"Revelations--A 'Daria' Fanfic"

Part 3

By Steven Galloway

SGall23241@aol.com

(To the reader: I've typed it once, and I'll type something like it again: they'll be no recap since you've come this far, and I'm assuming you're still interested--at least I hope so--so, remember, please read it like a book! Now, on with the story.)

Chapter 7- First Meetings

Daria came down the stairs into the living room where she found Darren waiting for her.

DARREN: (Cocks an eyebrow:) Ready to go?

DARIA: (Deadpan:) I've been ready to go from this world for years--oh, I'm sorry--you mean to the Lane's? I guess. We can walk there. (Leaves out front door, followed by Darren)

DARREN: (Chuckles:) You never stop, do you?

DARIA: (Smirks:) Only when I'm dead will I stop. Until then, the world will see me and hear me in my own special way, and it can see me and hear me say it can go to hell.

DARREN: (Smirks himself now:) No compromise from you, eh?

DARIA: You see, that depends on what you think this thing called "compromise" is. To compromise is to "give-and-take" on any particular issue. If any jerk comes up with something that insults my intelligence, then I'll give it, and they can take it. See? Simple.

DARREN: (Laughs, looks at Daria:) Such a--direct way at looking at things.

DARIA: (Mona Lisa smile:) I thought so.

The two came up to a light brown, almost yellowish-looking two-story wood-paneled house, with several shrubs in front of it, that had something that looked like a sculpture in the freshly-cut front yard. Darren stopped to examine the sculpture while Daria continued up the concrete sidewalk, which separated the front yard that led to the front door.

DARREN: (While going back to Daria, motions his head at the sculpture:) Post-modern?

DARIA: (While searching for the key on her chain that Jane gave her:) Post-something. I've never really asked Jane. Ah, here we go. (Unlocks door)

Daria walked into the Lane's living room with Darren, and as soon as they walked in, two cats, a gray-striped one, and a white one, came up to them. The gray-striped cat leapt into Daria's arms, purring.

DARIA: (Smirks, rubs between the cat's ears:) Hey, Zachary. I assume this display of affection is a result of your wanting to eat, now? Trying to get on my good side--you should know by now I have no good side.

The other cat was picked up by Darren, and it also purred as he rubbed its fur.

DARREN: (Softly speaks to it:) Hello, kitty--um--(looks at Daria)

DARIA: Your cat's name is Taylor.

DARREN: (Smiles:) "Zachary"? "Taylor"? As in the 12th President of the United States? (Puts Taylor down)

DARIA: (Puts Zachary down:) One in the same. (Smirks:) Don't ask me why--except maybe when these cats die, they won't be missed or known by anybody--much like "Old Rough and Ready" himself. Wait in the living room while I go and feed these two. (Goes into the Lane's kitchen while the cats follow her)

Darren looked around at the various paintings on the walls that Jane had done, and the pottery pieces on the coffee table and end tables that Amanda Lane had created. Daria came back out of the kitchen with a bit of a confused frown on her otherwise impassive face.

DARREN: (Takes note of Daria's frown:) What's wrong?

DARIA: They're two opened cans of cat food on the kitchen table, meaning somebody's already fed them this morning, and there's some dirty dishes and cups in the sink as well. (Smirks:) You don't suppose "Goldilocks" has been in?

DARREN: (Smirks back at Daria, looks around:) Maybe one of the Lanes are already here--?

DARIA: If it is, it's gotta be Wind, Summer, Penny, or perish the thought--Mr. Lane. Though I can't be too sure of any of them being around.

DARREN: What do you mean, Daria?

DARIA: Let me put it this way--if you thought our family is dysfunctional, you haven't met the Lanes. Most of the time, the only people here are Trent and Jane. Mr. Lane and Mrs. Lane are basically gone all the time, he with his photography, and she with her pottery, and the rest of the Lane siblings are scattered all over the world. Wind Lane can't keep a wife, Summer Lane can't keep her kids, and Penny Lane can't keep her citizenship because of politics and wild get-rich-quick gimmicks in those third-world Central American countries. Jane and Trent basically fend for themselves. Now, as I told you, Mrs. Lane is taking a vacation with Jane, maybe trying to create some sort of bond with her.

DARREN: (Smiles uneasily:) Oh. I guess the old saying is true, you know, something like, "As bad as you think you might have it in life, there's always someone worse off".

DARIA: (Rolls her eyes:) Don't tell me you see the glass as half-full?

DARREN: I see the glass needing to be full, or at least where's there enough in it to pass as full. What I'm saying is, Daria, is you could have had it worse in your life when you compare your family to the Lanes. (Smirks:) In fact, you said it yourself when you told me about them, remember? So as bad as you think the Morgendorffer family is, there's the Lanes to compare them to. Your "hell" might not be quite as bad as theirs.

DARIA: (Ponders what Darren has said for a second, grudgingly admits:) Okay, you've got me there. (Pauses:) Of course, Jane and Trent never had a sister like Quinn, so my hell there is worse than their's. (Darren laughs, while Daria looks around:) That still doesn't get us any closer to who fed Zachary and Taylor.

Darren stopped laughing and narrowed his eyes for a moment, listening.

DARIA: What?

DARREN: I thought I heard someone talking. (Pause:) You hear that?

DARIA: (After pausing to hear:) Yeah. It sounds like it's coming from the cellar. (Walks in that direction, and Darren follows her)

Daria and Darren followed the muffled voices to the cellar door. It sounded like there was some sort of heated discussion.

DARREN: (Listens through the door, whispers:) Do you know those voices, Daria?

DARIA: (Hearing it for a moment, in the same tone:) Hey, it's Mystik Spiral. They're back a few days early. (Knocks on door)

VOICE: (Muffled:) Huh? Who's that?

DARIA: (Shouts:) It's Daria!

The door opened, and Trent was at it. He noticed Daria and some guy beside her. He cocked an eyebrow at the fellow for a moment, and then looked down at Daria.

TRENT: (Slight smile:) Hey, Daria. Who's this guy with you?

DARIA: Hey, Trent--um, this is gonna come as a shock to you and the fellows, but this "guy" is my, um--brother, Darren, pending a DNA test today at the hospital.

There was total and complete stunned silence at Daria's remark, as the band looked at Daria and Darren, and then at each other.

DARREN: (Breaks the ice, reaches out to shake Trent's hand:) Ah, hello, Trent. Daria's told me about you. (Shakes a stunned Trent's hand, looks past him down at the band:) Hello, everyone. (Everyone mouths a reluctant "hey")

TRENT: (Looks between the two, then down to Daria:) Whoa. You two do look kind of alike, now that I see the two of you side-by-side. But Janey said while I took my mom and her to the airport--

DARIA: --Yeah, that my--bro was dead, but as you can see, he's here. I can explain. (Pauses, looks around uncomfortably:) Um, Trent, could you let us go down the steps and not let us just stand here?

TRENT: (Comes out of stun mode:) Huh? Oh, yeah, sorry. (Goes down the steps followed by Daria and Darren)

Darren walked over and shook the hands of the band. Daria sat down and began to explain the story of how Darren came to her family, with Darren occasionally helping her out. Afterwards, Trent and the others were speechless.

MAX: (Looks at Darren:) Geez, man--you were given a raw deal. (The other band members nod their heads and agree)

DARREN: (Shrugs:) Yeah, well--my (adopted) parents were always there for me, so I can't complain. There's nothing I can do about Turley now. (Changes subject:) So, Daria said you guys are a alternative rock band?

