Chapter 8 - Prelude to "F-Day"

The next few days that spilled into the early part of the following week passed quickly. During that time, Jake and Darren had gone golfing (with Darren allowing Jake to win) and by chance had met Andrew Landon on the Sedimentary Rock golf links. Jake had wasted no time in proudly introducing his son, and Andrew, who along with his wife Michele, had been told by his daughter Jodie about Darren. Needless to say, Andrew was still in shock over the story. Jake, who had been in a sort of personal "can-you-top-this" competition with Andrew, pointed out (half-jokingly) that unlike Andrew, he didn't have to worry about diaper changes or temper tantrums, or the like, as opposed to Andrew and his baby son Evan. All three went into the clubhouse and ate lunch, and the talk lapsed into general conversation about business and politics. After Andrew had gone into his standard "welfare cheats" speech, Darren pointed out (over Andrew's trying to cut him off, for which Darren kindly asked that Mr. Landon listen to his opinion like he took the courtesy to listen to Mr. Landon's--a moment that made Jake feel proud of his son for standing up for himself, something that Jake himself wished he could do more of) that workfare was fine, too, and that daycare should be provided for the children of those mothers who get off of welfare. Darren explained that if those politicians favor workfare so badly, then they should find ways to help pay for it. Andrew Landon, for once, was at a loss for words, and that couldn't have pleased Jake more.

As for Helen, Darren dragged her out to a coffee shop in Lawndale's shopping district the following day for a "Mother-Son" get together. Fortunately, Helen had gotten some experience with "relaxing" from her sister Amy (See Kara Wild's excellent fanfic "The Tie That Chokes") and had been reminded by her son that she should take it easy because she was on vacation the following week. Helen looked at her son and smiled, and the two had a talk about the upcoming Morgendorffer-Barksdale family get-together. (An affair Daria had called "F-Day" privately to Darren because of what Daria said would be the hellish invasion of their families upon the Morgendorffer home--a play of words on the World War II Allied invasion of Europe--"D-Day".) Helen certainly was excited about "showing off" her son to her mother and sisters. Darren smiled at this, but one thought in the back of his mind still nagged at him: telling the Morgendorffers the truth about who he really was. These people were now officially his birth family. Would it really make a difference that he was wealthy? When would he tell them? He figured perhaps the time just before he met his grandmothers and aunts might be the time to do the deed.

The following day, Quinn had gotten word from Sandi that Sandi and her family were back in town from their vacation. Quinn could detect a hostile note of doubt in Sandi's voice about Quinn's claim that Quinn had indeed gotten the "gift" Quinn had bragged about and wanted to show "it" off at the Pizza King tomorrow to the rest of the Fashion Club. Quinn smirked--when she would show off her brother to Sandi, Tiffany, and Stacy, it could completely shatter the make-up (no pun intended) of the Fashion Club. Quinn could see her friends be so completely overwhelmed by Darren's looks, they'd be like putty in her hands, even Sandi. Dare she'd even think of the presidentcy? The only problem she could see was her cous--sister, Daria. Would Daria go along with saying Darren was her "cousin", while saying Quinn was Darren's sister? Maybe she could be bribed. Daria, after all, had been bribed into saying she was Quinn's cousin, foreign-exchange student, and au pair when Quinn's dates would come around, and had even made a hefty profit over it. (Quinn made up the difference when she got dinners and gifts from her dates, so as Quinn figured it, everyone came out on top.) Of course, Darren would have to be persuaded to go along as well, but Quinn was confident he'd come around to her way of thinking--especially after she laid on her sisterly charm. First things first, though--phase one of her plan--bribing Daria.

(The scene is Daria's room, a few minutes later)

DARIA: (While propped up on her pillow reading Truman Capote's "In Cold Blood":) Hell no.

QUINN: (Stands in the middle of Daria's room, arms wide open:) Pleeeease, Daria? You didn't have a problem with any of the other times when you were given money and pretending to be my cousin!

Daria looked up from her book, frowning.

DARIA: Quinn, I have no intention of saying that Darren is my cousin, and your brother. You seem to think this is the same damn thing, and it's not. I've got a brother now, and there's no way I'm gonna pretend he's anything else. (Pauses:) Maybe you're ashamed of me because of the way I am, but he's not. (Looks back down to book)

QUINN: (Frowns now, stomps:) Fine, then! Go on an' say he's your brother an' everything! But he's my brother too, and he'll do what I ask him to do, you'll see! (Runs out of Daria's room, slams the door)

Daria tried to continue to read her book, but she looked up after Quinn, troubled. Daria recalled in the Pizza King's restroom about thinking how Quinn could be very persuasive when she wanted to be--God knows she had been all these years with their parents and a lot of other people. She slowly slid off her bed and quietly slipped out of her room, knowing full well where her sister had gone--to Darren's room. Surely enough, she heard both Darren's and Quinn's voices behind the door. Narrowing her eyes, Daria listened through it.

QUINN: (With her patented "puppy-dog" look:) Pleeeease, Darren? All I'm asking is that you'd say that Daria's not my sister!

DARREN: (Stunned, sounding a little angry:) I can't believe this, Quinn! Daria was right! You are ashamed of her! (Frowns:) Why--do you hate her or something? (Outside the room, Daria smirks--it looks as Darren won't fall for Quinn's charm)

QUINN: (Frantic:) No, no! I don't hate Daria! (Daria raises an eyebrow) Really! (Grows quiet:) It's just that--she's got this--thing.

DARREN: (Eyebrow cocked:) "Thing", Quinn? What "thing"? (Daria strains to really listen now)

QUINN: (Looks down, red-faced:) She's--just so darn--what's that word? Oh yeah--rigid in what she wants to do an' stuff. Daria doesn't wanna be like everyone else--you know, she has no dates, no fashion sense, nothing! She just wants to be a "brain", an' that's it. She likes to do homework, read books, an' keep to herself, save for her weirdo friend, Jane. It's embarassing--it keeps me from having any sort of life because she's always tryin' to do something to humiliate me an' stuff. (Daria frowns over this)

DARREN: (Ponders, then sounding sarcastic:) In other words, most things you don't want to be. (Quinn nods, frantically)

QUINN: Would you wanna be like her an' everything? All I want to do is keep my reputation impact--

DARREN: (Sighs:) I believe you mean "intact"--

QUINN: Huh? Oh yeah, intact-- and if the Fashion Club finds out we're sisters, I could be kicked out! (Darren looks at Quinn with mild disbelief) Popularity and fashion mean the world to me! It is me! Without it, I'd just die! I need that, just as Daria needs her stuff! (Voice grows low:) Daria doesn't have to know, Darren--all I'm asking is that you'd say Daria's not my sister--at least not in front of my friends--pleeeeease? ("Puppy dog" look again, walks up to him and hooks her arm under his, looks up into his eyes)

DARIA: (Gets a dread feeling in her stomach, thought v.o.: Oh, hell, he might just buy Quinn's little "act"---)

Darren stared at Quinn for a moment, then did a slight smirk, so slight, Quinn didn't register the look on his face--or the plan he was developing in his mind. Quinn did not want this "Fashion Club" to know that Daria was her sister, eh? Okay, Quinn--be careful what you wish for.

