An 80-year-old man who writes a local newspaper, this gentleman once headlined his paper with an article about what a terrible football team Lawndale High had, and went on to say that it was a school for losers. Helen doesn't place much faith in the article, as the editor once had to be taken off his roof by the fire department because he claimed he was being chased by screaming mice.  Jake, however, is incensed by it.

He has a six-year-old grandson.