TRENT: (Slight smile:) Yeah, man--an underground alternative rock band. We'd like to think of ourselves as "on the cutting edge".

DARIA: (Thought v.o.: Yeah, and if you guys "cut" any closer, you'll fall right off the edge. She then speaks:) Um, yeah. Say, why are you guys back a little early? Don't tell me that the rest of your tour was cancelled?

Trent and the other members of Mystik Spiral looked at each other a little uneasily, then Trent spoke.

TRENT: Well, Daria--we, uhh--

NICK: (Jumps up:) --Aww, man, just tell her--I screwed it up!

JESSE: Hey, man--it was an accident. It wasn't your fault.

DARIA: (Perplexed:) What wasn't Nick's fault? Trent, what happened?

Trent took a big sigh, (followed by a cough:) then he explained.

TRENT: It happened about two days ago. We had just finished a gig in a town called Reidsville, about 250 miles from here, and we decided to camp out under the night sky. (Looks over at a sad Nick:) Nick was driving the Tank, and he parked it near a gorge. We all got out to look around --

DARREN: (Whispers to Daria:) The--"Tank"?--

DARIA: (Whispers back:) --Their van.

NICK: (Jumps in:) --And I forgot to put on the damn parking brake! The Tank--the Tank--(looks down, grows quiet, while Max pats him on the back)

TRENT: --The Tank rolled off into the gorge and exploded when it hit the ground. (Pauses:) Everything we had was in the Tank, our instruments, camping stuff, as well as the money we made from the gigs that was in a strongbox. It was a total loss. (Becomes silent, looks down like the rest of the band)

DARIA: (Appalled look, Darren cocks an eyebrow at her reaction:) Trent, I--I'm sorry. (Pauses:) Uh, did you have any insurance at all? (Darren quietly mouths a "Thank you, Daria" to himself)

TRENT: (Looks up at Daria:) Hey, insurance is part of the authority system. No way are we gonna be part of that. I mean, the man can keep an eye on us, and control us with his insurance "numbers". (The band members nod their heads in agreement, while Daria and Darren look uneasily at each other)

JESSE: Yeah, and it's expensive, too. (Everyone stares at Jesse for a moment)

TRENT: Anyway, like you said, Daria, we had to cancel the rest of our tour, and had to hitchike our way back to Lawndale. We got a ride on the back of an old pick-up truck, and didn't arrive until late last night. The guys stayed over with me and we were trying to figure out our next move when you two showed up. (Pauses, sighs:) I don't know what we're gonna do now.

DARREN: Er, I guess you lost (shrugs:) what--

TRENT: --Not that it matters anymore, but probably about one to two thousand, I guess. (Daria raises both her eyebrows)

DARIA: Whoa--about two thousand dollars? That much?

TRENT: (Smiles sheepishly:) Yeah. We were really on a roll there, Daria. When word got out at the concerts we were giving, people came out and we were actually doing real well--

NICK: --Until I messed up everything! (Suddenly gets up and tears up the stairs, distraught)

MAX: (Goes after Nick:) Hey, man, calm down! Stuff like this happens! We're criminales--we'll recover, man!

JESSE: (Follows Max:) Yeah! (Both go out of sight upstairs)

Trent watched them go up and out of the cellar, then looked back sadly at Daria and Darren. Darren looked at both Daria and Trent, and started to leave.

DARREN: Uh, I'll be up in the living room, you two. Trent, I'm really sorry about what happened to you and your band. (Pauses:) Maybe this is the last thing you want to hear right now, but things will get better. Believe me, I was feeling the same way you were after my (adopted) parents died, but I knew I had to keep going on with my life--and you should, too. See you later. (Leaves up the stairs, goes out, looks around, and shuts the door, but leaves a crack in it, just enough to stop and listen to Trent and Daria talk, out of sight)

Trent and Daria watched Darren go up the stairs, then Trent looked back to Daria.

TRENT: Your brother's a nice guy, Daria.

DARIA: Yeah, I guess he is at that. (Pauses:) Don't you guys have any money saved up other than what was on the Tank? You know, to get some more instruments?

TRENT: (In a quiet tone:) Nope. You know how I feel about banks, Daria--

DARIA: (Smirks:) --Part of the "authority" scene, yeah, I know. (Sighs:) I wish I could do something, Trent--

TRENT: --Nah, it's okay, Daria. I know if you could, you would. (Chuckles:) You remember when we talked about me living my dream on our way to Alternapalooza? (Note to reader: You know this is from the episode "Road Worrier", of course) (Daria nods) Well, I can say I did succeed on my dream---at least for a little while, anyway.

DARIA: (Searches for words:) Trent--I--don't give up, you said you were beginning to do pretty well--

TRENT: (Frowns to himself:)--And just as I was, it fell apart. Face it, Daria--it just wasn't meant to be. Geez, what are Janey and my mom gonna say? (Shakes head slowly, closes eyes in pain:) Could you just leave me alone? I--gotta lot to think about. See ya, and thanks for watching the house while we were gone. (Goes over to the cellar's old couch and lays down, away from Daria)

Daria looked as if she was about to say something, but decided not to, and slowly went up the cellar's steps. (Darren left the door and went to the living room when he heard Daria come up the stairs) She stopped midway and looked back to Trent.

DARIA: Trent, if you need to talk, well, um, don't hesitate to call me, okay? (Pauses:) Trent? (Hears him snoring, thought v.o.: Well, I guess some of us have our own ways to deal with trouble--with Trent it's sleep.) (Leaves cellar)

Darren came into the living room to see Nick sitting on the couch being consoled by Jesse and Max, and feeling a little in the way, didn't say anything more, so he waited near the kitchen for Daria, who came up.

DARREN: (To Daria, quietly:) Ah, maybe we should come back at a later date to see some of Jane's art--I don't think this is the right time to do that, if you know what I mean.

DARIA: (Quietly back to Darren, sounding a little distant:) Yeah, maybe you're right. (Looks at Nick and the others, speaks:) Hey, guys, Darren and I are leaving, okay? Trent's down in the cellar, um--thinking.

JESSE: (Attention off of Nick for a moment:) Huh? Oh, sure, Daria. Nice to meet you, Darren. We'll wake up Trent a little later. (Daria raises an eyebrow at Jesse)

DARREN: Yeah, nice to meet you guys, too. (Leaves with Daria)

Daria and Darren left the house quietly. Both walked back without a word, then Darren broke the ice about halfway.

DARREN: (Looks a little uneasily sideways at Daria, hesitates:) So--are you and Trent "just" good friends, or--(stops when Daria stops and looks at him with an unreadable look on her face, but Darren can guess it's something that borders a little on annoyance)

DARIA: (Sounding curt:) --We're just friends, Darren. It's not like Trent and I are involved, or something.

DARREN: (Slightly taken aback:) Eh, I'm sorry, Daria. I didn't mean to--

DARIA: (Sighs:) --No, it's okay, and I'm sorry for snapping at you. Trent and I really are friends--(pauses:) close friends. (Resumes walking with Darren:) I--did have something of a crush on him once, but it's kind of in remission now. Jane occasionally still plays a yenta once in awhile with us, but I don't fall apart anymore when I'm around him now. (Thought v.o., frowns to herself: Where in the hell did that come from? I barely know Darren, and here I am opening myself up to him? Damn it, I am getting soft!) Anyway, I've never seen him like this before--it's as if he has no hope left.