DARREN: (Faux long sigh:) Okay, Quinn--I'll do it--I'll promise to tell your Fashion Club friends that Daria's not your sister. (Daria looks devastated for a moment, then slowly shuffles back to her room, pauses to look back with her normal expressionless face, then goes in)

QUINN: (In the meantime wildly elated, squeals:) Oh, thank you, Darren! (Hugs him, kisses him on the cheek:) Thank you! You're the best brother in the world! (Smirks wickedly:) Wait 'till San--um, I mean the Fashion Club finds out--I'll be the envy of them all! Hah! (Pauses:) Oh, yeah--we're gonna meet them at about 2:00 tomorrow afternoon at the Pizza King, okay? (Gets ready to leave, but Darren gently holds her arm) Huh, what?

DARREN: Waaait a second, sis--(gets a scheming look on his face:) why say anything to your friends before they see me? I mean, why give away your secret? Your friends will know what to expect when they meet me, and where is the fun in that? Wouldn't you rather spring the surprise on them when they first see me?

QUINN: (Gasps:) You're right, bro! Why should I give away my tramp card--

DARREN: --That's "trump" card, Quinn--

QUINN: --whatever, away? (Pauses, narrows her eyes in thought:) Hmmm--I should look my best when I introduce you, so I think I'll go to Cashman's for a new blouse, or something. I guess I can get some of my money an'--

DARREN: --Wait a moment, Quinn. (Reaches into his wallet and pulls out some cash:) Here's $50--I was going to use it to help pay my way while living here, but our--parents won't let me--maybe it can help you out. (Lowers his voice, looks around:) We'll keep this to ourselves, okay?

QUINN: (Estatic beyond words:) Wow! Sure! (Takes the money:) Thanks, Darren! (Hugs and kisses him on the cheek again) I'll show it off to you when I get back, okay?

DARREN: Sure, sis--now, remember: if you happen to see any of your friends on your way to Cashman's or anywhere in between, don't say anything to them about me.

QUINN: (Opening the door, winking at him:) Don't worry, bro--I won't ruin the surprise. (Leaves the room, goes down the stairs, and is heard telling Helen that she's leaving to go to look at some clothes at Cashman's)

DARREN: (Looks in the direction where Quinn went, smirks, thought v.o.: Oh, yes, sis--we wouldn't want to ruin the surprise without you looking your best now, would we?) (Leaves, goes to Daria's room, knocks on her door:) Daria? It's Darren! May I come in?

There was no response.

DARREN: (Knocks again:) Daria? Are you in there? It's Darren!

The door slowly opened, and Daria looked at Darren with her usual impassive look.

DARREN: (Pauses, miffed:) Say, are you okay? Did I wake you up or something, if I did, I didn't mean to--

DARIA: (Turns around from Darren, walks back to her bed, in a low voice:) --No, I was just--thinking about something, that's all.

DARREN: (Inquisitive, follows her:) Oh? Something I can help you with?

DARIA: (After staring at Darren for a moment, sighs, sits down on her bed:) Yeah--maybe in a way you can--how does Quinn do it?

DARREN: (Perplexed, sits down beside her:) Do--what?

DARIA: (In a quiet tone:) You know, win people over to her side with that damn "charm" act of hers. Ever since we were kids, she's always been able to pull the wool over mom and dad's eyes. She been able to pull the wool over our relative's eyes. She's been able to pull the wool over her date's eyes. (Pauses, shrugs:) It's now pretty clear to me what Quinn really is--she is one hell of a sheep shearer, what, with all that damn wool she keeps producing that keeps covering everyone's eyes--including, apparently, yours. (Looks away)

Darren looked at Daria for a second, confused, then the realization suddenly set in.

DARREN: Daria, you heard us talking in my room, didn't you?

DARIA: (Frowns at Darren now:) Brilliant deduction, "Sherlock"--it's all "elementary" now, isn't it?

DARREN: (Looks at Daria softly:) Sis, I can explain that, if you'll let me.

DARIA: (Suddenly gets up, sounding a bit hurt, for her:) Don't you mean "cuz"? What in the hell is there to explain, Darren, other than "Quinn wins again"?

DARREN: (Gets up, smirks:) Not even if I told you that I had a little idea to teach our sister a "lesson" she won't soon forget?

DARIA: (Now confused, but becoming a little curious:) What in the hell are you talking about, Darren?

DARREN: (While leaving Daria, stops at the doorway:) I was going to tell you, but I think I'm going to show you instead. I'm going to ask you to trust me, Daria--let's just say things might not be the same for Quinn after we meet the Fashion Club tomorrow at the Pizza King. Come about ten minutes before two, and wait in a booth out of the way--you'll see what I'm going to do. (Leaves)

Daria looked at her open door, perplexed for a moment. Darren suddenly appeared at her doorway again.

DARREN: Oh, and sis?

DARIA: (Uncertain look:) Yeees--?

DARREN: (Genuine smile, in a quiet tone:) I'm proud that you're my sister. (Leaves)

Daria went over to the door, shut it, and then went back and resumed reading her book on her bed. She glanced back at the door and gave her small Mona Lisa smile.

DARIA: (Thought v.o.: No doubt about it now, I'm developing a soft spot for my "new" bro--how in the hell does he do that to me of all people?)

Darren went in his room and dialed his phone. He waited for a few rings, and someone answered on the other end.

VOICE: Hello?

DARREN: Hey, Curtis--I hope I didn't disturb you, or anything.

CURTIS: (Sounding like a sneer:) Well, now--if it isn't Mr. "Coverton".

DARREN: Yes, I--(realizes something:) wait a moment--how did you know about the last name I was using while I'm here?

CURTIS: (Now sounding subdued and disappointed:) Your aunt called me before she went on her vacation to Europe. She gave me your cell phone number to call you, and imagine my surprise when she told me what you were doing. Millie must've thought that I had known about your little "ruse", you know, her thinking you had told me? Anyway, she wanted me to call you just to see how you were doing.

DARREN: (Perplexed:) If that's the case, why hadn't you called me yet?

CURTIS: (Now sounding a little angry:) I wanted you to call me so I could ask why in the hell are you trying to trick these people?! (Darren flinches) Even more importantly, why are you listening to your uncle's advice in lying to them? You know damn good and well that you can't trust him! Do you really think that your money will make these people see you any differently? When we first met, I sure as hell wasn't impressed!

DARREN: (Sighs:) Look, Curtis--I'm going to tell the Morgendorffers tonight when I eat dinner with them, okay? I know you're right--I just wanted to get to know my birth family without the "money thing"--well--just being there as some sort of a distraction. As for my uncle, even I have to admit he was right about Woo and his work, so why not this? (Pauses, changes subject:) Speaking of Woo, I'm still using him to check out if the jet that was carrying my parents really crashed because of mechanical error.

CURTIS: (Sounding confused:) I'm sorry--I'm missing something here. Isn't the National Transportation Safety Board still investigating that crash? Why would you want to hire Woo to investigate on the side?

DARREN: Because Woo can do his investigation without any governmental red-tape getting in the way, and he has a record of getting things done, as I can attest. You see, my parents were always adamant when it came to maintaining our company's private jet fleet. I remember one time when my mom found out that a company jet had a loose wheel that had resulted in a rough landing. She, like my dad, became very upset, and insisted on having all of the fleet's landing gear checked. My parents never wanted anyone working for the company or using the jets for pleasure to die, so they wrote a company memo that required that all jets from now on would be double-checked for inspections. (Grows quiet:) Do you know that no one died in any of our company jets until my parents did?

