"Hello? You've reached the office of Jake Morgendorffer consulting. For the love of God, do you need to be consulted?!"
Jake is an odd combination of high-strung and clueless. He spends a lot of his time at home alternately avoiding conflict, being dragged into it by Helen, and then being thrown back out when he says something either totally irrelevant or just not what Helen wanted to hear. There is no question over who has the power in his marriage - it ain't him.
His relationship with Helen is a mildly rocky one. They have their arguments, though it has never advanced to the point of breakdown. Jake occasionally resents Helen's tendency to put her career first, though he rarely stands up to her about it. They have a healthy sex life - when they can get the house to themselves. He has an even worse relationship with his in-laws, particularly Helen's sister Rita - he moves into the garage to avoid her when she comes for an extended visit. Helen's other sister Amy admires him for having stuck it out for so long with Helen.
On their first anniversary, Jake gave Helen a poorly-made candle supposedly shaped like a hobbit. He failed to recognize it years later, perhaps because it was dropped into the hot tub at the time and distorted into a weird shape.
Jake often complains about his childhood, particularly his father "Mad Dog" Morgendorffer. Jake feels that his father never gave him any encouragement or nurturing, and further ruined his life by sending him off to Buxton Ridge Military Academy (Jake had wanted to go to tennis camp). He still harbors enormous resentment toward his father, and blames him for absolutely everything. That aside, Jake maintains certain illusions about his past, occasionally remembering it better than it really was - generally, he then gets hit with reality and his illusions come crashing down. Among the things he's angry at his father about are the fact that he wasn’t allowed to have a cat and that his father refused to use a tent when camping, even if it was raining.
After military school, Jake went to Middleton college and became a flower child, though it's unclear in what order this took place. He and Helen embraced the hippie lifestyle for a while, but seem to have almost entirely lost touch with it over time. He missed the Viet Nam draft. Jake and Helen lived in a group home with friends Coyote and Willow Yeager, as well as some other hippie friends. On one occasion, Jake attempted to use positive mental energy to lift the pentagon off the ground, but the building didn't budge - even when he kicked it and broke his foot. Jake was also at Altamont.
Jake collects John Wayne coins and enjoys model railroading.
Jake finds it very difficult to relate to his kids Daria and Quinn, perhaps because he never spends any time with them. Daria in particular is a mystery to him - he's not even clear on how old she is. He has even shown signs of being afraid of her, particularly when he suspects that Daria and Tom have started having sex. He will generally take any opportunity he can get to avoid serious discussion of anything with his family. He also has a hard time getting a joke. This inability to relate to his family may have something to do with the fact that he's the only male in the household, as he has no trouble bonding with Tom and Jeffy when they come over for dinner.
From time to time, Jake will get creative in the kitchen, and generally ends up with something revolting.
Jake's constant stressed-out attitude and poor diet likely contributed to his suffering a heart attack in his mid-forties. Fortunately, it was a very mild heart attack, and after some well-meaning but ultimately useless attention from his mother (Ruth), he was soon on the mend.
He is afraid of heights, a condition which may have started during basic training exercises in military school. He claims to have gotten over his fear during an ill-fated balloon ride which ends in a crash in a treetop.
Jake has an impressive tolerance for alcohol, as he's able to chug an entire pitcher of martinis without even getting tipsy.
His shoe size is 10 D.