DARREN: (Looks for words:) Well, who knows? Trent and Mystik Spiral could come back--

DARIA: (Old deadpan back in full force, sounding bitter:) --Yeah, but only if they can catch the next spaceship from Alpha Centuri to get back here.

DARREN: (For once not laughing at one of Daria's barbs:) But surely something could happen--you never know.

DARIA: (Mumbles, still bitter:) Yeah, only in fairy tales. Damn it, it's not fair what happened to Trent and the guys. (Darren gives a quick, thoughtful look at Daria)

Neither said a word on the rest of the way back home. Both came into the house and while Daria went in the kitchen, Darren went upstairs to his room. As he was reaching the door to his room, Quinn came out of the bathroom in the hallway in a housecoat.

QUINN: Hey, you guys are back so soon?

DARREN: Yes, Quinn--Daria didn't have to check out the Lane's home anymore because Trent and Mystik Spiral are back-- (pauses, then adds:) just not under the best of circumstances, I'm afraid.

QUINN: (Cocked eyebrow:) Huh? What do you mean?

DARREN: (Shrugs:) Maybe you should talk to Daria about what happened. When do you want to be ready to go to eat lunch?

QUINN: (Looks up:) Hmmm--11:00? We can have brunch!

DARREN: All right--brunch it is. See you then. (Goes into his room)

QUINN: Okay. (Goes downstairs to the kitchen)

Darren went to his cell phone and began to dial.

DARREN: Hello? Northolt Bank? This is Darren Appleton--let me speak to Mr. Schnider, the bank president, please. (Pauses:) Thank you.

(Scene fast forwards to the Pizza King, about 11:15 a.m.)

Daria, Quinn, and Darren sat in a booth eating their pizzas, with Quinn sitting on one side with Darren, who was on the outside part of the booth, and Daria sitting on the other side. True to form, Quinn ordered a small cheeseless pizza, with a diet soda on the side. Darren and Daria, on the other hand, ordered a large pepperoni, sausage, and cheese pizza, with a pitcher of regular soda. Darren had offered to treat, and both Morgendorffer girls took him up on his offer.

QUINN: (Looks around the restaurant:) Gee, we're the only people in here right now, aren't we?

DARIA: (Smirks:) Trying to show off our brotherly "trophy", Quinn? (Darren gives a quiet smile at this)

QUINN: (Glares at Daria:) Ha, Daria. I'm just wondering where everybody is, that's all.

DARIA: I think it's obvious that Lawndale's non-student population is working mostly, and the student population got the hell away from here as far as they could go for vacation--and for me, that's my vacation. (Bites into a pizza slice)

DARREN: Say, where were you all going on vacation?

DARIA: Before you came, we were going to the beach, but now that you're here, we're going to take the vacation in good 'ol Lawndale, and have an old-fashioned family reunion with you as the guest--(hesitates for an instant:) bro. (Darren gives a small smile to Daria, who quickly looks down and away)

Though he could not tell conclusively, to Darren it seemed that Daria was feeling uncomfortable over using the "bro" remark. He decided to say nothing else, not wanting to put her on the spot. His middle--sister obviously was not much for showing emotion, which confirmed his thoughts about Daria while jogging this morning. He continued the talk about the vacation.

DARREN: (Raises an eyebrow:) I hope I didn't ruin your vacation plans because of that.

QUINN: Nuh-uh--mom and dad still have another week of vacation after this one. Besides, we can go to the beach anytime. (Daria looks at Quinn, surprised) What?

DARIA: You not wanting to go to the beach is like an ant not wanting to go to a picnic. As a matter of of fact, I'm wondering why you didn't object to not going right away.

QUINN: (Rolls her eyes:) Daaaaaria! We have a brother! A handsome brother! (Darren blushes slightly, looking uncomfortable at Quinn's remark) Can't we spend a little time with him without going anywhere? I'm surprised that you'd wanna go anywhere! (Slides over and hooks her arm under Darren's, smirks, while Daria rolls her eyes)

DARIA: (Deadpan:) What a moving scene. It's making me want to move, too--to the restroom, that is. (Slides out of the booth:) I'll be back.

QUINN: (Smirks, remembers the other night at the mall with Jodie and Mack:) Don't fall in, sis.

DARIA: (While walking off:) Only if you fall in with me, "cuz". (Quinn sticks her tounge out at Daria, while Darren quietly chuckles)

DARREN: (Looks at Quinn for a moment, hesitates, but asks:) That reminds me--I meant to ask you about something, Quinn--what is this I've heard about Daria being your "cousin"? (Quinn becomes wide-eyed)

QUINN: (Frowns, becomes alarmed:) Where did you hear that? Did Daria tell you? 'Cause if she did--

DARREN: --Actually, you did, Quinn. Remember when Daria came up while you were talking to me at the mall, and you claimed she was your "cousin"? Daria told me her side of the story--what's your side?

QUINN: (Becomes sheepish:) Oh. (Searches for words, looks away:) Well, uh--you see, um--

About the same time, Joey, Jeffrey, and Jamie came into the Pizza King, and of course they saw Quinn with a really handsome guy, arm-in-arm. One doesn't have to guess what happened next, for all three boys swaggered up to the table, intent on doing some harm to this stranger who dared to infringe upon their Quinn.

JOEY: (Frowns:) Hey, Quinn--

JEFFREY: (Frowns:) --This guy--

JAMIE: (Frowns:) --Is bothering you, right? (Reaches for a surprised Darren along with the others)

DARREN: Hey, what--

QUINN: (Wide-eyed:) --Wait, you guys, he's my--

Daria washed and wiped her hands and looked in the mirror. She thought about Quinn and shook her head slowly. It was obvious the little minx was trying to cozy up to her--their--"Big Bro" and turn on the charm. Would Darren fall for it, or would he stand up to her? Daria smirked. As much as she hated to admit it, Quinn was good at getting her way with a lot of people. Daria shrugged at the thought and left the restroom, when she heard a commotion in the restaurant area. It sounded like--shouts of pain?

Daria rushed into the room and promptly saw Darren standing over the heap that was Joey, Jeffrey, and Jamie, with Quinn frowning down at the three, hands on her hips. The manager, a thin, small, boney old man, came from behind the counter, angry.

MANAGER: (Looks down at the three J's:) What-in-the-hell-is-WRONG with you crazy kids?! Why did you attack this fellow?! Get out of here, right now!

QUINN: (Glares down at the three:) I tried to tell you guys that he's my brother!

All three J's looked up at Quinn and Darren, stunned.

JOEY: (Dazed, in pain:) He's--

JEFFREY: (Dazed, in pain:) --Your--

JAMIE: (Dazed, in pain:) --Brother?

QUINN: Yeah, damn it--and you could have hurt him! (Daria, comes up to the sight, looks at Quinn with a cocked eyebrow of disbelief)

DARREN: You know these three, Quinn?

QUINN: (Shrugs:) Yeah, they're Joey, Jeffrey, and Jean--

JAMIE: (Still dazed, but coherent:) --That's Jamie!

QUINN: Whatever. Anyway, bro, they're my admirers--

DARIA: --Or boot-lickers, lap-dogs, manservants, take your pick--

QUINN: (Giggles:)--and they thought you were trying to harm me, or something.