CURTIS: (In a low voice:) No, I didn't know.

DARREN: My mom's uncle had gotten killed in a plane crash when she was a teen-ager. Apparently, they were close, and it made her kind of fearful of flying for awhile until my dad got her out of it. That landing-gear incident kind of re-triggered her fears. (Pauses:) Look, I'm probably worried about nothing, but I guess I'm doing what my parents would do if someone else had died on our jet. If Woo finds nothing on the side like I expect, well--then I can leave it alone.

CURTIS: Okay, I can understand where you're going with that. (Lightens tone:) Now, how about your birth family? Tell me what's up.

DARREN: (Grins:) First and foremost, I am now officially related to the Morgendorffers, courtesy of a DNA test, which is the main reason that I'm telling them who I really am tonight. As for knowing my birth family, ah, well--it's sort of like stepping into a cartoon--

(Scene changes to the Appleton Tower, about ten minutes later)

Leonard Potter came into William Appleton's office in a huff. William got out from behind his desk to meet him, wearing a false smile. Benny, who had been sitting in the couch in front of William's desk, got up as well.

WILLIAM: (Faux grin:) Ah, Leonard, I'm glad you could--

LEONARD: (Frowns:) --Save it, William. It's been going around that you've been wanting to replace me by sending me out to the West coast branch.

WILLIAM: (Feigns surprise:) Why, Leonard, I can't figure out why you're so upset, here. I mean, you'll be getting a raise, and will be heading our branch out there. You have no family here. What's the problem?

LEONARD: You know damn well what the "problem" is, William--my legal advice. You've tried to make some business decisions that we both know are ill-conceived and dangerous. (Smirks:) When Darren chose you to head the conglomerate, I actually thought he had made the right decision based on your experience and past record, but you've seemed--oh, I don't know--a little paranoid lately? (Sneers:) Maybe Constance's recent success is getting to you--?

William's face grew red with rage, and his mouth grew into a twisted smirk, as if he were trying to control the growing contortion on his face. He quickly walked to within a few inches of Leonard's face. Leonard, however, looked completely unfazed. William looked as if he were about to do something in anger, but he caught a quick gaze at Benny, who was behind Leonard, motioning desperately with his head not to do something foolish. William's frown turned into a slow smile, his eyes narrowing.

WILLIAM: (Still in Leonard's face, speaks in a low voice:) Oh, no you don't. You're not going to hold that bait out there for me to bite. (Backs off, turns around:) If you want to refuse to go--

LEONARD: --You'd want me to quit, or give you a reason to fire me, wouldn't you? That way, you can tell the Board and the shareholders that I did either, and get you out of the hot seat. (Narrows his eyes at William:) I'll go out to the West coast, William--I won't give you the satisfaction of getting what you want. (Leaves, but stops at the door:) After all, the way you're going, I figure that I won't be out there long anyway. (Goes out of the office)

WILLIAM: (Stares at the door, talks in a low voice through clenched teeth:) DAMN HIM! It's all going to hell, Benny.

BENNY: Boss, you gotta calm down. Look, I wanted to tell you about that payment to Sanchez--

WILLIAM: (Glares at Benny:) --Benny, now is not the time to tell me about Sanchez. Tell that idiot to lie low, and he'll get the second half of his payment after the NTSB completes their investigation, per our agreement.

BENNY: (Shrugs:) Sure, Boss. (Pauses, remembers the last time he was in William's office:) You want to be alone?

WILLIAM: (Sighs:) Yes, Benny, I don't want to be disturbed anymore this afternoon, all right?

BENNY: Okay, Boss. (Leaves the office)

William sat down at his desk, rubbing his temples. He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, trying to relax. As much as he hated to admit it, Benny was right. Why was he so worried? He was the Chairman. He was exactly where he wanted to be, even at the expense of his brother and sister-in-law. He smirked to himself. They were weak, helpless, gullible fools. They had a bastard son, his "nephew", the result of a greedy nincompoop who wanted to clear his gambling debts. At least Darren would be out of the way for awhile, thanks to William's ingenious plan, and William could begin to consolidate his power, possibly convincing the Board of Directors to push Darren out because William could say that Darren wasn't interested in the business anyway. He grinned to himself over that thought. He then thought about his sister Millie--now there was woman who knew to stay out of the way of business--besides, he favored her over Arthur Sr. in the sibling rivalry the two had while growing up. She only casually dabbled in it, and that in a way that didn't threaten William--unlike Constance, who might have to be dealt with soon because she overstepped her boundries like Potter did.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sudden beeping on the private line of his phone. William cocked an eyebrow, preplexed. The line was an old one he was planning to change later. Who could be calling? Few people knew of the line, save for immediate family. It was used for private family conversations, and in some cases, backroom business dealings, though in recent years, Arthur Sr. had decided to use it again for private family purposes only--the fool--William would have continued to use it for business. What was that that President Calvin Coolidge said? "The business of America is business"? Curious, he hit the intercom button and began to speak.

WILLIAM: Hello? Who is this?

VOICE: This is Darren, Uncle Will.

WILLIAM: (Frowns, but forces himself to sound happy:) Why, Darren! How are you doing, my boy? It's been awhile!

DARREN: Everything's fine, Uncle Will. I just wanted you to know that I'm okay--I decided to call you at the last moment. I was concerned you'd be in a meeting, but it looks like I caught you at a good time. I see my dad's old private phone number still works.

WILLIAM: (Talks through clenched teeth:) Indeed it does, Darren. How is everything going with your birth family? (Looks hopeful:) Are you getting to know them?

DARREN: Actually, I wanted to touch on that thought. (Pauses:) I found out after taking some DNA tests that I'm definitely related to the Morgendorffers.

WILLIAM: (Sounding actually a little happy:) That--that's wonderful, Darren! Does this mean you're going to be staying with them for awhile, at least until fall registration at Eastward?

DARREN: Something like that, Uncle Will--but I'm going to tell them the whole truth tonight.

WILLIAM: (Mouth agape, alarmed, jumps up:) Y-you can't, Darren--you just can't! (Calms down:) I-I mean--do you really know these people well enough to do that so soon? You don't want to be too hasty, do you?

DARREN: (After a pause:) Well, yes I do, Uncle Will--I think do know them well enough to do it. No more lies. I just wanted you to know my plans, that's all.

WILLIAM: (Looks to say something, anything:) But--but--what if they reject you after you tell them for lying to them?

DARREN: (Sighing sound:) Uncle Will, I'm officially the Morgendorffer's son now, remember? I doubt they'll hold that against me for too long.

WILLIAM: But what about the media? Once they find out--

DARREN: (Cuts him off:) --It won't matter either way, Uncle Will--they're going to find out sooner or later anyhow. (Pauses, starts sounding suspicious:) Why do you seem so worried over the Morgendorffers finding out who I really am, anyway, Uncle Will?

WILLIAM: (In grand lying mode:) I--just think that these Morgendullers--

DARREN: --MorgenDORFFERS, Uncle Will--

WILLIAM: --Morgendorffers, Darren--might not like the attention of having an Appleton being related to them do to their private lives. Do you really want to put them on the spot like that, Darren? The media will give them no peace when the story gets out--or you for that matter. Did you know that several media outlets have been asking where you are? The office has been doing a bang-up job keeping them guessing, but it's only a matter of time before everything comes out in the open.

