet helps to increase your accuracy. Too bad for Ms. Li Daria had decided to test out this theory with her name first. "I must say, Jane's calligraphy didn't get messed up. That's quality worksmanship." With a larger smirk Daria picked up the slug from where it landed and pocketed it.

Angelboy

"Coming up next, on Food Network, 'Whatchagot Stew,' in which guest host Rachael Ray tries to save an original Jake Morgendorffer meal in thirty minutes or less."

The Morgendorffers turn to look at Jake. He lowered his head, and said, "You wouldn't think from her other shows she could be meaner than Emeril or Mario..."

Daria put the remote between the couch cushions, Quinn placed a throw pillow on top of that, and Helen scooched over and sat on it like a mother crocodile her egg. No way were they going to miss THIS!

Deceleraptor

The Waif was cruising through hyperspace as fast as it could when it got a fashion emergency on a nearby planet. Diverting their course the fashionable crew arrives in system to see the damage done.

Sandi looks out over the damage done to the system's many malls when Communications Officer Blum-Decker speaks up. "Captain there's a ship that's hailing us. I'm putting it on the main screen."

Sandi nods. "Very well Lieutenant."

Suddenly the wreckage of the system is replaced by a picture of Daria with millions of clones behind her. "We are Daria, resistance is futile, you will be dissimulated."

Sandi shouts loudly, "SHIELD UP!! FIRE A FULL SPREAD OF TAUPE-DOES!!! NOW LIEUTENANT ROWE!!!"

As Stacy launches the attack and raises the shield First Officer Commander Morgendorffer turns to Sandi. "Captain, none have ever faced off the Daria and survived fashionably..."

Angelboy

As Sandi reviewed the days events she was glad she had decided to become Daria's friend.

As Daria reviewed the days events she was glad she had decided to become Andreas's friend.

As Andrea reviewed the days events she was glad she had decided to become Brittany's friend.

As Brittany reviewed the days events she was glad she had decided to become Upchucks's friend.

As Upchuck reviewed the days events he was glad he had decided to become Kevins's friend.

As Kevin reviewed the days events he was glad he had decided to become Jodie's friend.

As Jodie reviewed the days events she was glad she had decided to become Stacy's friend.

As Stacy reviewed the days events she was glad she had decided to become Ted's friend.

As Ted reviewed the days events he was glad he had decided to become Tiffany's friend.

As Tiffany reviewed the days events she was glad she had decided to become Mack's friend.

As Mack reviewed the days events he was glad he had decided to become Jane's friend.

As Jane reviewed the days events she was glad she had decided to become Roberts's friend.

As Robert reviewed the days events he was glad he had decided to become Quinn's friend.

As Quinn reviewed the days events she decided it had been a very weird day.

qwerty