DARREN: Ah, now I see. (Bends down to give the three J's a hand:) Sorry about that guys. Let me help--

JOEY: (Suddenly jumps up with Jeffrey and Jamie, nervous:) --No, no! That's okay, right, guys?

JEFFREY: (Also nervous:) Y-yeah! We're fine!

JAMIE: (Yep, ditto:) T-that's right! W-well, Quinn, since you're in good hands, we'll just go! (Turns around with the others, runs to the doorway, and all three get stuck at the same time in it, trying to get out, and then Jamie breaks out first, followed closely behind by Joey and Jeffrey)

QUINN: (Perplexed:) God, what's with them?

MANAGER: (Smirks:) They got their tails kicked, that's what! (Smug look:) That and the fact that I told them to get out--

DARIA: (Deadpan:) --Oh, yeah, of course. One look at you, and they were shaking in their boots. (Pause, smirks:) Manager and bouncer--what a combination of intimidation you are, sir. My hat's off to you. (Manager glares at Daria)

DARREN: Sir, I'm sorry for any damage that I might have caused, and I'll pay--

MANAGER: (Waves his hand:) --Nah, there's no damage as you can see--save for what happened to those punk's egos. Just go back to eating your food, okay? (Walks back behind the counter)

Darren and the Morgendorffer sisters sat back down in the booth.

DARIA: (Smirks:) So, our bro is a Bruce Lee, too. Does this mean you're gonna get angry and take some sort of brutal revenge against any evil warlords that kill your family and friends, then go up in the mountains and contemplate your actions?

Darren looked down at his pizza uneasily, then spoke.

DARREN: (In a quiet tone:) You'd be surprised how many guys think you're after their girlfriends, and want to fight you, so my (adopted) parents got me into it. (Thought v.o.: That and the fact that you're a "rich" guy, and your parents wanted you to be able to defend yourself in case someone tried to kidnap you one day) I don't like to use those moves--only in absolute self-defense. Quinn's friends caught me off-guard a bit.

DARIA: (Taken aback slightly, then remembers her "crack" about Darren's family, thought v.o: Damn--nice use of words, Morgendorffer:) Hey, um, I didn't mean to--

DARREN: (Chuckles:) --It's okay, Daria. (Looks at Quinn:) I just hope I didn't scare your "admirers" off in such a way they won't want to come back.

QUINN: (Waves her hand, dismissing that thought:) Nah, they'll come back--they always do. (Resumes eating her cheeseless pizza, while Daria shakes her head slowly)

DARIA: What were some of those moves, anyway?

DARREN: Moves called aikido, and tai chi chuan, which are considered to be the gentlest forms of the martial arts. I also know a little karate, and judo, along with some tae kwon do. (Quinn looks at Darren with a look of admiration)

DARIA: (Eating more pizza:) You're a school of martial arts all by yourself.

DARREN: (Shrugs:) I suppose. (Pauses:) Say, maybe I can teach my--sisters (Daria cocks an eyebrow at Darren's use of the "sister" word, while Quinn is oblivious) how to defend themselves. Are you two game?

QUINN: (Eyes light up, then relents:) Uh, that's okay. It's too hot an' sweaty to workout like that, plus it's not too fashionable. Besides, why do that when you can get a guy to do it for you?

DARIA: (While eating her pizza, sarcastic:) Yeah--why not allow the guy do all the work of putting his neck out for you while you stand on the side admiring your exclusive new designer shoes and dress? (Darren smirks at this)

QUINN: Exactly, Daria! Why get icky blood on yourself if you don't have to?

DARREN: Does this mean that you're interested, Daria?

DARIA: (Smirks:) Hell no. I don't think anyone would come after me--

QUINN: (Smug tone:) --'Cause who'd wanna come after a "brain" who dresses as a loser, with no make-up? I don't think you'd have to worry about anything, sis, unless they're desperate, or something. (Finishes her pizza while Daria frowns at her, and Darren looks disappointedly at Quinn)

Darren was about to say something to Quinn when Mack and Jodie walked into the restaurant, saw Daria, Quinn, and Darren, and came to them at the booth.

JODIE: Hi, again, guys--(notices Darren, stares:) uh, hello--?

QUINN: (Before Daria can say something:) This is our brother, Darren! Darren, this is Jodie Landon and Michael Jordan MacKenzie, better known as "Mack".

DARREN: Hi, Jodie, Mack. (Reaches over and shakes their hands)

After shaking Darren's hand, Jodie and Mack looked at each other, stunned.

JODIE: Um--hi, Darren--did you just say he was your "brother"?

DARIA: Yep, that's what blabbermouth said, at least after a DNA test at the hospital this afternoon. Sit down and we'll tell you the details. (Jodie and Mack slide in beside Daria, and the now-familiar story is told again)

About 15 minutes later, Jodie was crying on Mack's shoulder, while Mack had a deep frown on his face.

MACK: I don't normally wish anything bad to happen to anybody--not even to Kevin or Brittany--but if anyone deserved something bad to happen to them, it was this "Turley" jerk. (Shakes his head in disbelief:) I mean, how could anybody do something like that?

DARIA: Money can do a lot of things to those who let it, Mack. (Darren cocks an eyebrow at Daria over this) This Turley guy was a first-class jerkwad. (Pauses:) At least our bro is alive and kicking, and that's something to build on, I suppose. (All smile at Daria, even Quinn)

DARREN: (Smiles, cocks a coy eyebrow:) So, are you two something of an "item"?

JODIE: (Steals a quick glance at Mack, smiles, and vice-versa:) I guess you can say that. Most everyone is out of town, and Mack and I are--uh, just enjoying our time together with no "interruptions" from Kevin or Brittany.

DARREN: (Perplexed:) There's that "Kevin and Brittany" thing again. Who are they? (Everyone save Quinn looks at each other uneasily as if to say, "You want to tell him, or should I?")

As if on cue, Kevin and Brittany walked into the Pizza King restaurant with their arms around each other's waists, kissing one another. Mack's eyes grew as big as saucers, while Jodie held her head, shaking it slowly. Daria smirked, while Quinn simply looked at the two. Darren watched everyone's reaction with an amused look on his face. As Kevin and Brittany approached the table, Darren leaned over to Jodie and Mack and spoke in a low voice.

DARREN: (Smirks:) Something tells me that you two don't exactly jibe with those two.

DARIA: What was your first clue, bro?

KEVIN: (With that idiotic grin on his face:) Yo, "Mack Daddy", Jodie, Daria, Quinn, and, uhhh---"Unknown Guy"! What's up?

MACK: (Frowns:) Kevin, we've gone over this a trillion times--don't call me "Mack Daddy"! Why in the hell are you guys back so soon from that football/cheerleading camp?

KEVIN: (Shrugs:) Hey, bro--I said we'd be back Friday, and here we are!

MACK: No, you'd said you two would be back Friday of next week!

KEVIN: I did? (Looks up for some of answer from the heavens:) Uhhhh--gosh, you mean this isn't next week, dude? (Darren looks at this fellow shocked)

DARREN: (Leans over to Daria, speaking low:) Is this guy serious? And why is he carrying a football and wearing that football uniform, and she that cheerleader uniform? Did they just come back from this "football/cheerleading" camp or something?