There was a pause on the other end. William hoped against hope.

DARREN: (In a low voice:) What you've said makes some sense, Uncle Will, but as I've said, and you've confirmed, sooner or later, they're going to know about it anyway--no, it's going to be tonight.

WILLIAM: (Tries to control his temper, sounding curt:) Fine, then. I just hope you know that your family's lives will change forever.

DARREN: I understand the risks, Uncle Will. Well, I'd better hop to it. I'll talk to you later--oh, by the way, I read in the business section of the local paper--let's see--the Lawndale Sun-Herald I believe-- that Constance Waters got us a share of Tsumana, and sold those nuclear plants! You and dad had been after Tsumana for years! Could you congratulate her for me, Uncle Will? (Pauses:) Hey, look at the time, gotta go--tell aunt Millie I said hello, and take it easy, okay? Goodbye. (Hangs up)

William stared at the phone for a moment, then suddenly and violently pulled the phone out of its socket, and threw it across his office. Upon hearing the noise, his secretary barged into his office, looking around, concerned.

SECRETARY: Is everything all right, Mr. Appleton? I heard--(sees phone on the floor:) my goodness, the phone--

WILLIAM: (Fights every instinct not to shout at her:) It's all right--the phone needed to be--replaced anyway. Call the phone service company, will you, oh, and get Benny, please? Dial his pager number if he isn't in his office, and tell him to come up here a.s.a.p. (Sits back down at desk, and turns his chair away from his confused secretary, who after a moment, goes out of the office shaking her head)

(The Morgendorffer home, a few hours later, dinnertime)

The Morgendorffers and Darren were at the dining room table going through the events of the day, with Helen talking about having everything ready for the visits by their families. Jake was reading the paper while Quinn was talking about introducing Darren to her Fashion Club friends tomorrow. Darren and Daria were eating their food while listening to Helen. Helen explained that their relatives would be staying at the Stopover Motel, based on Darren's recommendation from his short stay there.

DARIA: That motel better call in the National Guard to protect the other guests. I hear a tank might not be enough for that crowd, and I don't mean the "new" used one Mystik Spiral's getting. (Darren tries not to laugh while Helen glares at Daria)

Darren then stared down at his food, perplexed--yet another dinner of lasagna. Previously, he wouldn't say anything out of common courtesy, but now, this was getting a bit--repetitive. Daria, sitting beside him, cut her eyes over to Darren and smirked. She slightly leaned over to him and spoke in a low voice.

DARIA: Yum, yum, bro--eat up. There's plenty more where that came from.

Darren looked over at Daria sheepishly, then chuckled. He certainly wasn't going to complain, especially after his pending announcement. Perhaps after his birth family got over the expected shock and possible anger, (for which Darren hoped for very little of) he could offer to take them out, or possibly prepare--well, that could wait--no need to give away all of his secrets. No matter--time to end this charade. He took a deep breath and was reluctantly about to tell them who he really was, when Helen's cell phone rang, which Helen promptly answered.

HELEN: (In her falsetto voice:) Hellooooo? Eric? The Van Reef case? Oh, of course, yes, do go on. (Gasps:) Those bastards! (Everyone looks at each other)

DARREN: (While Helen is talking:) Doesn't she know she's on vacation? I tried to tell her that when we were at the coffee shop.

DARIA: You don't know mom. Work is the rule and never the exception with her, all the time. If it moves at the firm, mom's on it. (Looks at Quinn, smirks:) So, how goes the "dating game", sis? You sure have been hanging around here a lot lately. (Quinn narrows her eyes in a dangerous glare at Daria)

JAKE: (Looks from behind his paper:) Yeah, sweetie--usually, you have to beat the guys back! (Becomes alarmed:) OHMYGOSH! One of them didn't--they didn't GIVE you something, and it got out, and now the rest of the boys are afraid of you? (Daria smirks some more while Darren almost chokes on his food because he's ready to explode in laughter, and Daria reaches over and gently pats him on the back)

DARREN: (Coughs slightly, drinks some water:) Thanks, sis.

DARIA: Eh, no problem, bro.

QUINN: (Disgusted look:) EWWWWW! Daddy! I didn't get anything like that from the guys! I'm just here because I gotta get ready for tomrrow's meeting with the Fashion Club! (Laughs a little uneasily:) The guys aren't really afraid of me--

DARIA: --Quinn's right, Dad--they're afraid of Darren, and since he's here, they're not stepping one foot in our home until he's gone. You remember, Dad? I told you and mom about the incident at the Pizza King with Joey, Jeffrey, and Jamie--

QUINN: --That's "Jasper"--

DARREN: --No, Quinn, Daria's right, it's "Jamie".

QUINN: Oh, yeah, right. (Pauses:) Well, like I said, I won't hold it against Darren--especially after tomorrow. (Smirks, looks at Darren:) When they see you, bro, they're gonna flip!

DARIA: And just think, it won't be because Darren did the flipping--(ponders, looks across at Quinn:) and you know, that's a damned shame. I would've loved to see any one of your fellow fashion airheads go head-over-heels by Darren's hands, and not by his looks. (Darren grimaces, rolls his eyes, amused, while Jake chuckles and goes back to his paper)

QUINN: (Angry:) Shut up, Daria! Those are my friends you're talking about!

DARIA: And with friends like them, why do you need any enemies?

QUINN: (Smirks:) Yeah, sis--I've got you. (Resumes eating)

DARIA: (Impressed tone:) Touche, sis--I have to admit, you're getting better with your comebacks. Why, someday, you might even rival me--you noticed I said "might". (Notices Darren staring forward in space:) A nickel for your thoughts, Darren? I'd say penny, but they're not popular anymore. Hmm--now when I think about it, that's my kind of money since it isn't. (Sees that Darren is still staring forward, becomes a little concerned, looks at everyone else, and leans over to her brother, in a low voice:) Darren, are you okay?

DARREN: (Comes out of his trance:) Huh? Oh, sorry--I was deep in thought about something.

DARIA: (Still in her low voice, gives a quick glance at Quinn, who isn't paying attention because she's looking at her fingernails:) Don't tell me you're having second thoughts about tomorrow at the Pizza King?

DARREN: (Leans over to Daria, in the same tone:) Oh--no, although I don't really want to do it, I think this has to be done for Quinn's own good. I'm just thinking about something else, that's all. After uh--your mom gets off the phone, I'll say what it is.

Helen finally finished talking, and she didn't look too pleased. She frowned, clicked off her phone, and spoke in an acid-laced tone.

HELEN: Those damn Van Reefs! (Jake, distracted, looks from behind his newspaper) How in the hell did they get off so easily?

DARREN: (Confused look:) Uh, who are the Van Reefs?

