Season One
If you play that John Lennon song backwards, it says, "Imagine all the people, browsing in a mall." Isn't that weird?

Season Two
Try taking your head out of your butt for once and opening up your myopic little eyes. Or doesn't your 165 IQ make you smart enough to see the way you really are?

Season Three
I'd like to dedicate this award to the senior citizens at the Better Days Nursing Home, who taught me a very valuable lesson: always wear your sunscreen.

Season Four
Cheer, cheer, cheer. Yell, yell, yell. Who cares who wins? We're all going to Hell. If my 'peppy' doesn't work for you, I could always try my 'perky.'

Season Five
I was almost finished and then...my screen froze. Damn computer! It ate everything! Big, fat, smug, damn, stupid, crappy piece of crappy crap!

Obviously your definition of a winner is a degenerate slacker with pigskin for brains, an unshakeable desire to sleep through class, and a lifetime goal of excelling at arm noise contests...