DARIA: (Speaks to Darren in the same tone:) Darren, the only thing Kevin is ever serious about is football, making out with Brittany, including some other girls, and booze. Everything else goes out the window. As for his and Brittany's uniforms, they wear them everyday at school, Kevin with his shoulder pads and all. (Darren is stunned) That's right, everyday, bro--it's no joke. This is part of the lunacy I have to put up with at school during the year.

BRITTANY: (Notices Darren for the first time, gasps, gets a dreamy look on her face while looking down at him:) Hi. Who're you?

QUINN: (Before Darren can say something:) This is our brother, Darren! Darren, this is Kevin Thompson and Brittany Taylor!

DARREN: Hi, you two.

KEVIN: (Stunned with Brittany:) Whoa! How come we've never seen you around before, Darren?

DARIA: (In "as a-matter-of-fact" tone:) Oh, he's always been around, Kevin--he's just has the power to turn invisible while he's out in public. We decided to allow him to make his first appearance today. (Darren, Jodie, and Mack try not to laugh at this, and even Quinn smirks)

KEVIN: (Completely over his head:) Wow! Cool! Hey, dude, make yourself invisible! (Darren looks at Daria, then at Kevin, mouth agape) C'mon, lemme see!

BRITTANY: (Suddenly slides in beside a flinching Darren, still looking at him dreamily, sounding in a low, husky, voice:) That's okay, Kevie--he doesn't have to turn invisible yet. I'm enjoying the view just fine. (Sighs while Kevin seems oblivious to Brittany coming on to Darren)

DARREN: (Leans away from Brittany, uncomfortable, almost leaning back on Quinn:) Ah--well, no, Kevin's right. (Everyone other than Kevin and Brittany look at Darren in surprise) Let me, er--(reluctantly puts his hands on a giggling Brittany's shoulders and gently pushes her out of the booth, getting out as well:) just get out of the booth here. Daria, Quinn, I'm going to ah, need your assistance, please. (Daria, Jodie, and Mack guess what Darren's going to do, while Quinn looks at Darren inquisitively while getting out of the booth with him and Daria)

BRITTANY: (Still looks at Darren dreamily, while Kevin gives his customary blank-smiling look:) What do you want us to do, Darren?

DARREN: Ah--yes, do. (Searches for words:) I know! You and Kevin shut your eyes, please, and sit down in the booth. (Both Kevin and Brittany do so after sitting down) Now, count to a hundred and then open them. You see, it takes an extraordinary amount of--energy to really build up my um--"invisicells", and I need those people who are around me to concentrate. (Daria smirks while Quinn, Mack, and Jodie try not to laugh) Now start counting. (Motions to Daria and Quinn, while Jodie mouths to Darren, "We're coming out with you" while quietly slipping out of the booth with Mack) Don't peek, now. (They slip out of the Pizza King while Kevin and Brittany start counting)

KEVIN: Um, 1-2-3-4-5-- what's next, babe?

BRITTANY: 6, Kevie!

KEVIN: Oh yeah, 6! Um, 1-2-3-4-5-6... (the Pizza King manager, who had witnessed the entire incident, rolls his eyes and goes back to work)

Daria, Darren, and Quinn came out of the Pizza King with Mack and Jodie.

DARREN: (Shakes his head slowly, chuckles:) That has to be the slowest guy and girl I've ever met! My God! Are they really that bad?

JODIE: (Laughs:) You don't know the half of it--

DARIA: (Smirks:) --Or even the sixteenth of it. (Looks at watch:) Hey, we'd better get going to the hospital--mom and dad will be there waiting for us.

DARREN: (Shakes Jodie and Mack's hands:) Goodbye, and it was nice meeting you two.

QUINN: Yeah, bye! (Pulls Darren with her to his car)

MACK: Likewise--we'll see you guys later--I hope everything turns out ok for you guys.

JODIE: Yeah, good luck. (Leaves with Mack)

Darren, Daria, and Quinn got into the car and began the drive to the Cedars of Lawndale Hospital. When they got there, Jake and Helen were waiting for them, and the tests were conducted by a Doctor Larry Mull, a genealogist. The doctor took blood and hair samples from Helen, Jake, and Darren for the test, which took about two hours. For a moment, Darren was privately apprehensive because he thought Doctor Mull would ask for some sort of identification from him, but the doctor simply took the samples and informed them that the raw preliminary results could be available later that night (at Helen's insistence), since the lab had had a very light week of little to no other DNA testing that would take the time from the Morgendorffer's tests. The doctor also told them that the raw results would be sent via special courier, and that the overall written report would be sent in about two weeks. It was the raw results, however, that had garnered everyone's interest. Doctor Mull pointed out that there was a 99% chance of the raw results of the DNA test comfirming the rest of the overall test. Simply put, if the raw results showed that Darren was indeed the son of Helen and Jake Morgendorffer, then the overall results would only be a mere formality, explaining only the entire written report, while comfirming Darren as Helen and Jake Morgendorffer's son.

The testing finally over, Darren and the Morgendorffers went back home to await word of the results.

(The scene is back at the Pizza King, about the same time)

KEVIN: (Still with his eyes shut, sitting in the booth with Brittany:) let's see--um--95--no wait, 96-97-98-99--uh, 100! (Opens eyes with Brittany, completely stunned:) Hey, you are invisible!

BRITTANY: Yeah, Kevie--and he made Daria, Quinn, and even Mack and Jodie invisible, too!

KEVIN: (Shouts:) Hey, where are you guys?! (Other customers who had come in just look at them funny) Yo, "Mack Daddy"? (Gets out of booth with Brittany:) Tell me if I bump into you! (Starts to "feel" the air around him while he and Brittany leave the Pizza King with everyone there staring at them even more strangely) Daria? Quinn?

BRITTANY: (Angry, frowns:) Ooooh--you'd better not "bump" into Quinn--(pauses:) or Daria either!

KEVIN: (Rolls his eyes:) Awww, babe! You know I only have eyes for you!

BRITTANY: (Now delighted:) Oh, Kevie! (Kisses him)

Inside the Pizza King, one of the observers was Andrea, who was sitting at a table eating pizza, and rolled her eyes.

ANDREA: Those two are piiiiitiful. (Resumes eating her pizza)

(The scene changes to Casa de Lane, about the same time)

Trent was lying on the couch in the living room, staring at the ceiling, and not sleeping for a change. He had seen the rest of Mystik Spiral off, and had tried for a final time to convince Nick that the Tank's destruction was an accident. An expensive accident, but an accident nevertheless. The band still was at a crossroads, with everyone deciding to talk some more about it tomorrow. Zachary and Taylor crawled on his chest, with Trent petting both of them. He thought about what his mother and Janey would say when they heard the news. When Janey would hear about what happened, she'd probably make a joke to try and cheer him up, as if that would magically make everything all right. As for his mother, she'd make that damn statement about "Holding the butterfly" and such. He chuckled to himself softly when he thought about that, and snuggled deeper in the couch.

TRENT: (Thought v.o.: Hey, this is really peaceful. Janey was right when she said that Daria relaxes and thinks this way.)

As Trent watched the ceiling trying to figure out what to do, there was a knock on the front door. He was so depressed, he thought about not answering it. But as the knocking continued, he forced himself in the upright position and got up.

TRENT: (To himself, mostly:) Okay, okay, I'm coming! No need to beat the door down!