HELEN: (Glares at Darren for a moment out of frustration, then begins to eat her food:) Only the county's richest family--they own only about half of it. You see, our firm was hired by a client who claimed that the Van Reefs bilked him out of a $1,000,000 land deal, and was suing for breach of contract. Our client even produced the evidence to back up his claim, (makes a disgusted face:) but the fancy high-priced lawyers representing the Van Reefs some-damn-or-another-how got them off completely. (Sighs:) I suppose money talks, and the truth walks. It infuriates me that the wealthy can use their damn money to take advantage of everyone else. (Darren looks at Helen a little uncomfortably, begins to say something, but Jake jumps in)

JAKE: (Angry, slams his fists on table, rattling the food and everyone's nerves:) Boy, I'll say! I've been competing with a big consulting firm across the street from where I work, and the head of the firm, Calvin Hopkins, is a big, fat, filthy rich bastard who calls me everyday, and tells me how much better his firm is doing than mine! (Frowns:) One of these days, I'm gonna get a client that's gonna put me over the top! (Looks up:) You hear that, Old Man? I'm gonna succeed, and then I'll be able to buy the things my kids will need, and no rich scrooge will have all the money and power to rub it in my face! (Darren looks uncomfortable at Jake's words)

HELEN: JAKE! get a grip! (Looks at Darren:) You're scaring Darren! (Darren looks at Helen as if to say, "Are you crazy?") (Sighs, resigned:) I think we can say that having that much money gets things done--

DARIA: (Smirks:) --Such as bribery or kickbacks, self-indulgent extravagance, an overnight stay in the Lincoln bedroom--(hearing Daria's barbs makes Darren quietly wince)

QUINN: Well, if the guy's rich, I'm definitely gonna get something out of him--

DARIA: (Deadpan:) --What a surprise--

QUINN: --and I'm gonna come out ahead, especially if I can marry one--(Darren looks sadly at Quinn)

HELEN: (Frowns:) --Quinn! That sort of talk is something I'd expect from your grandma Ruth! A woman these days has to work hard to become successful--(narrows her eyes, looks out in space:) unlike those rich fuddy-duddies who inherit their parent's incredible wealth and connections, and haven't worked a damn day in their lives, but who can still influence the outcome of a case! (Looks at Darren, who is looking at everyone wide-eyed, trying to say something, but nothing's coming out) Oh, Darren--do you have something to say on this, son?

JAKE: Yeah, Big Guy--weigh in on this with us! Don't be shy!

QUINN: Come on, bro--tell our parents that marrying or even knowing a rich guy can get you ahead!

DARIA: (While eating:) You might as well put in your two cents worth, bro--they're not gonna stop until they hear your opinion. Believe me, I'm the living proof of being annoyed to death until I say something to pacify them. (Everyone but Darren glares at Daria, who looks at them with a mischievous sort of innocence and shrugs:) What?

Darren looked between Helen, Jake, and Quinn, while Daria looked at Darren, smirking to see what he'd say out of curiosity.

DARREN: (Searches carefully for words:) Well--uh--I think you all--have um, some good points, yes, very good points. (Keeps eating)

HELEN: (Looks concerned for a moment:) Darren, we didn't mean to put you on the spot like that--

DARREN: --It's okay. (Keeps eating:) I mean, that's what family dinners are supposed to be for--

DARIA: (Smirks:) --You mean, to try and sum up the whole day in an hour around the good 'ol family dining room table? What planet are you from?

HELEN: (Glares:) Daria! (Looks at Darren, smiles:) Didn't your parents have the customary family dinners, Darren?

DARREN: Oh, yes ma'am--we always um--sat around the table and talked, almost everyday. (Resumes eating)

DARIA: (After a moment, glances at everyone, then leans over to Darren in a low voice:) Uh--bro? What was that you were going to say to everyone after mom got off the phone?

DARREN: (Hesitates, then in the same voice:) Uh, it can keep until later, sis. (Eats while Daria cocks a slightly inquisitive eyebrow at Darren)

The rest of the dinner actually went quietly. Darren resolved to himself to keep the secret at least a little while longer, perhaps just before he returned to the mansion. Now was not the time to tell them who he really was, no way, no how.

(Scene changes to the Pizza King, the next day)

Daria came into the restaurant with her book "In Cold Blood". She had slipped out of the house about ten minutes early, per her brother's instructions, and told her parents that she was going to the library. Throughout the morning, she had tried to ask him on the side what exactly was he up to, but Darren only told her each time to be at the Pizza King about 1:50 this afternoon, and she'd find out. Daria knew, however, that Quinn was going to be in the middle of it, and learn some sort of "lesson". That thought somehow pacified her. She suspected something humiliating, and to miss out on her sister's pending embarassment would be something she would never forgive herself for--about the only thing missing was Jane, and that problem would be addressed by the end of the week. Immediately she saw Sandi, Tiffany, and Stacy sitting in a booth talking and giggling. Daria rolled her eyes, and started to go to a booth on the far end near the rear when Sandi spotted her.

SANDI: (Raises her voice to get Daria's attention:) Hellooo, like, Quinn's cousin, or whatever. Could you like, come over here or something? We'd like to talk to you.

DARIA: (After walking over to the Fashion Club, deadpan:) Aren't you all afraid I'm gonna contaminate your space if I come too close to you?

TIFFANY: (Slowly shakes her head in disgust:) Ewww....contam.... contamin....ewwww!

SANDI: (Looks suspiciously at Daria:) Is that, like, some sort of joke, or something?

DARIA: You mean, you actually got it? (Pauses:) Look, what do you want?

SANDI: We want to know if you know what Quinn's gift is. (Looks around at the other members of the Fashion Club:) We've been, like, um--confer--conferr--

DARIA: --Conferring?

SANDI: Yes, like, since you live with her, we thought you might know.

DARIA: (Cocks an eyebrow:) Don't tell me you're worried that her gift might affect your standing in the Fashion Club?

SANDI: (Looks flustered, defensive:) I thought of no such thing! We were like, just curious, that's all, Quinn's cousin. (Daria frowns slightly)

DARIA: Look, the least you can do is get it right--it's Daria, and I don't know what sort of gift she's going to show you. (Glances at the window and sees Darren's car parking at the curb:) All I can say is that she's really excited for you all to see it. I've gotta go on now--excuse me. (Leaves quickly to the booth on the far end)

SANDI: (Perturbed, looks after Daria, frowns:) Well! She like, brushed us off, or something!

STACY: Maybe she was in a hurry to really do something, Sandi. (Sandi gives Stacy "The Glare":) Eep!

SANDI: Staaacy--if she had to do something, she would, like, not be here unless she was waiting for someone. (Smirks:) Like, who would be wanting to pick up "loser" girl there? Upchuck?

TIFFANY: (Ever the "yes-woman" mode:) Good...one...Sandi.

SANDI: (Smug:) I know.

Darren and Quinn got out of the car. Quinn was wearing a new pink silk blouse she had brought at Cashman's with her regular jeans. As soon as Darren had gotten out of the car, Quinn walked over to her brother and hooked her arm with his, smirking. Sandi was going to get the surprise of her life.

DARREN: (Smiles at Quinn, faux:) Gee, I only hope your Fashion Club friends will like me, Quinn.

QUINN: (Grins:) Oh, I'm sure they'll like you, bro. (Smirks:) Trust me--they'll like you.

The two came into the Pizza King, and Quinn looked around and saw the Fashion Club in a booth located in a middle of a row of booths beside a wall. She did not see Daria, who was carefully keeping herself hidden in the booth at the end, watching and privately wondering what her brother was going to do. Quinn smirked at the Fashion Club, and practically pulled Darren along with her to meet them. Apparently, the Fashion Club was talking about--what else--fashion. Quinn and Darren came upon them, and Quinn promptly spoke.

QUINN: (Smugly:) Hiii, guys!