Trent opened the door, and a man in a mustache dressed in a white courier's uniform holding a gold-colored envelope and a pad and pen was staring at him.

COURIER: (In a no-nonsense tone:) Are you a Mr. Trent Lane?

TRENT: Yeah, I am.

COURIER: (Gives pen and pad:) Sign here, please. (Trent does) Thank you. (Gives Trent the envelope, and then holds out his hand for a little tip:) Ahem--

TRENT: (Looks down at the envelope, then back up at the courier, notices his hand out, reaches over and shakes the courier's hand:) Hey, thanks, man. (Goes back into home, shuts door, while the courier looks down at his hand and frowns at the door, then leaves)

Trent opened the envelope and read the letter:

Dear Mr. Lane:
It has come to my attention that you and your band, a "Mystik Spiral", have had a rather unfortunate turn of events recently, resulting in the loss of everything that you hold dear concerning your music. I am an admirer of your music, having followed your group from afar off, and upon hearing of what happened to you, wish to help you financially get back on your feet. Enclosed is a cashier's check for $8,000.00 that you can cash immediately at the Northolt Bank. I have heard also through the music grapevine that you have a certain amount of disdain for banks and insurance. If you wish to repay me sir, then I encourage you strongly to get both for your band's own good--after all, the insurance and banks are designed for your own use, and not the other way around. Enclosed with the check is a list of very affordable insurance agencies and banks with high CD returns. The money is provided to aid your band in purchasing new instruments, as well as a good used vehicle to enable you to continue to travel to your gigs. Follow your dreams, Mr. Lane--and never let them go. One more thing I ask, sir: please do not attempt to find out who I am--I prefer to remain anonymous. Good luck.

-Sincerely,

Your "Benefactor"

Trent sat down slowly on the couch, stunned--he then read the letter and looked at the amount on the check once again to make sure this was indeed real and not some dream, then he leaped off the couch, and screamed out of joy.

(Scene changes to the Morgendorffer residence, about an hour later)

Darren was helping Helen with preparing yet another lasagna dinner while Daria was up in her room reading and Quinn was getting ready for a rescheduled date with the fellow named Larry. Instead of reading the paper, Jake was practicing his golf swing in the living room for his golf outing with Darren tomorrow. The cell phone on the living room table began to ring.

HELEN: Jake, would you get the phone, please? I'm trying to get dinner ready, and I know the firm won't call me this week--(pauses:) unless it's really important.

JAKE: (Gives a "puppy dog" look:) Aw, Helen--I'm trying to practice for tomorrow! I'm getting in the swing!

HELEN: (Begins to frown:) JAKE, I'M GOING TO START "SWINGING" IF YOU--

DARREN: (Smoothly cuts in:) It's okay, Helen--I'll get it. (Picks up the phone and turns it on:) Hello, Morgendorffer residence.

VOICE: Hello. (Pauses:) Who's this?

DARREN: (Smirks:) Uh--no offense, but I think since you're the one calling, you'd know who you'd want to speak to.

VOICE: (Slight chuckling sound:) Hmm--good point. This is Jane Lane--is Daria there?

DARREN: (Eyebrow raised:) The Jane Lane, as in Daria's friend, Jane?

JANE: Hah! I told you who I am, who I want, and yet you ask anyway? Since you're the one asking, you'd know who I'd want to be speaking to since I told you already, buster, so there.

DARREN: (Grins:) Hmm--now you've got a good point. (Laughs:) She's here, Jane, I'll go get her for you. (Starts to walk upstairs)

JANE: And who might you be, stranger?

DARREN: I'm--Darren, Daria and Quinn's soon-to-be-official, ah, brother.

JANE: (Pauses:) Oh--the "Big Bro". Well, now, how are you enjoying staying at the Morgendorffer looney bin, Darren?

DARREN: It's--interesting. I'm getting used to the goings on in this place, so it's okay so far.

JANE: Don't worry--it'll get out of control soon--you'll see.

DARREN: (Laughs:) Actually, it has already--several times. I'll tell you when I meet you. (Reaches Daria's door, begins to knock) Hang on, and Daria will be here in a moment--(raises voice to door:) Daria! It's Jane on the phone!

JANE: No problemo--nice talking to you, Darren.

DARREN: You too, Jane.

Daria opened the door.

DARIA: (Smirks:) And what do we have here? Phone delivery service? I'm afraid I don't have a tip for you, but Quinn might. Simply look between her matresses for the money to--

QUINN: (From her room:) I heard that, Daria! (Pauses, then adds as an afterthought:) Besides, I've moved it already!

DARIA: (Shouts down the hall at Quinn's room:) Yeah, I know--you put it in one of your designer shoeboxes under the chair in the den. I saw you put it there after we got back from the hospital!

QUINN: (Peeks out of her room, angry:) You'd better not touch, it, sis!

DARREN: (Smiles, chuckles:) Take the phone, Daria, before I have another giggling fit. (Daria does) Thank you. Dinner will be served in ten minutes. (Leaves)

DARIA: (Shouts after Darren:) Thank you, "Jeeves"! (Goes in her room and shuts the door)

Darren was about to walk downstairs when Quinn come out of her room. She was wearing a chartreuse-colored dress and matching strapless shoes, with just a touch of make-up. Darren stopped and looked at her, nodding his approval. Quinn saw his reaction, and Quinn being Quinn, promptly spun around and showed off, smiling.

QUINN: (Giggles:) What do you think, bro? Am I hot or what?

DARREN: I have to admit Quinn--you look very attractive. Larry's a lucky guy.

QUINN: (Eats it up:) Thanks! (Pauses:) Hey, maybe sometime next week, or whenever, you and me can double-date! What do you say, Darren? I can fix you up with somebody!

DARREN: (Looks uneasy:) Uh--maybe I'll take a raincheck on that, Quinn--

QUINN: (Cocked eyebrow:) Huh? Why?

DARREN: (Searches for words:) Well--it's--just--

Daria came out of her room holding the phone's speaking end, and not looking too pleased.

DARIA: (Frowns:) Quinn, your damn date Larry just interrupted Jane and me talking to each other. (Smirks now:) He just wanted me to tell you he won't be able to take you out because he heard that our bro here is of the ass-kicking variety. (Darren raises his eyes in surprise) He's scared to come here, so I guess it's "lasagna a-la-mode" for you, sis! Ta-ta! Gotta go finish talking to Jane, now. (Goes back into her room while Quinn is fuming)

Darren looked sheepishly over at Quinn.

DARREN: (After a pause:) Ah, Quinn, I'm really uh, sorry--

QUINN: (Sighs, looks down:) It's not your fault, bro--(frowns, looks off in space:) but I do know 'ol "Larry-boy's" not gonna get another chance with me! You can put that in the--um, (looks up:) what do they call it, Darren?

DARREN: I believe the word you're looking for is "bank", Quinn.

QUINN: Yeah! "Bank", or whatever.

DARREN: Cheer up, Quinn--say, maybe we can get some more info off the Internet concerning the Fashion Institute after dinner and see what they have in their curriculum. You up to it?

QUINN: (Shrugs, sounding a little down:) Why not? My evening's shot, anyway. Lemme change for dinner, and I'll see you down there in a few, okay?

DARREN: Okay. (Turns to go downstairs, but stops and turns to Quinn, in a quiet tone:) Quinn?

QUINN: (About to go in her room:) Huh?

DARREN: (Smirks:) He wasn't worth it.

QUINN: (Smiles:) Yeah, I know--thanks, bro.

DARREN: Don't mention it--(ponders:) eh--

QUINN: What?

DARREN: With so much happening today, we never got around to talking about why you call Daria your "cousin", and--

QUINN: (Rolls her eyes:) --Daaarren! We can talk about that later, okay? Right now, I just wanna eat something. (Quickly slips into her room)

Darren stared at Quinn's door sadly for a moment more, and then went downstairs.

The dinner started several minutes later when Daria came down and sat at the table.

HELEN: (Starting the conversation:) Daria, how's Jane?

DARIA: (While eating:) She's fine.

HELEN: Just "fine", sweetie?

DARIA: Yes. (Keeps chewing)

HELEN: (Sounding a bit exasperated because she can't get much conversation out of Daria:) Well, how is Amanda?

DARIA: She's fine, too. (Chews on, while Darren is watching the exchange, amused)

HELEN: Do you know when they'll be coming home, sweetie?

DARIA: (Sighs--she decides to humor her mom to get Helen off her back:) Oh, yeah--Jane says they're gonna cut their vacation short and come home the end of next week--right after our families meet Darren. It seems that Mrs. Lane wants to go to a seminar about pottery in nearby Connerville, something that kind of "slipped" her mind. (Pauses:) I guess the "Great Bonding Experiment" is over now, and Jane and I can now get back to our world takeover plot. (Darren chuckles at this)

HELEN: Did you tell her about Trent, sweetie?

DARIA: Yeah, just as soon as she got off the phone with me, she was--(pauses:) hey, how'd you know about that?

QUINN: I told her--so what's the big deal, Daria?

DARIA: (Glares a second at Quinn:) Oh, I guess you get some sort of sick kick out of seeing unpopular or unfashionable people have difficulty, that's all, and you can't wait to tell someone. (Keeps eating)

HELEN: (Surprised at Daria's tone of voice:) Daria!

QUINN: (Rolls her eyes:) Oh, pluh--eeease, Daria! I've got enough things on my mind without worrying about Jane's brother--

DARIA: --Like the right mascara to be used with a certain dress, you know, that sort of thing.

HELEN: (Looks over at Quinn:) --Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry about what happened with your date, (brightens up her tone:) but at least you're here with us! (Daria smirks)

QUINN: (Smacks her mouth, disgusted:) Whoopee, Mom. (Picks at her food)

JAKE: (Looks at Darren, grins:) Ya ready for tomorrow, Big Guy?

DARREN: (While eating, in a distant tone:) I suppose. (Looks off in space)

HELEN: (Concerned:) Is something wrong, son?

DARREN: (After a moment:) Well, yes--what you just called me--son. (Pauses while Helen and Jake, and Daria and Quinn look at each other, curiously:) That and the fact that I have some fresh new doubts. This may sound crazy, but what if by some chance the test results come back negative? What will happen then?

HELEN: (Looks at Jake, and catches Daria and Quinn looking at Darren and her, sounding determined:) No, Darren, don't go there. There's no doubt in mine or Jake's mind that you're our son, and Daria and Quinn's brother. When I first laid my eyes on you, I knew you were our son.

JAKE: (Jumps in:) Yeah! No doubt about it, son--you have your 'ol dad's looks! (Helen rolls her eyes, and Daria smirks)

QUINN: I agree with Daddy--you're handsome and I'm beautiful, so we gotta be related--

DARIA: (Looks at Quinn:) --And I guess I'm just an aberration in the family tree, right, Quinn? (Darren smirks)

QUINN: (Smirks herself:) Or something.

HELEN: (Curt:) Quinn! Darren, what I'm trying to say is, there's no doubt those tests will come back positive--

DARIA: --And if they don't, you can then say, "I lucked out!", so you can't lose either way. (Darren laughs, while everyone else glares at Daria)

The doorbell rang at that moment, and Jake practically jumped up to answer it, with Helen right behind him. Daria, Quinn, and Darren looked at each other for a moment, then got up and followed them.

JAKE: (Excited:) It's the test results, Helen! I can't wait to see--(opens door, sees who it is, becomes disappointed with Helen:) Oh, it's you, er, Trent, right?

TRENT: (Who himself looks excited, ignores Jake's question:) Uh, hey, Mr. and Mrs. Morgendorffer. Is Daria here?

DARIA: (Comes out from behind her parents:) Trent? What are you doing here?

TRENT: (Comes in, smiles:) Hey, Daria--I've been talking to the guys in Mystik Spiral. We're back in business.

DARIA: (Miffed:) Huh? But I thought you guys lost everything on your "tour".

TRENT: (Produces the letter:) Well, we did, but uh--here, read this. (Daria takes letter and reads it while Trent talks) Man, this is incredible! A miracle! (Sees Darren, who along with Quinn comes up:) Hey, Darren--you were right, man.

DARREN: (Feigns surprise:) Right about what, Trent? What's in that letter? (Daria gives Darren the letter to read, with Quinn, Helen, and Jake looking over Darren's back)

DARIA: (Sounding suspicious:) Trent, um, I don't want to throw cold water on your celebration over your good fortune, but who is this guy--or girl, for that matter? Why did he or she give you guys $8,000? Yeah, he or she says they're an "admirer" of Mystic Spiral's music, but what do they gain from helping you guys out?

DARREN: (Comes up beside Daria after giving the letter to Quinn and her parents:) Well, Daria, the letter said that this "benefactor" wants Trent and his band to follow their "dreams". I can see why you'd think something wasn't quite right with this, but I far as I can tell, it seems on the up-and-up. (Looks at Trent:) Eh--is it true you guys don't like banks as well as insurance, and if so, will you get any now that this--person asked you to?

TRENT: Well, yeah, we didn't, but I talked to the guys and we decided to give the "saving and protecting" thing a try. We figured it'd be worth a shot.

HELEN: (Now comes up as well:) Well, I agree with Darren about nothing being wrong with what this "benefactor" has done--at least from a legal point of view. It seems your band has a wealthy admirer, Trent.

QUINN: (Excited:) Wow! I wonder if that "benefactor" person will give me some money? (Darren narrows an eye slightly at Quinn)

DARIA: (Smirks:) Well, if it's a guy, maybe if you do a dance for him on his la--

HELEN & JAKE: --DARIA! (Quinn glares at her, while Trent smirks, and Darren tries not to laugh)

TRENT: We're not selling out or anything, Daria. We figured if the guy or girl wants us to say, play for him or her or something in the future after the person tells us who he or she is, then the money they gave us would be like a payment.

DARIA: (Ponders this, shrugs:) I guess that makes some sort of sense. Are you guys going to purchase the same instruments and stuff?

TRENT: (Smiles:) Yeah--I've got my eye on a new guitar, and Jesse's got his eye on a new rhythmic one. Max and Nick want to get their new instruments as soon as possible, and we're gonna get a better used van, too--greater gas mileage and more comfort and stuff. We're gonna keep the same name for it: "Tank".

DARIA: (Deadpan:) And why change that wonderful name when it works so well?