SANDI: (Sounding annoyed, rolls her eyes:) Hello, Quinn. I see you're late, and--(sees Darren, becomes speechless, mouth wide-open:) --um--ah--wh--who--

STACY: (Mouth agape, looks at Darren:) Wow! Who--who--

TIFFANY: (Simply just looks, stunned, doesn't say a word, which is just as well)

QUINN: (Smirks, thought v.o.: Got 'em, now--hello, presidentcy.) I'd like to show you all my "gift".

DARREN: (Feels ill for acting like this, but talks like a debonair "loverboy":) Hello, ladies. (The Fashion Club girls, even Sandi, giggle:) My name's Darren. (Looks at Quinn:) Why, Quinn--you didn't tell me you had such lovely friends. (Quinn gives a sinister smirk, Darren looks back at the Fashion Club:) Now, who's who?

SANDI: (Speaks before the others can, blushing and tries to sound nonchalant:) I'm like, Sandi Griffin--president of the Fashion Club. (Gets up and extends her hand, which is trembling)

DARREN: (Smiles, gently takes her hand and kisses it:) Charmed. (Sandi's eyes go wide, and she looks as if she's going to faint, puts her hands on her chest, sits reluctantly down)

STACY: (Jumps up from the booth and stands in front of a flinching Darren:) I'm Stacy Rowe--the secretary! (Extends her hand like Sandi does, and Darren does the same thing as he did with Sandi. Stacy looks at where Darren kissed her hand, and wobbles back down to her seat)

TIFFANY: (Still speechless, simply struggles to get up, and nervously puts out her hand for Darren to kiss, which he does. She looks at it, blushing:) Wooow....(sits back down)

DARREN: And I uh, guess you're Tiffany Blum-deckler. (Tiffany simply nods slowly at Darren, stunned and blushing, while Darren looks at Quinn:) Quinn, your friends want to know about me as your "gift". (Pauses:) I'd like to do the honor of telling them, okay?

QUINN: (Looks at Darren for a moment, ponders:) Um, okay.

DARREN: (Looks at the dreamy faces of the Fashion Club, then announcing loud enough for Daria to hear:) I'm Quinn's cousin--Daria is my long lost sister. (Quinn's eyes go as wide as they've ever been, and her mouth drops in disbelief, interestingly, the same thing happens to Daria as she overhears)

SANDI: (Shocked with the others:) You're Daria's brother?

DARREN: (Proud look on his face:) Yes, I am. She and I are re-connecting with our lost past. If you wish, I'd like to explain how we found each other. (Quinn turns furious, is about to say something when Stacy makes her move)

STACY: (Shoots up again, hooks her arm under Darren's:) Oh, yes, please! (Pulls, almost jerks him down beside her. Stacy sits on the outside, while Darren is pushed to the inside. Sandi and Tiffany, who are sitting across the booth from both of them facing the rear, are clearly looking jealous. Stacy still has her arm hooked under Darren's, and is staring dreamily at him, practically leaning on him, while Quinn glares at them, then sits down beside Sandi and Tiffany fuming)

Daria turned back into her booth, smirking widely. She couldn't believe her ears. Darren had destroyed Quinn's plan, Daria suspected, to possibly take over the Fashion Club. Daria had to admit it was brilliant--damned brilliant, worthy of Daria's rare respect. Quinn had asked Darren to promise not to tell the Fashion Club that Daria was her sister, and he complied by saying Daria was his sister--a sister he was proud of. Of course, Daria knew Quinn would be PO'd at Darren, but so what? She'd be angry at him for awhile, then would have to get over it. After all, this was the person who said he could get her into an internship at Circa, something Quinn could only dream of. He also said he'd help her with her studies to get in the Fashion Institute. Quinn, she knew, was smarter than she let on--she wouldn't dare bite the hand that helped to feed her. Daria resumed reading her book, deciding to wait for a little while until she'd leave, but with her Mona Lisa smile in full force--for a moment. Daria began to feel the need for--relief. A trip to the restroom was in order.

Quinn sat beside Sandi, glaring across at her brother, deep in something she rarely did, save for fashion, boys, and math problems--thought. Her own brother had betrayed her! The question was why? Why would he do such a thing? She looked at her Fashion Club cohorts. Sandi, her fiercest competitor, was mesmerized by her brother's looks, head resting in her hands, listening to the adoption story--Quinn had never seen her like that before. Tiffany, the same. Stacy stared at Darren with a glazed look in her eyes, still with her arm hooked around his. Damn it, it wasn't fair! She was so close! Her eyes wondered around the restaurant to get her mind off this fiasco, and saw something that seemed to make all the missing pieces fit--Daria had slid out of a booth at the rear of the restaurant, apparently going to the restroom in the rear.

(Note to reader: The "math problems" dig comes from Kara Wild's fanfic "Of Absolute Value" --geez, another fanfic reference of her fics?)

It all hit Quinn like a ton of bricks. Daria must've heard Darren offer Quinn money for her to shop at Cashman's, and had confronted him. Daria probably told Darren that if he didn't tell the Fashion Club that Daria was his sister, she'd have to tell their parents, who'd probably be angry at, and then would punish Quinn for trying to take advantage of Darren--despite the fact that Darren was the one who had offered Quinn the money. Daria had refused to go along with saying Darren was her cousin--what better way to get back at Quinn with this horrible twist of fate, also by making sure Darren would keep his end of the bargain by coming down here to see the carnage for herself--how low could Daria get? Damn it, Daria wasn't going to get away with it--confrontation time. She slid out of the booth and got up.

QUINN: (In her singy-songy voice:) Uh, will you excuse me, guys? I'm gonna go and check my, um, make-up. (Darren cocks an eye at Quinn, who looks at him with a neutral look on her face)

SANDI: (Waves off her hand at Quinn quickly, while still looking dreamily at Darren:) Like, sure, Quinn--take your time, or whatever. (Quinn leaves for the rear)

Daria had just stepped out of a stall when she saw Quinn coming into the restroom with a look of pure rage, glaring at Daria icily, her hands tightly balled up in fists. Daria, of course, was expressionless and unfazed.

QUINN: I hope you're damn happy, Daria!

DARIA: (Deadpan:) I've relieved myself. Why shouldn't I be happy? (Goes to the sink to wash her hands)

QUINN: (Shakes her head violently and closes her eyes:) That's not what I'm talking about, Daria, and you know it! Of all the things you've done to me, this tops them all!

DARIA: (Still deadpan while wiping her hands with the paper towels:) Quinn, what in the hell are you talking about?

QUINN: DARREN, Daria! I'm talking about Darren! How could you do that to me?! Telling him to say that I'm his cousin! Do you have any idea of how humiliating that felt when he called me that?

DARIA: (Frowns slightly:) Oh, I have an idea of how it felt, Quinn--lots of times have I had that idea.

QUINN: (Considers what Daria has said, it finally hits her:) Hey! You didn't seem to mind it when I paid you to be my cousin! (Daria rolls her eyes)

DARIA: Maybe I've gotten tired of the "cousin" thing because of Darren being here now--

QUINN: (Cuts her off, points at Daria:) --AHA! You admit to putting Darren up to it, didn't you? You found out he gave me some money, and because he didn't want me to get in trouble with mom and dad for taking advantage of him, he had to say I was his cousin, and you were his sister!

DARIA: (Sighs:) Let me get this straight--you think I put Darren up to this so I wouldn't tell mom and dad about some money he gave you? Quinn, even for you, this is outside of reality. Newsflash--Darren came to me and said he wanted to teach you a "lesson" about your wanting to say that I was your "cousin". He asked me to come ahead of him here--remember, I told mom and dad I was going to the library--which, of course I didn't, since I'm here--and I sat in the last booth in the rear, and heard the rather delightful, and I must say, ironic thing our bro said. (Quinn frowns, while Daria smirks) It's true that I overheard you two talking in his room, but I only heard the part about him saying he'd go along with you telling your fellow Fashion Club dimwits that I wasn't your sister, period. I felt--(pauses:) hurt when I heard him say that, so I went to my room, where he then came to me and hinted to me his plan about teaching you a "lesson". Your little financial transaction must've taken place after I left. (Cocks an eyebrow:) So how much did you weasel out of him?

Quinn glared at Daria for a moment, taking in all she said, then she abruptly turned around and left the restroom. Daria raised both eyebrows in mild surprise, half-expecting her to say something more.

DARIA: (Thought v.o.: Whoa--what brought that about?) (Throws towel in can, leaves restroom)

Darren had finished telling his story to the now-crying members of the Fashion Club (mascara running even), when he saw Quinn quickly walking out of the rear with a stone-cold look on her face. She did not acknowledge Darren or the Fashion Club as she walked by. Darren looked after her, trying to get her attention. Daria started to come out from the rear.

DARREN: Quinn? (Pauses, no response, because Quinn keeps walking, and goes right out the Pizza King) Quinn, wait!

SANDI: (Wipes her eyes, looks after Quinn:) Like, what's wrong with Quinn? We were going to talk about the newest styles of sequin clothing! (Looks at a still-entranced Stacy, who is still dreamily staring at Darren:) Staaacy! I want you to mark down Quinn as "absent" for this meeting! What Quinn has done was like, uncalled for!

STACY: (Snaps out of her trance:) Huh? Oh, um, maybe Quinn had a fashion emergency, Sandi!

SANDI: (Not buying it:) Staaacy--if that were true, she'd tell us. Something is obviously bothering her!

DARREN: (Slides Stacy gently out of the way, much like he did Brittany:) Ah, would you please excuse me? I've got to talk to my, er--cousin about whatever's bothering her. Nice to meet you all--perhaps we'll see each other again. (Gently grabs Daria's arm:) Come on, sis. (Leaves in a hurry, pulling Daria with him)

SANDI: (Shouts after Darren:) Like, sure, Darren--nice to meet you! (Thought v.o.: Oh, I'm sure I'll see you again, Darren--count on it.) (Gets a scheming look on her face, then sees Tiffany and Stacy looking after Darren with the same look as well, becomes suspicous:) Tiiiffany! Staaaacy! What are you like, thinking about?

TIFFANY: (Searches for words:) Nothing....Sandi....nothing....at....all!

STACY: (Searches for words, looks around, panicked:) Nothing, Sandi! I was--just--excited about the newest issue of Waif! (Quickly pulls out the Fashion Club's fashion "bible":) See? (Laughs uneasily)

Sandi glared at both Tiffany and Stacy for a moment, then curtly nodded her head.

SANDI: (Smugly:) Very well. Let's start the meeting...

Quinn practically speed-walked down the sidewalk, frowning, with her hands balled into fists. Darren chased her down, with Daria sauntering up behind them.

DARREN: (Cuts in front of Quinn:) Wait, Quinn! Let me--

QUINN: (Cuts him off, her anger turning into hurt, begins to cry:) Leave me alone, Darren! Haven't you done enough to humiliate me?

DARREN: (Tries to put his hand on her shoulder, which Quinn slaps away:) Quinn, please--

QUINN: --"Please" what? "Let me embarass you, again, Quinn?" "Let me see if I can twist the damn knife in further?" (Looks at Daria, sounding bitter:) Looks like you win, sis. Congratulations--he's your brother, now! (Brushes past Darren)

DARREN: Quinn, I--(Daria grabs his arm:) Daria, let me go!

DARIA: Let her cool down, bro--you can talk to her at home.

DARREN: (Still worried, looks back at Quinn, then Daria:) Are you sure?--

DARIA: I'm sure, Darren--c'mon. (Leads Darren, who's looking back at Quinn)

Darren and Daria went back home to wait for Quinn. During the next hour, Helen was busy finalizing plans for her mother, sisters and mother-in-law's visit, and Jake was fixing his infamous "Kitchen Sink" stew. (By which Darren was privately ever so grateful for the change in food--something Daria would have to straighten him out on concerning Jake's food) When Helen asked Darren where Quinn was, Daria, before Darren could say anything, merely said that Quinn was out with her Fashion Club friends, and she'd be home later. Helen then talked about the pending visit, excitedly.

HELEN: (Looking down at her list:) Let's see, we have a caterer bringing in the food--meatballs, bread rolls, tossed salad, chicken wings, macaroni and cheese--

DARIA: (Deadpan:) --Arsenic, strychnine, cyanide--

HELEN: (Continuing on, not hearing her:) --and for dessert, banana pudding! (Looks up at both Daria and Darren:) Am I missing something?

DARIA: (Looks up in mock thought:) Let's see now--the riot-control squad?

HELEN: (Glares at Daria:) That'll be enough out of you, young lady. I want you on your best behavior when your grandmas and aunts come tomorrow morning--your aunt Amy even agreed to be with them when they come over form the Stopover Motel--you know, to show your grandma Evelyn and your aunt Rita the way here.

DARIA: (Surprised:) Aunt Amy? Don't tell me you guys somehow or another hypnotized her into doing that? (Darren, though still worried about Quinn, manages to give out a little chuckle to Daria's crack)

HELEN: (Annoyed with Daria:) Very amusing, Daria. We all are a little closer since we got together from our talk when we last visited your grandma Evelyn, although we still are working to understand each other better--

DARIA: --Mom, federal labor negotiators couldn't breach that gap--(Darren tries not to laugh)

HELEN: (Frowns now:) Daria, that's enough! (Looks at Darren, who quickly controls his laugh:) Darren, you seem to be awfully quiet.

DARREN: (Searches for words, glances at Daria:) Oh, no--I just was--thinking about tomorrow. I'm hoping I can make a good impression, that's all.

HELEN: (Goes over to her son, squeezes him:) Oh, Darren--you'll do fine with your grandmas and aunts! They'll love you, and welcome you into the family--

DARIA: (Smirks:) --Where you'll be assimilated--(Helen gives Daria "The Look", Daria gets the message, while Darren tries not to laugh again:) and I'll be in my room reading--"hasta la vista". (Leaves)

DARREN: Do you need any help with the bill--(Daria's about to go up the stairs when she hears this, cocks an eyebrow, thinks for a moment, then goes upstairs)

HELEN: (Cuts him off:) --Absolutely not, Darren! You need to save your money for Eastward! (Lowers voice:) Jake and I have been talking about well--helping you finan--

DARREN: (Not its his turn to cut her off:) --Oh no, I'm fine, really, thanks. My--(adopted) parents left me enough money to get by, so it's okay. (Changes subject, claps and rubs hands, looks around:) So, do you need anything to be done around the house, you know, like the dishes or something, to put them in the dishwasher?