TRENT: (Laughs and then coughs:) Good one, Daria. Oh, and Janey called to see how I was doing when she found out about what happened--

DARIA: (Slightly alarmed:) --Um, Trent, about that--

TRENT: --It's okay, Daria, I'm not mad you told her what happened to us, or anything. I mean, I told Janey and my mom about my good fortune, so it's okay. Anyway, I just wanted you guys to know everything's cool, now. The only thing I don't like about this is we never got a chance to thank this person. (Darren gives a quiet, personal smile to himself while Trent gets an "idea" look on his face:) Hey, that's it! I know how we can thank our "benefactor"!

DARIA: Let me guess--a song? (Darren looks as he's about to say something, but doesn't)

TRENT: Yeah, Daria--something that shows our gratitude. (Opens front door:) I gotta get started on writing that. I'll see you guys later. (Leaves)

DARIA: See you, Trent. (Stares after him quietly, while Helen, Jake, and Quinn go back in the dining room. Darren, who's about to follow them, gives a quick glance to Daria, stops)

DARREN: (Cocks a curious eyebrow:) Everything okay, Daria? You seem to still be a little worried.

DARIA: (Hesitant:) Well, um, don't get the wrong idea, Darren, but I'm only wondering if this "benefactor" person is a female--

DARREN: (Shrugs:) What if it is, Daria? (Pauses, realizes:) Surely you don't think she'd want--

DARIA: (Adamant, cuts him off:) --No, of course not--though it would be none of my business if she did. I'm just wondering why someone would want to help Trent and his band all of a sudden.

DARREN: (Stares at her for a second, chuckles:) Maybe someone out there actually wants to see them succeed, Daria? From what I understand, people still give a helping hand to those in need--too bad more people don't do that nowadays. (Leaves Daria to ponder his words)

Daria shut the door and was about to go back when the doorbell rang again. Helen, Jake, and Quinn promptly ran out again, followed by Darren, who had just sat down at the table. Daria opened the door and a man from the courier service was there. (Yes, reader, the same one)

COURIER: (To Daria:) Are you Helen Morgendorffer?

DARIA: (Deadpan, smirks:) Are you kidding? (Helen comes up beside Daria, gives her a quick glare, then addresses the courier)

HELEN: I'm Helen Morgendorffer.

COURIER: (Produces a large gray envelope:) Here you go, ma'am. (Helen takes the envelope, while the courier produces his pen and pad:) Sign here, please. (Helen does, gives the courier the pen and pad back, and like with Trent, the courier holds out his hand:) Ahem. (Helen smirks, looks over to Daria)

HELEN: Handle that, sweetie, will you? (Goes back into house)

DARIA: (Now smirking herself:) Can do, Mom. (Looks at courier:) The tip is this: Never try to get a tip from a teen-ager. (Shuts door)

The courier looked at his hand, looked back at the door, then walked back to his vehicle, got into it, and cried.

Helen looked down on the envelope, her hands trembling. She simply stared at it, too afraid to open it. Jake and Quinn looked at each other, the same for Daria and Darren.

DARIA: Um--Mom? That envelope isn't gonna open itself, you know.

QUINN: Yeah, Mom--open it!

JAKE: Honey, if you want me to--

HELEN: (At Jake:) Absolutely not! I'll do it!

Helen fumbled with the envelope for a moment, then took out the document with the raw DNA test results. Her eyes lit up, and she gasped. There was dead silence in the living room.

JAKE: (Swallows hard before speaking:) H-honey? W-what does it s-say?

Helen looked at Jake, then at Darren.

HELEN: (Begins to cry:) Jake, it's positive! He is our son! (Drops the results, runs over and fiercely hugs a shellshocked Darren, while Jake picks up the results)

DARREN: (Thought v.o. while Helen's hugging him: I-it's true--they really are my birth family. Even though I--we assumed it, it's still a shock to find out that it's official, now. It's almost--anticlimatic in a way--)

JAKE: (Eyes light up as he reads:) "--and the results match." (Looks over to Darren, tears in his eyes, runs over and hugs him, too) YAHOO! My son! My son!

(Note to reader: What? Surely you didn't think Darren wasn't going be the Morgendorffer's son, did you? For shame!)

DARREN: (Struggles in Jake's iron-like grip:) Can't--breathe--you--have--to--lessen--grip-- (to which Jake does, and Darren takes deep breaths)

Quinn came up to Darren, with tears in her eyes. She struggled to speak.

QUINN: (In a very quiet tone:) Y-you really are my brother--there's no doubt about it now. (She hugs him with a grip, too, while Helen and Jake hold each other, and watch the scene, sobbing, and pleased)

Daria looked around at everyone, feeling uneasy. She certainly wasn't used to this "touchy-feely" stuff, and she guessed that she'd be expected to do the same thing. She looked over at her now-official big brother. Daria had worked hard to acquire the so-called "Misery Chick" reputation. Over the years, she'd built up her emotional walls to such an extent, that she felt for sure nothing could tear them down. Then she moved to Lawndale, and she met Jane, and then Trent. Those two broke somewhat through her steel exterior, and she bent a little. Daria also considered the last few days since she had gone on an private emotional roller-coaster of discovering that she and Quinn could have had a brother, only to discover that he died in childbirth, and then later discovering that he didn't because of some monster's debt obligations. All those years never to be experienced. All that time to see a brother who could've been there for not only her, but Quinn as well. Maybe if he had been here, things would've turned out differently. After helping out her parents after thinking they had went through their own personal nightmare, Daria might have started to think a little differently, too. Helen came up to her, breaking her train of thought.

HELEN: (Quietly:) Sweetie, you have a brother, now. Aren't you going to, well, do something? (Daria's eyes light up slightly, and she freezes)

DARREN: (Interjects, thought v.o.: Uh-oh, better do something, myself, here--:) Uh, it's okay. Daria doesn't have to be put on the spot like that--really. Let's just go back and, uh, finish eating, okay? (Waves his hand as if dismissing the notion, and Helen sighs, seeing that her oldest daughter isn't going to do the deed, which shouldn't have surprised her)

Daria was stunned. Darren actually seemed to understand her reluctance. He certainly wasn't going to pressure her. She looked at the others, who looked at each other, shrugged, and started to walk off. Whoa--they understood as well? That was a bit of a shock--or maybe they had expected her to do that--so it probably wasn't a shock, now that she thought about it. Daria quickly considered herself. Was she so distant that she couldn't feel anything? She looked over at Darren, who had waited for Helen, Jake, and Quinn to walk back into the dining room. He was about to go when she spoke.

DARIA: (Deadpan, in a low voice, sighs, thought v.o.: Ah, hell, why not this once--at least not in front of the others?:) Wait a second--bro.

DARREN: (Eyebrow cocked, curious:) Yes, Daria?

Daria took a quick glance at the rest of her family, who were sitting at the table and out of sight. She then turned to her intrigued brother and smirked.

DARIA: (Gives him a mock-warning glance:) I swear, if you tell the rest of the family what I'm about to do, I will kill you.

DARREN: (Surprised look on his face:) Huh? What do you mean, Dar--

Darren couldn't finish his statement because his sister had him in a rigid hug. He was startled for a moment, then he slowly hugged her back. They held each other for a few seconds more, then Daria broke away, red-faced.

DARIA: (While walking to the dining room:) That never happened, got it?

DARREN: (Chuckles:) Got it--sis. (Daria looks at him for a moment, then gives a ever-so-tiny Mona Lisa smile)

Both sat down at the dining room table, and had an old-fashioned family meal with the others.