HELEN: (Looks at her son lovingly:) Oh, how sweet. (Hugs him:) No, sweetie, it's okay, everything's taken care of--you've done more than your share around here by helping out with the yard and housework and such. Why don't you go up to your room and relax until dinner?

DARREN: Uh, sure. (Goes upstairs, while Helen adoringly watches him go)

HELEN: (Sighs, thought v.o.: His--parents raised him well. I wonder when he'll tell us about them? What were they like? We don't want to pressure him to talk about them. I hope he lets Jake and me into his life--he seems to be getting along well with Daria and Quinn.)

Helen smiled at the thought--maybe tomorrow will go off without a hitch--one could only hope. She was about to check at the office out of habit when Jake called.

JAKE: AGH! HELEN, I BURNED MY TOUNGE! GET ME SOME ICE, PLEASE!

HELEN: (Rolls her eyes, sighs:) Oh, for the love of--coming, Jake! I'm coming! (Goes into kitchen)

Darren walked to his room and was about to go in when Daria motioned to him to come into her room, which he complied to.

DARIA: Darren, I meant to ask you about something concerning money--

DARREN: (Slightly alarmed, but not trying to show it, sits down at Daria's computer:) Eh--what, Daria?

DARIA: Quinn said that you gave her some money. She thought I had blackmailed you into telling her Fashion Club "friends" that I, and not she, was your sister. (Pauses:) Um--how much did you give to her?

DARREN: (Slightly relaxed:) Ah, only $50 to buy her something at that Cashman's place--I guess in a twisted way, I wanted her to look her best when I pulled off that boneheaded stunt. (Looks grim)

DARIA: (Raises eyebrows:) "Boneheaded"? I thought it was brilliant what you did to her. (Hesitates:) Don't tell me you wanted to say she was your sister?

DARREN: (Looks directly at Daria, in a serious tone:) No, of course not. I told you I was proud that you were my sister, and I meant it, Daria. (Daria gives a quick smile) I just wished I could've handled this situation better, that's all. Both you and Quinn, well, are beginning to mean a lot to me. (Daria looks stunned, blushes slightly) I've been an only child, and I wondered what it would be like to have a brother or sister--

Quinn, who had come into the house and had slipped by her parents, something that she rarely did, save for avoiding them when she came in late at night from her dates, was in no particular mood to talk to them--or anyone else, for that matter. She had gone up to her room and was about to go in, when she had heard Darren talk to Daria in Daria's room. She narrowed her eyes and went to listen at Daria's door, figuring that turnabout was fair play. She guessed they were having a good laugh at her expense, and she might as well find out how Daria and Daria's brother Darren were getting along, though she wondered why she'd allow herself to be tortured like this all over again. She came along at the time Darren said that both she and Daria were beginning to mean a lot to him. Stunned, Quinn blushed when she heard that, and listened intently for more.

DARREN: (Quietly:) --and I wanted for all of us to get along, you, me, and Quinn. I guess I've pushed Quinn away for good. (Quinn looks a little heartbroken at this remark)

DARIA: (Sighs:) Listen, bro--Quinn will be okay. She'll forgive you. Hey, I've done things to her that makes what you did seem tame by comparison--remind me to tell you later. (Quinn smirks at this) Just give her some time, and she'll come around. (Pauses:) Quinn isn't all that bad, you know. (Quinn is stunned to hear that remark from Daria) You keep that to yourself, bro. (Darren nods, smirks) She just doesn't seem to take life all that seriously when it comes to her future. (Quinn frowns slightly)

DARREN: (Gets up, frustrated:) I wish she'll let me help her with her future, and let me apologize. I just didn't want my sisters to be at each other's throats with me being in the middle. (Quinn becomes thoughtful on this) I'm not trying to change you and Quinn, Daria, really, I'm not. It's just that high school lasts only four years, and then afterwards it's college. You two won't be living with each other again, and you'll soon be out in the world. Based on what I've seen of you two, you probably won't miss that, (Daria smirks and nods) but I will. I've missed out on being there for both of you, though obviously it was no fault of my own. (Daria grows solemn behind her expressionless face, while outside the door, Quinn looks down sadly, looks as she wants to cry) I wanted us in the short time we have with each other to be siblings. (Sighs, looks away:) See you at dinner, sis. (Daria looks as if she's going to say something as Darren reaches for the door. As he opens it, Quinn, who was so immersed in what Darren has said, falls inside the door and into a surprised Darren's arms. She is beet red.)

QUINN: (Sheepish look:) Uh, hi guys.

DARIA: (Deadpan, smirks:) More insects, sis? Don't tell me you're "falling" for Darren, again? (Quinn glares at Daria)

DARREN: (Delighted, smiles, too excited to respond to Daria's little running inside joke with Quinn:) Quinn! (Hugs her:) Look, I'm really sorry about what happened--

QUINN: (Giggles, enjoys her brother's attention:) --It's okay, bro--really!

DARREN: (Concerned:) Where did you go? I was really worried you'd done something foolish in your emotional state.

QUINN: (Waves him off:) Nahhh--I just went to Cashman's to try on some expensive clothes--it helps me to relax and stuff--

DARIA: (Smirks:) --You did do something foolish. (Quinn glares at her again, this time sticking out her tounge at Daria)

QUINN: Anyway, after I cooled off, I came back here, and um--eavesdropped--

DARIA: --Listened to--

QUINN: (Narrows her eyes at Daria:) --to your talk. Look, Darren, what's done is done. (Sighs:) I guess I'm your "cousin" in front of the Fashion Club's eyes. (Darren looks stunned, and Daria rolls her eyes)

DARREN: W-what? I don't get it, Quinn--why don't you want to tell them the truth? (Thought v.o.: Of course, I'm one to talk.)

QUINN: Darren, my popularity and fashion sense mean everything to me--I told you that! If the Fashion Club finds out Daria and I are sisters, I'll be kicked out!

DARREN: (Looks at Quinn incredulously:) B-But--

QUINN: (Looks up at Darren sadly, hooks her arm around his:) Bro, pleeease just pretend you're my cousin in front of the Fashion Club? You can still be my brother when they're not around! (Darren stares at Quinn as if she has lost her mind)

DARREN: (Looks over to Daria, who simply shrugs, then back at a pleading Quinn, and weakly responds:) Okay, sis, if that's what you really want--

QUINN: (Excited, hugs Darren:) Thanks, Darren! You're the best brother in the whole world! (Leaves, starts to go into her room, but stops and looks at her brother with a rare sincere look on her face:) Don't worry, bro--I'm gonna get serious about my books 'n stuff for my junior year. (Pauses, while Daria's eyes are slightly wide-eyed in surprise:) I know you're only tryin' to help me. (Winks at him, leaves)

Darren stared after Quinn for a moment, his mouth slightly agape. He looked back at Daria, slowly shaking his head.

DARREN: I just don't get her. Everything's just reversed now about the "cousin" thing.

DARIA: (Smirks:) Now you're beginning to understand what I have sometimes called the "Morgendorffer Mystique"--the pure, absolute, unadulterated, lunacy that surrounds our family. You'd best prepare for the oncoming onslaught tomorrow, bro--I'll do what I can to help you through it. (Darren looks at Daria wide-eyed, then takes a deep breath)

DARREN: (Rubs his temples, thought v.o.: Tomorrow's going to be a looong day...)